A spokesman for the National Rifle Association said in a statement that due to the overwhelming support they’ve received recently on this issue, the lobbying group is going to go ahead with plans to endorse a White House backed bill that would enable high school aged Nerds, Geeks and Outcasts to carry concealed weapons into class. A similar bill was recently passed in New Mexico allowing women to carry concealed weapons in public. “The next logical step in this process is to arm high school students,” Charlton Heston, the president of the NRA told reporters at a Washington press conference.

“We need to ensure the safety of Americas high schools by giving unpopular students, the downtrodden and the infirm the right to bare arms. If they know a student has a gun, Jocks and Bullies will think twice before attacking them.”

The aging actor then raised his fist in the air and shouted “Out of my cold dead hands!” above a picture of a dead ape. He then quickly left the press conference for a recording session in which he will be making audiotapes that teach children the moral and ethical values of the Bible such as “Thou shall not kill.”

The proposed bill has gained lots of support not only by disgruntled teens, but by parents and community leaders, particularly those concerned that their children might be potential victims of another Columbine type massacre. One parent of a high school football quarterback said:

“My son has a good throwing arm. Best arm in the Mid West Division. Thing is, when he’s not tossing the pigskin, he’s using that arm to beat down those little degenerates that like to hang out, outside the shopping mall. Now if one of them were to get a gun and bring it to school I want my son to be able to fire back. Cause a football isn’t the only thing he has dead aim with.”

Some people aren’t so sure that more guns are the right answer to the growing school violence epidemic. One high school cheerleader commented onthe subject saying that:

“Like, I don’t think that, like people should have guns. I mean like, why can’t all the weird kids just shop at the Gap like us? Like- I Like puppies. Everyone should have a puppy instead of a gun.”

However the bill is gaining support from other community leaders such as William “One Nut” Brashefski, a student from a suburb just outside of Cleveland, Ohio.

“I think it’s about time people around here showed us some respect. If you got a gun, that means respect, people will leave you alone. No gun, no respect. And that damn wrestling team is going to learn to respect The Dorks of Death.”

Senator Jesse Helms, an outspoken civil rights leader, agrees that the time has come to enable our young people to protect themselves from the threats posed in today’s suburban high schools.

“When I was growing up we didn’t have all this violent television with cussin’ and sex. They see a man cussin’ and in bed with a woman and that makes em want to kill. It’s just common sense that- that will have an effect on a young person. Just as much as all these colored people running around on TV today.”

In response to the bad accuracy of some shooters, such as the recent killer in California, as part of the campaign for the new bill, the NRA is releasing a computer based target practice game to help students with their shooting skills on high school campuses. Tentatively named “Trench Coat Mafia,” the game is slated to be released this May just in time for high school graduation ceremonies.

Game play takes place when students armed with semiautomatic weapons that the NRA successfully stopped gun control legislation for, take aim at abusive athletes and bullies, threw several levels of play eventually battling it out with ATF officers in the high school cafeteria. The National Rifle Association hopes the game will improve the marksmanship of all students who plan to take advantage of the new law. Attorney General John Aschcroft saw the bill as a sign from God that all good Christians will finally be able to protect the homeland in the ways that He intended.

“I’m very excited for Americas future, because The Great Provider has blessed us with His Word. This law is going to do wondrous and great things for the American people, just like the Taliban did for Afghanistan.”

The legislation, exuberantly endorsed by President Bush who was seen celebrating while shooting on the White House lawn with a twelve gage shot gun at former Clinton pet, Socks the Cat. The law is expected to be easily passed by both the House and the Senate and should be in effect by next year.