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Bill and Hill were riding through the countryside when the limo pulled into a gas station. Hill went inside the station and was gone for a long time. When she finally came back, she said to Bill "You won't believe this. The station attendant was an old boyfriend of mine! We were once so close, we were almost married." Bill chuckled and said, "Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry him. Otherwise you would be pumping gas instead of being married to the President of the United States." She replied" That's not true." What do you mean?" Bill asked. "Willy, dear, if I had married him, you would be pumping gas now and he would be the President!"
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A man was watching TV when his wife came up to him and whacked him on the head. "What did you do that for?" he cried. "I found a paper with the name "Marylou" in your pants pocket when I was doing the laundry. "You better have a good excuse!" He replied, "That's the name of the horse I bet on at the track Saturday." The next night he was watching TV again, and once again his wife whacked him on the head. "Now what?" he demanded. She replied "Your horse called here this morning!"
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An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, George W. Bush said, "I am the President of the Untied States, being leader of 300 million people and a superpower." So he takes the first parachute and jumps out. The second passenger said, "I'm Antoine Walker, one of the best basketball players in the NBA, and the Boston Celtics need me so I can't afford to die." So he takes the second parachute and jumps out. The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said," I'm the wife of the former President of the United States, I am a US Senator, and I'm the smartest woman in the world." She takes the third chute and jumps out. The fourth passenger, Billy Graham, turns to the fifth passenger, a Boy Scout, and says," I am old and frail, and I don't have many years left. As a Christian gesture and a good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The Boy Scout replied, "That's okay, Dr. Graham, there's a parachute left for you. The smartest woman in the world took my backpack."
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A magician worked his act on a cruise ship. During his act, he had a parrot who would sit on his shoulder, to distract his audience while he performed his tricks. But lately, much to the magician's annoyance, the bird had taken to revealing the magician's secrets - "The card just went up his left sleeve, folks!", etc. The magician even threatened to kick the bird out of the act if this kept up. But the bird persisted.
One evening, during their act, there was a huge explosion in the boiler room. The ship cracked in two and sank like a rock. In the confusion, the magician was knocked out. The next morning, he awoke to find himself floating on a door in the middle of the ocean. No trace of the ship, just himself on the door, with the bird sitting on the other end of the door, staring wide-eyed at him. The bird kept staring at the magician for the rest of the day, and at sunset finally said," OK, this time you got me. Where did you hide the ship?"
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Like all pages on this site, this page is subject to constant construction/revision. If you have a good joke, pass it to us. If we like it, we'll print it here and give you credit (unless you tell us not to!)
Joke Page created August 21, 1998. Last revision November 2, 2002.
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