We all have our days, some great ones and some we would like to forget. We feel great when we have a great day, but a day when nothing goes right we'd just as soon forget. Children also have good and bad days. Learn to recognize your childs moods. There are ways you can comfort and encourage your child. A hug or kiss can "make" their day. Stopping to listen, even when you are busy. Going for a walk, hand in hand. Help your child understand how much he/she is loved.

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Parenting Guidelines

Set a good example for your children. Children often learn how to act by observing how their parents act. For example, if you don't handle frustrations well, if you swear and become upset when things do not go well, your children may learn to act the same way. Avoid being a parent who often resorts to the old saying, "do as i say, not as i do."

Don't take children's good behavior for granted. Praise your children when they are behaving appropriately. Don't wait to praise them only when they do something special. Catch them being good!

Provide your children with a lot of verbal and physical affection. Frequent physical contact between a parent and a young child ( such as hugging or brief "love pats") is very important. This positive affection should be provided on a regular basis whenever your children are behaving appropriately. Avoid providing this affection at times when your child is misbehaving. However, they still need to understand that you love them.

Discipline should be immediate and administered in a matter-of fact manner. Parents need to avoid becoming upset while disciplining their children. Time-out and grounding techniques can be very effective if they are used correctly. After the punishment, your child should start with a clean slate. Do not remind or nag your child about their misbehavior.

Be consistent and predictable with your children. Children function best when they know what to expect. Parents should make it clear exactly what behaviors are or are not acceptable. Children's appropriate and inappropriate behavior should be handled in a similar manner by both parents. Consistency is not only important between parents but also from day-to-day for in- dividual parents. Parental management of children's behavior from one day to another should not vary according to parental mood but always be based on the child's behavior.

The way directions are given to children can have an effect on whether or not the children will follow the directions. Parents should make eye contact with the child before giving directions. Yelling directions from another room is often not very successfull. Directions should be given in a very specific and concise manner. Avoid giving vague directions such as, "be good". Your idea of being good and your child's idea of being good may be very different. Praise your children when they follow directions. Be prepared to enforce directions that your child does not follow. if you do not enforce directions children learn you do not mean what you say. Avoid giving more than one warning to follow a direction.

Are kids born with some kind of secret radar? Say they're busy playing. Maybe they're in another room - not even within sound of your voice. You stealthily pick up the phone, dial, and speak ever-so-quietly into the receiver. BAM! They materialize at your feet.
"Mom!" they whisper urgently, tugging at you, "Mom!"

How do they know you're on the phone? It's definitely one of those Unsolved Mysteries of Parenting. It wouldn't be so bad if they'd just wondrously appear. The problem is, they want your attention. And right now.

 It starts when a toddler first sees you on the phone. She may think it's a reasonable time to talk to you. There you are: just sitting, doing absolutely nothing except holding something up to your ear. Why, you're even saying a few words now and then (though, for some reason, not to her). Any red-blooded toddler is bound to try to get her parent's attention under such circumstances.

Even when you respond to her efforts with a glance or a pat, she can see you're not focused on her. How puzzling. How challenging! She keeps trying to engage you, and the game of "Don't interrupt. Can't you see I'm on the phone?!" has begun.

 It may be small comfort, but in about twelve years your child might feel like saying those very words back to you. In the meantime, here are a few suggestions from parents who've been there:

 [1] Be sure your child knows what you expect him to do while you're on the phone. Explain ahead of time. For very young ones, play it out with a toy phone.

 [2] Keep the rules short and few. Emphasize what you'll both do while you're on the phone. ("I can't talk to you, but you can play right next to me.")

 [3] The first few times try this: Cut your call short while she's still doing well at not interrupting. That way she'll know what it feels like to succeed.

 [4] When you're on the phone, it's tempting to buy time by doing things you wouldn't ordinarily do -- handing your child a cookie, handing him another cookie, and, (to his amazement and delight) another cookie. With rewards like these, he'll eagerly interrupt the next time.

 [5] Don't make the phone your child's enemy. If the phone is always taking you away from them, your kids will work extra hard at getting you back.

 [6] When you're planning a long phone conversation (and what parent doesn't need them occasionally?), do some strategic planning first. Fill your child up with lots of attention right before you make the call. Next, remind him how much you appreciate his not interrupting. Bring out some toys or art materials you've hidden away for just such a time..

 Then dial fast!

Nate's dad had arrived early to pick him up, just in time to hear yet another squabble. Sometimes he wondered whether the children at Nate's center spent more time arguing than playing. This afternoon the disagreement was over a game of "House." Each of the four-year-olds who had gathered in the toy kitchen area was insisting on taking the role of a parent. Each refused to consider playing Big Sister or Brother, and each was equally aghast at the thought of being Baby--after all, Baby would never get a chance to drive. One child almost left the group in tears. Another threatened to ban everyone from his birthday party next year if he didn't get to be the dad, and a third just stared sullenly into the toy sink. "Why can't they just play together nicely?" wondered Nate's dad. "And, anyway, why doesn't their teacher step in and do something about all this fighting?"

The truth is, "playing together nicely" sounds better than it really is. A surprising amount of positive social learning comes out of preschool spats. Without them children would miss a lot that they need to know. Consider what an adult, working with a group of other adults, needs to be able to do to be effective. An adult must know how to:

Negotiate with others.

Take a strong stand when it's important

Back off when necessary.

Listen to others.

Present his or her ideas.

These skills are the same ones Nate and his friends were finding out about. It takes a long time to learn how to get along in a group. And it takes some experimenting to find out what works and what doesn't. That's why many teachers and caregivers often avoid settling things for kids when they argue instead of play.

They know that if they provide instant solutions, the children involved will lose the chance to find their own. There are times, of course, when adults can help by simply stating facts and raising questions: "Nate says he doesn't want to be the baby today because babies can't drive cars. What can you decide to do so that everyone is satisfied?"

Often the alternatives kids come up with are unexpected, but please everyone: "I know! He can be a baby who knows how to drive." Other times, they won't be able to arrive at a workable compromise and the play will fall apart. That, too, is learning. No matter what the outcome, the arguing that goes on during play gives kids necessary practice in what it takes to get along with each other. Cutting it short too soon also cuts short the learning.

That's why Nate's teacher was biding her time. Of course, it isn't always easy to stand back a bit when kids don't "play together nicely."

But it is worth it.

101 Ways to Praise a Child

Wow * Way To Go * Super * You're Special * Outstanding * Excellent * Great * Good * Neat * Well Done * Remarkable * I Knew You Could Do It * I'm Proud Of You * Fantastic * Super Star * Nice Work * Looking Good * You're On Top Of It * Beautiful * Now You're Flying * You're Catching On * Now You've Got It * You're Incredible * Bravo * You're Fantastic * Hurray For You * You're On Target * You're On Your Way * How Nice * How Smart * Good Job * That's Incredible * Hot Dog * Dynamite * You're Beautiful * You're Unique * Nothing Can Stop You Now * Good For You * I Like You * You're A Winner * Remarkable Job * Beautiful Work * Spectacular * You're Spectacular * You're Darling * You're Precious * Great Discovery * You've Discovered The Secret * You Figured It Out * Fantastic Job * Hip, Hip Hurray * Bingo * Magnificent * Marvelous * Terrific * You're Important * Phenomenal * You're Sensational * Super Work * Creative Job * Super Job * Fantastic Job * Exceptional Performance * You're A Real Trooper * You Are Responsible * You Are Exciting * You Learned It Right * What An Imagination * What A Good Listener * You Are Fun * You're Growing Up * You Tried Hard * You Care * Beautiful Sharing * Outstanding Performance * You're A Good Friend * I Trust You * You're Important * You Mean A Lot To Me * You Make Me Happy * You Belong * You've Got A Friend * You Make Me Laugh * You Brighten My Day * I Respect You * You Mean The World To Me * That's Correct * You're A Joy * You're A Treasure * You're Wonderful * You're Perfect * Awesome * A+ Job * You're A-Ok My Buddy * You Made My Day * That's The Best * A Big Hug * A Big Kiss * Say I Love You! *

p.s. REMEMBER, A SMILE IS WORTH 1000 WORDS!

(Compliments of: Charter Behavioral Health System of Northwest Arkansas)

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