"I am the royal and ever-hungry highness, Effy. I co-founded the Feline World Domination Society with my sister Lucy when I was a mere 4 months old. I started by taking over the condo of a human who has proven to be quite teachable. With a minimal amount of work, I've trained her to let me out on the balcony whenever I want to go out. I've trained her to feed me what I want when I want it. And I've trained her to play blanky-monster every single night. This human was once an independent being who came and went as she pleased, read a lot of books at home, took a lot of naps, and usually slept each night all the way through. Well! Not Anymorrrrrre! Those dull and self-serving habits have been successfully erradicated and replaced with exciting cat-serving habits. If you have not thus trained your human, you should get to work now! It's fun."
