For a long time I resisted the ways of attachment parenting. Mostly because what little I had heard about it always stressed breastfeeding. For a mom that had really wanted to breastfeed but wasn't able to (for the reason why I couldn't breastfeed, check out my bottlefeeding page) hearing all about how wonderfull and important it is was a bit too much. Plus I was very opposed to the family bed, that was MY AND MY HUSBANDS space, not to be "invaded" by the baby. We went happily through our lives as new mainstream parents when Kelsey was a baby. She was a very easy and content baby by nature and we never had any real "trouble" with her. She slept in our room only until she was 5m, (but NEVER in our bed) and I felt guilty for keeping her in there that long. Boy does that seem funny now! She was carried about in her car seat, not breastfed (although that part was not choice) and "ferberized" at 9m. Boy did I think had all the answers LOL! I just knew that if other parents would do thing the right way (ie the mainstream way I had done things) and not let thier children rule the roost, then they too could have well behaved, adorable children like Kelsey. I must have been really obnoxiuos :). Then came Madison......
When Maddie was born my whole world was thrown for a loop! Not only did she come 6wks early, she was NOT an easy baby. This child needed to be held and have human contact almost 24hours a day. She was breastfed, and we ended up starting the family bed out of self defense, she would simply sleep no other way! Maddie also led me to Dr. Sears. One day in the library looking up parenting books (what could I be doing wrong that she was sooo demnding?) I came across his book-Your Fussy Baby and High Needs Child. This book literally changed my life! It was such a relief to know that she really NEEDED all the night feedings and constant holding and I wasn't spoiling her by giving it to her! We bought a sling and began taking Madison into our bed when she woke at night. I was still resisting though and we put Maddie in her own bed as soon as she would stand for it (about 15m). Being so strong willed she also led us to self weaning. Although I had to wean her to bottles at about 6m she was VERY attached to her bottle. It was simply not possible to "just take it away from her" as people soooooo often told me to do. She finally did give it up when she was 3, the same day she stopped sleeping in her crib. I am very glad we let her led us on this, I believe she is a better adjusted child becuase of it. We were definatly on our way to AP but what turned us around for good was the birth of our son Ben.
Ben was also born prematurely and was very sick when he was born and had to spend 3 weeks in the NICU (if you want the whole story go to Ben's Birth Story) and then had to be rehospitalized at 7wks of age. I spent alot of time in the hospital just holding him. I couldn't bear the thought of having him circumcised, so we didn't and I'm so glad. I have since learned it is an uneccasary and painful procedure. We weren't sure whether he was even going to live so I became REALLY attached to this baby! And he was very attached to me as well. So much so that I couldn't be out of his sight for more then a minute starting when he was 2 1/2m (when he was sucessfully treated for his medical problems and began to thrive). This time though, I felt very differently about it. Being near him constantly felt so RIGHT. I stopped resisting my instincts and armed with my new info that I found on the internet I became a devotee to the AP way of life. Nothing has ever felt more right to my husband and I and our kids now sleep better and are happier in general. We have what I call a family bedroom. All of us sleep together, with two beds and a crib in the same room. Ben is carried in the sling. He will be weaned (from the bottle) when he is ready and will never be ferberized or left to cry it out. I have accepted that parenting is a round the clock job and am dedicated to meeting my children's needs 24/7.
I am so glad to have found AP! It is such a wonderful feeling to know that my insticts are there for a reason and to feel free to surrender to them. I will never again sit in one room while my baby cries in another one, my heart breaking. I will not worry obsessively about getting Ben's bottle away from him. I will teach my children that thier opinions matter, that they are important, that they have a say in thier lives. I will not force my children to move away from me before they are ready. Instead I will follow thier cues and let them grow at thier own pace, there is time enough for independance later on. They are young for such a short while! I want to be nurture thier baby and childhoods while I still have the chance.
Parent soup Attchment Parenting Message Board-
There is a very good overview of AP link at the top of the board.
Fathers of Breastfed Babies-
A website for dads, by a dad. Great info on the why's and hows of APing your baby from a guys perspecitive.
The Kidz are People too! page-a great resource page!
The Gently to Sleep Resource Page
a wonderful page about infant sleep. If you are ever tempted to "Ferberize", go here first!
Attachment Parenting: a style that works by William Sears-
Very nice excerpt from a book by my hero LOL!
DR. Sears' Online Office self explanitory LOL! I like the formula vs. breastmilk comparison. Lots of good info on AP and some on bottlfeeding as well for those of us who couldn't breastfeed.
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