To me that verse is probably one of the truest and most personal that I have yet read, because my story is a good example of it. The truth of Christ faded in and out of my life in different shades and colors until I finally got planted in some good soil.

I was born and raised in Grosse Pointe, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit, and was brought up in the United Methodist Church. As far back as I can remember, church was an important part of my family's life. My mother taught Sunday school and brought me up very well on strong Biblical principles. I grew up learning about all the Bible stories like Noah's Ark, the things Jesus did, the Golden Rule, and the true meaning of Christmas which made it a wonderful time of year. Church brought many comforting memories of childhood; it felt safe and they had good punch & cookies. I never completely understood how relevant it all was to life in general, but perhaps I was too young to really understand. I knew Jesus died on the cross, but why? For my sins? Did he really rise from the dead? Satan and Judgment Day are real? These are the questions I may have raised if I had known to ask them. I didn't know. Church was a fun place to go on Sundays, but eventually it seemed just a "place to go."

My younger brother Jonathan was born with a learning disability, and it wasn't until he was 10 years old that we knew for certain it was autism. For awhile, there was a special ed. Teacher at the church who was able to teach Jonathan on Sundays during the service. But that teacher eventually had to move away, and after a few feeble attempts the church neglected to continue any special program for Jonathan. With Jonathan being a handful to take care of, not to mention me and my other younger brother Daniel, it became hard for us to participate in church. My mother felt betrayed by the church's negligence and we stopped going there. For some reason we didn't bother to seek out another church. It was apparently no longer an important part of my family's lives, hence it was no longer part of mine. Besides, none of my friends went there, and things like school, girls and heavy metal music were definitely more interesting.

By this time I was in high school, and afterwards went to University of Michigan to study art and film. Through that period of my life I had no solid beliefs about God to speak of. I was a typical agnostic, sometimes bordering on atheism, though I sensed there was probably still something out there, not a bearded man in the sky as I thought before, but some kind of higher power, maybe. I didn't know, and for the most part, didn't care. I flippantly joked about living by my own religion. I had never really prayed before, at least not out loud, nor had I ever felt a spiritual presence or felt like I was actually talking to God or anybody. It seemed more like leaving a message on an answering machine than talking to someone…HELLO, THIS IS GOD. I'M NOT HERE RIGHT NOW…(ACTUALLY, I'M EVERYWHERE, BUT YOU DON'T REALIZE THAT) SO LEAVE ME A MESSAGE AT THE SOUND OF THE ANGEL'S TRUMPET. *Click*

My second year of college was a particularly dark time in my life. It was a period of identity crisis, great frustration, and artistic slumps. It was preceded by the death of my grandfather, who my whole family admired greatly, and the bitter end of a long-term romantic relationship all in one blow. There were some good times that year, but in many ways, things were not so good. My attitude and public persona was one of dark bitterness and lots of anger, largely directed at the fact that my parents' marriage was falling apart, continuing in a downward spiral. At home there hung a heavy fog of resentment that was almost unbearable at times, and to this day there's been practically no reconciliation or forgiveness. Throughout my college years I had expressed my anger and opened up to my parents, particularly my father, and found it in my heart to forgive them, but the fact that the situation never changed would eventually start the whole cycle of frustration over again.

Later in college I was introduced to some Christians through a friend of mine, and was open-minded enough to let them go through a pamphlet with me explaining the basics of Christianity and having a relationship with God. At the time it made sense to me in a way it had never been explained to me before, and I accepted it…kind of. I needed all the help I could get at that time in my life, so I figured "Eh, that's cool." Yet nobody explained to me the importance of sharing and learning with other believers, or attending church or Bible studies for accountability and support. I started keeping a Bible on my bookshelf but never really read it. One time on a whim I went to a contemporary youth worship "service," and left halfway through; I didn't really get it. It wasn't a complete or sincere repentance by any means, mostly because there was no change in me or my lifestyle. The only thing that had changed was my attitude towards it all, which was much more open-minded but still not understanding. (Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away…)

After college I drove across the country to Vancouver to study animation at the Vancouver Institute of Media Arts. About 3 months into the course I took, one of my classmates invited all of us in the class to a free Christmas dinner thrown by an Alpha group at her church. Many of us went, since the golden rule of being a student is NEVER TURN DOWN FREE FOOD! After dinner they showed a video and a few people shared their testimonies, and I found it very interesting. I thought, Hmmm here's that Christianity stuff popping up again. Could there be something special to it? Shortly afterwards I went home to Michigan for Christmas and decided that upon returning to Vancouver I would start attending Alpha classes to learn more. Another impetus for it was that I knew that someday I wanted a family, and I wanted to figure out exactly what I believed, so I could instill that in my future children.

But Satan found out I was close to finding out the truth about God, so he threw something in my path. (Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts…) A book I'd read about the classical mythology references in the Star Wars trilogy led me to discover some other books that I began fervently reading on comparative religion and mythology by Joseph Campbell. These books filled my head with so many ideas and theories that, as I understand them now, are in dangerous contradiction and mockery to true Christianity. I found these studies endlessly fascinating, and began liking and believing what they said: interpreting the Bible as historical fact is a misunderstanding of the metaphors it really suggests; God is not out there, he's in here; He wouldn't exist if we didn't; find "the Force" inside you; kill your God and see the radiance within; Christ and Buddha are the same figure; all religions lead to God…bliss…maya…AUM…. These barely scratch the surface of the New Age pantheistic philosophies I adopted. After seeing things this way, I went to another Alpha meeting in great confusion. Nothing clicked. I thought these people were narrow-minded and taking things too literally. I decided I didn't want to label myself as a Christian. I could find all the spiritual power and wisdom I needed through myths, through other people, and mostly through myself. I had many experiences of "synchronicity" and spiritual presence around this time, "finding myself" as a lone artist in Vancouver. I felt very much at peace with myself and God, who I believed was guiding me along towards my dreams, (according to my will.) I even pondered the idea of getting into Transcendental Meditation for awhile…

And then I met a young lady at the animation school named Janet Worth. We'd been friends since September '99, and I knew pretty much from the start that she was a Christian, which didn't bother me, but when I asked her out it concerned her a bit, me with my dark aura about me. Eventually she felt that she had been called into my life to teach me. Early on in our relationship we had many discussions about God, what she believed and what I thought I believed. Eventually there arose a severe conflict, not between me and Janet, but more within myself. I agonized and thought hard with great frustration about what made sense to me, realizing more and more that our views were different, and I didn't want that to get in the way of our relationship. I asked her lots of questions, and read books that her church's pastor Dave Esau lent me, and my mind was starting to change more everyday. I was starting to realize I had been led astray by all of that New Age thinking, though it wasn't an easy realization. I was slowly discovering the truth of Jesus Christ being the only Son of God, and the only way to Him.

Janet's mom Vickie was an inspiring Christian whose faith helped her get through many years of pain and physical limitations due to post-polio and heart troubles. A significant blessing came to me in a note that she wrote me, that said:

Dear Ken, Came across some verses that have brought me great comfort over the past few years and thought I would share them with you. As you journey to seek the truth about the Lord, may they encourage you!
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

On March 27, Janet and I went to Victoria for a day trip, and on the ferry ride back, got into another discussion about God, religion, etc. Janet told me, "You understand it better than you know, you're almost there; you just need a little push." The next day I got more than a little push.

Vickie invited me over to the house for dinner with the family. (At this point I had only known Janet's family for almost two months.) I wasn't sure if I would be free that night, but it turned out I had nothing to do so I went over. Everything was warm and happy as Vickie prepared dinner and her husband John watched TV. I felt welcome. As Vickie was getting dinner out of the oven, it slipped and she dropped it on the floor. She was very embarrassed, and her family helped her clean it up and calm her down. Eventually we were all able to laugh about it. Then with almost no warning, as Vickie stood by the kitchen sink, she fell backwards into her son Michael's arms. We later found out it was a heart attack. Janet called 911, paramedics came, relatives and friends were called over. My first thought was that she had merely fainted, but as time went on I knew it had to be much more serious. I was in a numb state of shock this whole time; I couldn't believe it was really happening. As the ambulance prepared to take her to the ER I got very scared. I wasn't about to let this happen. I remember the image of Janet with her hand against the window, looking down on the ambulance in the driveway. Later she told me that was when God told her that her mother wasn't going to make it.

Janet and I went downstairs to the TV room and sat on the couch as we tried to comfort each other. All we could do was wait and pray. Janet told me what she believed might happen, and I refused to believe it. She started reciting Psalm 23, and that's when I lost it. We clutched each other sobbing as she prayed. She then said that God was listening for me now, so I prayed for Him to not take Vickie away, that we wanted her at our wedding, that we wanted her to see her grandchildren, that I wanted to learn more from her, but that I knew He would take care of her and stop her pain if she died. For the first time, I felt a strange floaty sensation and felt some sort of presence there, like I actually was talking to someone. Some people speak of having a vision of Jesus when that happens. It didn't happen exactly that way for me, but I do remember vividly with my eyes shut tight seeing a cross in the darkness, and saying, "God, I think I can call myself a Christian now." And Janet said, "Welcome home." Immediately after that, the phone rang and the paramedics said Vickie's heart had at least started beating again. Janet told me, "God speaks very loudly to us sometimes. He must have a huge plan for you to be speaking to you this loud."

After a day or two of waiting, we found that my first real prayer wasn't answered the way we had hoped. The heart attack had caused too much damage to her brain, and after we all had a chance to say good-bye, Vickie Worth passed away that following Saturday.

Vickie Worth
1955-2000

Me and Janet with Pastor Dave Esau, at the planting of Vickie's memorial tree.

Since then I've seen many miracles and had many struggles; dealing with the grief of Vickie's death was hard for all of us, especially for someone who is new to the Christian faith! But it got me through it, even as I had many doubts and been nearly broken by Satan, who wrestled me around for awhile trying to kill my faith. Realizing that I had a genetically inherited case of clinical depression that needed medication didn't make things any easier; Satan fed on that in a big way. It was a nightmarish experience, and led me to believe that spiritual warfare in our hearts is very real. God and Satan, angels and demons are not symbols or myths, my friends, they are REAL, and darkness will always try its damnedest to keep people out of the light. But as the VeggieTales sing, "God is bigger than the Boogeyman", and with the help of Janet's family and many people at our church, I've managed to endure, learn, grow, and see gradual changes in myself that surprise me everyday. My values, opinions, and tastes in pop culture have turned around in numerous ways; the "old me" is but a shadow, and I've been born to a new life and experience of seeing the world. (But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.) The summer of 2000 I found myself making the two of the most important decisions of commitment anyone can make: finding both my Lord and my wife-to-be! The night I proposed to Janet, I prayed for God to give me some reassurance that what I was doing was His will for me, and opened up my Bible strangely enough to Jeremiah 29:11, plans for a hope and a future. We were married on June 30th, 2001.

The biggest difference in how I related to God before, versus how I relate to Him now is this: I used to think that God was a person or a force that would give me everything I needed according to my will and my timing, something that would help me accomplish my dreams my own way. I believe God knows what dreams are in everyone's heart, and He rewards all those who seek Him out. But to fully honor and appreciate what God can offer, one must give up all pride and control, and let Him take over the driver's seat. We're all just along for the ride, and the driver knows us all, because He created us, and He wants to show us the highway He's paved for us. In a culture that pushes self-help, self-reliance, and personal selfish ambition, this is not an easy task, but it's worth it, and it's easier than driving without a map or by trying to create your own. The bottom line is, we can't save ourselves or live full, satisfying lives completely on our own; we need God. I have simply put my trust in Him to guide me one day at a time through the life He has planned for me. Many of my past insecurities, fears, and worries are no longer consuming me. I'm still not perfect, and I never will be in this life. So what if I was? I wouldn't need God then. I'm not perfect, just forgiven, and when I die, I'm going to Heaven forever. Sometimes I wish I would have discovered Him sooner in my life, but then I realize that when I look back over everything I've experienced, I see He was always there, waiting for the right moment to find me and open my eyes, and His timing has been perfect. In animation and comedy, timing is everything, and it's the same with God.

Ya still with me? To the person reading this who hasn't found this peaceful and empowering relationship in their life, I hope my story has made you think. Remember, you're certainly not alone. All you need to do is turn on the news or read the Hollywood papers to see that there are millions of people in this world who are in desperate need of God. In fact, I believe there is NOBODY who isn't.

The main reason I have put my testimony on the Internet is the hope that it would reach as many people as possible, and play a part in helping them give their lives to Christ. Whether you are already a Christian or want to become one, or don't think you want to become one, this is my story, this is my experience, take it or leave it. Here are some comments I've received via e-mail so far about my testimony:

I really appreciate your taking the time to write how you came to God and I am getting there. I have known for awhile he was working on me, I can feel it. His timing is perfect as you say and I am sure he will let me know. Thanks again, Your story touched me very much. Vickie is with God.

Hello, Kenneth,
Thank you for your comments on my guestbook page. And thanks for putting a link to my site on your site.
I read your story --- it really shows the amazing power of God and His grace!
God bless you and Janet on your marriage.
in His grace, Marcia Montenegro (webmaster of Christian Answers for the New Age: see link below)

Greetings to you in the mighty name of Jesus our soon coming King. I was doing a research for my youth team "the good soil" and I thought the topic made no sense at first, then for some reason I turn on my computer and I typed in my topic, and there you were on my computer, you did not only help me with my research, but you help me to realize that I need to do more for God and appreciate him more. I realize that he gave me so much and I am not giving anything back. As a Christian sometimes I don't think I am on the right road. I am 16 and I mess up so many times but realize that God never fails me yet. He is a good God. I love you and your family thank you very much for changing my life God Bless You and good luck on your wedding.
Kayan O'connor

As I said in my first mail, I was doing a research on the good soil, and I just typed in the words "the good soil" and there at the top of my list was you site, and I can't thank you enough. I am from Jamaica, and I live in Rochdale. God bless you. Yours in Christ Kayan O'Connor PS please pray for me.

Kenneth---
I just want you to know I stumbled across your testimony today. I was glad to run into it because you remind me so much of myself.
I was around 26 before I hit identity crisis. I can't say that I've ever really talked with anyone who really understands what I mean when I talk about identity crisis. Although I think many people approach the border of the crisis... I'm not sure that everyone wades the water to the other side. I believe you and I both have. Thank God that I'm not the only one.
Jesus picked me up also when I was broken.
Bruce
p.s. I had to do it my way first... then I tried Gods way.

My prayer for you reading this is that you will explore. That you will look at the world, look at your life, look at the lives of people you love and people you hate and wonder what it all means, and where it all came from. That you will walk through a forest or watch the flight of birds and wonder how it's all real. That you will marvel at the design of a seashell or a flower and wish you knew how it came to be, or that you wish you could talk to the designer. (You can!) That you will realize ultimately how grateful you should be that you are alive, in this divine, absurd tragedy called the Universe. That you will come to know PERSONALLY the God who created all of this for you, and who came to this planet as Jesus Christ, died and rose again, so that you could do the same. And my prayer is that you will find yourself broken, humbled, and on your knees praising the God who is right next to you….waiting.

*So what do I do?*

Realize that you are a sinner that can only be saved by the grace of Jesus Christ, and simply ask Him to come into your heart and change you. Tell Him you're sorry for the things you've done that are wrong. Thank Him for dying on the cross for your sins. Tell Him that you will obey and follow Him for the rest of your life. Read the New Testament in the Bible and seek out a pastor, church group (Alpha, Bible Study) or Christian friend who can guide you. The Christian life is not a solitary one, except when you pray alone to God. You must also pray with and for others, and be involved in fellowship. It doesn't mean you won't face struggles or sorrow, but the peace and the lifestyle that counter-balances all that is the greatest gift in the world. Making this decision, this step of faith in becoming a Christian, is the reason you are here on this planet, and it is the only way to live forever with God in Heaven. Today could be the day you change your life for the better, forever.

I close with a quote from the movie American Beauty:
"You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry...you will someday."

God Bless,
Ken

CHRISTIAN LINKS
Like to find out more? Check out these highly informative "web sights..."
Alpha North America
www.lamblion.com
www.christian.com
www.christian-faith.com
Getting There is Half the Problem
My brother-in-law Mike's web sight. Contains some beautiful reflections on his mother Vickie, her life and death from his perspective.
HollywoodJesus
Awesome site with spiritual insights and movie reviews! Highly recommended.

These sites are especially useful for deciphering questions about the "unity" of all religions and the New Age movement.
Many Paths to One Goal?
Christian Answers for the New Age
www.answers.org
For a very good analysis of Joseph Campbell's deceptive "theology" vs. the Christian truth, click here.

RECOMMENDED BOOKS
The Holy Bible: New International Version
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
You Must Be Joking! by Michael Green
Jesus Among Other Gods by Ravi Zacharias

Questions/Comments/Prayer Requests
Send me an E-mail!

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