Affairs Of The Heart

I never dreamed when I was led by God to start this page on life that He would bring so many wonderful people into my life but He has. Very special people that I have grown to know and love. I had no idea that this page would eventually lead me to "Netsisters" which soon became Wings". Friendships that I treasure with all of my heart. I am blessed in so many ways by God above. Thank you all for your feelings from your heart and soul but most of all thank you for your friendship and love.
Eileen Breedlove

How I Feel About Life

I feel that life is the most wonderful, precious gift God could give us. All things he has created have a purpose and are beautiful. Could man create a Rose? Even to the lowliest insect or animal, there is beauty. Anytime there is not beauty apparent in life, the cause is man-made. We make our own misery. God does not punish, we dash headlong into life and our own willful wishes, then sit back and wonder what happened. God has told us the consequences of sin, he has warned us, yet we all often ignore the beauty of life and creativity, and most of all often ignore the giving of God's only SON in supreme sacrifice for us.

To know how HE loves us, we have only to look around us and really SEE what GOD has given us. Life should always be beautiful.

I get very down at times because of changes in my life circumstances. I never have said, "Why, me?" I have never blamed God for anything that has happened to me. For I know that whatever happens, it is his plan. Those who know me I think have seen a change in my mindset and affect in the last few weeks. Even though what has happened to me is not all my fault, I know that God has a plan. And the old agage that whenever one door closes, another will open. But we have to be there and available before the door will open. Just as Jesus will stand at the door and knock, but we must admit him, let him into our hearts. I now see my disabilities as possibly God's way of slowing me down a little to better hear what he has in store for me, and I DO believe he still has wonderful things in store for me. Instead of dwelling on what I no longer have, I keep in mind the many Blessings in life HE has and continues to bestow upon me.

I thought my life was over, thinking mainly of what I can no longer do, such as being able to work and know the marvelous rewards I gained from working with the sick, the disabled physically and/or mentally, the homeless, abused, underpriviledged, drug abusers, and the elderly. Whatever I gave to them, I received back many times over. I thought that was all over, but I have found new avenues in my writings and in my use of the internet to direct those energies toward. I go at a much slower pace, but this leaves me more receptive to HIS will.

So, this is my feeling about life. It should always be beautfiul, God is at work, we must just learn to listen and wait for his word.

Written by
Patricia Hall, for and at the request of my wonderful friend, Eileen Breedlove
12/99
My homepage:
http://members.delphi.com/irishbelle

How I Feel About Life

Life is something precious to me. From the beginning, I have been told that my life was special. My mother used to practice telling me when I was still a little baby how she got to pick me from all the other babies in the world. She made me appreciate my life when she first told me of the horrors of abortion and the options that were available to my birth mother. My life was given to me by God, not to be wasted on earthly things, not to be wasted by hurting people, but by helping, by giving all that I can and when I think I have nothing left to give I give a little more. This is my life, this is the good stuff. Even though I am only nineteen, I can already look back and say I love the life that God gave me, the precious sacrifice my birth mother made, the love my adoptive mom has given me, the true appreciation of life. Life, without love, isn't life.

((hugs and love)))
Misty Watson
http://www.brightok.net/~gwbarn

What is Life?

Sometimes we get so busy and carried away with just living life that we forget what life is really about! We are so busy trying to solve each days events, whether good or bad conflicts that we never seem to get the time to examine what OUR life really consist of and what it is all about. Is it really raising children, obtaining this worlds goods, and trying to get all we can get? funny-the army motto is join the army and be all you can be! Whose army anyway? Many do not believe in God, but that doesnt make it so, and someone better tell God that, cause He believes in us! Life is really as someone said, a bowl of cherries! It just happens to have an aweful lot of pits, and it is these pits that build character! To me what is Life is really very simple. Life is setting an example to others, helping others, listening to others, whether its a friend, stranger, your children or who ever. Giving to others and lending a helping hand in any situation that arises.Being someone that others can count on, know that I am there when the chips are down for others. Even when a enemy comes and needs help, I am there. To some it all up? When I die and go home to heaven, I want people to say that not only did she know, love and was a friend of God, but He knew, loved and was her friend! Setting an example that no matter what comes my way, I have a free choice in how I accept the problem, getting walking and helping or turn away from all. My life and choice is to keep walking and smiling and helping! Setting the example that God set for me through Jesus Christ!!!

Chaplain Macalynn Gore
www.geocities.com/heartland/bluffs/4381/ bible-basic instructions before leaving earth have you read my #1 best seller? there will be a test!---GOD
compassion greater than vengance-forgiveness more powerful than anger

How I Feel About Life
Learning to Forgive

My life has not been an easy one. Harder than some, and easier than most. I am a PK. ( Preacher's Kid) What my father preached is not what he dsiplayed at home..so for a long time I was confused about God. My mother is an alcoholic, and that comes with it's on set of problems for a child.

At the age of 5, I remember watching the news and seeing all the fighting in Viet Nam, especially the monks that set themselves on fire. One night after going to bed, I began sobbing. My father angrily asked me what was wrong and I told him I wanted him to send me to where those people were, I was convinced I could talk them out of the fighting. My father just laughed. So at an early age, I know God was trying to tell me something.

My parents divorced when I was 10, and it was hard for me. I moved back and forth for a long time. My senior year in high school I lived with my mom and step-dad. There was alot of fighting and drinking. One day my uncle was there and he and my step-dad got into a fight. My step-dad shot and killed my uncle right in front of me and my mom. Parts of his brains splattered us. I was filled with anger and hate. I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Agoraphobia for 7 years. One day I got on my knees and asked God to help me. He gradually showed me I needed to forgive to heal. Years later I was able to tell my step-dad that I forgave him.

Around this time I was depressed and still looking for what God wanted me to do. I didn't know but he was not through with the lessons I needed to learn. I had a daughter 3 and son 7. I also had a daughter that had given up for adopton at the age of 14. This had left me with a huge hole in my soul that had never healed. Then my husband was murdered, shot twice in the back and wallet left empty. It had $50.00 at the most in it. As far as I know they have never caught the person and I gave it to God 6 months after it happened. I was learning what God wanted me to learn, but he was not through.

I remarried, and this man molested my 8 year old daughter. I used to lie awake at night and think of ways to kill him slowly. Then I would be consummed with guilt for having such horrible thoughts. It felt as though satan and God were fighting inside my body, leaving me paralized. I could not go to work, eat, or take care of my kids. After 2 months of this, I got on my knees again and told God I was willing to forgive but I needed his help. Five years later I ran into this man in a store in another state. I stopped at this store at the last second and know God arranged this to happen. I was able to tell them man that molested my daughter that I forgave him. If this had happened 6 months earlier I don't think I could have. GOD knew I was ready. A few years later, I went to work as a nurse at a maximum security prison, still looking for what God wanted me to do. I thought he wanted me to work on an Indian Reservation, but all the applications fell through. So I went to the prison. I had no opinion for the death penalty and this prison housed 98 death row inmates. I was scared the first time I went into their unit, thinking they had nothing to loose and would do anything. I was wrong, the were the kindest and most behaved of all the inmates. One day they told me I had to take the prison tour which included the electric chair. With deep shame I remember asking someone to get a camera so I could take my picture sitting in the chair. When we got there, they showed us the death watch room, where they put the inmate 3 days before the execution so they can see the chair and prevent them from committing sucicide. I started feeling strange inside. Then they took us to the chair, the officer pulled out a pan under the seat and said, "This is where the drippings go." I am a nurse and do not have a weak stomache, but I was starting to feel sick. Then he plled up the straps and said, "We pull these tight, if they can breathe they are not tight enough. We are not here to baby them, we are here to kill them." I had to get out of there. I know now that this is the feeling you get when faced with EVIL. I began having nightmares about the prison doing horrible things to inmates and had to finally go see my pastor. He is so Christ-like and told me not to leave the prison. I decided to stay until an execution was pending. I stayed 3 years before leaving.

In the mean time, I gave the child I gave up for adoption to God. I always had updated the records so she could find me if she looked. I just knew she would find me when she was18. When she turned 23 and had not found me I gave t to God and told him I couldn't take the pain anymore. Three years later she found me. What a wonderful gift from God. I thank him everyday.

I eventually went to work at the women's prison, thinking there were only 2 inmates on death row, and maybe I would never see them, and it wouldn't be so hard. God had other plans. One month after working there they brought Christa to medical, she had an earache. As God would have it, I was alone with her for an hour because the doctor's car had a flat. She talked about her mom, her kitty cat, and her home in NC. I realized this could be my child. I wanted to hug her so bad, but prison employees are not allowed. I sure didn't see this child as evil, as the other employees called her. As it turns out, this is what God wanted and was preparing me for. I have grown to love her as my daughter and am best friends with her mom. I quit the prison so I could visit her twice a month, her mom lives 800 miles away and only gets to see her every couple of months. Christa is the youngest female on death row in the US. She just turned 23 and was sentenced at 18. She has taught me so much, and I am now active in fighting the death-penalty and have no doubts that this is what God was preparing me for. It takes a strong person to love someone on death-row, and God made me strong. I pray that the death penalty will be abolished so Christa can live. God has taught me so much about forgiveness, It was what Jesus came to tell us. Without it we are filled with hate and revenge. Forgiveness and restoration is the core of Jesus' message to us. What beautiful words.

Lisa Ratte

I welcome anyone to submit writings for this
"How I Feel About Life And Why" page.

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