Chapter 1

Jessica and I had camped outside of MTV studios all night in hopes of getting inside. The Backstreet Boys were here for the next two hours and we wanted to get to talk to them. Jessica and I flew all night from Los Angeles and arrived at 6 a.m. There was already a crowd in Times Square but we didn't care. We checked into our hotel and fixed our hair and headed back over to MTV Studios. We were totally decked out in BSB attire. Hat, shirt, Jeans with the patches, Jessica was an artist she painted Nick's face on my cheek and Kevin's face on her cheek. We stood out like a sore thumb. We were both chosen because we were the most obvious fans and we had also traveled the farthest to get here. We were allowed in one hour before the interview was to begin. We were so excited and nervous at the same time. The journey was starting to take it's toll on us though. We'd been up since 6 a.m. yesterday morning and it was now 11 a.m. Jessica and I popped another no doze and waited anxiously with the rest of the studio. A few of the producers came around and asked everyone a few questions. That's how we knew we had traveled the farthest. We met some really cool people there and then Carson Daly came out and started talking to the audience. He's much cuter in person. He's very cute and friendly too. Finally they started counting down the minutes to the BSB's arrival. Jessica and I were sitting right up front. We were so damn luck to even be inside. 10 minutes to go. I had to pee but I would hold it for the next two hours. Jessica wouldn't shut up about Kevin. She had for him a stuffed animal with a button attached to it with her phone number. Me I had beanie babies for my baby. Even though I knew he had all of them, I bought him the full size ones. They might not be what he collected but I had a few rare tiny ones too. 5 minutes until the BSB's. Damn, this waiting was killing me. I was hoping that I wouldn't cry. This would be the closest I'd be to my Nick ever. Jessica kept saying she thought the fellas would walk right in front of us. I was praying she was right. 4 minutes until the BSB's. The crowd was on their feet now and everyone was cheering. I started shaking. "Why am I shaking?" I asked Jessica. "Because your future husband is about to walk through that door any minute now." 3 minutes until the BSB's Carson announced. I could feel my tears begin to betray me. "I don't think I'm going to be able to hold it together." She grabbed my hand and then 2 minutes was announced. "Damn! I can't stand it." I sat down and then quickly stood up as the program started. Everyone was cheering and then Carson introduced the fellas. In they walked. Everyone rushed the door. But I couldn't move. I just stood there and cried. The fellas one by one walked right by me. They all filed right in front of us. I couldn't stop shaking long enough to shake hands. Then Nick was in front of me. He wiped the tear from my eye and I held up my Leopard giant Beanie. He thanked me for it and then he took a seat not 6 feet in front of me. Jessica was mad because she wasn't as close to Kevin. I had embroidered my phone number on the paw of the Beanie. I didn't tell Jessica that though. Nick played with the beanie and he turned and mouthed, "Where did you get this?" "Toys R Us." He smiled and waved at me. Jessica was dying. Nick kept the leopard on his lap. He kept petting it as if it was real. Damn how I wish that was me. Hee hee. Anyway the interview started once everyone shut up. They all talked about what they were doing now that they were finished with their tour for a few months. They were in the process of writing another album. Then one of the producers came by and asked if Jessica and I had any questions? "Heck yes! We have lots." "You only get to ask one." "Okay, yes we have one question." The producer said after we come back from commercial Carson would open it up for questions. Since Jessica and I traveled the farthest we'd get to go first. The producer left and I noticed Nick staring at me so I smiled back. He smiled at me and picked up the leopard and made the paw wave at me too. I turned to look at Jessica to see if she had seen it. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, she'd seen it. They broke for commercial and the guys signed autographs. I held out my CD to Nick and he signed it. He also wrote a phone number on the CD case too. I showed Jessica. Kevin had written the same number on hers. We both stifled a scream and then the producer pulled me aside and told me I'd be going first and then Jessica would get to ask her question. My butterflies had butterflies as I tried to think of something to ask without sounding childish or embarrassing myself. If nothing else, Nick had wiped my tears and waved to me and signed my CD, not to mention left me a phone number. This trip was well worth it already. One of the producers was counting us back from the commercial. The crowd went wild again and then Carson again introduced the BSB's to us and then opened it up for questions. Carson said, "We have Kim from California who traveled the farthest today. Kim what is your question?"

Chapter 2

Before I had a chance to ask Nick asked, "where in California?" I said, "Orange County." "I know it. When did you arrive?" "I flew in on the red eye last night." They all said I looked amazingly good for not sleeping. "Did you sleep on the airplane?" "Heck no, I was coming to see you, who could sleep?" Everyone laughed. Then Brian thanked me for coming all this way to see them. "When do you go back?" Brian asked. "Tomorrow night." "That must have be expensive." "No, we work for the airline so weI fly free." Jessica waved to Kevin. Again they laughed. So Carson interrupted by saying, "we only have two hours what did I want to ask them?" "It's my birthday," under my breath I said in November, "and I was hoping you'd like to go out with us tonight?" They all laughed at that. "Hey, it's her birthday guys." Nick said, "what did you say about November?" I smiled and just shrugged my shoulders. They thought it was funny so I grabbed Jessica's room key and threw it to Nick. Everyone busted up laughing at that. "Don't disappoint a fan on national tv now." Then I had to sit down. Jessica stood up and her question was for Kevin. She and Kevin had some major eye contact going on. "Kevin, can I touch your eyebrows?" Even I laughed at that. She apologized as she had traveled all night with me and was low on sleep, but she's always found his eye's sexy. Kevin stood up and walked over to her and she ran her fingers across his eyebrows. The screams that came from the audience. Kevin leaned in and whispered something in her ear and she sat down blushing. "What did he say?" "The phone number is to his hotel and to call him after the interview." I compared phone numbers. They were at the same hotel. I flipped the CD over and found a room number. I turned Jessica's over and she had a room number too. I looked up to see Nick smiling at me. I mouthed to him, "is this for real?" He just nodded his head. Someone had asked a stupid question. "What's your favorite color?" Who the hell cares I was thinking. We broke for another commercial and Carson asked the guys who they wanted to play a game with. Nick told him me and Brian picked some a girl in the back. AJ picked a biker looking girl. Kevin picked Jessica and Howie picked a little girl. She must have been about 10. We were called up to sit with each Backstreet Boy to test our knowledge of the guy we were sitting with. No sweat I knew everything. I've read every book, every magazine article. Everything. Jessica knew just about everything about Kevin too. We came back from commercial and I was sitting with Nick. Sigh! Jessica was with Kevin and we just locked eyes. We couldn't believe this was happening. Jess and I always joked that we would be with the fellas in New York so I'm sure our friends were shocked to see us sitting with them now. Carson had us each introduce ourselves and give a shout out if we wanted to. When it was my turn I introduced myself and said, "ha ha Jamie, I'm sitting with Nick." Then Nick stuck his face in my shot. I mean his cheek was up against my cheek. I knew my friend Jamie was probably dying right now. She has this thing whenever I get to aggressive with Nick being mine. She says just walk away Jamie, just walk away. I had to laugh. Carson explained the rules of the game and the grand prize was 2 backstage passes to the BSB's next concert and a night out on the town in New York all expenses paid. Jess and I gave each other the thumbs up sign, as we knew one of us would win. Each time we got a question right the guys would have to put a sticker on us. Nick would actually touch me. I was shaking again I was so nervous. Nick held my hand and told me to relax. I looked over at Jessica who was trying to make her self shake so Kevin would hold her hand. I laughed out loud and it surprised even me. Carson asked if I was all right? "Yep, jet lag I guess." They laughed and Carson asked the first question. "Which BSB had heart surgery?" I was on the buzzer first. "Brian!" I got a sticker. Nick placed it on my shoulder. "Which BSB where's a size 11 shoe?" Me again. "Nick!" "Yep, okay now they are going to get harder. Which BSB was born in 1973?" Jessica said Howie and she got the sticker. It went on like that for ten minutes. Jessica and I shut out the other three contestants. They never got a chance to answer. I won because I knew what time Nick Carter was born. Jessica didn't know. But since it was for two, we both one if you know what I mean. I also received 10 gold CD's signifying some accomplishment. The fellas all oooh and aahhed over it. They didn't even have one. Once we were out of commercial. Nick hugged me and asked me to call him. I said, "for real?" He said yes. I carried my picture frame back to my seat and all the people around me were admiring it. They sang a few songs and then the interview was over. It was a fast two hours. They mingled a little and then we had to leave. Nick looked at me and made the call me later sign. You know the hang ten sign held up to his face? Well we couldn't get out of there fast enough. We tried to catch a taxi but no such luck. We had to walk like two blocks before we were able to hail a cab. We got some food and then I called Nick. He wasn't back to his hotel room yet so I left a message. Jessica called Kevin too. Then we set the alarm for 6 p.m. and went to sleep. We weren't even sleeping an hour when the phone rang. We both jumped out of bed and grabbed for the phone. Jessica got there first. "Hello?" She said.

Chapter 3

It was Kevin calling for Jessica. I was hoping it was Nick. I asked Jessica to see if Nick was there, but she kept brushing me off. So I turned over and went back to sleep. I was tired anyway. I don't know how long she talked for but when I woke up at 6 she was asleep. Nick hadn't called. I was bummed. Well, I was going to enjoy the city since I was here anyway. I woke Jessica up and she said, "what time is it?" "6:15 p.m." She screamed an expletive and said we had to meet the guys in 45 minutes. "What?" I screamed. "What guys are we meeting?" "Nick and Kevin." "Did Nick call?" I asked. "No, but Kevin set us up on a double date in honor of your birthday." We both laughed. My birthday wasn't until November. But hey what works, works. We changed and got dressed as fast as we could. We were to meet them in the lobby of our hotel. I was nervous now. Excited, but nervous. Jessica and I headed down the elevator at 5 minutes to 7. I was starving and was hoping this date involved food. We were both refreshed and ready to take on whatever came our way. Kevin and Nick were both at the bar. They both were working on their second beer. We walked up and said hello. They turned and said hi and we sat down next to them. Nick wished me a happy birthday and I thanked him. He had only missed it by two months so I didn't correct him. Kevin and Jessica were deep in conversation all ready. Nick thanked me for the leopard again. He said," it's so soft and I've never seen Ty Beanies that big before." "I collect Ty Beanies and I found a few at a craft show and then Toys R Us." He laughed, "I love Toys R Us." I smiled, "it's my favorite place to go too." "Did you guys really fly in just to see us?" I said yes, "Jessica and I work for the airlines and we fly free all the time." "That that must be a great job." "We've met all kinds of celebrities and now we're sitting here with you having a drink." "Oh I'm sorry, would you like something?" "I never thought you'd ask? White wine please." I was trying to be grown up. The truth is I hated wine. Even Jessica looked at me funny when I ordered the wine. I drank it anyway and then Nick said let's go to dinner. Music to my ears. The one glass of wine was a mistake, first of all I didn't have anything in my stomach since the snack on the over night flight. Secondly, I rarely ever drink. I was feeling all right but a little light headed. We went to the Hard Rock cafe and ordered burgers. I had never been to Hard Rock New York. I bought a shirt and a cap. True tourist that I am. "When are you going back to California?" Jessica and I said, "whenever." "Oh that's right, you fly free don't you?" "Yep, the world is our oyster." Kevin thought that was funny. They asked where we'd had been? Jessica and I were best friends and we usually fly everywhere together. So we just started throwing out cities. Foreign and domestic. We have both worked for the airline for the past 12 years and contrary to what they were expecting we made very good money. We had medical and dental, profit sharing, and extensive travel benefits. I said, "our motto is marry me and fly for free!" Jessica couldn't believe I had said it, but I was comfortable with them I said, "I don't mean you, it's just never mind." They both laughed and said they knew what I meant. Kevin asked Jessica to dance which she gladly did. I sat back picking at the fries on my plate. Nick asked me if I was dating anyone? "No, are you dating anyone?" He said no. "So there is no one home waiting for you then?" "Nope, she's out there on the floor." Nick smiled, "you two lived together?" "We share a house on Newport Beach." "You live on the beach?" I had to smile. "I love the ocean as much as you do" I glanced out at Jessica and the song had slowed way down. I watched as Kevin took her into his arms. He would talk to her in her ear and then pull back and smile into her face. They were hitting it off too. "Do you want to dance?" Like I'd say no? "Sure." He escorted me out to the dance floor and we danced to the slow song. I was about a foot shorted than he. I'm 5' 4" so maybe not a whole foot. He had very soft hands and smelled really good. Kevin and Jessica were about the same height and I couldn't find them anymore. They were lost in the crowd. We danced to another slow song and then joined Kevin and Jessica at the table. Nick and Kevin excused themselves and Jessica and I sat in the booth wondering if we were about to get dumped or what? Nervous energy getting the better of us. "I don't care if he comes back, but I hope he does. I've had the best night of my life." I had to laugh at her. "It has been pretty amazing hasn't it?" We compared facts against fiction of what we'd been told about the guys and what we now knew to be true. The guys did come back and sat down next to us. "Do You want to go to a party?" I didn't even ask Jessica I just said yes. Nick and Kevin both said good. Kevin called over the waiter and requested the check. Kevin paid and we hopped into a cab and headed for a hotel. They must not have been staying here because there wasn't anyone outside. We walked into the lobby to stares of people and headed directly to the bank of elevators. Once inside Kevin used a special key to take us up to the penthouse floor. I was a little nervous now. I had no idea where we were headed.

Chapter 4

Once the doors opened up to big burly men stepped forward but once they saw Nick and Kevin they backed off. They smiled at us and we walked along. I turned around and caught the beefy men checking us out. He looked embarrassed but then smiled at me. One of them opened the door and the noise that erupted from the room was deafening. The music was loud and people were laughing and acting crazy. AJ was up on the coffee doing some exotic dance. He waved to Kevin and Nick when they walked in. He smiled at Jessica and me. We looked around and noticed Howie and Brian were there too. I looked at Jessica and "Holy shit!, we're at a Backstreet Party." Kevin took Jessica off in one direction and Nick and I just kind of stood in the middle of things. He finally asked if I would like something to drink. "Sure, what do you have here?" We walked over to a small bar set up. Nick said Miller so I said two. We went out onto the balcony and talked. He didn't like the party atmosphere anymore then I did. So we spent a lot of our time talking. We had been to many of the same places and found that we had a lot of things in common. He really had this overly sensitive quality about him. I think that's what has attracted me to him all along. He doesn't get any pleasure in seeing someone else suffer. Now I don't mean from beatings or famine. But malicious behavior, ganging up on one person type of thing. Before we came out onto the balcony, there were a few people egging someone on to down yet another bottle of beer. The poor fellow looked around and Nick and I were the only ones with straight faces. Everyone else was laughing or chanting for him to do it. Nick just grabbed my hand and we went out onto the balcony. He just seemed so gentle. "How old are you?" "I'm 22 same as you." "Aren't you 23 today?" He caught me. But he knew all along because now he had this huge smile on his face. I said, "not yet." "Is your birthday really today?" "Not really. He laughed he said, "I knew it. What did you say today at the studio? Something about November?" "Yes. November is my birthday. Are you mad at me?" "No. You have a great sense of humor." Kevin and Jessica came out onto the balcony and were complaining of the noise too now. Kevin was not surprised to find Nick on the balcony. Apparently he spends most of his time out doors. Kevin said,"we should have stayed at the restaurant." I boldly said, "Our hotel room is much quieter than here. Do you want to go back there?" Jessica was trying not to smile. She couldn't believe I'd asked them back to our room. Nick and Kevin just kind of stared at each other. Then I said, "or we can stay here, that's all right too. I just thought we could watch a movie instead of staring into the black sky." The tension was broken by laughter coming through the open door. Howie walked out onto the balcony to get some air. We all sat perfectly still and he didn't even notice we were there. He took some deep breathes and turned and went back inside. Jessica and I busted up laughing as he never even noticed us sitting there. Nick said,"let's go back to your hotel. What movie's playing?" I shrugged my shoulders and said we'd find out soon enough. We got up and headed back inside. We made our way through the party and Jessica and I looked back and we saw Nick and Kevin talking to Howie and Brian. They were looking at us and waving too. I could see that Brian was telling them to be careful.Ha! Like we would hurt them. They finally joined us at the door and we rode the elevator downstairs in silence. The doorman hailed a cab and we headed uptown to our hotel. I whispered to Jessica that our room was a mess. She had a panicked look on her face as she remembered. I told her to take the guys to the bar and I'd run upstairs and clean up our room. She said okay. We walked into the hotel lobby and I said, "let's go into the bar first. If that's okay with you guys?" They both said sure. We all walked into the bar and I excused myself. I took the elevator up to the 10th floor and hurried into the room. I made up the beds and took the clothes and shoved them into the suitcase in the closet. I closed the doors and then opened the bathroom door. Oh man! I washed the toothpaste out of the sink and rinsed out the tub. I hung up the towels and put all of our make up away. I took the empty soda cups and left them outside the door across the hall along with some other trash. I ran down to the elevator and when the door opened I found the three of them standing there. I dropped my chin to my chest in defeat. "Busted!" Nick said. "Sorry, I just had to clean up the room." They both said they understood but it was getting late and they wanted to spend time with us not sitting in bar. I turned and made my way back to the room. I heard Jessica laugh and I turned and she couldn't control it. I followed her eyes as she recognized the trash sitting outside someone else's door as our own. Then I lost it. They had not idea what we were laughing at. I blew opening the door three times. Finally Nick took the key card from my hand and he opened the door. We all entered inside and I fell out on the bed. Jessica said, "damn! They have great maids in this hotel." That just made me lose it again. "You do good work," Kevin said. "Did you shove everything under the bed?" "Noooo!" "Is it in the closet?" "No." "Where'd it all go?" Jessica and I were laughing so hard now. I opened the door and pointed across the hall to the trash sitting outside someone else's door. Nick and Kevin were now understanding why we were laughing so hard. They thought it was funny too, thank God.

Chapter 5

I pushed them back inside and closed the door. I picked up the movie program and sat on my bed. Kevin had already made himself comfortable next to Jessica on her bed. Nick and I looked through the guide and settled on a movie. It was one none of us had heard of before. After the first 30 minutes of the movie we knew why. We quickly grew tired of it and Nick asked if we had any cards? "Playing cards, I asked. "Let's play cards." I had gotten some off the flight, I always ask for them even though I don't need them. So the four of us played cards and drank beer until about 3 a.m. We all started getting tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. The guys even though they weren't driving, were in no shape to be leaving here. So I made them stay. Jessica and I shared one bed and Nick and Kevin shared the other. Jessica was mad that I told them they could take the other bed, but I didn't want them to think I just wanted to get them into bed. Even though it would have been nice. By the morning we found Kevin on the floor and Nick had hogged the whole bed. I had to laugh. Jessica woke up and she sighed when she saw her Kevy on the floor. "Isn't he just the most beautiful man you've ever seen?" I was looking at Nick, but I still said uh huh. "Jess, get the camera." "No, you'll wake them up?" "No I won't. Get your too, so it will be only on click." She was trying not to laugh. "Ready, one, two, three." We took the pictures and were trying not to laugh. Nick was asleep on his stomach with his feet out from underneath the blankets. The rest of his body was covered though. Kevin was all stretched out between the two beds on the floor. He didn't seem to mind sleeping on the floor. His face was so relaxed and his lips were parted a little bit. I couldn't see Nick's face. But Kevin's was staring straight up at us. His eyes were closed but it was awkward looking at him. Jessica and I were whispering and trying to be quiet. Then we got the giggles. We were talking about just jumping them while they slept. What would they do? Jessica had to use the bathroom now. She'd been laughing so hard and for so long that she just had to go. She stepped off the bed and gingerly stepped over Kevin. She had used the facilities and was walking back when Kevin reached out and scared her. He had grabbed her leg. In the process he scared Nick too. He flew off the bed and landed on top of Kevin. Meanwhile I'm laughing my ass off. Jessica had screamed. It was straight out of a movie. It couldn't have been scripted any better. Meanwhile, Jessica is hitting me now because I can't stop laughing and Nick and Kevin are standing up. I have tears running down my cheeks it was so funny. Now I had to pee. I got up to got into the bathroom and Nick blocked my way. "Where are you going?" Nick asked. "I gotta pee," I said. He wouldn't move. I tried to go left then right. He wouldn't let me pass. "Is it funny now?" He was playing but I was hurting now. "I'm sorry for laughing at you, can I please go to the bathroom now?" He pinched his chin between his thumb and index finger and pretended to be thinking really hard. Finally he asked Kevin. "Should I let her go?" "I don't know, she did laugh at us for a long, long, long time." "It wasn't that long!" "Okay, you may pass." I stepped in his direction and then he said on second thought "I'll let you pass but you have to buy me breakfast." I smiled and said, "okay. I'll buy you breakfast, can I please go now?" He moved aside and let me pass. My bladder was ready to explode. When I finally returned to the room they were laughing at me now. "Ha, ha, ha, so funny." I grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom and took a shower. I took my time too. When I came out the guys were gone. "Where did they go?" I asked Jessica. "They went to change and get ready for their free breakfast." "They? I told Nick I'd buy him breakfast. Not all of you." She laughed and they flew out of the closet. I ran back into the bathroom. I almost closed the door but Kevin caught it. I was pulled out of the bathroom and then tickled until I almost peed in my pants. I've never had so much fun. They finally released me and my brown curly hair was so wild now. I didn't care I thought it was funny. Kevin and Nick were going back to their hotel. They wanted to change clothes and freshen up. They would call us when they were on there way back. Nick hugged me and Kevin kissed Jessica on the cheek. I was jealous, Nick only hugged me. We watched them until they got on the elevator and then we closed the door and screamed. "No one was ever going to believe this." Jessica jumped into the shower and I got dressed. I was shaking so much I had to reapply my make up over and over again. By the time Jessica got out of the shower I had finally gotten all my make up on. Jessica's curly black hair hung over her shoulders and she was singing as she searched for that something special to wear. She looked at me and asked if I was going to wear that to breakfast? I looked at myself in the mirror and asked what was wrong with jeans and a tee shirt? "Oh that's right, Nick likes him women simple." She emphasized simple. I threw my brush at her. She laughed and went back into the bathroom. When she came out she was wearing a short skirt and crop top. "Kevin is not going to like that," I said. "He likes his women way more conservative than that." She put a sweater on over the crop top and said the crop top was for later. I had to laugh, Jessica always plans ahead. They guys had been gone for over an hour now. "I'm starving," I said. Jessica was hungry too. "Call Kevin." "No, you call Nick." "Just call Kevin." The phone rang and we both screamed.

Chapter 6

"Answer it Jessica," I said. "I'm not going to answer it you answer it," she said. The phone stopped ringing now we hated ourselves for not answering it. I sat down on the bed and the phone rang again. I picked it up in the middle of the first ring. "Hello?" I said really desperately. "Are you guys all right?" I said fine. "The front desk must have connected me to the wrong room because no one answered the first time." "That must happen a lot." "Are you guys ready for breakfast?" "I'm starving I was just looking over the room service menu." "We'll meet you in the lobby." "Okay, we'll see you in a few minutes." I hung up and told Jessica we'd meet them in the lobby. She was primping again in the mirror. "Is this too much?" "No you're fine. Let's go downstairs and wait." We headed down to the elevator and down to the lobby. We waited there for about 10 minutes. I wondered into a gift shop and picked up some more film. I'd shot the 4 rolls of film I'd brought with me yesterday. Hee hee, we'd have enough pictures but I could never have enough pictures of Nick. So I paid for my film and bought some breath mints, just in case I told Jessica. She through a box of condoms on the counter and said just in case. I threw them back at her and said ewwwww. She laughed. I paid for the mints and film and we were engaged in a conversation about would you or wouldn't you sleep with Nick when I heard Nick say Hi. I think all color drained from my face. I turned around and we saw both of them smiling rather broadly at us. Kevin asked, "You ready to go?" "Sure," I looked at Jessica. She shrugged her shoulders and took Kevin's hand. I walked along side of Nick and we headed outside to an awaiting cab. I sat by Jessicaagain and whispered, "do you think they heard us?" She elbowed me and shrugged her shoulders. Kevin was riding up front with the driver again. He liked to make sure the cabbies didn't cheat on the fare. The cab dropped us off at some swank family restaurant and Kevin paid the fare. We all went inside but didn't sit together. Jessica and Kevin took a table on one side of the restaurant and Nick and I took a table on the other side of the restaurant. I was a little nervous but it was Nick Carter so who wouldn't be nervous. We ordered breakfast and Nick asked me more about myself. What was it like working for the airline and flying all over the world? Who was the worst celebrity I'd ever met, who was the best? He seemed really interested in what I had to say. I found it hard to look him in the eyes as he was always looking at me. Our breakfast came and we ate and talked some more. He was currently managing a career of some Rap artist. "Do you like rap?" "Some of it. I love all music really. I like songs with a message. Jessica and I teach at our church and we sometimes reach our kids through music. Every once in a while you'll find a really good song that makes you think. I like Christina Aguilara's, Reflection. I used that one last week and now every time I look in a mirror I ask myself, do you like what you see? You know beyond the looks." "Do you like what you see?" I had a smile on my face and said, "yes. There are things I'd love to change about my self but deep down inside, I like me." "That makes two of us." I had to smile at that statement. Nick said, "We are flying back to Florida after lunch today.I wish I could spend more time with you. I'm just getting you." "It would have been fun getting to know you." "Maybe you can come down to Florida sometime." "I do fly free you know?" "When do you have to be back at work?" "We still have four days off." "Then come down to Florida with us." "I have to talk to Jessica about that. I'd love too but I'm not sure we can afford another hotel." "Stay with me." My heart skipped a few beats and I choked on my orange juice. "I'm serious. I have a huge house right on the beach, you'd feel right at home". He wrote his phone number and address on the back of a napkin and asked me to think about it. I looked at the napkin and tucked it into my backpack. I wanted to say yes, but what if things were bad between Kevin and Jessica? I told him I still needed to talk to Jessica. "If she doesn't want to come you could still come down. I'll show you around Florida for a few days." For just a moment I considered not telling her. Just the thought of Nick and I alone in his house for 4 days made me reconsider going back to get those condoms too. Jessica and Kevin flopping down in our booth interrupted my thoughts. Jessica asked, "What are you thinking about?" "Oh nothing," I said. Nick said, "well I..." I interrupted him and said, "well we don't have much time left. What do you guys want to do next?" Nick just looked at me, I said, "you said you were leaving soon right?" Jessica looked sad all of a sudden. They had to go back and pack, they were supposed to do that last night but unfortunately they didn't get back to do that. I smiled and then said I'd call him later. We took separate taxi's this time. Once we got back to our hotel I told Jessica what Nick said. We called the airline and listed for the flight to TPA. Our flight left 2 hours after Nick and Kevin's did. So I called Nick and he said not to worry, he'd come back and pick us up. I told him I'd call him from the airplane or airport, depending on if we get on. He laughed and said he'd wait by the phone.

Chapter 7

We packed up our stuff and checked out. We went out to lunch and then window shopping in New York. Then we headed out to the airport to standby for our flight. We both got first Class. I love when that happens. I ran to the pay phone and called Nick. "We're on, we'll see you in 2 hours." "I'll leave for the airport in a half an hour." "Okay, we'll see you soon." I hung up the phone and ran down the jet way. 2 A and 2B. I've never been to Florida before so I was a little nervous. I have and Uncle who lives in Deltona, but I don't know him very well. We enjoyed a first class dinner and arrived just before 8 p.m. Jessica and I were one of the first people off the airplane. Nick and Kevin were there waiting with flowers. I had the biggest smile on my face. "You guys got first class?" "Yes." He grabbed for one of my carry-on bags and we went out to the parking garage. I smiled when I saw the Green Durango. He really did drive one. What he didn't know was that I drove a Green Durango too, inspired by him. His was a lot more expensive than mine though. Mine was just your basic Durango. His was fully loaded. As long as I had air conditioning and my CD Player, I was happy. We climbed into his car and headed to his house. "Are you guys hungry?" "No, we ate on the airplane." "That is just so cool, how you can just hop on an airplane and go anywhere we wanted too." "Last year we flew to San Francisco and to Las Vegas and Salt Lake City to see your shows." He laughed, "just because huh?" "Yeah, just because." We finally pulled up to a huge house right on the beach. The circular driveway had a fountain in the center. It was beautiful. I noticed Kevin's Black Forerunner in the driveway. I pointed to it as we got out of the car. Jessica just smiled. Nick helped us with our bags again. He then asked if we'd like to share a room or have our own room? I said my own room and Jessica said share. "My own room please, if that's not asking too much." "No, it's okay. I have plenty of room." Nick took our bags upstairs and Kevin helped him. Nick told us to have a seat. "What if Nick wanted to you know with me in the room it would never happen." "Oops, I wasn't thinking." "If we were at Kevin's house you'd have said your own room too." She said I was right and apologized. We both laughed, we couldn't believe we were in Nick Carter's home. They came down the stairs and asked us if we would like something to drink? "Anything cold." "Beer okay?" I said sure. Four beers were placed on a table and we started talking again. The guys were on vacation. Nothing planned for the next 6 weeks. It was a rarity for them. I finished off my beer and Nick brought me another. He brought a small glass and a quarter and asked if we wanted to play quarters. Now this was a fast easy way to get me drunk, and I knew it. But I was game so I said I'm in. Nick was very competitive and so was Kevin. I sank the first quarter and Nick had to drink the beer. He swallowed all of the beer and the quarter was in his mouth. He stuck out his tongue and I took the quarter off his tongue. It gave me the shivers just looking at it. I wanted to bite his tongue. I made the shot so I got to take another. I sank the second one and again picked Nick. He downed the beer but this time he said I couldn't use my hands to get the quarter. He stuck his tongue out and I opened my mouth and gently bit his tongue. I sucked the quarter out of his mouth. Our eyes locked on each other's. Damn he was sexy. Kevin asked for another quarter as I kept sinking them. Nick dug into his pocket and threw it to Kevin. I noticed Nick was getting excited so I purposely missed. He finally had a turn and he sank the quarter in. I drank it and kept the quarter in my mouth. He leaned in and stuck his tongue in my mouth searching for the quarter. He kept kissing me and his hands began to search my body. I was melting in his embrace. He backed off and filled the glass with beer again. He sank in another quarter and I was forced to drink another glass. So I had to down it, the room was starting to spin. But Nick probed my mouth with his tongue searching for the quarter. Jessica and Kevin had left. I didn't even notice. Nick asked me to follow him. He helped me up off the couch and we walked out onto his deck. We sat and watched the boats out in the ocean. We could see the lights off in the distance. The moon was huge full and low. It almost looked like a giant ball floating on the ocean. Nick asked if I was cold. He wrapped his arms around me and I said I was fine. We watched the boats and held each other for awhile and then went back inside. Nick walked me up to my room and kissed me good night. I walked into my room thinking, is that it? I was relieved a little, but only a little. I changed for bed and went to sleep. The next morning I made my way downstairs after my shower. It was raining in Florida and we were forced to stay inside. Nick had a fire going all ready. Still no sign of Jessica. I found Nick in his den playing Nintendo. I sat down and watched him for a few minutes until he realized I was there.

Chapter 8

Nick smiled,"How did you sleep?" "Like a baby." "Jessica and Kevin left about 10 minutes ago for breakfast. Kevin was going to go bacto his house and drop off his laundry and stuff so they'd probably be gone all day." I just smiled. "You ever play Nintendo?" "No, not really." He tapped a place on the floor next to him and I joined him. He showed me what each button did and I played with him for a little while. I caught on really quickly and actually beat him in one game. He was competitive and didn't like it. He wasn't mad, but he didn't save the score either. LOL. Anyway, he took me into the kitchen and we ate breakfast together. I stood up looking out at the ocean. The waves were huge and very choppy. "You like the ocean?" "I love it. The ocean seems so angry today though." "The Atlantic is very rough this time of year." I opened the sliding glass door and walked outside. His porch was covered so I wouldn't get too wet. I loved it here. The beach was deserted and I could smell the wood burning in Nick's fireplace. I could stay here forever I thought. As if understanding my thoughts Nick said he wished I had more time off to spend with him. I smiled, "I'm having a lot of fun." "I've never done anything like this before. I just feels drawn to you. Kevin feels the same way about Jessica. When he first saw her he pointed her out to me. You didn't say anything to me, you just shoved that leopard in my chest." I smiled at the memory. "Whatever happened to old spot?" "Spot? Is that his name?" "Yes! It's on the tag." "She's upstairs." "She? so it's a she now?" "Yes, it's a she." We went back inside and Nick had made french toast.I don't do much cooking, I usually order's in." "I knoew my way around a kitchen pretty well." "Maybe you should have made breakfast then." We were interrupted by his telephone. It was Jessica, I took the phone from Nick's hand. Just his fingers brushing up against mine made me tingle. "Kevin was in the shower right now." She was so excited. "I can't stand the fact that he's in that room naked and soapy. Did you sleep with Nick?" "No, did you?" "Yes, I love him and I don't ever want to go home." "We have to go back to work." "I all ready called in and requested the rest of my vacation." "How much vacation? I asked. "2 weeks." "No way! Why didn't you tell me?" She didn't have an answer. "I'm sorry, ooh, I have to go. Kevin's out." Then she hung up. I hung up the phone and Nick could tell something was wrong. " "Jessica has just taken the next two weeks off. She's staying here with Kevin." "Can't you do the same?" "I can't. I have to work. I've got bills to pay. Jessica doesn't have to work, he family pays for everything." "You have time off, you could come back to California with me? I only work 4 hours a day four days a week." "What time do you work?" "5 am to 9 a.m. I'll be home before you wake up." "I think I can do that. When do you want to leave?" "Let's go today. We'll still have two days before I have to work and you get to know you're way around town a little." "Do I need to buy a ticket?" "You can fly standby with me, it will still cost you about $100.00 though." "Is that all?" "$100.00 each way." I called the airline and listed us both on the 3 O'clock flight back to Los Angeles. I called Jessica and told her what we were doing. She laugh, "Have a great time." Nick and I headed out to the airport and were called for First Class. He was happy, as he never flies coach. He thought it was great flying for $100.00 in first class. The flight was uneventful and we enjoyed the movie. Neither of us had ever seen it before. We landed in LAX and took the shuttle over to my car. Nick laughed when he saw my Green Durango with the I love BSB license plates. "Just get in." I said. We threw our bags in the bag and headed down the 405 Freeway. "Can we please stop at In N Out. I haven't had one of those burgers in a long time?" "Sure there is one by my house. It's open 24 hours." It was pretty late already. It was almost 11:30 p.m. We stopped and got burgers and drove home. Nick loved the house. I parked in the garage next to Jessica's Forerunner. He laughed at us again. I said, "that's nothing." We walked inside and sat down and ate our burgers. I threw my clothing in the washing machine, as everything was dirty. I checked our messages. A lot of our friends had seen us on MTV. They were making fun of me for lying about my birthday. Nick was laughing too. "Where will I sleep?" I took him up to our spare bedroom and he put his suitcase on the bottom of the bed. I showed him where the bathroom was and the towels and stuff. "The laundry shute is right here," I said. He laughed, "you have a laundry shute?" He followed me into my bedroom. I didn't turn on the light because I didn't want him to see my room, but he switched on the light anyway. I had four posters on my wall. They were all of him. I said I was sorry. "Sorry for what?" "I don't want you to think I'm some crazy fan." "If I thought that I wouldn't be here with you." Then he kissed me.

Chapter 9

Meanwhile back in a suburb of Tampa, Jessica and Kevin were getting very close. They both loved to dance and usually never made it back to Kevin's house until 3 or 4 in the morning. Jessica would call me at work and tell me that she was putting in for a transfer. She was in love with Kevin. I was happy for her. Nick and I were really close but not intimate as of yet. It didn't bother me as I was getting to know him still. Jessica and Kevin were taking of for Aruba for the next three days and she didn't want to worry me. The added benefits of working for an airline. I was kind of jealous, Nick and I had just really stayed around the house. We'd go out for walks on the beach or out to eat but never anywhere fun. It got me thinking that maybe we'd head up to Las Vegas for the weekend. After all I was off, I could get an extra day off and we'd come back on Monday. I just don't know if Nick likes that kind of trip. Jessica bent my ear for the next 15 minutes asking me how things were going at the airport? As always she wasn't missing anything. "We're not too busy so it's okay." "You should take time off and don't worry about the utilities I'll take care of it this month." "Are you sure?" I didn't have to pay her rent but I did have to pay half the utilities, which were very expensive. Living on the beach we had a very high insurance premium. I didn't mind just to have this lifestyle was good enough for me. "Thank you, now I'm definitely going to Vegas." She laughed, "I was thinking about it but my finances aren't the best you know?" "I have to go, Kevin needs me." she said with so much joy in her voice. "I wish Nick needed me. We'd kissed but that's about it. I'm not in any rush, but I am, do you know what I mean?" "I do, I'll call you again before we leave." I hung up and worked my flight and went home to Nick. Nick was always sleeping while I went to work. He loved to sleep and didn't believe in rising early. I was sitting out on the balcony when he came up behind me. He kissed my neck. He knows I love when he does that. "How work was?" "It was fine, Jessica called me. She and Kevin are going to Aruba for the weekend. He looked confused and then I told him it was part of the ABC islands just south of Florida." "I knoww that!" I don't think he did. I said, "I was thinking maybe we can go and do something." "Like what?" "Las Vegas?" He got a huge smile on his face and said, "Can we really go anywhere we want?" "The world is our oyster." "Forget Las Vegas, let's go to Hawaii." "Hawaii?! Really?" "Can you take more time off?" "How much time?" "We can leave right after you get off work tomorrow and come back in a week?" "I don't know if I can afford that much time off." "I'll pay, whatever." "It's not that, I'm just trying to think who I can get to cover my shift." "I'm sorry, can you atleast make some phone calls?" "I can do that." He smiled, "this is too much fun. Flying First Clasto Hawaii for peanuts." I reminded him that it was standby and we may not get First Class. "Who cares, it's cheap no matter what." He kissed me and went to take a shower. I called Lisa and Jody, the two girls that work the same shift as I did. I asked them if they could cover my shift for me and they both said yes. I was so relieved. Now I had the time off. I got on my computer and started looking up flights and checking the load factors. I knew Nick would prefer to fly First Class so I concentrated on the flights that were wide open in First Class. I had 12 years with the airline so I had great seniority. When Nick came out of the shower I had an itinerary all planned. He was excited. "We leave tomorrow morning at 11 a.m. right after my shift ends." We spent the day packing. Nick had to go buy some things, as he didn't bring enough clothes with him. We shared a suitcase and went out for lunch once we finished packing.

Chapter 10

We took in a movie and just enjoyed each other's company. I was hoping that Hawaii would bring us closer together. We've only known each other a short time but for me it was love at first sight. He must have some feelings for me, otherwise why is he here? He makes enough money that the "free" flights can't be the reason. Jessica called interrupting my thought process. She called to give me the details of where they would be staying. "Did you talk Nick into going to Las Vegas?" "No, he wants to go to Hawaii." "Even better." "Yeah, I guess." "What's wrong ?" "Well let's just say things aren't going as well as they are for you and Kevin." "Oh, uou haven't slept with him yet?" "No, we kiss and hold hands and cuddle. It hasn't progressed that far yet." "Maybe he just believes in taking it slow." "Yeah, I guess. "I gotta get going, send us a postcard from Hawaii." "Sure, have fun." She didn't hear me she had hung up already. "Who were you talking to?, startling me. "Jessica. They're boarding their flight to Aruba now." "Why are you so sad?" "I'm not, I'm fine don't worry about me." "Would you like to go for a walk?" "I'd rather take a nap, I didn't sleep well last night." "Are you sick?" "No, just tired." And horny I said under my breath. He didn't hear me though. I walked passed him and he grabbed my arm. "Don't I get a kiss?" I kissed him on the lips andhugged him. He smelled so good. "I'll wait for you." "Okay, yeah sure," I said. I headed upstairs and lay on my bed. I started crying. I didn't understand what his feelings for me were. "Why wasn't he in here with me now?" He sleeps in the guestroom and I sleep here all alone in my bed. "Why can't he understand that I want to be with him?" I finally fell asleep. I must have been more tired than I thought. I woke up at quarter to five. I walked downstairs and couldn't find Nick. I went into his bedroom and he wasn't there either. I walked back into my bedroom and found him sleeping on my bed. I didn't even notice him. I climbed back into bed and cuddled up close to him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "Are you all right?" "I am now ."I said. I fell back to sleep in his arms. When we woke up again we went out to dinner. Nick seemed a little closer now but there was still something that was between us and I'm not sure really what. We went home early as I had to work in the morning and then we were off to the Island of Oahu. I was not tired that night as I lay in my bed. I lay in the dark staring at nothing in particular when I noticed my door open and then close. I lied real still, knowing that it was Nick but not sure what he was doing here. He climbed into bed with me again and I felt his hand find my body and he rested it on my back. I didn't dare move. I was afraid that he might leave. After a few minutes I reached out to Nick and place my hand on his chest. I think I startled him a little because I could feel his heart beat faster. After a few more minutes I moved my head onto his shoulder. I swear I could feel him shake. "Are you awake." "No." He laughed. Then he lifted my face to his and he kissed me. He kissed me so passionately I swear I felt myself melting. His hands began to explore my body and I lifted his shirt up over his head. He chest was smooth and soft and I covered it in no time with kisses. I wanted him so badly, but I could feel his hesitance. I climbed on top of him and removed my tee shirt. He still had his sweat pants on. I let his hands explore my breasts and I moaned as he massaged my breasts. I could feel his excitement below me and before too long he couldn't control himself any longer either.

Chapter 11

He rolled me off of him and he removed his sweat pants and I removed my underwear. He climbed on top of me and inserted himself inside. His body moved with mine until we both climaxed and lie in defeat in each other's arms. He kissed me and asked me if I was all right? He was concerned that he might have hurt me. I told him I was fine, it was wonderful. He pulled my naked body close to his and we curled up into a ball and fell asleep. My alarm went off at 4:15 a.m. I took a quick shower and got ready for work. Nick woke up too, he drove me to work this time as he would have to come back in a few hours. He seemed almost relieved now. He was much more open with his emotions. He kissed me goodbye and told me he'd see me in a little while. I went into briefing and I felt so awake at 5 a.m. that my friends were noticing a difference. I just told them I was going to Hawaii today and that's why I was so excited. They brushed it off. I went and met my first flight and worked the next one. Before I knew it Nick was in the terminal. He found me at the gate and stated he checked our bags at the curb. We just needed to check in. I said no problem. I was working with Renee and she put us on the list for the flight. It was wide open and we were expecting a lot of mis-connects so we'd get on for sure. Nick watched me work my last flight and then he waited in the lounge for me. I went into the ladies room and changed my clothes. I came back and left my uniform in my locker and then Nick and I headed out to the gate. They would be calling the standbys in about 30 minutes. We didn't want to miss having our name called. We grabbed something to drink and headed to gate 77. Nick and I were called for First Class. Nick was excited about that. He couldn't believe he was paying chump change for a first class seat. We took our seats and waited for the rest of the airplane to load. Nick's cellular phone rang, it was Jessica looking for me. I took his phone and Jessica asked what time we were leaving? "We're sitting on the plane right now." "It's raining in Aruba so we're coming to Hawaii too." "Where are you?" "Probably over Las Vegas right now." "We should land about the same time then." They would land 30 minutes later than us. She was in First Class too. I told her Nick and I were good. "That's nice." "No, GOOD!" "Did you do it?" "Uh huh!" "Congratulations. We'll talk more in person, where are you guys staying?" "Hilton Hawaiian Village." "We'll get a room there too then. I gotta go the flight attendant is making her announcements. I see you in 5 hours." She hung up and I turned off Nick's phone. "Jessica and Kevin will be joining us." "I was hoping to spend some time alone with you." "We will have time alone." He leaned over and kissed me. "I've been to Hawaii before but never with someone special. I've never had the time to go sight seeing." "Oh, then we have to go to Hanama Bay. It's so much fun, you snorkel with the fish. I even saw and eel once." Nick held my hand during take off. Over the next five hours we watched a movie ate lunch and took a nap. Once we arrived in Hawaii I checked the monitor. They were coming in from Chicago and they would be landing at the next gate. Nick went and bought four leis. Once for each of us, so when they got off the plane they were leid. Jessica and I walked together down to baggage claim with the guys behind us. "You'd think they'd been apart a year instead of a week." Kevin chided. I glanced back a few times and caught the guys deep in thought too though. So I knew they were enjoying their talk as much as Jessica and I were. We picked up our bags and Nick and I rented a convertible and Kevin and Jessica rented one too. "It's important that Nick and I spend a lot of alone time, He specifically asked for it so don't be upset." "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Chapter 12

We headed to the hotel and we checked in without any problems. Nick and I went out onto our balcony that looked directly out at the ocean. We had the best view. No one was in the room next to our so we really enjoyed that. Kevin and Jessica were down a few floors from us. They also had an ocean view but our room was above the treetops. It was so beautiful. "Lets go to a luau tonight." I said, "Jermaine's is great! And we can book it through the hotel." He called Kevin's room and invited them to come with us too. "I thought you wanted to be alone?" "After tonight we will be." I smiled and he kissed me. We changed into comfortable clothing and headed downstairs to take a walk around the city. The sun was just beginning to set. We walked down by the mall and were amazed at the number of tourists. "How can people live here?" I wondered? Nick just grabbed my hand and led me down another street. We eventually landed back at our hotel. Nick and I fooled around a little before heading out to the luau. We met Kevin and Jessica in the lobby and walked down the beach. The festivities were about to begin. We took our seats and watched the Hawaiian do what they do best." "I want to learn that dance ," I told Jessica. "Tomorrow we'll take the one-hour class." There were men who danced with fire and a traditional Hawaiian band. In the background we could see as well as smell the pig roasting. It was making me hungry. Finally it was time to eat. I never ate so much. The food was fabulous. After the luau was over we all headed down to the beach. It was a hot muggy night and a night swim sounded so good. The ocean was too dark for me, it's scary so we went to the hotel pool. We could hear all of the air conditioners running but not a soul in the pool. So the four of us had a blast. It was so relaxing and so romantic. We headed upstairs to our rooms. Kevin and I stopped off in the gift shop on the way up and Nick and Jessica went on ahead. I bought some more film and a bottle of water and a bag of chips and headed to the elevator with Kevin. Kevin and Jessica were on the 10th floor and Nick and I were on the 17th floor. As we approached the 8th floor the lights went out and we were thrown to the floor. Hawaii was having and earthquake. I thought we were going to die. Kevin and I hung onto each other for dear life. I really thought we were going to die. Kevin was praying and I was praying and then everything got really quiet. We started to stand up but the rocking began all over again. Kevin and I huddled close to each other scared to move or even talk. I was crying and Kevin was shaking. After about an hour of aftershocks things seemed to quiet down. It was eerily quiet though. We didn't know if we were the only ones alive on the island or what. We weren't hearing anything. I wouldn't let go of Kevin. I was too afraid to. He stood up but couldn't quite find his footing. He was really nervous. He tried to pry open the doors but nothing would happen. He sat back down next to me and said, "we're stuck here for awhile." It was pitch black inside the elevator. I reached into my bag and found the candle I'd purchase for Nick and I. Thank God the sales person gave me matches. I lit the candle and it gave us a little light. I told Kevin I was scared. "What if we never get out of here?" "Someone wil l find us." He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. He said someone will find us. That's the last thing I remember. I fell asleep in his arms. I woke up and it was black again. I forgot where I was I reached over for Nick. I felt Kevin, but I thought it was Nick as I was not sure where I was. Kevin was out of it too and he started to kiss me. I returned his kiss thinking it was Nick. It was dark I was not fully awake. Once I came to my senses I stopped Kevin. "I'm sorry Kim, I thought you were Jess." "It's okay, we didn't know." He moved away but I didn't want him to move away, I was scared. "Kevin, please hold my hand I scared." He did and I drifted off to sleep again.

Chapter 13

Kevin and I were really scared. All we could do was hold each other and pray that someone would find us and soon. We had already started on the bag of chips and my bottled water. "At least we have a little light." My candle was fading fast. We were freezing in the elevator and were constantly cuddling close to keep warm. Kevin suggested that we kiss as it would raise our body temperature and generate more heat between us. I can't say that I minded but my heart was breaking of the thought of Nick. I missed him so much that when I kissed Kevin I thought of him. It felt like we were in the elevator for days. I started to lose it. "No one is ever going to find us Kevin, they don't know we are here," I cried. "Someone knows we are here, someone will find us." I just fell into his arms and cried, "I'm so scared Kevin." I felt the elevator move. "Did you feel that?" Kevin asked. I said yes and then we slipped again. "Oh my goodness Kevin we are going to fall!" "Lie on my side if we fall we suffer less injuries this way." How did he know this I wondered? I did as he said and buried my face in his chest. Just then the elevator let go again. We must have fell about 4 floors but we stopped again. "Kevin I'm scared." "Just hold on to me." I held on and we fell the rest of the way down. We didn't come to a crashing stop though. We slowly stopped. We had no idea we were on the first floor until the doors were pried open. Just then we saw a Hawaiian Fireman silhouetted in white light. Although at the time I didn't know it was a fireman, I just said oh no, we're dead. Just then I felt myself being lifted off the floor and pulled out into an amazing light. I was put onto a stretcher. People were saying something but I couldn't make it out. The last thing I remember is being loaded into an ambulance that is where I passed out. I awoke some time later in a hospital bed. My left arm was in a cast and so was my left foot. My head was killing me and I was starving. I couldn't see anyone and when I tried to speak nothing would come out. A few minutes later a nurse walked in and realized I was awake. She told me she'd be back with the doctor. She wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye and told me she'd be right back. I waited for what seemed like forever. Finally a doctor rounded the corner ad asked me how I was feeling? I tried to speak but nothing would come out. "You have a suffered trauma, but your voice will come back, not to worry. You also have a broken wrist, ankle and a couple of bruised ribs. "You're very lucky to be alive." My tears spoke volumes for me. "You were in the elevator for 3 days. You were one of the last two people rescued." Then it hit me. Kevin, Jessica, and Nick, I wanted to scream their names but nothing would come out. "The man you were with is all right. Not to be alarmed." I was getting excited and then I pointed to prescription pad. Do you need something for pain?" I just kept grabbing for the pen and pad. He finally gave it to me. I managed to write Nick and Jessica's names on the paper. I handed it back to him. "Are these friends of yours?" I nodded and he asked if they were in the hotel too? I nodded again. "I'll check and see what I can find out." I closed my eyes and cried. I was all alone, I have no idea where anyone is. If they are even alive. A few minutes later I felt a calm come over my body. I opened my eyes to see the nurse removing a needle from my IV, she said, "it will bring me rest." I fell asleep. When I woke up this time it was day light. I tried to sit but couldn't. I looked around the room and noticed the remote control to the television. I aimed it at the television and the horror that flashed across the screen. Thousands dead amongst the islands. It was the worst earthquake to hit the Hawaiian Islands ever. Where buildings used to stand, there were piles of rubble. The hospitals were overcrowded. People were homeless, many people still unaccounted for. Then my thoughts drifted to Nick and Jessica. I knew Kevin was okay, but what about Jessica and Nick? I searched for the call button and the nurse came in, "Are you all right?" I tried to speak but still no words would escape my mouth. I noticed a pad and pencil on my table and I scribbled Nick and Jessica on it. She said, "I'm sorry, there is still no word on your friends yet." I wrote down Kevin's name and she said, "he's in the next bed." We were only separated by a curtain. I asked her to pull it back. She did. There was Kevin with his right leg in a cast. He was looking so sad. He then realized it was me in the next bed and he tried to sit up too. I sat up as much as I could and he did and we tried to touch. Kevin said, "move me closer, please move me closer to her." The nurse helped Kevin get into a wheelchair and he came to my bedside and laid his cheek on the back of my hand. "Are you all right?" I tried to speak, but nothing would come out. The nurse explained that it was due to the trauma but it was only temporary. "Is she okay?" I just nodded. "I haven't heard anything about Nick and Jessica." My tears told him I hadn't heard anything either. "I know that they are all right. It's just going to take time. Do you know we were in there for three days?" I nodded. "The hotel is a shell. There isn't much left of it. What wasn't destroyed by the rumbling was flooded out by the water. But I know Nick and Jessica are fine." He wasn't convinced any more than I was. He was scared too. I squeezed his hand and he cried.

Chapter 14

The nurse tried to make him go back into his bed but Kevin wouldn't budge. "I'm all aloneg on this island and you want me to go back in that bed? You're crazy," he said. "I'll tell you what, you get in to bed and I'll have a few orderlies come and move you two together, okay?" He looked up at her through his tears and asked if she was serious? "I'm missing an Aunt and two of her daughters, I know how you feel." Then she left the room. We both cried for being so selfish. True to her word, two orderlies helped Kevin back into his bed and he was moved right beside me. Our beds were locked together in place. I scooted as close as I could and fell asleep with my head on his shoulder. The next day the nurse was gone. Apparently her family had all perished in the earthquake. The doctor came back and checked on Kevin and I. "We've found one of your friends." We both perked up and he said, "now who was it, let me look here." He checked a few names and then he said. "Nick, no Nickolas Carter. He's fine, a few cuts and scrapes here and there but he's fine." I felt a little better but how about Jessica. I squeezed Kevin's hand and he said, "and Jessica? Have you found her yet?" He scanned his list again but her name wasn't there. "Was everyone rescued from the building?" "Everyone who was found alive was pulled out of the building." I tried to speak but nothing would come out. I was saying Nick, but Kevin asked where Nick was. "He's at a shelter in the city." "Please send for him. He's gotta know we are all right." "I'll do that for you. Are you hungry?" We both said no. The doctor reminded us that we wouldn't be allowed to leave unless we were strong enough. All I could do was cry. At least I knew Nick was alive, but what about Jessica? Kevin grabbed my hand and said he just knew she was all right, he could feel it. He knew she was all right. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next day and a half. Then something inside told me to open my eyes. Standing over me was Nick. I just cried and he fell on me. I cried out in pain as he put to much pressure on my ribs. He apologized but I just pulled him down. I had to make sure he was all right. Kevin woke up too. And he just said, "Nick? Oh my God Nick?" Nick went to hug Kevin and Kevin asked him about Jessica. "She's okay, she's in another hospital. She had to have surgery because of something lodged in her eye. It was minor surgery. She's perfectly fine. We've spent the last week worried about the two of you. We've not known where you were until some doctor called the shelter and asked me to come." I had lost all track of time. How long have we been here I wondered? Nick asked me if I was okay? I just nodded my head. He asked Kevin if I was all right? Kevin said, "she's lost her voice temporarily, but the doctor's say it will come back." Nick came and sat on the bed and started apologizing to me. I tried to say what for? But nothing would come out. "I'm sorry all this has happened." Kevin asked him, "why are you saying it's your fault?" "Kim wanted to go to Las Vegas, and I said let's go to Hawaii instead. This never would have happened if we were in Las Vegas." I was crying and Kevin was saying he wasn't to blame. I was shaking my head, no he wasn't to blame but I could see in his eyes that he felt really guilty. "She didn't want to take any time off, she has bills and stuff. I made her come here." I don't know where it came from but I screamed, "No!" My voice was coming back, "it's not your fault," I managed to get out. Although my voice was fading in and out he understood what I was saying. "Please, Nick don't do this." He sat down and stroked the back of my hand. A doctor came in and asked if we were all right? Kevin said, "Kim has her voice back and was trying to hit a high note." I managed to tell Nick how I felt. "You are the man of my dreams. I've dreamed of you for so long and,... all this happened, but it's not your fault. I knew you'd rock my world but you went too far Nick.: We all laughed, Nick just cried and fell into my arms. Three days later the four of us were sitting back on an airplane and heading to Los Angeles. We all got first class again but we were in so much pain we didn't enjoy it. Kevin had arranged transportation for us back to our homes. My supervisor met the airplane and told us that we were both off with paid leave. He didn't want us to worry about a thing. She was just glad that we were all right. The Paparazzi were all over the airport. Taking pictures of the passengers returning from the islands. Once they realized they had two Backstreet Boys all hell broke loose. I told my supervisor what was happening and she had the Argenbright people take us down a service elevator and out front to the curb. We managed to get away but I'm sure the damage was all ready done. Kevin and Nick both reached for their cell phones, neither of them had called their parents. Both families were relieved somewhat but were still worried. Jessica still had a patch over her eye but she seemed to be doing okay. My voice was coming back stronger and stronger, but still wasn't 100%. We all managed to get into the limousine and it took us back to our house. Once we got back to our house we went to sleep. My ribs were healing but I was still in a lot of pain. I think Nick came out the best. A few scrapes and bruises but otherwise he was perfect. Jessica wanted to quit the airlines. She never wanted to board an airplane for as long as she lived. Even though it had nothing to do with the airplane. She needed something to blame. We would all have emotional scars from this experience. I just didn't know how deep they would run.

Chapter 15

A week later Kevin left for Kentucky, his mom was really worried and wanted to see him as soon as possible. Nick left too, he went back to Florida and his parents met him there. Jessica and I muddled through our non-existent lives changed forever. Jessica went back to school. She wanted to be a nurse or a doctor. She said it all depended on how long she could stay focused. I continued to work for the airlines. Nick and I stayed in touch but he felt too guilty for what had happened. He wasn't strong enough for me so we ended our brief relationship. Kevin, well Kevin is another story. He calls me all the time. We became very close during this ordeal. We shared a very intimate moment in the elevator. We were also very close in the hospital. He was so strong and I could draw on his strength. He held me up when I needed it and I held him up when he needed it. He asked me to come to Florida a few months later and visit him. They were all in the studio recording a new album and he wanted to see me. It had been almost 6 months since the earthquake and since we'd seen each other. I remember packing a bag and being so afraid to tell Jessica where I was going. I sat her down the night before I left and she was as nervous as I was. "I'm going away for a week or so." "Where are you going?" "I'm going to Florida." Her eyes got wide, "to be with Nick?" I said "no, Kevin." She seemed mad but then she said she was seeing Nick. "What? How could you?" "How could I? You're sneaking off to see Kevin?" "I'm not sneaking off I'm telling you that I'm going to see him." She was not so understanding. "How long have you been with Nick?" Now it was here turn to squirm. "About a month." He's back in California visiting his family and now he's gone back to Florida to work on the new album." "Do you mind me being with Nick?" "Do you mind that I'm with Kevin?" "Honestly?" "Honestly." "Yes. "So now what do we do?" "Kevin's waiting for you. I guess your going to Florida." "And then what?" I asked her. "We'll deal with it however we can." I got up from the table and went to my bedroom. I called Kevin and told him that Jessica knew. "How'd she take it?" "She's seeing Nick." He couldn't believe it. Nick never said anything either. "Are you still coming?" "Do you still want me to come?" "I do, but if you feel uncomfortable I'll understand." "I want to come, no I need to be with you Kevin. I don't know how we'll get through all of this but I need to see you again." "I feel the same way too." I reminded him my flight landed at 3:40 p.m. and he promised to be there waiting for me. I got up the next morning and headed for the airport. I checked in and boarded my flight. No problem the flight was wide open. The 5 hour flight seemed to drag on forever. The pilot didn't make things any easier either as he kept calling off the states we were flying over. Finally we were on final approach to Orlando International Airport. We had a picture perfect landing and as I disembarked the aircraft I felt a flood of guilt wash over me. I had to stand against the side of the jet bridge and let people pass. "What am I doing?" I asked myself. I picked up my bag and started walking again. I finally made it off the bridge and looked around the area. No sign of Kevin. I started to get scared. I went and took a seat by the gate and waited for the next hour and half. No Kevin, I was devastated. I went down to baggage claim and picked up my bag. I was walking back upstairs when I heard my name being shouted out to me. It was Nick. He shocked me, "what are you doing here?" I asked him. "Kevin's in the car waiting for you." He grabbed my bag and we went outside. When Kevin saw us he got out of his 4Runner and hugged me. "Where were you? he asked me. "Where was I? I asked. My tears were falling as I looked from Kevin to Nick and said, "I've been waiting almost 2 hours for you." "Didn't the airlines give you my message?" "no, what message?" "I couldn't get out of rehearsal and I would be late." He wanted me to take the shuttle to the hotel and he'd meet me there. "When they said you never arrived I panicked," he said. "Even Nick was worried." I just threw my arms around Kevin, "I missed you so much," I whispered into his ear. "Let's get you back to the hotel." I climbed up front with Nick and we all made small talk. When we got to the hotel Brian was in the lobby and he asked if I was Kim? Kevin said, "they never gave her the message. She thought I forgot about her." Brian said, "he'd never forget about you." I squeezed his hand and we went upstairs to our suite. Kevin again apologized for everything. He took me into the bedroom and ran a bubble bath for me. He told me not to worry about anything, take a bath and he'd order up some room service. He kissed me and left me standing in the bathroom alone.

Chapter 16

I slowly began to undress and then I slipped into the tub. I pulled my hair up and lowered my body into the hot bath. The sting of the heat felt good on my body. I feel numb. Being around Nick and Kevin brought back a lot of feelings. When I saw Nick at the airport I felt the love for him come rushing back. Then Kevin's beautiful face, I loved him, I knew I loved him. But whom did I love more. I heard a knock on the door and Kevin walked in. "Are you okay?" I smiled but he saw my tears."I'm sorry for not getting to you sooner. "He knew what no one else knew about me. I had this fear deep down inside of being forgotten. Left alone without anyone ever finding me. To travel all across the United States to find no one waiting, it was pretty awful for me. Kevin leaned in and kissed me. I hadn't kissed him since we were trapped in the elevator. I fell in love with Kevin through conversations and from his letters. I needed him in my life more than I even knew. "Are you ready to eat." I wiped away my tears and smiled. He handed me a towel but I stood up. His piercing green eyes burned into mine as he wrapped my body in the fluffy towel. I took his hand and he helped me out of the tub. He removed the clip that held my hair up on my head and let it fall down around my shoulders. He lifted my chin and kissed my lips. He kissed me so passionately I thought I would faint. In his sexy voice he said, "you better get dressed." Not the words I was looking for, but none the less I went and got dressed and joined Kevin downstairs. He had changed also, he was now wearing black silk pajamas. The top wasn't buttoned up. It hung open and exposed his muscular chest. His hair was damp as if he'd taken a quick shower. He wasn't wearing any shoes. He was lighting two candles on the table when he saw me and smiled. Soft music played in the background. There was only one thing he forgot. To lock the door. The fellas all came through the door at the same time. Nick, Howie, Brian and AJ. AJ started in with the jokes. "I knew I smelled an 8 course meal." Brian was just smiling and but he looked embarrassed as he noticed the surroundings. Nick was just looking at me. Howie switched the music to something faster. Kevin looked a little upset but I shook my head. I didn't want him to kick them out. I enjoyed the little break, we were too intense. This should relax us a little I thought. I sat down on the sofa and watched as the guys picked at our food. Kevin came and sat down with me. "I'll order more." "It's okay, I wasn't very hungry anyway. "Well I'm starving." "Then go get some before it's all gone." He pecked my cheek and grabbed the fork from AJ's hand. Nick came and sat across from me. "Are you dating Kevin now?" "Are you dating Jessica?" "You know about that?" "Yes know, Jessica told me last night." "How'd it made you feel? " "At first it hurt. It hurt a lot, but it's not like, well you know." "He looked down at his hands and said, "what ever happened to us anyway?" I shrugged my shoulders and then Kevin came and sat down next to me. He offered me some of what he had on his plate but I declined. I was tired and excused myself and went to my room. I fell asleep as soon as I lay down. The day was far more stressful than I ever imagined. I dreamed that I was sleeping in the hotel room in New York. I dreamt that I was lying beside Nick and that he was kissing me. I felt my body responding to his touch. I could feel my body arching to his touch. Then I realized I wasn't dreaming. I opened my eyes and saw a figure over me. I felt his hands roam my body. "Kevin?" I felt his lips on mine and then I felt him straddle me. I responded to his hands and then when he came down and kissed me again I grabbed his head in response. OH my goodness! I sat up pushing him off me. I grabbed for the light. "Nick! What are you doing?" I asked. He sat on the edge of the bed and apologized. " I miss you, I need you." I was clutching the blankets up against my throat. He needed me? Did he say he needed me, I thought? I said, "Nick you have to go, you can't stay here. What if Kevin sees you?" "Kevin knows I'm here. "What? Kevin knows you're in my room?" "Well, no, he doesn't know that I'm here doing this." "I hope not." I said. "But he knows how I feel about you." "How do you feel about me? Why does Kevin know but not me?" "Never mind ,"Nick said and then he got up to go. I flew out of bed and blocked the door. "What does he know that I don't?" I repeated. "It's hard for me to communicate my feelings." "What about Jessica?" "I never meant to hurt either one of you. But I thought that if I dated her then you'd get jealous and want to get back with me." "So you used her?" "No, I have feelings for her but they are not as strong as they are for you." "Then why didn't you ever call me?" "I was scared." We spent the night talking about everything, by the time the sun came up we had both fallen asleep. Kevin found us, luckily I was on the bed and Nick was sitting up against it. He woke me up and asked what Nick was doing in my room? He wasn't mad just worried. "We spent the night talking." "Oh.. "I'm still tired come lay down next to me." I scooted over and he got in bed with me. When I woke up again they were both gone.

Chapter 17

I got dressed and headed out into the living room area. Both Nick and Kevin were sitting across from each other. It's quite obvious they had been exchanging words. When I walked into the room I sat down next to Kevin, after all he is the one I came to see. "Did you get enough sleep?" "I did, but I'm starving now." "I'll order room service. "What would you like?" "A veggie omelet would be nice," I said. "OJ?" I smiled and nodded. He got up and went to dial the phone. Nick was staring at me. "What?" I said? He said nothing and looked down at his hands. Kevin came back and sat with me. "What would you like to do today?" I just shrugged my shoulders, "it doesn't matter.". I was looking at Nick who was staring at me again. The telephone rang and Kevin got up to answer it. It was his mom in Kentucky, apparently Kevin's brother was in an accident and Kevin had to return home immediately. His brother was all right but his mother was extremely upset and wanted her son near her. "I'm sorry you flew all this way. I gotta go check on my brother." then he ran into his room to pack. About 10 minutes later there was a knock on the door. Kevin flew out of his room and signed the check for room service. He was on the phone arranging a flight and packing and watching Nick and I. I devoured my breakfast and joined Kevin in his bedroom. I lay across the bottom of his bed and he hung up and sat down with me. "I know you still have feelings for Nick." I tried to stop him but he wouldn't let me. "I have to go home for a few days. I hope you will know what you want to do in that time." He looked me in the eye and said, "what ever makes you happy Kim, that's what I want. If it's Nick, fine I'll eventually accept that. If it's me than I'll be happy." I could see that he was being honest with me. I kissed him. "I'm confused." "I know. But what about your friend Jessica?" I couldn't look him in the eye any more. My eyes were blurred with my tears. What the heck have I gotten myself into? I walked Kevin downstairs. He had a taxi waiting. He dropped his bag and hugged me close. "The hotel room is all paid up until the end of the week. I'll be back before then. Whatever you chose I'll understand." Then he kissed me so passionately. Then he gazed into my eyes. Those green eyes were reading my soul, I know they were. He never said another word. He picked up his bag and walked backwards towards the revolving door of the hotel. Once he was out of sight I went back up to the suite. I opened the door and ran into my bedroom. I called Jessica. "I know you weren't really happy with me when I left but your really gonna hate me now." "Why?" She asked. I told her about Nick and Kevin and what had been going on. "Nick doesn't love me. I never said we were in love. Nick and I were just messing around. We didn't even have sex yet. We kissed but there wasn't any magic there. My true love is Kevin." "I'm so confused and I don't know what to do." "Trust your heart. "Are you still mad at me?" "I was never mad, are you still mad at me?" "A little," and we both laughed. "Take your time and let your heart lead the way." I hung up the phone with her and went out into the living room area. AJ and Brian were waiting for me on the couch. They were sent by Kevin to entertain me while he was gone. I smiled and said, "okay , what do we do first?" Brian asked, "what do you want to do?" "I don't know, surprise me!" It was early in the morning and so dancing and clubbing were out. Brian asked, Did you bring a swimsuit?" "Sure I did, why?" "Let's hit the beach." I looked out the window it was a beautiful day. "All right but I need to change." "Let's meet back here in 30 minutes." With that we all went our separate ways and got ready for the beach. The phone rang while I was changing. I wasn't sure how to answer the phone. It wasn't my room and well I just picked it up and said Hi! Kevin said he'd just got checked into the flight and that he just wanted to hear my voice one more time. "You are so sweet." "I'll call you once I get there." "Brian and AJ are taking me to the beach." "Great, have fun." With that he hung up and I waited for the guys to come and get me. Which didn't take long. Nick was with them too. He wouldn't meet my eyes though. I kind of thinthat someone said something to him. We headed across the street to the beach and found a nice place to crash. Brian was very athletic and he had a volleyball with him and was waiting for a net to open up. AJ and Nick set up camp on either side of me. I turned to AJ and asked him to put some lotion on my back. Nick just stared at me. I pretended not to see him through my dark sunglasses. Brian finally a got volleyball net and AJ said don't look at him. Pretend you don't see him. Brian was getting all mad, he didn't want to leave the court in fear of losing it. We finally got up and joined him. Howie and his girlfriend were also with us so there was an even 6. So AJ, Brian, and I took one side and Nick Howie and Marcella took the other side. It was Brian's ball so he served first. No matter where I seemed to go Nick was always in front of me. I served and he would return my serve. I'd play net and he'd play net. A few times he actually fell on me. I knew what he was doing but what could I do? I was so confused, after the second game I went to the snack shack for an ice cold water. I met up with Nick half way back. He asked if I was having fun?

Chapter 18

"Yes, this is fun, are you having fun?" He leaned in and kissed me quickly. "Nick don't do that," I said. "Why, I know you want to?" I paid for my water and started walking back to the volleyball net. Nick right beside me. He stopped me half way there, "Go out with me tonight." "I don't think I should," I said. He reminded me that I was a grown woman and he just wanted to show me something. I promised him I'd think about it. I shared my water with the fellas and we played another game of volleyball. We headed back across the street about three. I was starting to burn and I wanted to take a shower. I was about to get into the shower when I heard a knock on my bathroom door. I quickly wrapped in Kevin's robe and unlocked the bathroom door. Nick was standing outside the door. "Are you coming with me later?" "Nick I'm kind of in the middle of something." "Just say yes or no. "Let me..." "If you say no, it's okay, but I hoped you will say yes." His eyes were locked on me. "Please say yes." He was so adorable and he had me in his trance. "Fine, but let me shower okay?" I didn't wait for him to respond I closed and locked the door. What did I do? I climbed into the shower and washed my hair. I just stood there allowing the hot water to burn my skin. While in there I fantasized about Nick in there with me. How his big strong hands would wash my body. How I would wash his body too. Then I pictured Kevin seeing us. I finished up and got out of the shower. "I can't go with Nick, why did I tell him I would?" I called Jessica again. "Forget about Kevin, Nick asked you out, will you go, do you want to go?" "Yes I want to go, but what about Kevin?" "Kevin wants you to choose." I exhaled rather loudly and she said, I'd love to be in your position right now." Torn between two Backstreet Boys." "They are still men with feelings and I don't want to hurt either one of them." "If I were you I'd choose Nick." "Why?" "Because you truly love Nick. Kevin it's not love it's more like, friendship. Friendship?" I couldn't believe she said friendship. "What do you love about Nick?" "His compassion and kindness, his youth and stamina." "Now, what do you love about Kevin." "I love Kevin" "But what about Kevin do you love?" "He's beautiful, what's not to love?" Jessica said it was a different kind of love. "A love of feeling safe and trusting him. You have that with Nick but a whole lot more." "Are you being impartial here or do you want to get back with Kevin?" I asked her. "If I got back with Kevin that would be great, but that's not my motivation. I want you to be happy. Just like Kevin." I heard a knock on the door and I told Jessica that I'd call her back. Nick was allcleaned up and looking a lot tanner. I invited him in and he sat on the sofa. "Are we still going out tonight?" I sat across from him on the love seat and asked him what his intentions were? He looked down at his hands and shrugged his shoulders. Then I asked him the "big" question. "Do you want to go out with me because "you" want too, or because I'm here to see Kevin?" This time he met my eyes. He said, "ever since Hawaii I've been struggling with my feelings for you. I thought you died somewhere in that hotel and it was all my fault." Now it was my turn to look down. I couldn't stare into those ocean blue eyes. They were drowning in his tears. "If we'd gone to Vegas like you wanted too..." "That's the past Nick. Don't blame yourself it's not your fault what happened." "If I'd just waited with you in the gift shop..." "Nick it's over, stop worrying about what would have or could have happened. We are both sitting here." "I miss you so much." "I miss you too Nick," I replied. He got off the sofa and sat next to me on the love seat. "I really need you in my life," he said. "Nick, I don't know. What about Kevin?" That's when Nick told me that Kevin's brother wasn't in an accident. Kevin was still in town. He just wanted to give me time to sort out my feelings. I couldn't believe that. "Do you mean Kevin's here?" Nick nodded his head. "So what your saying is that Kevin backed off so that I could explore my feelings for you?" Again he nodded his head. I was thinking if that's not the sweetest thing a man has ever done for me. I felt my tears begin to rush over my lids. "Where is Kevin?" I asked Nick. "I want to talk to him." "He's staying with Brian." I got off the sofa and rushed down the hall. Brian opened the door and I rushed in. "Where's Kevin?" I asked. Kevin walked out of the bedroom and I rushed into his arms. "How could you do this to me?" I cried. Kevin just squeezed me tighter. Nick was now in the room. "I did it for you Kim. I did it all for you." What do I do I wondered? I was in love with two men. Who do I choose? I loved Nick but I also loved Kevin. He was so compassionate and very romantic. But I loved Nick first. I've loved Nick longer. But did I fall in love with an image or with a man? With Kevin it was with the man, the man who stayed with me in the elevator and held my hand. Who shared my hospital room. Nick, well Nick is Nick. Need I say more? Nick is more of an infatuation, I don't think its love anymore. So do I choose Kevin? Or do I feed on my lust and pick Nick? What is a girl to do?

Chapter 19

Kevin told me to go on my date with Nick. Not to think of him but to concentrate on having a good time with Nick. After the date we'd explore what feelings I had. I felt awful, I can remember when all I used to do was play their CD's and watch their videos. Now I'm here in the middle and wondering what should I do. I turn and look at Nick who is looking so cute. He really hasn't done anything wrong, but I've been treating him pretty badly. When I look at him my heart melts, and my heart skips a beat. I wipe my tears away and kiss Kevin on the cheek. I walk across the room and grab Nick's hand. We both head back to my room. I try to snap out of this feeling of doom and ask Nick what he has planned for tonight? "Do you still want to go with me?" I sat down next to him and apologized for treating him badly. He told he that he understood, I was in a terrible position. He grabbed my hand and told me to grab a jacket. I just looked at him funny. "A jacket? It's almost 90 degrees," I said. "Not where we are going." I laughed and grabbed my jacket. We headed downstairs and climbed into Nick's Durango. He drove me first to a restaurant where we ate dinner. He was so sweet. We made small talk and he made me forget about Kevin for awhile. He has a wonderful sense of humor and had me smiling if not laughing throughout the dinner. We left and got into Nick's car again and Nick drove me to a private dock. "Why are we here?" I asked him? "To see the sunset." I climbed out of the car and Nick came up behind me. He grabbed my hand and led me down to a boat. "What we were doing? "Like I said, we're going to watch the sunset." "We could see better up there by the car." "I have better spot picked out." I said okay. I followed him to a boat and I smiled when I read FRACK painted across the bow. I laughed but covered my mouth with my hand. Nick turned around and smiled too. "It's my boat." I just nodded my head. He helped me on board and then untied it from the dock and we sailedout into the ocean. I stood beside him as he steered us out into the Atlantic.He pulled me in front of him and told me to grab the wheel. I was nervousbut he stood behind me and placed his hands on my waist. We got to a point where Nick thought would be perfect. Then he dropped anchor. He pulled me down on his lap and held me tight. We didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Are you all right?" I turned and smiled and let him kiss me. I just feel that this is so right. Nick was surprised at my reaction to his kissing me and kissed me harder. His hands exploring my body I wanted him. I really missed him. He lied me down on the bench seat of the boat and kissed me again. I was lost in our passion. He made love to me on the floor. We never saw the sunset. He wanted me as much as I wanted him at that moment and that is all that mattered. He told me he loved me. Something Kevin had never said to me. Well he's told me he loved me but only in a "friendship" way. Nick really meant it. I just couldn't tell him yet. Even though I knew deep in my heart that I loved him, I was afraid to say it. He made love to me again. It was quite dark now. Where had the time gone? Nick and I got dressed and we headed back to the hotel. Nick helped me into his car and then ran around to the other side. He hopped in and then he just sat behind the wheel for a few minutes. "What's wrong?" Again he sat very still and didn't move. Then he finally turned and looked at me. "I hope you don't have any regrets about what happened tonight. I don't. I love you Kim and I don't want to put any more pressure on me than you are already under." I grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. I just smiled and then I told him I loved him. He closed his eyes and for a moment I thought he wouldn't speak. He got very emotional and stated that, "I have waited so long to hear those words from you." He leaned in and kissed magain and then he started the car. We drove pretty much in silence. He held my hand all the way back to the hotel. Once we pulled into the parking garage and stepped out I began to get very nervous. "What am I going to do about Kevin?" I thought to myself. I think Nick must have read my thoughts because he stopped and asked me what I was going to tell Kevin? We sat down in the lobby. "I don't think I'll really need to say very much. Kevin understands me." Nick looked into my eyes as if trying to read them. He was searching for something but what? "Do you love me? Are you really sure you love me?" "Yes, Nick I really love you. I've always loved you." He kissed me and then helped me off the sofa and we headed to the elevator. "Nick, can we take the stairs?" "But your in the penthouse." "I just don't do elevators." "This could take awhile." He said as we headed to the stairs. It was almost 11 p.m. and I was nervous. Nick kissed me and we started to get lost in the moment again when I heard the penthouse door open. I was released from Nick's embrace only to find Kevin waiting on the otherside. He'd seen our embrace and the kiss. He smiled but I could see that he was hurt. Nick let go of my hand but I grabbed for it again. Kevin looked down but then he looked up again and smiled at me. "Did you have a nice time? "Nick was speechless, but Kevin and I was staring at each other.

Chapter 20

Kevin again asked if I had a nice evening? "Yes, I said, I enjoyed it very much." "Where were you going just now?" I asked him "Just for a walk." "Would you like some company?" I surprised myself by saying Nick turned and looked at me. Kevin said, "sure." "I'll go take a shower." Nick said and he got up and left without saying good bye. Kevin and I headed downstairs and across the street to the beach. "Have you made a decision?" "You don't waste anytime." "I can tell what it was all ready. I know you love Nick. I knew it all along." "You did?" "There will always be a special place for you in my heart, but I knew that your heart belonged to Nick. Do you love him?" I couldn't meet his eyes. Even if I could see them in the darkness. His penetrating stare always made me a little uncomfortable. As if he could see me he reached out for my face and rubbed my cheek. I looked up in the direction of his face and said yes. Then he pulled me to him and hugged me so tightly I could hardly breathe. "He's waiting for you, we'd better get you back." We walked across the street together and he held the door open for me. "I'll be up in a minute." "Aren't you coming?" I asked. "I really want to take that walk now." "Do you want company, 'cause it's not that cold." He smiled and said, "go to Nick." Then he let the door close and he walked away. I felt awful, my emotions were over taking me. I headed up the stairs for the third time today. I moved very slowly I felt so much pain, I had hurt him. It's the last thing in the world that I ever intended on doing. I walked back to the suite we shared. I took a shower and changed for bed. It was almost 1 a.m. when the phone rang. "Are you all right?" Nick asked. "I'm okay, are you coming back here tonight?" "Do you want me to?" "Please, I'm so lonely. Kevin's been gone an hour and I'm worried." "Kevin is here with me." "Oh, is he all right?" Nick said he would be. "I'm on my way." I hung up the phone and waited. Nick came and I wanted him again. He barely got in the door when I was all over him. I started to pull of his shirt and kiss his chest. Nicks stepped out of his shoes and pulled my night shirt off. His hands caressed my breasts making me moan almost impatiently. He lifted me off the floor and carried me into my bedroom. We stripped out of the remainder of our clothes and Nick made love to me. I don't know what had come over me but I was taking control. Nick didn't seem to mind but I rolled him on his back and straddled him. I rode him like there was no tomorrow. My tongue probed his mouth memorizing every inch. I thrust my nipples into his face making him suck on them hard. It wasn't long after that when I climaxed. Nick rolled me over and extended my pleasure with his tongue. His tongue found my clit and brought me to a double orgasm. I thought I'd die from the sheer ecstasy of it all. Once Nick climaxed he dropped his shuddering body on top of mine and he told me he loved me. He kissed me so softly and tenderly. We climbed underneath the blankets and he held me all night. He knew I was hurting, but he loved me and that was all that mattered. The next morning I was out on the balcony when Nick woke up. He wrapped himself in a towel and asked if I was all right? I turned to him and smiled. "I'm sorry about last night." He smiled, "Why?" I was a little embarrassed and I said, "well it's not me, I mean I usually don't do that." "Why not? I enjoyed last night." He pulled me to him and I could see the bulge rising beneath the towel. I placed my hand on his swelling member and asked if there was anything I could help him with? "I'd thought you'd never ask." He escorted me back to the bed where we stripped off our clothing. This time I made him lay back while I began to lick his ever hardening cock. He was a big boy, bigger than I ever imagined. I teased him a little by just sucking the tip. Then I would lick him again, just when I thought he couldn't stand it anymore I took him completely inside my mouth. He arched his back with pleasure nearly causing me to swallow him whole. Yikes! With my free hand I began to rub his balls. Causing more pleasure for him. He wrapped his legs behind my head and was pulling me down on his cock again. "You like that," I said. He didn't respond. He couldn't because he was enjoying it too much. I took him in again this time causing him to cum. Once he was able to move again he pulled me onto the bed and made love to me. He was still as hard as a rock with no sign of quitting. 2 hours later we lay in the tub. He was finally softening up. Hee hee. We soaked in the tub for about 40 minutes and then got dressed and went out to eat.

Chapter 21

We couldn't keep our eyes off each other. Nick couldn't keep his hands off me either. "I really enjoyed this morning. No one has ever made me feel like that before." All I could do was smile. He pulled me closer to him in the booth. His hand resting on my thigh. He slowly inched it between my legs. As if testing me for readiness. He leaned in and kissed me. It was a little embarrassing in a public place but I really didn't mind,much. We finished eating and then Nick took me out on his boat again. "What's next for us?" "Next? I don't know, what do you think?" "I don't want to be separated from you. I don't think I can handle a coast to coast relationship." I wasn't understanding what he was saying. He must have realized what I was thinking because he sai, "I want you to move in with me." I just smiled and I knew I wanted it too. "Are you sure?" "I love you and want to be close to you." I could only kiss him. "Is that a yes?" "Uh huh. I'd love to move in with you. I'll need to get a transfer though." "You don't need to work." "I want to work. I love my job." "Do you love your job more than me?" "Do you love yours more than me?" "No," he said. "I would like keep it if you don't mind." "Whatever makes you happy." "You make me happy." I called Jessica. She was happy for me and was glad that I was so happy. Then she cried, "You're moving across country." We'd been together for many years. "You get to come visit." "It's not the same but I'll look forward to it." "I'll be home by the end of the week. I'm going to ask Nick to come with me." We hung up and I went to change my clothes. When I headed back into the living room I found Kevin and Nick sitting on the sofa. I sat next to Nick and Kevin broke the silence. "I hear you're moving to Florida?" I smiled and said yes. "That's great news." Nick and I both looked at him. "What?" I shook my head and looked down. "Can I talk to you a minute Kim?" He stood up and I followed him out onto the balcony. "I don't want you to feel awkward. I want you to be able to relax around me." "I'll try but it's would take some time." "I know that Nick is yourfirst love and I'm all right with it." I hugged him and he hugged me back. I walked back inside with him and Nick was on the phone. He hung up when we got close to him. "We're listed on the next flight to Los Angeles." I just looked at him. Kevin was handling it better than Nick was. I told him to go pack. He looked from me to Kevin and then he left. Nick and I flew back to Los Angeles. Nick was able to stay for two weeks then he had to go back to Florida. I had to wait for my transfer to come through. Nick called me everyday, everyday! I loved him and missed him so much. My transfer wasn't coming through though. After four months of separation Nick showed up on my door step. I had no idea he was coming. I was surprised to see him and it wasn't long before we ended up in my bed. He missed me I could tell, it showed. He did things with my body that to this day still makes me wet. Later that evening we went for a walk on the beach. Nick stopped me and said, "please come to Florida with me." "I'm waiting for my transfer." It's been 4 months, I can't wait any longer. I can give you everything and anything you need. Just name it." "I just want to be with you." "Then quit your job and come with me." "Nick, it's not that simple." I started to walk away but he pulled me back. "What do you want? I couldn't look him in the eye. "Kim what do you want?" "I want to be with you." "I want to be with you too. But I'm going crazy! I don't want to spend another night away from you." "But Nick..." He put his finger on my lips and then he pulled out a ring box. He got down on one knee and said "Kim, like I said I can give you anything you want, but I only want one thing from you. Will you be my wife?" I jumped in his arms knocking him backwards causing him to drop the ring. "Yes! Yes, one thousand times yes!" Nick and I were laughing and kissing in the sand. We found the ring and it fit perfectly. "How did you know my ring size." "I've held you hand so often, I just knew. That and Jess told me." We went back to my house and we packed up my belongings and I left my job and everything. Jessica was heart broken but very happy for me. Nick and I flew first class. He paid for the tickets and it didn't bother him one bit. We arrived at Nick's home later that evening. No one saw us for three days. We spent that time getting reacquainted. I love him and he loved me, that is all that matters. Our wedding was beautiful, we honeymooned in the Bahamas. The sex is great and we are very much in love. Nick is anxious to start a family, but I don't want to share him with anyone. He is my all. He is all I need. But of course he has given his heart to me, the least I could do was give him a child. But he still loves me. I still love him and he makes me very happy.