Orchestrating a family reunion has more than a few things in common with
plotting the invasion of Normandy. Hundreds of details need to be considered,
beginning with the classic journalists' questions: who, what, when, where,
and how. Although we were consciously focused on these essential pragmatic
concerns, I believe we were all unconsciously aware of the greater importance
of somehow creating an atmosphere, really a kind of psychological biosphere,
to nurture the renewal of emotional connections and lasting bonds. We are a
small but far-flung family with residents on both coasts of the United
States, Israel, and Australia. Some of the younger people, those in their
20's and 30's and their new spouses and babies, had not met one another, at
least, not as adults. For those of us in the middle and older generations,
giving these young folks a chance to get to know one another and continue the
traditions of closeness and mutual family support was a very important,
although unstated, goal.

In fact, the family values and traditions were well represented in the
preparation for the reunion and the events during and after the reunion as
well. Our forebears would be proud that the values they instilled in previous
generations survive right into the present time. I say this because working
on this reunion has been one of the most extraordinarily gratifying
experiences of my life. I have planned many events-surprise parties,
conferences, brunches, weddings, etc. I have chaired and co-chaired more than
my share of committees. I have become accustomed to people trying to wriggle
out of work or to do as little as possible as begrudgingly as possible. In
planning this reunion, there was only one time I was unable to find what I
needed -we never found anyone with a video camera. Every other need and every
other request was met by volunteers offering themselves in a spirit of
heartfelt cooperation, enthusiasm, and joyful willingness to do whatever was
necessary. I have never encountered anything like this in any other endeavor.

Thanks to the nature of our collaboration, the reunion weekend and its
aftermath were pervaded with warmth and loving feelings.

Behind the Scenes

The story of our reunion began at Tali Agler's bat mitzvah in March 1998. Our
family, those able to attend, has had several enjoyable weekend-long family
celebrations. It was Eddie Gandler who noted that the family would not be
together again for a weekend until Sarah Agler's bat mitzvah, several years in
the future. Why wait? What about having a family reunion? Judy and Richie
thought Eddie's idea was terrific and got to work. This was in August, 1998.

Much of the work was made infinitely easier thanks to Richie's foresight
in bringing our family on-line by establishing the family website. This made
family news accessible to anyone with e-mail anywhere in the world. The
difficult part was stamping and addressing envelopes to those family members
lacking e-mail, including those in Israel and Australia. Although I wanted to
be sure no one was excluded, by March, 1999, I was quite sick of doing it.
Since I had no time to teach myself how to create a list on my computer, I
sent out an urgent e-mail asking [alright, begging] for help. Ronni Gandler
[bless you, Ronni] took my hand written scribbles and converted them to a
legible computer list that spits out legible labels. She even supplied a box
of labels! Now, I felt like I was really in business. But, I'm getting ahead
of the story.

In September, 1998, a committee consisting of [in absolutely no
particular order, I don't feel like alphabetizing] Ellie Lustig, Beth Ravit,
Marsha Gandler, Sylvia Agler, and Harriet Harris, was established to find a
date and site for the reunion. We tried to work around people's vacations,
weddings from the other side of families, and, as Beth discovered, camp
visiting weekends, which meant the hotels, which had been booked a year in
advance, were filled. After many false starts, Sylvia and Gene went to see
the Quality Inn and deemed it good enough for our purposes. My husband,
Mort, a.k.a."The Pitbull", hondled a reduced rate for our family and Sandy
and Jack Brill notified us that a "senior" rate was also available.

Now, attention turned to the "program". In January, an e-mail from Rich in
Florida said he, Mindy and Harriet had had dinner and come up with some
ideas: workshops, meals, a talent show, torah study, etc. -enough for several
weeks of fun filled family activities. Up north, the suggestions were
"reviewed", also at dinner, by Sheila, Michael, Beth, Eddie, Mort, and
myself. We basically voted for eating, the Talent Show, tennis, and golf. And
eating. It was assumed that telling family stories would be an important part
of the reunion. And eating.

Speaking of that traditional Jewish family sport, eating, Jodi Schleifer
offered to find a restaurant in the Berkshires that could accommodate 50
people. After Jodi made many phone calls and designed an elegant possible
menu at a well rated local restaurant, we discovered that the Quality Inn had
a caterer. This meant that we could have our own private room reserved for
our family only, rather than sharing a public space with strangers who might
not be delighted with the Halm-Goldenberg "Talent" Show. So, although all of
Jodi's planning was for naught, she accepted it graciously [she even
volunteered twice to do other things, risking the scorn of her brother and
cousins who teasingly accused her of "kissing up".] The caterer and I worked
out menus for Friday and Saturday evening and, at Marsha's suggestion,
arranged for a reception of cold beverages to be served Friday afternoon to
arriving guests. Since we wanted the Goldenberg-Halm T-shirts to be a
surprise, Michael, who designed them and whose company produced them,
suggested we include their [wholesale] price in the meals. Another wonderful
suggestion from Sylvia was to collect the meal money in advance so I didn't
have to deal with it during the reunion. As the checks came in, I established
a Family Reunion checking account and seriously considered running off to
Paris.

Flushed with the success of my request for a label-maker, I decided to
use the Internet again, this time asking for 2 volunteers. Someone was needed
to input all the recent babies and other recently located family members into
the computer at Beth Hatefutsoth, Museum of the Diaspora, Jewish Genealogy
Center, Tel Aviv. The Museum is creating a genealogical chart of all known
world Jewry. Richie had entered our family tree [we're No. 340] some years
ago and it badly needs revisions. I tried to do it in 1994, after my visit to
Israel, but they were changing their computer and unable to accept new data.
The second task was to make a big copy of the family tree and put pictures of
each person on it so the children [and adults] would have a visual aid in
understanding the way we are all related. Ruth Benjamin, the designer of the
original tree that graces our family homepage, offered to do just that. Next,
Yuval Gottleib came forth with an offer to input the data when she returns to
Israel. Once again, the Internet proved a fruitful recruitment vehicle

Yuval and her husband, Itay, have been in Chicago for some months while
Yuval does research [on parasitic wasps!] at the University. We were very
anxious to have them join us and they wanted to come. How to get them from
the airport in N.Y. to the Berkshires? This time, it was Joel who stepped in
to help, contacting Yuval and Itay and making all the arrangements to pick
them up, have them stay at his home overnight, bring them to the reunion and
do the same in reverse on the trip home. Another problem solved by a helpful
volunteer.

Honorable "Menschen": Murray and Marsha

In April, a letter came from Yossi and Avivit Ben Shlomo in Israel. They
said that they and Yossi's sisters and their families wanted very much for
their parents, Moshe and Sarah, to come to the reunion. Moshe had not left Israel
since making aliya in 1951. Sarah and the children were trying to convince
him to come. They knew Moshe was concerned about getting kosher meals and
speaking only Hebrew and Yiddish. [It turns out Moshe has an excellent
facility for languages. He understands English well, as does Sarah who also
speaks some, and was even able to communicate in Russian with Yelena.] Each
time I have been to Israel, Moshe and Sarah and whichever of their children
were around came to visit me. I have very fond memories of Moshe and young
Yossi at my son, Howie's, bar mitzvah at the kotel in Jerusalem. I knew
everyone in our family here wanted Moshe and Sarah to come just as much as
their children did.

I often say about my cousin, Murray, "When I have a problem, Murray gives
me a solution." Since so many people seem to look for ways to avoid
accepting responsibility, this is a trait of which I am deeply appreciative.
Murray is well matched in his generosity by his wife, Marsha. [I also can't
resist mentioning my aunt Sylvia here as well, since we're talking about
generosity. You will see constant references to the myriad ways Sylvia
contributed to the reunion.] My first thought on reading Yossi's letter was
to call Murray. That was one of the smartest things I did.
Characteristically, Murray swung into action. He immediately volunteered
himself and Marsha as hosts since their home is kosher and he speaks Yiddish.
He offered to call Yossi and work out the details. Working out the details
wound up taking several months, requiring multiple calls to family in Israel
and America, and even writing a letter to Moshe in Yiddish which Murray had
not written in 50 years. Along the way he enlisted help from Harriet and
Raquel and between them an itinerary was arranged, including a
Hebrew-speaking tour of Niagara Falls, Toronto, and Washington, D.C. The visit
was to begin with Murray meeting the Ben Shlomos at the airport, bringing
them to stay at his home, and taking them to New York City for some
sightseeing.

Some e-mails between Marsha and me:

7/18/99 Marsha to Judy: "Early this morning, 6:30 to be exact, we did the
bagel run to Kennedy Airport. Neil flew back from Israel and had a couple of
hours before his next flight to San Francisco. We got to deliver his bagels
and knishes from Ben's and spend 40 minutes with him. He looks great, pooh
pooh. It was a great pick-me-up in a stressful week. Love, Marsha"

Judy to Marsha: "May you survive the week and may the Schwartz be with
you. I'm so glad you got to see Neil. Thank you for solving the kippah
problem. [see "Kippahs and Nametags"] If only life were always so simple! I
feel so sorry about John F. Kennedy Jr., his wife and sister-in-law. What a world!
Love, Judy"

7/19/99 Marsha to Judy: "Murray is still at the airport. Moshe's plane was
late and I'm keeping the coffee hot. I agree with you. Sometimes, life does
"suck". That is why we have to grab all the good when we can. This visit with
Moshe and Sarah and the reunion is one of those times. We all need it very
much…Love, Marsha"

Judy to Marsha: "Poor Murray. I hope it all went well. It's a true
mitzvah you're doing. Thanks again…It'll be a lot of fun -if we survive the
preparations. Love, Judy"

Marsha to Judy: "I am sure we will look back on these days with fond
memories. Moshe and Sarah arrived 3 hours late but not worse for wear. After
a cup of coffee and a nosh, they both took a nap. Murray had to go to work.
Our communication is a combination of English, Yiddish, and sign language.
Murray is really using his Yiddish. His mother would be proud….Love, Marsha"