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For those of you who have stumbled into this room by mistake and don't want to know any more you can go back to the main foyer of Gramma & Grampa's House and look in a different room.
For years and years Gramma has relied on Gloria...(her big sister) to be her Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Confidant, Friend. She was always there to make Gramma laugh and allow her to see her problems in a humorous light. God gave her a wonderful gift in her sister Gloria. I'd like to share some of her humor with you too.....so send your questions and get ready for the answers....
Gramma, Grampa and and Gloria want you to know that we are NOT professional counselors.
Therefore, the content on these
pages is made in a well-meaning effort to offer advice guidance and leadership along life's highway . We
have made every effort to ensure that each link is family friendly, and that our advice and guidance has
come from a well-intentioned offer of friendship. We can not be held responsible for where each link
takes you nor how you interpret our advice or guidance. Thus we urge you to take our advice, and
guidance with a large amount of humor
QUESTION 1:
Help Gloria. My son has just eloped. I know they love each other and will have a good life but it really hurt when they told me. I want to be happy for them. How can I get over the hurt so I can show that side of me that is happy for them?
ANSWER ONE
At my ripe old age I have finally realized that I have absolutely no control over how my children (33,31,and 28) live their lives
.....and it no longer
bothers me that they don't live their lives the way I think they
should.
However, isn't there a proverb that goes something
like
"what goes around comes around",
or
"don't get mad, get even".
I think that what you should do is have a wedding reception
and not invite him
and his wife.
Actually, you know how much I enjoy planning weddings
(sometimes I even get paid for it)
anyway
this one will be great because the bride and groom aren't invited and can't screw up my plans with their input.
Have a party and make birdseed bags to throw at them when you see them again.
Have someone be the maid of honor
(make a headpiece with flowers and ribbon).
Someone can be the best man (I think a bow tie with shorts and
a tank top will work)
We will order a wedding cake from Ingals
and the father can walk the mother up the road with the cake
and someone can be the ring carrier and he can carry the decorated shovel
and we will cut this cake with a
shovel in the middle of the road.......... my personal favorite.... "live
long enough to be a burden on your children"......... and I will learn to
spit....
"QUESTION TWO"
Dear Gloria...my husband always wants me to jump whenever he yells at me.......what can I say to him? "Why should you be any different from the rest of us? All men are just
simple creatures and for some unknown reason all women cater to
them. washing has to be
done, socks have to be ironed, grass has to be cut, oh, and in
your spare time, raise the kids, oh, and if you have time...get a job...... and
don't forget to entertain me when I am home........ My personal favorite
is to let them think you are just as simple as they are. Have dinner
on the table (feed him and then he'll go to sleep..!) Have his clothes
ready in the morning (dress him and then he'll leave for the day...!)
NOW comes the fun part........... if they really tick you off by being mean or
just plain stupid.... sew up the little opening on their shorts (where the
peepee comes out if they have to go to the bathroom)........ He may not apologize
for being mean but he will certainly remember and question why YOU are
ticked when he is standing in front of a urinal trying to find the
hole............
simple little creature will think
twice about ticking you off.............. Now, remember, three times is
probably the limit before he catches on and checks his underware. However,
you could alternate and sew up his hankie or sew up the ankle of his
socks........ Keep them guessing. Another personal favorite is to call up
and order yourself flowers............ EVERY TIME he is an idiot..... That will embarass the heck
out of him. Tell him he is not the boss of you................ Get a
business card from a divorce lawyer and leave it on the dresser.Ha, Ha..
He can get ticked and he can hollar but he can't cook, he can't run the washer
and dryer (he probably doesn't even know where it is) Spend every
single minute attached to his hip..... Follow him to the bathroom... Watch him
shave......... Walk him to the car when he leaves in the morning....... Greet
him at the end of the driveway when he comes home..... Read the paper to
him......... Mop his brow......... Blow his nose....... Feed him...... Stare at
him longingly........ Help him dress........ Follow him all over the house..... I
guarantee that he will leave you alone real quick............................
If that doesn't work...shoot him and have him stuffed and mounted on the wall.
LoveYa-Bye
Gloria
"
Dear Gloria,
My husband and I are new to the net. He won't even get on here unless I am beside him but he wants to tell me how to do everything, especially if he is reading the Internet book and you and I both know that computers don't always do what it says in the book. How do I get him to stop being a Mr. Knowitall and getting upset when this thing doesn't go by the book?
Well, I guess the easiest way to answer your question is with a question. Does he have any other hobbies? For example, does he fix cars? If he does, you have it made. Just follow him around and ask what every tool is for... why is it doing that.... what are you doing that for, etc., etc., He will get the message. However, if he doesn't have any hobbies then this could get nasty.... When he shaves in the morning, sit in the bathroom with him and read the instructions off the shaving cream can, the toothpaste tube, the mouth wash, the aftershave lotion, even the toilet paper wrapper (if he is really stupid). If he deviates from the instructions, give him a lecture. This should work. If not, suggest that if he knows what is good for him....he will settle down.....Or, read the instruction book while he is sleeping and then hide it...... Why does my husband think I don't do any thing for him? In fact I work 8
hours a day, have supper on the table when he gets home. He always has
clean clothes, clean house.
ETC.ETC.
Gloria's answer : You have got to be kidding............ a clean house, dinner on the table,
clean clothes, etc., etc., and an 8 hour a day job.......? What is he
nuts.....? First, check his head for brain juice leaks......... Then stop
doing everything..... no dinner, no clean clothes, no clean house, no clean
dishes, no groceries, no sex (well, maybe not.) No sense cutting off your nose
to spite your face). Anyway, this should take about a week......... As soon
as you get home from work........go into the bathroom, light some candles, get
a book, fill the tub with bubbles and lock the door. Put a sign on the door
that says, "Occupied......do not enter. NOW I am really doing nothing..!" In
about an hour you should still be doing nothing when the doorbell rings and
the pizza for dinner arrives...
If this doesn't work then when you get home from work.......get your sign
ready and picket the place in front of all the neighbors.....!!
Good luck
Gloria
My father is elderly and not extremely well. His best friends are starting
to die. One of his best buddies died last week with him on the golf coarse.
He is depressed and sad about his friend and I'm sure about his own
condition. Is there a positive outlook or perspective you can see for him?
It would seem to me that he would concentrate on his golf game.......if his
golfing buddies are leaving this earth before he does........well, that means
he has more time to practice and get ready to take them on in
heaven......Should be some golf tournament......!!!
LoveYa-Bye
Gloria
how do you make a 2 year old listen to you..? You can't make a 2 year old do anything. You have to take a lot of home
movies of temper tantrums, etc., and photographs, you need a lot of
photographs and then, when the 2 year old in question is 21 you remind them
what an evil little creature they use to be and how wonderful you were to put
up with them.
In the meantime, it is a good idea to stock up on ear plugs, child raising
books, music tapes or CD's........... I found that it is hard for a 2 year old
to raise a ruckus when the opera "Madam Butterfly" is blaring in the
background. Now, if the 2 year old is out in public and raising a ruckus and
everyone is looking at you...... just tell them that you are the Nanny and
isn't it awful how the parents can't control this child.....!
Good luck and remember, they eventually grow out of it and then they grow up
and have their own 2 year old....... PAYBACKS...!!!!!!!
Hang in there,
Love ya Bye
Gloria
....
Oh...and I just thought of another proverb.....
When I get old I shall wear purple and a red hat.....
ANSWER TWO:
Supper has to be on the table,
There are, of course, many ways to deal with them:
Then when he gets home, his dinner is ready and you are there
and after you do this for a few times.......
Send him a romantic card...TO HIS OFFICE!!!!
If nothing works, then you have to go into plan "B"..............
QUESTION THREE:
ANSWER THREE:
QUESTION: FOUR:
ANSWER FIVE:
ANSWER SIX:
Answer:
QUESTION SEVEN:
ANSWER SEVEN:
If you have a question that requires a downhome, no nonsense, humorous answer, that will put all of your problems into a new perspective click here to ASK GLORIA