Words to Live By

“That which we call sin in others is experiment for us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Law, among other things, is defined as “Any rule of conduct or procedure: the laws of hospitality; the laws of poetry.” (Yes, I did look that up in my Funk & Wagnall.)

The following are presented as highly explanatory, hopefully useful and at least amusing . Enjoy!

• Abbott’s Admonitions. - Charles C. Abbott

1. If you have to ask, you’re not entitled to know.
2. If you don’t like the answer, you shouldn’t have asked the question.

• Agnes Allen’s Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of. - Agnes Allen
• Avery’s Observation: It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.
• Herman’s Addition to Avery’s Observation: I meant to do that. Peewee Herman (Said after falling from his bike in Peewee’s Big Adventure.)
• Sayings of Avery: - H Allen Smith

1. No ball game is ever much good unless the people involved hate each other.
2. On Monday morning I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.
3. Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.
4. There’s no such thing as too much point on a pencil.
5. When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear to be at their worst.

• Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously. - Govenor Du Pont
• Harris’s Law: Any philosophy that can be put “in a nutshell” belongs there.
• Chamberlin’s Corollary to Harris’s Law: Any philosophy or viewpoint that can be expressed in a bumper sticker is probably not worthy of consideration. - Alan Chamberlin
• Jack’s Rules: - C.W. Chamberlin (Thanks Dad!)

1. A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.
2. Every man has got to ride his own broncs.

• Barzun’s Laws of Learning: - Jacques Barzun

1. The simple but difficult arts of paying attention, copying accurately, following an argument, detecting an ambiguity or a false inference, testing guesses by summoning up contrary instances, organizing one’s time and one’s thought for study - all these arts . . . cannot be taught in the air but only through the difficulties of a defined subject; they cannot be taught in one course or one year, but must be acquired gradually in dozens of connections.
2. The analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize that in the exercise of Intellect those who lack the muscles, coordination, and will power can claim no place at the training table, let alone on the playing field.

• Law of Character and Appearance: People don’t change; they only become more so. - John Bright-Holmes
• Dijkstra’s Prescription for Programming Inertia: If you don’t know what your program is supposed to do, you’d better not start writing it.
• Sadat’s Reminder: Those who invented the laws of supply and demand have no right to complain when this law works against their interest. - Anwar Sadat
• Sattingler’s Law: It works better if you plug it in.
• The Law of Tech Support Calls: The difficulty and length of the call is inversely proportional to the to the real work value the program has on the computer. The customer’s newest computer game will require 10 troubleshooting steps and 90 minutes of phone time. Their accounting package will require 2 troubleshooting steps and 20 minutes.
• Ten Great Points Abraham Lincoln Did Not Make: (although commonly ascribed to him)

1. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
2. You cannot strenghten the weak by weakening the strong.
3. You cannot help small men up by tearing big men down.
4. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
5. You cannot lift the wage-earner up by pulling the wage-payer down.
6. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
7. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
8. You cannot establish sound social security on borrowed money.
9. You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man’s initiative and independence.
10. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

And finally in honor of consultants everywhere:

• Levian’s Lament: The problem lies not with our technologies but with our systems. - Roger Levian
• Waldo’s Observation: One man’s red tape is another man’s system. - Dwight Waldo
• The Law of Project Management:

1. Running a project in this office is a lot like mating elephants - it takes a great deal of time and effort to get on top of things;
2. The whole affair is always accompanied by a great deal of noise and confusion, the culmination of which is always heralded by a loud trumpeting;
3. After which nothing comes of the effort for two years.

Please, torture me some more .

No, stop the torture .