Finally the Big Day arrived. Judy, Richie, Jesse, Tali, and Sarah greeted
family members with cold drinks, warm hugs, Goldenberg-Halm T-shirts folded
by Tali, and nametags neatly typed by Gene. Guests were also given The List,
directions to Gene and Sylvia's house for Sunday's celebration, and a copy of
an e-mail from the Union of Councils for Soviet Jews.

Soon Ruthie Benjamin arrived with the Family Tree. Within minutes, it was on display
and being used as intended: the arriving children [and adults] exploring the
various "roots", "leaves", and "branches", most with small photos
painstakingly applied by Ruth. As more family members arrived, Ruth made
corrections and additions, working with a small scissors and without paste or
tape until her sister, Sandy Brill, made a run to a local store to get some for
her. Trudy came with her cache of photos, many too large for the tree but she
and Jesse arranged to set up another table in the dining room to display
these and other large pictures brought by other family members.

As more and more people arrived, the small lobby was filled with family
members greeting one another, examining the Tree, looking at pictures, and
engaging in the other significant Jewish family sport, schmoozing. Those of
us living in the U.S. have been fortunate in having seen each other fairly
regularly. But it was an especially great treat to be joined by our Israeli
cousins whom we rarely see, Moshe and Sarah Ben-Shlomo and Yuval and Itay Dror.

Everyone was told to wear their t-shirts and name tags to dinner, to bring a
family story or memory for Friday night, and to prepare a talent show act for
Saturday night. Amazingly, just about everyone actually wore their t-shirts.
[those who did not, you know who you are, Jesse-but you are forgiven because
you did such a great job directing the festivities.]

Beth and Eddie arrived with cases of wine for dinner and champagne to
toast Gene's "birthday" on Sunday. Mike and Sheila, the official family
shickers [along with Mort, Jen, Deb, Trudy, Jody, Eric, and Caryn- I name
names] were in high gear for what has become our traditional 5:00 cocktail
hour on these family vacations. [I myself don't drink, preferring my calories
in the form of salty, high fat, junk food snack mixes.]

Well, plenty of nosherie and drinks were available in room 202, as Mike
and Sheila hosted an informal open house. Eric also was a peerless host,
especially to the younger members of the family. He made certain to welcome
the young adults who don't quite know each other yet and make sure everyone
felt comfortable. As person after person entered, attracted by the laughter
spilling from the open door, the room soon seemed like one of those tiny cars
at the circus from which an impossibly large number of clowns emerge. My mom
vainly tried, for literally about 20 minutes, to lead a toast but each time
she began, someone new entered the room and she was drowned out by fresh
laughter and conversation. Mort was more successful [I said he was a
"pitbull"] and made a toast to our family and to me, and welcomed Billy into
our family. Then Mom finally got her turn and added her good wishes. After
much merriment, we all went down to dinner fashionably decked out in our
matching Goldenberg-Halm t-shirts.

The portable microphone the hotel said would be available was not so they
arranged a rental and Jesse, our sportscaster in training, set it up. Richie,
Jesse and I organized the order of events and Jesse made certain all
proceeded as planned, well, almost. [See "Surprize!" below] First, he called
the female children up to light the Shabbat candles. Sheila had brought
candles and candlesticks and, it turns out, so had Sarah and Racquel.
However, none of us had remembered matches except Sarah who brought hers with
her all the way from Israel. Next, Jesse called Moshe up to say the blessing
over the bread and then Richie made kiddush with the wine.

I made some welcoming comments and tried to mention everyone who contributed
to the reunion [I know I overlooked some] and to express our sadness for the
family members who were unable to attend. I said that no one remains an
in-law in our family, everyone becomes fully accepted and integrated. I also
remarked, from my role as a psychologist, judging by the wonderful spirit of
cooperation in putting together the reunion, that I felt our family was
"relatively functional", pun intended.

Jesse took the floor and gave each table a number so he could call them up to
the buffet and everyone could get their meal in an orderly fashion [his idea].

Suddenly much to his parent's utter amazement, pint sized Jacob Harris
somehow wrested the mike from Jesse. [Maybe I should say, "Jesse graciously
ceded the mike."] With the utmost solemnity, gazing intently at the audience
with his great brown eyes, Jacob began crooning "Eliahu Ha Navi". Soon,
everyone joined in. Next, obviously devoid of crippling inhibition, he again
led the entire family in singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" ["yittew" star] and every
other melody in his entire repertoire. It was obvious from his totally
earnest demeanor that he clearly felt he had he had a mission to perform, and
young as he is, this was his very special, completely spontaneous,
delightful, and unexpected contribution to our reunion.

Remembrances

Gene reminded us of the old show biz dictum: never follow an animal act or a
small child. However, it was storytelling time and Richie bravely plunged in.
We had been a little concerned that people might be shy about sharing their
remembrances with the group but, it turned out, many people wanted to
contribute. The microphone passed from person to person as one person's tale
sparked someone else's memory. It was interesting that most people did not
speak about their own immediate families but of their special ties to other
relatives. People remembered meaningful moments with cousins, aunts and
uncles, even great-aunts and uncles. There were many memories of deceased
family members and special note taken of those unable to be with us due to
sickness. There was a lot of laughter and even the resolution of some family
"mysteries" [Aunt Blanche's real age]. It is impossible to recapture the
great warmth and feeling of family unity generated by this collective
storytelling. Suffice to say, I think it is a night that we will all remember
for the rest of our lives.

Richie opened the "story-telling" with a memory of a shiva visit to Uncle
Jack when Aunt Bertha died in 1963. Although Rich was still a child, he
established a bond with his great-uncle that endured until later in life
when, as an adult, he visited Jack in Israel. Other memories of Jack were
recalled by his nephews, Murray and Eddie. They remembered Jack inviting them
to seders since their own father was not observant and Jack wanted to be make
sure that his sister Blanche's sons had somewhere to celebrate Passover. At
one seder, Jack inadvertently fanned the flames of sibling rivalry by
remarking to Eddie that older brother Murray was the "brighter" one because
Murray's Hebrew was more proficient. Murray got a laugh when he said he was
surprised Eddie brought up that seder because "I didn't even know you were
there!"

Many of us also had fond memories of Herbie, Harriet's younger brother
tragically killed in the Korean War as a young man, as his nephew Alan, who
never met him, reminded us. Although he has been gone for so many years, we
remember Herbie as a sweet man who was wonderful with children and would have
so enjoyed knowing his sister's children and grandchildren.

Alan also remembered how his life was changed by Howie's death, how he came
to appreciate, though he himself was quite young at the time, how fragile and
precious life is and how he must be certain to make good use of his own life.

Joel spoke about his parents taking the family for regular weekend visits to
Uncle Jack and our grandmother, Sarah in Brooklyn. He remembers our
grandmother's cooking and "old-world kindness", her emphasis on "our roots
and need to stay together".

Eddie remembered how his mother, also a paragon of "old world kindness" and
expert Jewish cooking, made him do the chicken fat run from their home in
Brooklyn to Uncle Jack and my grandmother, who at that time lived in the
Bronx. Aunt Blanche's schmaltz was prized by her siblings and it was Eddie's
job to keep them well supplied. Blanche's devotion to her sister was also
remembered by Murray who was often called upon to take her to visit Sarah in
the nursing home on Long Island. My memory is of going to visit Blanche and
Phil with my family. Uncle Phil had huge boards of kewpie dolls, buttons,
beads, pinwheels and other items of delight to small children. He and his
sons sold them at parades and sports events. Aunt Blanche would allow Sheila
and me to select anything we wanted. It was a great treat. Like my
grandmother, she loved children and took great pleasure in seeing them happy.


Ellie Lustig had a special memory of my grandmother. When she graduated from 8th
grade, Sarah made a special visit to give Ellie a gold bracelet. Ellie was so
touched that she has made a tradition of giving her granddaughters gold
bracelets when they graduate. There was a very special reason that my widowed
grandmother, always a poor woman, bestowed such a gift on the daughter of
Jack Hirsch and, a little later on, my mother told her what it was.

First, Jack Hirsch, my grandmother's cousin, was an attorney who repeatedly
helped his extended family of immigrants navigate the tricky shoals of
American law. Harriet provided an example of his generosity: When she and her
husband, Jack [lots of Jacks in this family 3 whose last names all begin with
"H"-Halm, Hirsch, and Harris, and Jack Brill] bought their first house, Jack
Hirsch handled the closing for them. Jack Harris was just starting his
practice and the young couple was on a tight budget. Harriet remembers asking
Jack what his fee was. He replied, " First of all, I'm flattered you asked me
and secondly, you don't charge family." Harriet also told Ellie, "Your father
kept my father out of jail for tax evasion." The arcane American tax laws
were daunting to immigrant small businessmen like Uncle Jack, a kosher
butcher.

Mom's [Trudy's] memory was quite funny. She was engaged to marry my father
when my grandmother learned that New York City Housing apartments were
becoming available but only for married couples. Bubby rushed to City Hall
with my mom and dad and my dad's mother but because it was Labor Day Weekend,
no judges were available. Bubby immediately called Jack Hirsch in Brooklyn.
Jack very quickly grasped the situation and instructed her to take my parents
to Children's Court because Mom was only 18. He promised to meet them there
and sure enough, a while later, appeared with a judge who performed the
required service. Everyone was amazed at Jack's success in cutting N.Y.C 's
infamous red tape and expediting the ceremony. When Mom asked him how he'd
done it, Jack replied, "Easy. I told them you were expecting."

Racquel remembered arriving in N.Y. in midwinter wearing shorts. Someone in
Israel had told her that it's not cold in N.Y. At first she was pretty
homesick, but after awhile she met Jack and Harriet, Murray and Eddie, my
parents, and Sylvia and Gene, and she began to feel that her family here
would not let her be lonely. Sure enough, one day, Sylvia suggested a visit
to Washington, D.C. to meet some relatives there. As Racquel tells it, Sylvia
took her the Bill and Ethel's house, she saw Stan "and 6 weeks later we were
married and I wasn't expecting either."

"How did I get into this family?" Michael asked rhetorically and told of
meeting Sheila in Israel on a student tour. "She hated me but I loved her."
Mike lived in N.J and would come to Long Island to see Sheila. Because of the
distance, he slept over. After dating for a couple of years, Trudy questioned
him about his intentions. "She made it miserable for me" says Mike of his
beloved future mother-in-law. Mom made him sleep in the cold, damp basement
[Mike referred to it as "the dungeon"] on an old uncomfortable metal bed with
a worn out mattress. When he and Sheila became engaged, however, a pleasant
upstairs bedroom with a comfortable bed "miraculously appeared. I didn't even
know that bedroom existed. I love this family!", Mike concluded.

Annette took the floor and said, "I'm a new branch on this family tree with a
couple of young leaves. I don't have a lot of memories but I'm very proud to
be a part of this wonderful family." [Aw, thanks, Annette.]

Jesse spoke in a similar vein saying, "I'm only 17 and have lived in Florida
all of my life." One of his first memories of seeing the whole family
together was at Al and Ilise's wedding. Later, at his and his sister's bar
and bat mitzvahs, he began to "appreciate what a close family could be."

Alan described his special closeness to his cousin Joel. He remembers Joel
introducing him to skiing by taking him down a ski slope between his knees.
He also has memories Joel taking him to Bat Day at the old Yankee Stadium.

Harriet spoke of the beautiful, elegant Tante Rosie, Ellie, Sandy and
Ruthie's grandmother, who introduced her to a lifetime love of white raisins.
Many people had loving memories of Rosie's other child [besides Jack Hirsch],
Anna and her husband of 75 years, Morris Picarsky. At one time or another everyone in
the family has received a packet of pencils with our names on them from
Morris. In fact, Eddie noted he had recently found some while emptying Aunt
Blanche's apartment.

Cleaning has a long and honorable family history. I remember my Bubby saying,
"No one is too poor to buy soap." Sylvia described her mother as "the
original Mrs. Clean." To try to prevent Bubby from working too hard, Sylvia
did her best to clean her house before a visit from her mother. One day, a
neighbor told Sylvia, "You must have done a really good job on the house this
week because I saw your mother outside cleaning the sidewalk."

"Funny you should mention cleaning" said Ruth to Sylvia and told this story:
One day, Ruth walked into a restaurant in Florida and saw a woman carefully
picking spaghetti strands off the floor that had been dropped by a child in a
high chair. A second glance revealed that it was none other than her cousin,
Sylvia, true daughter of "the original Mrs. Clean".

Murray reminded us of the generation unable to be with us, the 8 siblings and
their cousins from whom everyone has descended. This included his beloved
mother, Blanche, who had recently been ailing. This reunion was exactly the
kind of family event she and her siblings would have enjoyed tremendously.
[Little did we know that Aunt Blanche would pass away the
very next night.] Murray was able to resolve a "mystery" about his mother's
age. It seems Aunt Blanche told everyone she was born in 1909. However, Moshe
knew that David Halm, was born in 1910, and remembered Blanche already being
a few years old. Well, Murray recently came upon Blanche's social security
documents which cited "1903", not 1909, as the year of her birth.

Murray also had memories of Chaim Wolfe, the oldest half-brother of that
generation [Moses Halm was his father but Golda Goldenberg was not his
mother] who Moshe Ben Shlomo also remembered from childhood in Jasina. Murray
said Herbie is also often in his thoughts.

Murray then read us a beautiful letter written by Yossi Ben Shlomo, Moshe and
Sarah's son. Yossi said he was sorry he couldn't be with us but had sent "two
ambassadors, my parents". Sara made aliya from Germany in 1935 but Moshe was
unable to come until 1951 and has only left Israel when he was in Egypt
during the Yom Kippur War in 1973. Yossi continued, "Dear family, although I
didn't have the chance to meet you all, I do feel that we are a united
family, in which every one of us thinks a lot of his relatives and each of us
is willing to help if it will be needed." He said something else that is very
important and perhaps we symbolized when we sang "Hatikvah" together Saturday
night, that the support that Israelis and Americans give each other gives
strength to both.

I told the story of my sister's student tour of Israel in 1963, the same trip
where she met Michael. Sheila was the first person in our family to visit
Israel. As part of the tour, she was staying in a kibbutz. On the weekend,
busloads of Israelis arrived to visit with American relatives. As she watched
the passengers leave the buses, Sheila instinctively, immediately recognized
the family she had never seen before, Golda and daughter, Racquel, Chaya and
daughter Sarit.

Days later, when Racquel was translating for Moshe and me as he told me his
and his mother, Bintsa's, stories she explained why her mother and Chaya had
traveled so far to visit the young American cousin they'd never met. It was
out of love and respect for my grandmother, Sarah, her grandmother, Rachel's
sister.

I had known that my grandmother, her brother Jack, and sister, Blanche, had
tried desperately to maintain contact with and provide help for the family in
Europe before, during, and after the War. During the chaos of war and
holocaust, they lost touch but the HIAS helped them find one another again
after the war.

Once normal mail was reestablished, my Bubby, Jack, and Blanche were able to
send things to the family in Europe and Israel. Moshe remembered his mother
in Sighet receiving packages from her American siblings containing small
items, such as vanilla, of little value in America but of great value when
sold on the black market in Europe. Tante Bintsa was able to sell these things
and buy food or other necessities. Racquel also remembers receiving packages
in Israel from my grandmother every 3 months. Often, they would contain dried
fruit. It was impossible to obtain fruit in Israel after the war. But before
they could bite into it, they would compare the weight of the fruit on a
balance scale: some of the prunes were abnormally heavy because of concealed
coins. Bubby also sent Racquel and Sarit clothing that Sheila and I had
outgrown. Moshe also received clothing from my grandmother to wear when he
was finally able to make aliya to Israel. Bubby would make sure the clothing
was wrinkled so they didn't have to pay tax as they would if the items were
new.

Racquel explained that these packages meant the difference between life and
death to our family in Europe and Israel. Those who did not have someone to
send them these things, did not survive. "So", Racquel said, "This is why my
parents and Chaya made such a point of going to see Sheila on the kibbutz."