The Geek Space Dominion

Page 7

Garden Slug Love By Dorse Napel A few weeks ago 2,000 garden slugs were accidentally let loose on the Promenade. Fortunately, 1,999 of these slugs were recaptured. What happened to the remaining slug? It was discovered yesterday in Captain Sikto's office. Captain Sikto found it by sitting on it by accident, he stood up quickly unaccustomed to finding slimy, wet things in his chair. He turned around and that's when he discovered it. He was about to call Oddo and tell him to come and arrest the slug for sitting in his chair without permission, when the slug launched itself into the air. The slug landed on Captain Sikto's face where it remains. It seems to be in love with him. With the garden slug on his face, Sikto can only communicate with hand motions or by writing on a piece of paper. Opinions on Captain Sikto's predicament are: "It's not my fault." -Doctor Bash-up "Hey, I like slugs!" - Lieutenant Commander Dux "I think he looks cuter like that." -Leacher Commander Sikto has slug problems. Dux Dead By Dorse Napel Late this afternoon Doctor Bash-up recorded a death. It was the death of Lieutenant Commander Judzia Dux. He was unable to bring her out of the coma she had been in since hearing one of Uncle Miles's story'ies, and had died. There was a funeral a half an hour later where Captain Sikto and the rest of the crew said a few words. Then, as a final salute to Dux, she was jettisoned into space in an empty torpedo shell where she is as of now heading directly for the sun of a nearby solar system. This just in!! Dux is not dead!! Doctor Bash-up made a mistake, she was just sleeping very soundly. This was discovered when an emergency distress signal was received from the empty torpedo shell that is currently speeding towards the sun. Captain Sikto has sent theUSS Deafy Ant to retrieve Dux and the torpedo shell. He says that the station is one shell short for it's torpedoes so he has to get the one Dux is in and use it. Sleeping Sickness Takes GS9 by Storm By Dorse Napel Today a sleeping sickness has taken Geek Space Nine by storm. It started out in Qwak's bar (which is being run by his brother Rum until Qwak comes back from the Klingoff empire), Baaaaaaap was drinking a cup of prune juice when he suddenly fell asleep. All attempts by Wharf, the replacement doctor until we can wake Bash-up up (he's been affected by the ailment too), failed. With Major Key-rack on Till trying to become a Till initiate and Captain Sikto under the influence of a garden slug, that leaves Lieutenant Commander Dux in charge. Unfortunately, Commander Dux is at this moment heading for the sun in an empty torpedo shell... We're sorry, the reporter writing this article has just succumbed to the sleeping sickness and cannot finish writing it. We're sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Have a nice day. Sleeping Sickness Gone Dorse Napel The sleeping sickness that took GS9 by storm a few days ago has now ended. Everyone on the station was awakened by a strange humming noise that coming from Oddo's office. It seems that he was not affected and he was enjoying the peace and quiet. He was enjoying it so much that he started humming "Three Blind Mice" followed by "Hot Cross Buns". The terrible noise woke everyone up and therefore ended the sickness. Oddo, who was terribly embarrassed by the whole ordeal disappeared into the ventilation system and hasn't been seen since. Next Column

Klueless Gives Bash-up a Scare By Dorse Napel This morning at 700 hours, Doctor Bash-up was working on an experiment in the infirmary, when he heard a strange noise. He turned around to see the legendary Klueless of the Klingoff empire. Klueless, who had allegedly been dead for a very long time, roared and started to chase Bash-up around the infirmary. Bash-up ran out of the infirmary after his third circling of it, and onto the Promenade, screaming loudly. Being such an early hour in the morning, not many people were awake to hear Doctor Bash-up's screaming. Unfortunately at that very time Chief Oh Brain was walking down the Promenade. Bash-up slammed into him running at full speed and caused minor injury to the chief's thumb. Oddo, who was woken by this ruckus, crawled out of the ventilation system, and went to investigate. He arrested Klueless for disturbing the peace and he gave Bash-up a one day suspension from going to play in the holosours. Oh Brain was treated for his minor injury and released back to work with a "Hello Kitty" pink band-aid on his thumb within three minutes of the medical team's arrival. Slug a Detachee By Jerome Wetzel When Sikto awoke from the sleeping sickness, he discovered the slug had detached from his face. Apparently, it was the only one who had stayed awake (besides Oddo) and it now considered Sikto a lower life form. It was captured like the rest of the slugs and sent to the station's zoological garden. Wharf Experiences Prune Slippage By Dorse Napel Late last night, after a really boring day, Wharf was walking through Qwak's bar. He was waving to another Klingoff when he stepped on a discarded prune that was on the floor, and slipped. Wharf, being so heavy, made a hole a in the floor and gave one of the visiting admirals a very, nice skylight. Unfortunately, Wharf landed on the admiral and the poor admiral will be unable to enjoy her new skylight. Qwak has been charged for careless usage of prunes. Qwak Leads Klingoff Empire By Dorse Napel Today, Gown-on, the leader of the Klingoff empire came to Geek Space Nine. He asked Wharf if he would like to be the leader of the Klingoff empire while he went on vacation, and Wharf declined. So Qwak volunteered and Gown-in has made him Klingoff ruler until he comes back from his vacation. His first official move as ruler of the Klingoffs was to order all the birds-of-play to surround Earth and hold it hostage for six million bars of gold-pressed latinum. Starfeet has ordered the USS Deafy Ant to come to Earth and try and talk some sense into Qwak but Captain Sikto got lost on the way to Earth. Over sub-space communications he said "I knew I should have turned left at the wormhole!!!" Sikto Goes A.W.O.L. By Dorse Napel This morning Commander Benji Sikto was busy putting together a four-piece jig-saw puzzle when he stood up shouting "I just can't do it!!" Lieutenant Judzia Dux ran into his office to see what was wrong and Commander Sikto threw the puzzle at her. The puzzle hit her in the face causing injury to her spots. She called Oddo and Doctor Bash-up to stop Sikto as he went into a round of maniacal laughing. Sikto, however would not be stopped, he ran out of his office leaving Lieutenant Dux on the floor holding her head. Oddo nearly caught Commander Sikto but he didn't. Sikto managed to escape by stealing the USS Unreliant. Meanwhile, Doctor Bash-up took Dux to the infirmary where, before losing consciousness she whispered, "He had the strength of ten water-filled sponges." When asked where he thought his father would go, Gate Sikto answered: "Mee not know where Dadda go." Then he started to suck his thumb. Also asked was Sikto's girlfriend Closing Gates, she responded with this: "He's gone? Hurrah!!!! Hur-I mean, oh no, I have no idea where he could have gone."

Next Issue: Valued Station Member Dies!

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