Gentle birth with as little intervention as possible
Nursing soon after birth (if baby is interested)
Rooming-in if you are at a hospital
Establish a nursing relationship with no artificial nipples of any kind for at least 6 weeks
Demand-feeding: feed according to your babies cues of hunger or impending hunger, not according to a clock schedule. All babies need different amounts of food, some digest milk faster than others. Some babies have a tremendous need for sucking, and will often "comfort suck" at the breast rather than really eating. At first, some babies will eat often, but they will soon settle down to a fairly predictable routine, with occasional bursts of extra eating when a growth spurt hits.
Baby-wearing: holding your baby as much as possible comforts her and stimulates her mind. Babies who are held more cry less and they get to see all the sights, not just a mobile over their crib. Front carriers and slings are excellent ways to hold on to your baby while freeing your hands to do other things.
Family bed: having baby sleep with you can reduce his risk of SIDS (when done with minimal bedding and the parents have not been drinking, drugging or smoking) and it will help both him and mom to get a better night's sleep. The baby doesn't have to cry but for a second before mom is awake and there to take care of him. Family bed isn't for everyone, though. If you are too worried about your baby's safety, you can put the bassinet right up to the bed, or do a "side-car" arrangement with a crib where the side of the crib is left down, the crib mattress is on a level with your mattress, and the two are butted right up together so that baby is only a few inches away. Other parents find that their child is too restless when he becomes mobile, so they will move the child to his own crib nearby or do a half-n-half night, where the child starts out in their own bed but joins mom and dad later in the night.
Traveling as a family unit: Most new parents can't wait for the first time they can "get away from that baby". While some time together as a couple is good and even necessary, it isn't usually necessary to ship the baby off to a babysitter. Traveling places together will bond the entire family, whether it's to the grocery store or on a vacation. Some of the best talking times that my husband and I have had have not been over a quiet romantic supper for only the two of us, but rather while walking down the aisles of the grocery store, Sean right with us. Staying together as a family unit when a child is young helps them to bond and integrate better within that family, and lets them know that they are special enough to be included.
Extended breast-feeding: The cultural norm here in America has been, for some time, to breast- feed for six months. Recently, it has become more common to breast-feed for one year. But around the world, and throughout history, children have generally nursed until they are three or four years old. Older, in some places. the American Association of Pediatrics has recently put out new guidelines for breast-feeding, changing their previous recommendation of six months to one year, and now they also recommend continuing as long as is mutually desirable. Children do not just need breast milk for a few months or a year. It continues to have anti-body properties that will help keep them from getting as sick, and it is very nutritious. And we all know how little toddlers, eat, right? Of course, a toddler is not going to be nursing every two hours like an infant, most only nurse a little a few times a day.
Gentle discipline: Personally, we do believe in the use of spanking, but only when necessary, and not out of anger. But it is best to attempt to first find other solutions: time-outs, natural conse quences, loss of privileges, and so forth. the key is to find what works best for your child, and what will work best in each individual circumstance, not just one blanket punishment for all transgressions. Discipline, the gentle guiding and teaching of a child, is your best line of defense - not punishment.
But, you say, won't this raise a spoiled brat who demands constant attention and is always clinging to us? The simple answer is: NO! By giving your child the attention that they need and want, they develop a loving trusting realtionship with you that actually frees them to become more trusting and independent outside the family relationship. For instance, studies have shown that babies whose cries are promptly responded to during the first year will actually cry less than their "cry it out" counterparts. They know that there needs will be met, and they don't have to scream and scream, hoping that someone will hear them and help them. By keeping your children with you as much as possible, they will learn in their own time how to deal with other people and will not have anxiety about going into new situations and meeting new people.
I don't know, you say, this sounds way out there to me! Well, below I'm going to list some suggested books, websites and e-mail discussion lists. Try looking into it, you might be surprised just how many people love to practice attachment parenting! And if you already do, but need support, the websites and e-mail lists can give you just that.
If you have any questions or just want to talk about parenting, give me a holler, my address is at the bottom of the screen!
BOOKS:
Anything by Dr. William and Martha Sears. Some of these are:
The Baby Book
The Birth Book
The Discipline Book
Nighttime Parenting
SIDS: A Parent's Guide to understanding and preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Creative Parenting
The Fussy Baby
Parenting The Fussy Baby and High-Need Child
The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Child Care
25 Things Every New Mother Should Know
Then there is:
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Family Bed by Tine Thevenin
How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell
Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
The Difficult Child by Stanley Turecki
The Joy of Natural Childbirth: 5th Edition of Natural Childbirth and the Christian family by Helen Wessel
Under the Apple Tree: Marrying, Birthing and Parenting by Helen Wessel
See my friend Roxanne's Page for a huge list of books and their summaries.
WEBSITES:
La Leche League
Parents Place Attachement Parenting Discussion Board
Parent Soup Attachment Parenting Discussion Board
Our Corner of the Web: Resources and Articles of Interest to Christian Families
Real World Parenting - lots of info and links
The Parenting and Other Stuff Pages - more info and links
Roxanne's Home Page - more about High-Need children, info, book lists and links
Victoria's Home Page of Choices - more info and links
I Am Your Child - important information about how secure attachments early in life affect your child
Bonnie Bedford's The Radical Mother Page
Mommy's Rest Stop - Parenting links, info on nursing cleft-lip babies, info on single parenting
E-MAIL DISCUSSION LISTS:
GAP: Gentle Attachment Parenting does not have a website available. Please e-mail me privately for details.
High-Need Children: Join through the VP Mail website.
PAM: Parenting As Ministry, a list for parents who want to raise Godly children in the AP style.
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Do you think you have a high-need child?
Do you want to know more about attachment parenting, or about attachment parenting e-mail discussion groups?
Drop me a line!
© 1997 emeleel@juno.com
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