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What you will read on the following page(s) may not seem like abuse...but believe me..it IS a very DESTRUCTIVE form of abuse. The WORST kind.....I lived with a man who continually mentally and verbally abused me until I no longer had MY life anymore. I lost MY self identity......MY self esteem....MY life....but.... I got OUT.....and .....

"It's ALL behind me - they'll never find me now"!!!!!!

"FIND YOUR SELF ESTEEM and BE FOREVER FREE TO DREAM!!!!!"
from Shania Twain's song "Black Eyes.....Blue Tears"

I lived for years with a man that I thought was the man of my dreams....my high school sweetheart....the love of my life and for years I also lived with abuse...both mental and verbal and had NO idea that is what it was. It just seemed so much a part of my life that I thought it was supposed to be that way. I was young and so in love.....I worshipped the ground he walked on. Does this sound familiar? I would like to share with you what my life was like....and maybe YOU may recognize that you, too, are being abused and losing your SELF identity, losing your ability to make decisions on your own....to be your own person. It all begins so simply......the way he controls you - the not being able to go places alone, not having friends over, simple things that you never realize you began to lose until it's too late - you are in HIS control!!

I was married for twenty four years, the first few so wonderful, so full of love that we had our first child. That should be a beautiful experience and it was....until I had NO time to go off on my own to be myself...to relieve the stress associated with being a new mother. I could not go ANYWHERE alone. I always had to take my son with me where ever I went. My husband refused to watch our son so I could have a few moments of peace to myself. I was always told "YOU" are the mother..it is "YOUR JOB" to take care of our son". OUR son???... it was ME who was raising him and ME who was taking care of our family, acreage, livestock and home. The control had begun to take hold. I was no longer free to do anything on my own again. This went on for years but during the "Good Times",and yes there were some beautiful times, we had a daughter and it began all over again. I was losing ALL sense of being my OWN person.....I was a mother now and a wife......there was NO more ME. I lost friends because I had no time to visit with them... I was now in my own little world alone on our acreage raising my two beautiful children.

The fighting began. I wanted to go places, see people but he would not allow me that priviledge and would belittle me and call me HORRIBLE DEGRADING names...My "PLACE" was with our children and our home - I didn't need to go anywhere or see anyone!!!!! Eventually, I was able to get a job....WOW!!!......to be around people again - the wonderful feeling of being OUT IN THE WORLD again, but this, too, soon faded as I had to rush home every night to take care of my family and my home. I was stuck yet again. My children would see their mommy cry when I would plead to have some 'alone' time and their dad would start in with his cruel harsh words. Why did I not leave when it started? Why did I let it go on for years? Simple.....I was a wife and a mother who was afraid to go out and try to make it on her own with two YOUNG children, so I lived with it...I thought I HAD to because I had a family to think of. I could not tear my family apart even though I was being ripped apart inside....I HAD lost any sense of self identity and the pain of his words began to kill my passion for life - Then one night, not long ago, his cruel and biting words cut TOO deep - it was time to move on and begin to live MY life again. I could no longer stand the pain of his words cutting into me.......and seeing my children crying and begging their dad to "please leave mommy alone and stop making her cry". My children, living in a home where all they'd known was fighting, yelling and the belittling of their mother, were learning life was going to be the same for them...THEY would be searching in their later lives for the same type of relationship they had grown up with...and THAT tore me apart inside!!!! THAT made me realize it was time to get MY life back on track..to think about ME for once...to be STRONG FOR MY CHILDREN and let them know that life is not like this...that they should have two parents who show love and affection toward each other.....and with the love of family and wonderful friends....I found the strength and passion for life that had been buried for so long!!!Yes, it was painful and SO very hard but - I MADE IT!!!!!.....and although it has been hard at times, I KNOW I will make it..I KNOW there is life for ME to begin living again...and let me tell you this - LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
I AM ALIVE AGAIN!!!!

If this sounds all to familiar...PLEASE.....DON'T wait until it's TOO LATE!! Take BACK YOUR LIFE!!! You CAN do it...I DID!!!!!!