TERRIE'S STORY

I am Terrie age 37 adoptive mom of Three, married for 15 years to Kelly, and Live in Nebraska.

Due to infetility we began our quest for a family in a rather unusual way looking for an older child to adopt we became foster parents for our state.

Our first child was a teenaged boy. He stayed with us for 15 months.

Our first adoptable child our daughter Megan, then age 7. She Came to us already freed for adoption but due to her birthmoms appeal of the termintaion, it took another 18 months to get the case heard by our state supreme court. Once heard we had a decision rahter quickly in less then a month. We adopted her three days before her 9th birthday.

This child of ours had been thru alot in her short life time, abuse abandonment and separation by her birthmom, and her birth siblings and the rest of her birth family who chose not to adopt her or her 2 birth siblings. A very angry little girl entered our lives with a lot of unknown information . We were never told alot of background information, nor were we told or given any medical information, or little facts like this child had always had problems with her relationships with women, but no one had ever asked about that so her case worker did not know that either.

When a foster child or any child is being placed on an adoptive home the regular way to do so is to slowly increase contact so the child the foster family and the new family all have a chance to get comfortable so the child has the chance to say their good byes to important people and gradually move in tot he new home. We did not get that opportunity.

We met our daughter the frist time when her current foster family needed a respite for the weekend. We knew that increased the chances of our getting to be considered to be her family so we did it, then did it once more as we knew this child had to be moved by a specific date in May of that year. No one told her this. We also did respite for a nother weekend. The night before we knew she had to be moved the foster family was going on vacation and wanted her moved before they left.

I called the foster home after 5pm was told, "Oh well geez the case worker is here now she is moving in to your house tomorrow. he says he will call you."

With little more then 24 hours notice, we became parents to a sad frightened little girl.

I then worked full time Tuesday thru Saturday, 8am to 2 pm. She had never had a foster home that the mom worked in, also she did not know this was to be a permanant home not just another foster placement. The poor child did not kjnow all thses major decisions had been made for her.

We had lots of acting out behavior lots of sexual behavior, lots of anger and greif. We were so lost for so long she never , had a honeymoon period like lots of children do where they are on the best possible behavior. Over the many years has been 10 since she came to live with us, adopted legally for the last 8 years.

It has been no bed of roses. We do love her completely has also been the most difficult child to raise of the three.

She has been in treatment for alcohol been in treatment for psychological reasons. On several occasions run away last time summer of 97 for over 6 weeks.

Now she is pregnant and considering her options adoption has been discussed. I feel that she will parent this child.

This is a long and ongoing story with this child , we love her God loves her and someday I hope she will love herself. She is a beauitiful kid who is very intelligant.

We struggle to get her thru school due to many , truancies, tardies etc. The struggle continues. We never wavered in our commitment. We are her family and will continue to do so. We promised ourselves, God and this child when she came to us and will continue to do all our days on this earth.

Next chapter:
Dale age 3, came to us as a foster child. He was a high risk if ever adoptable.

He was very developmentally delayed needed a stay home mom. I was not working that summer as a preschool teacher and we got to be his parentts for that very reason, Cute dark hair dark brown eyes. He was very tiny for his age. He had a food problems. He was very neglected by the birthmom who is severly mentally ill.

He does have alot of learning problems to this day. We adopted him shortly before he turned 6.

He was Diagnosed ADHD, on Psychiatric meds for hulucinations and other related problems This was another situation where medical history was not available to us. He was removed from the home two years before we got him and placed in foster home. He is a beautiful child, but very dificult to parent due to his impulse controls are almost non existant. He is very aggresive and anger control a problem for him as well. This seems to go with children abused and severely neglected. Even after being with us so long he still sneaks food and hordes it and they say he probably always will.

I have to be his educational advocate due to the fact that he is so delayed in readng and math skills. This year at age 11 he is a 6th grader. They say no resourse room and our IREP calls for so many minutes. They claim the resourse teacher will work with them in the reg classroom, that doesn't work for him. He needs the one on one badly so here we go again. The fun never stops.

Dale was also speech delayed and physically delayed on placement. interesting how far alot of love hugs and just consitency does in that department, He is a wonderful child and our lives are richer for having him in our home.

Child number Three: Christopher.
We met his birthmom through an adoption ad in a local paper.

We had two older children wanted to enjoy one as an infant.

We met her when she was a long time form her due date. We loved her and began a long and wonderful relationship which we reamins strong to this day. We even have had her visit her son for the frist time since he was 2 weeks old this June of 1997. He also got to meet her other 4 children who now know he exists in this word.

The meeting went great. She and her kids with him went to his school to play. He was a little frightened by it all but did fine and he came back a very happy little boy. He even gave her a hug of his own accord before she left that day.

We were involved with her the last almost 5 months of her pregnancy. We were invited to be at our son's birth which was wonderful to watch and see all she went thru to bring this beautiful child of God into this world. My hubby was the first to get to hold him then me then of course she held him.

We had the mom and pop meals for new parents at the hospital. She made them give us everything just like i had given birth myself. In our case was the moms and pop dinner wine and all the trimmings, we had a wonderful time. that is when she told us that all the parents had been signed and that was ours to pick up in the morning. I could not eat a thing.

What does one say concerning the most precious gift the gift of life and the gift of a child from someone who is your friend and like a sister? Thanks hardly seemed adequet. All we could offer, plus the gifts of a crystal heart shaped box that was inscribed with a gift of love on top and of course flowers.

We walked out together the morning they were discharged from the hospital. The nurse carried Christopher and she put our chosen name and middle name on the birth certificate and even mentioned getting Chris out of here during labor and we had no idea as to the sex of the baby. She was so positive at the hospital. She refused to give into tears or emotion. She wanted this moment to be perfect for us. She held him one last time in the lobby. Then we walked to the car. She hugged my hubby, watched me put him in our car in our car seat and said her goodbyes to me and with head held high walked to her car said she would call in a few days and left.

The nurse asked where she had gone and said she thought she could not handle it anymore and did not want me to see her tears. The nurse had wanted to hug her and tell her how much she admired her . We got in our car started towards home which was only a 2 minute drive. My hubby Kelly looked at me and I at him we bothhad tears in our eyes and said how did she do this? and we neither one could stand it.

We were so happy finally the child of dreams, but our friend was sad , we drove home to meet my parents at the house. They had met her and she had met Dale & Megan.

The night he came home she called crying I cried for her and my self . I love her so much and felt quilty for my friends pain. She and I have been good friends for over 7 years now.

He just turned 7 in June. She is my friend and like the sister I never had. I love her so much. I was there for her when another child was premature. It was a little girl, she was my sons sister and a child we might have been able to adopt to if she had lived.

Ours is not the usual story about adoption. Ours has a few interesting moments but we are a family with several extra pieces birth moms and dads. This is including birth aunts uncles etc. They are all part of our family always room for one more or two.

We are considering adotping another baby. We have the added situation that we just found out our daughter Megan is having a baby herself at the age of she will be 18. When it is born and she is considering parenting and adoption as her choices, So the family may grow by more and more.