I knew that my mother would not support me in this trauma. I managed to hide it from her for 8 months. I knew I had to hide it as long as I could. My suspicions were correct. When the birthdad's mother found out, she wanted me to have an abortion but I was already too far along to do that and boy was I glad. I have never agreed with abortion as to me it was murder. My mother informed me that I would be having the baby and putting her up for adoption. Well I didn't want to. I wanted to keep the baby so my mother said if I got married she would sign for me too and we could keep our baby. I begged the bdad to marry me just until I was able to graduate and turn 18. I told him he would not be obligated to me further at that point but he still refused to help me.

Since the birthfather would not marry me but his parents put a substancial amount of money in my mother's account to take care of the expenses and relinquish the child. My mother took me to the Childrens Services I talked with a councellor there. She assured me that if I signed the papers right away my daughter would be immediately placed in a home with two parents who would love and take care of her. If I did not sign the papers then the child would be taken into foster care until I was able to take care of her. I did not want my child to go through being jostled from home to home and have an unstable life so I agreed to sign the papers at birth. I gave them all the medical history. I gave them poems I had written to my daughter. I crocheted a sweater set and also gave her other gifts that were given to me for her.

Well the day came and I went to the doctor on a Saturday morning. He told my mother that I would be delivering the baby that day and to take me over to the hospital. I was such a scared little girl. She dropped me off at the hospital and left. They gave me drugs and I didn't know if I was coming or going. They were mean to me making me go from cart to cart rolling on my stomach in full scale labor. When it was time for her to come, the put a mask over my face and I went to sleep. I was 17 years old when she was born.

The next day the caseworker came so I could sign the custody paper. I didnt know what it was at the time, I thought it was the relinquishment papers. About a month later I went in front of the judge and signed the final papers.

Being the type of girl I was, I contacted Children Services often to find out about my daughter and how she was doing. I was almost ready to graduate and had turned 18 years old. To my horror, my child was still in foster care so I told them that after I graduated I was going to take her back. The informed me that was impossible because I had already signed my rights away. She was permanently placed two months before I graduated.

I continued to check in with Children's Services, Always keeping my records updated with my married name and address and the names of my daughters brothers as they were born. I signed a paper waving my rights to privacy so that she could find me if and when she was ready. I found out later she did do that but Childrens Services refused her any information.

Shortly after my daughter turned 21 years old, I decided to launch a search for her myself. This was the summer of 1996.

She was so happy as she told me she had been searching since she was 16 years old. She lived not a 20 minute drive from me so she came to my home to meet me and her brothers the very next day. I didn't just find my beloved daugher but also found my very first grandchild. Mere words can not express the joy I felt. What a blessed time it was. We were both so overcome with emotion. We would laugh and cry. We found we looked a lot alike. We have the same mannerisms, body language and way of thinking. Our voices even sound the same.

The whole time I was pregnant with her I played the song for her `Time In A Bottle' By Jim Croce. I even played it for her after she was gone. Later I found that the song always made her cry and she didn't know why until now. She even took ballet and that was the song she played for her first dance recital. Some of the poems I wrote for her turned out to be true as in one I was focused on the future reunion. She said she felt my love for her and knew that I was very near.

We both said we would go throughout our lives looking at nametags on store clerks and restaurant personel. You see, she had my first name and maiden name also. We both agreed it was like we knew something. Somehow our hearts were connected. We are so happy to finally be together. We have bonded incredibly strong. We try not to look back at our grim past as there is nothing we can do to change that now. We have a whole future together . We are making new memories.... Only good ones.