Chapter 1

The sun was setting on another day of my life without Steve beside me. Steve and I had split up about a year ago. It was mutual I really loved him a lot and was sad to see it all end. He was very special and he knew how to please me. Since our split I haven't been able to find anyone like him. He knew the bars I liked, the type of movies I wanted to see. Whenever we went out to dinner he took me to all my favorite restaurants. David, my last boyfriend, never cared what I wanted to do and often got frustrated when I brought up Steve. I suppose I would have dumped me too. Matthew came next and that fizzled before it even started because I knew more about sports than he did. He didn't like the competition or me one upping him all the time. Steve was proud that I was into sports. Basketball, Baseball, Football, I didn't care I'd go to any game. Super bowl Sunday was always a blast at my house. The beer would flow and the food, man the food, it just kept coming. The games were always great and the company the best. I often wonder if Steve ever thinks of me as much as I think of him. I pick up my things and head back to my car. I get in but it won't start. I know it's the starter, I can tell by the sound that it's making. I lift up my hood and try to figure out what it needs exactly. I hear a voice ask, "Do you need help?" I jumped up and hit my head on the hood. "I'm sorry if I scared you." I just stare at him and rub my head. "No blood, I'll live." "What's wrong with your car? This is your car isn't it?" "Yes it's my car, its the starter. I can't get it to turn over." "Starter, huh? Are you sure?" I sat in the driver's seat and turned the engine over, the loudest screech came from the engine. Yup, it's the starter," he said with a laugh. "By the way my name is Nick." "Hi, I'm Jamie, I guess I'll call AAA, and have them tow it away." I threw the rest of my belongings in the car. "It was nice talking to you but I have got to call before it gets any later." I started walking away, "wait a minute. I've got a phone in my truck." "That's all rightI'll use the pay phone." "Wait! I'm just parked over here." I turned around and saw him running to this monster truck. Man it was cool. I think the tires were about 6' in height. Now I was curious and followed behind him. "Is this your truck?" "It's my baby." It was the deepest green I've ever seen. The gleam the truck gave off was incredible. I looked inside the cab, it was immaculate. "Have you ever been in a truck like this before?" I just shook my head. He was digging in his backpack for his phone and I circled the truck. He found me on the other side looking up at the engine. He started talking about horsepower and torque I was amazed. "This truck," I said. "Wow!" He handed me the phone and then it dawned on me that my ancient car wasn't starting. I punched in the number to AAA, I knew it by heart. They'd be here in 30 minutes. "I'll wait until they get here." "It's all right, I'll be fine. I'll just go sit in my car." I watched him climb into his truck and I walked over to my car. He parked his truck right next to my little car. The difference in size made me smile. Whoever said size doesn't matter hasn't a clue what they are talking about. Nick hopped down out of his truck and said, "my mother would be terribly disappointed to find out I'd left you alone on a beach stranded." All I could think about was he lives with his mother? Total turn off for me. "I'll be fine, I assure you. Besides it's getting dark, won't your "mother" be worried?" "What? Why would she be.... Oh I don't live at home, I was just trying to sound..., never mind." I emptied my personal items from my car into a bag so that I wouldn't have to do it later. Nick noticed my drawing and immediately thought the were really good. "Thanks." After all, what did he know? AAA came and confirmed my prognosis, it was the starter. They would tow it to the dealership. The driver said he'd give me a ride. "That's all right, I'll take her." I just looked at him.

Chapter 2

I signed the AAA form and watched my car get hooked up to the tow truck and pulled away, heading to the dealership, again. Nick helped me into his truck and all I could think about was wow, this truck is so awesome! "Where can I take you?" "Thanks again for the ride, you really didn't have to." "It's no problem." I gave him directions to my home and I enjoyed the scenery from so high up. We didn't really talk much, but I enjoyed every minute. Once we got onto my street I pointed out my white house with green shutters. Nick said my house was nice. "Thanks," I said. "Now how do I get down?" He laughed and turned off the truck and hopped out on his side. I grabbed my bag and opened the door. I handed him my bag and he put it down on the driveway. I was at a total loss on how to get out of this truck now. So Nick held up his hands to me and I started to step down and lost my footing. Nick caught me but my body slid all the way down the front of his body, boy was I embarrassed. I picked up my bag and thanked him for the ride home. He said any time. I headed towards the front door and Nick walked around to the driver's side of his truck. "Jamie?" "Yes?" "I normally don't do this, I mean..., would you go out with me sometime?" I guess my face gave away the shock I felt because he quickly said never mind. "Sure why not." "Really? I mean well can I have your phone number so I can call you?" "I'll be right back." I disappeared inside to find a pen and piece of paper. I wrote down my phone number and walked back out to him. I handed him the paper and he touched my hand. It was like electricity racing through my hand and to my heart. It sent chills through me. "Thanks, I'll call you tomorrow." "I really have to go, I can still catch some of the game if I hurry." He scrunched up his forehead and said, "what game?" "You're kidding right?" "I have an idea but I want you to tell me." "Bulls vs. the Jazz." "No way, you like Basketball?" I just smiled, "is that intimidating?" "No, do you mind if I watch it with you?" I felt a little weird but I said okay. We went inside and he laughed when he saw my big screen television with all the sports pennants plastered all over my walls where most people hung their family pictures. "I don't mean to offend you but do you live with anyone?" "No, why do you ask?" "No reason." I laughed and flipped on the game. "Would you like a beer?" He said sure. I grabbed a six pack and some munchies and we watched the rest of the game. I was a Jazz fan and Nick liked the Bulls. The Jazz won! Ha ha ha! I pulled out my score book and recorded another win for my team. "What is that?" "It's my score book. Whenever I go to a game or I watch a game I record it and who I went or watched with and..., well I've had it since I was 10." Nick thought it was cool. "You went to all these games?" "Yes." "Who's Steve, you're brother?" "Not exactly, he was a friend." "Is he still a friend?" "No, we broke up over a year ago." "I'm sorry." "I have tickets for the Lakers and Jazz Friday, would you like to go with me?" "Are you kidding?" "No, but I'm rooting for the Jazz, just so you know." "I will to then, I don't much care for the Lakers." We both laughed. I grabbed the remote and switched to another game. "How do you do that?" "What?" "You didn't even pick up the TV Guide." I just smiled and said it was a secret. We watched the Rockets and Celtics play. Celtics won and I recorded it in my book. "Uh oh, I see a trend here." "What trend?" "We've know each other for 6 hours and we've watched to Basketball games and we're going out on Friday." I just smiled I said, "if "you" are uncomfortable you can bring some friends." "How many tickets do you have?" "Tickets? I have a suite." "What do you do?"

Chapter 3

I told him I was independently wealthy. He laughed when I said it. I didn't live in a very big house and my car, well it was a 1967 Mercury Comet. "Okay, okay, my parents are the wealthy ones. What do you do?" "I'm a musician." "Really? That's cool, what do you play?" "Drums." "No way!" "I sing a little too." "Do you really play the drums?" "Since I was about 13." "Come with me." I made him come out to my garage which had been sound proofed and there stood another of my prized possessions. My drums! Nick's eyes got so huge! "Whose are those?" "They are mine, I've been playing since I was 6." He high fived me, "Can I play?" "Sure." He sat down and banged out some tune that sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. "This is better than going to Disney Land." I had to laugh, most of my friends liked to hang out here I thought to myself. I looked at my watch, "It's 10 O'clock." "Really, is it that late?" He put the drum sticks down and got up. I could tell he didn't want to leave, but I was getting tired. "Are you going to bring some friends on Friday?" "Do you want me to?" "It's up to you, can fit 15 in the suite." "Really? Are you inviting anyone?" "No, but you can if you want to." "If I don't invite my best friend Brian, he will never forgive me.So two friends. Brian's girlfriend will want to come along." "Sure why not." "What time should I pick you up?" "Oh no, you're truck will never make it into the parking structure." "I'll have Brian drive." "And what does Brian drive?" "A Jeep Cherokee." "Oh, that will fit." "I'll call you tomorrow, if that's okay?" "Sure, I'll be here. I have to deal with my car but I should be around." We said good night and Nick left and I went inside and took a shower and went to bed.

Nick drove home and called Brian and invited him to the game on Friday. "How did you score tickets, that game has been sold out forever." "I met this amazing girl today." Brian couldn't believe his ears. "You met a girl for the first time today and we're all going out with her on Friday? Does she know who you are?" "I don't think so, if she does she doesn't care. She's so into sports. Dude you should see her house." "You went to her house?" Brian asked. "Well her car broke down and she was trying to fix it..." "She was trying to fix the car herself? Who is this girl?" "Her name is Jamie." "Jamie what?" Nick was silent. "You don't know her last name Nick?" "No but I do have her phone number." Brian laughed, "that figures. She must know who you are>" "I don't think so Brian, she's just so... different. She's cool, she'sd pretty, she's talented. I saw her drawings and she's good." "If you trust her then we'll go." "Cool, oh by the way I need you to drive." "I knew there was a catch!" "My truck won't fit in the underground parking." "Why are we parking underground?" Nick laughed, "because that's where the private parking for the suites are." Br "Woo hoo! A suite!? Is this girl real Nick or are you just playing with me?" "You'll know on Friday. Dude, pick me up at like 4:30 so that we can pick Jamie up by 5:00." "Okay, I'll talk to you later, I'm going to call Lee and tell her."

Chapter 4

The next day I headed down to the dealership and they told me that the starter could be replaced but my transmission was going and once they told me the bottom line I told them to just keep the car. I called my dad and told him what was going on. "Jamie, since you're there just go ahead and buy a new car. Put it on the credit card and I'll take care of it." "Thanks dad." I walked up and down auto row for the next few hours and finally settled an Expedition. I loved the vehicle and took it for a test drive. I got $50 just for doing it. After talking money and me telling them I'd be paying cash the men just kind of chuckled and said oh okay. I talked them down another $7000.00 and handed them my credit card. They just looked at it and said, "You're charging the car?" "Yes." They laughed at each other and were surprised when the 25,000.00 amount was approved. It was being cleaned up for me and the vehicle would be pulled around in front in a few minutes. The guys weren't laughing anymore and came out with a bunch of Ford free gifts for me. I got a commuter mug and 2 collapsible chairs. After about 30 minutes my new car was ready. They all shook my hand and watched me climb into my new car and drive away. I laughed as they couldn't believe that I charged the car. I'd spent the entire morning shopping for a car and the last 2 hours buying this one, I was starving. I headed to McDonald's and walked inside. I was ordering my meal when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned to see Nick. "Hi, what are you doing here?" "I'm having lunch with my friend Brian." He pointed over to his friend and he waved to me and I waved back. I paid for my meal and followed him back to his table. I shook Brian's hand. "Are you a huge sports fan?" "Apparently not as big a fan as you." "I tried to call you but you weren't there." I swallowed a bite of my hamburger. I pointed out the window and said, "do you see that Expedition?" He nodded. "I went shopping." They both laughed at me. "The Mercury is dead so I needed a new car. Forgive me but if I don't eat soon I'm not going to be very pleasant." "You sound just like Nick." I just took another bite of my hamburger and looked in Nick's direction. They started talking about the game and I just nodded and kept eating. "I told Brian to pick me up around 4:30 and we'll be by to pick you up around 5:00." I just nodded, my head and kept eating. I took a drink of my diet coke and said, "that sounds great." "What kind of music do you listen to?" "I don't really, I mean I like it but I usually have the sports channel on in the car." "Is there is a sports channel on the radio?" I just nodded my head and shoved some fries in my mouth. "I just thought I'd bring some music along tomorrow night until the game starts." "But you'll miss the Pistons and the 76ers." "But we'll be at the arena." "We have a television, food, beers and sodas." He just looked at Nick and smiled. "It's all free just in case you're wondering." "Why do you have a suite?" "It was a gift from my dad. He's as big a sports fan as I am but he lives in New York so we have one at Yankee Stadium and now at the new Staples Center." "So are you from New York originally?" "No, dad just expanded his business and he and my mom are back there now." "I realize this is a dumb question but, what's your last name?" "Cooper, why?" "When I talked to Nick he told me all about Friday. I couldn't believe that he'd met you just a few hours before. I asked him what your last name was and he couldn't tell me." I laughed, "I don't know his either." "Carter. Ha ha, Cooper, Carter, so close." "And I'm Brian Littrell. So what else do you need to know?" We all laughed and they both kind of said, "Is there anything you want to ask us?" "Yeah, are you going to finish those fries?"

Chapter 5

Brian handed me his fries and I finished them. "I'm sorry I'm just so hungry." I looked at my watch it was almost 4 now. I finished the fries and said, "I better be going, I'll see you both tomorrow around 5." They both stood up and I dumped my tray and headed out to my new car. I climbed in and noticed them both watching me walk. Do you know embarrassed I felt? I managed to back out of the stall without running anyone over and headed home. For the first time in a long time I decided to listen to music instead of the sports station. I parked my car in the garage and went inside and called my dad. "I'm just getting home. I bought an Expedition." "I like those. How much?" "25,000.00." "What? How did you get an Expedition for 25,000.00?" "I batted my eye lashes and once I said I'd be paying cash they just kept lowering the price." "I wish your brother would do that." "It wouldn't have the same effect." "I guess not, I'll take care of this when the bill come in. Are going to the game tomorrow?" "Of course, I even have a date." "Really, who?" "I just met him but his name is Nick Carter and he and his friend Brian and his girlfriend are going with me." He laughed, "so it's a double date?" "Sort of, but not really. We've just met and he helped me when my car broke down and this is how I'm repaying him." "I know you're dying to tell me about him so tell me." "He's gorgeous dad, he's about 6' 2 and has blonde hair and blue eyes. He's beautiful and he likes sports, and he's not intimidated that I do too." "This Nick is a keeper then?" "Dad I just met him." "I'll be flying to Los Angeles next week and I want to get together with you." "Great, is mom coming too?" "Probably we haven't seen you in almost 6 months so I'm sure she's anxious make sure you're all right. Hey honey, I'm late for a meeting but I'll see you next week, I love you princess." "I love you dad see you next week." I hung up the phone and then played my messages. Nick called not once, but twice. He said he'd call back later and left his phone number. I quickly copied it down and put it in my rolodex. I turned on the Sonic's game and my telephone rang. "What are you doing?" "Sonic's are playing." "Who are they playing?" "Golden State>" Nick laughed and asked, "what channel?" "ESPN." I could hear the game in the background now. I had muted mine when the phone rang. "So how are you going to record this game?" "What do you mean?" "We're kind of watching the game together." I smiled and pulled out my book. I said, "watched game with Nick over the telephone." He laughed. "Works for me." "Are you looking forward to tomorrow?" He said he was. I said me too. "You know, I could just meet you and Brian there." "No, we'll pick you up. It's the least he could do." "I'll let you get back to your game." "I'll talk to you tomorrow then." Golden State won for a change. I tracked that in the book and went and warmed up some left over spaghetti. I took a shower and watched an old movie and went to bed. The next day I didn't get out of bed until 10:30 a.m. and that's only because my telephone rang. "Good morning!" Nick said. I stretched and said, "hello." "Did I wake you up?" "Yes, I stayed up late last night, Detroit and Dallas, double overtime." "I'll let you go back to sleep." "No that's all right. What's up?" I lay on my bed with the phone balancing on my ear. I just loved to hear him talk. He was so much like Steve it was eerie. Steve used to call me everyday, Steve liked sports as much as Nick and Steve was also a blonde haired blue eyed guy. I kept my eyes closed and just listened to him talk. After a few minutes of silence I said, "what?" "Are you sure you don't want to go back to sleep?" "I have got to get up. I have to go down to the Staples Center and get the tickets." "What tickets?"

Chapter 6

"I thought we didn't need tickets." "They aren't really tickets, it's just to allow us to get inside." "Would you like so company?" "Sure, then I can show you the suite ahead of time." "Cool, what time do you want to go?" "About noon?" "So in 40 minutes." "oh my did I really sleep that late?" I laughed, "yes I'll be ready." "I'll be there at noon." I got out of bed and made it up. I quickly got dressed and ate a bowl of cereal. I had just finished brushing my teeth when the doorbell rang. "Hi Nick!" "You dressed quick." I was wearing a pair of Jeans and a football jersey. "We'll have to take my car because you car won't fit." He said no problem. I grabbed my keys and my backpack and we headed out to the garage. I backed out so that he could get in the passenger side. We headed up to the Staples Center and listened to KIIS FM. "I thought you didn't listen to music." "I normally don't but you and Brian were talking about it so much yesterday that I found this station and it seems pretty cool." "It's a good one. Rick Dee's in the morning, tell me what time it is? Hmmmmmmm." I just looked at him. "He does this thing in the morning and ... never mind." I laughed an old song by Journey came on. "Oh wow, I haven't heard this since, 1985 or so." "I love this song." We both reached for the volume at the same time. There went that electric shock through my body again making me shiver. Nick started singing along with the song. He has an amazing voice. "I'd love to see you play sometime." "Really?" "You have a great voice. Where do you play? High schools and stuff?" He just smiled and said, "something like that." "Here is my off ramp, I always miss this." I maneuvered through the city and found my way into the Staples Center. I showed my license and badge to the security officer and he said go on in Miss Cooper. I parked in my stall and Nick and I headed towards the building. I went to the booth and gave the woman my suite card and license and said I needed 4 for tonight. Two minutes later we were heading upstairs to the suite. My suite was on the half court line and Nick couldn't believe the view. I showed him around a little and he said it would be his first time. Stupid me, I said, "oh a virgin?" I think I went 3 shades of red because Nick was laughing. I apologized. "You are so funny." I walked down to the front of the suite and sat in one of the chairs. We could see the staff getting the arena ready for the game tonight. "I can't wait to come back tonight." His phone rang and he excused himself. "Hello? Dude, you'll never guess where I am? I'm with Jamie in the suite." I saw Nick blush but he didn't say anything. "She had to get some tickets so that we could enter the arena. But the suite is so cool." He made some small talk and then hung up. "That was Brian, he says hello. Remember you were asking about seeing me play?" I smiled and said yes. "I have to do this gig in San Francisco. Would you like to come?" "When?" "Tomorrow night, it was a make up concert." "Concert?" "You'll see for yourself tomorrow." "Fine, sure I'll go. Are we driving or do I need to buy a ticket?" "We'll be flying but you won't need a ticket." The hostess assigned to my suite came in and quickly apologized for intruding. "We were just leaving. I was just showing my friend around." She went ga ga over Nick. "I'm hungry how about you?" He said he was starving. We drove back towards my house and stopped off at Lampost Pizza Parlor. We ate pizza and played a game of pool and knocked back a picture of beer. All in preparation for tonight. Nick drove my car back home and he followed me inside. It was almost 3 p.m. "Well I guess you should go and get ready don't you think?" "I guess I'd better." But he was just looking at me. "Should I pack something or are we coming right back after your concert?" "You'll need an overnight bag." I just stared into his ocean blues eyes.

Chapter 7

He leaned in and kissed me. At first his lips just brushed over mine and then we connected and my body just tingled as if a large volt of electricity was being released through it. He stepped back and I just stood there with my eyes closed. I slowly opened them. "Why..., what? " "I just had to kiss you." "Okay." "After tomorrow night we'll see if we can continue." "What's tomorrow night?" "The concert." I was still not focused, he had rocked my world with that kiss and I was having a tough time recovering. I think he was enjoying it. I just wanted him to kiss me again. That's all my body and mind was saying. "Here I am, come and kiss me." Nick backed up to the door. "Are you leaving?" He smiled, "it's after 3." He walked to me again and kissed me again. I felt so weak in his arms. I allowed his tongue into my mouth. He has a very wet mouth and he knows how to work his tongue. I felt my heart race and my breathing was quicker. He broke off the kis. "If I don't leave now, I'll never leave." I just smiled, "but you're coming back right?" "In less than 2." He walked to the door and I followed him. Just before he left he pecked me a couple of times on my lips. I told him to be careful. He waved and headed around the corner to the driveway. I went inside and took a shower and changed into my Jazz jersey and white 501's. When Nick returned he was with Brian and Leighann. I shook her hand and she was so soft spoken. She was a beautiful woman. Older than Brian but he didn't seem to care and neither did she. Nick was a couple years younger than I but he didn't seem to care either. I grabbed my backpack and followed them out to Brian's Cherokee. I handed Brian the parking pass and sat in the back with Nick. Nick held my hand and we all made some small talk. Leighann said, "Nick told us you're coming to San Francisco with us tomorrow." "I figured why not, I didn't have any other plans." She seemed a little reserved but was genuinely friendly. I told Brian which off ramp to take and guided him through the streets of Los Angeles. He pulled into the arena and handed the pass to the security guard. We were directed where to park and we headed out to the arena. "I forgot the tickets!" They all looked at me. "Just kidding!" I handed the tickets to the person guarding the door and we were allowed inside. We headed up the escalator to the second floor and entered into the suite. Brian was amazed and Nick was just all smiles. He still hadn't let go of my hand. "Dude, look over here." There sat a three foot submarine sandwich and a warmer with hot dogs. There were bags of chips and Nick opened the refrigerator and showed off the free beer. "Pass me one." "Beers all around," Leighann said. I smiled at her. We ate and drank some beer and talked about different things. "Excuse me while I go "powder my nose." Leighann said she'd come with me. We walked across the hallway and down to the ladies room. We walked around a little bit. "How did you meet Nick?" "It's weird but I only met him Tuesday when my car wouldn't start at the beach. I was there trying to figure out what was wrong with my car and he came out of no where." "Nick loves the beach." "I didn't know that." "You must of heard of their band?" "Whose band? Nick's?" "And Brian and AJ, Kevin and Howie." "He hasn't mentioned anyone except Brian and I didn't know Brian was in Nick's band. What instrument does he play?" She got a huge smile on her face and said, "what instrument?" "Nick said he plays the drums. So what does Brian play?" "He plays the guitar a little but he sings too." "Yeah, Nick said he sings too." She was trying to figure out if I was kidding around or not. We were walking back to the suite when Larger than life came on the PA. She said, "this is a great song." I listened and said, "yeah, I guess. Here is the suite," I opened the door and we went inside.

Chapter 8

"What took you guys so long?" Nick asked. "We went for a walk." I said grabbing my beer. The teams had assembled on the floor down below and were practicing. Nick started calling off the team members for the Lakers. "Who cares, where is John Stockton and Carl Malone?" He laughed at me. Brian and Leighann were whispering back and forth but kept looking at me and smiling. They were making me very uncomfortable. I finally asked if something was wrong? They both said no, and split up. But now Nick and Brian were whispering. I got up and said I'd be right back. I walked out of the suite and contemplated just calling a taxi and going home. I didn't want to miss this game though. I walked over to the bar and bought myself a beer and walked down to the restaurant. I stayed there a few minutes and drank some of my beer. I sat down at a vacant table wondering what I had gotten myself into? Were they planning on hurting me? I couldn't believe that they would, but still what's up with the secrets? See this is when I miss Steve. He would have had the guts to ask them all to leave. Instead, I'm the one that left. I started walking back to the suite and Nick walked up beside me and asked if I was all right? "I'm fine," I lied. He turned me to face him and asked, "what's wrong?" "Nothing, I guess I'm not feeling well, I think I'll just catch a cab and go home." "Are you sick, what's the matter?" "I'll be fine and I walked back to the suite and picked up my backpack and started to walk out. "Where are you going?" Brian asked. "I don't feel well, enjoy the suite and I'll see you guys around sometime." "Aren't you coming tomorrow?" Leighanne asked. "No, that's all right, I forgot I have something else planned. Enjoy the game." I closed the door. I headed down the escalator and Nick came running after me. "Wait up we'll take you home." "No it's all right." Brian and Leighanne caught up with us I said, "guys go back and watch the game, I'll be all right." Nick said, "why won't you tell me what's wrong?" I blurted out, "you guys are the ones with the secrets not me." They just looked at each other. I dropped my hands by my side and turned to walk out the door. "Wait. Jamie, wait a minute. Can we go back upstairs and talk. "I don't want to discuss it out here." "Nick, you don't have to explain anything, it was nice meeting you all but I gotta go." Brian said, "please just give us 10 minutes. Please Jamie?" I headed up the escalator to the suite and sat on the couch. Nick looked at Brian and no one spoke. I went to get up but then Brian said, "well you see, Nick and I are in a band." "Yes I know that all ready." "We are a very good band and we just didn't know if we were being used or you know?" I sat there staring at him thinking these guys have a garage band and they think I want to steal their thunder? I started to get up but Leighann said, "they are the Backstreet Boys." I had a blank expression on my face and asked, "if you don't have anything to say then I was leaving." "That's the secret.... I wasn't listening to her anymore. On the overhead screens a commercial came on for K-Earth 101, another radio station and I saw Brian singing. I walked to the edge of the suite and they saw what I was staring at. Nick said, "we just didn't know if you were a fan, pretending not to know who we were or if you just didn't know." "I have no idea what a Backstreet Boy is." They all laughed and then began to tell me their story. "Leighanne? Are you a Backstreet Boy too?" "No, I'm just Brian's girlfriend." "She's not "just" my girlfriend, she's my life." He kissed her and I looked at Nick. "I'm sorry." "For what?" "If I had only been honest from the beginning." "Then you never would have known if I knew or not." "I didn't think that you would be the type to lie about something like that. Will you still come tomorrow?" I smiled and said well.... sure, why not." He hugged me. Just then the lights in the arena went out.

Chapter 9

They were starting to introduce the visiting Utah Jazz. Nick and I were the only ones cheering for them. Once the game got started I excused myself again and headed for the restroom. When I exited the stall Leighann was reapplying her makeup. "Jamie, I want to apologize. I'm just protective of the guys. I hope you can forgive us." "It's over and done with." "You really never heard of them before?" "I listen to the sports channel. I hardly ever listen to music." "I'll have to get you a few of their CD's." "I'd like that." She hugged me. "What was that for?" "You're just a sweet person and Nick adores you." "He does?" She smiled and we headed back to the suite. Nick and Brian had cut into the sandwich and had taken a hot dog. Leighann and I fixed a salad and cut a slice out of the sandwich. Nick asked me to sit next to him. Once I sat down he kissed me on the lips. I just looked at him and smiled. "What did I miss?" He swallowed what he was chewing and told me. "The Jazz kicked the Lakers butts." I pulled out my record book and recorded the win and who was with me. "Next game is next week. Lakers and the New Jersey Nets." Nick and Brian both gave me that smile. "Should we come back?" "Please, if it's not asking to much," Brian said. "My dad is coming into town so as long as you don't mind my dad being around." "If you want private time with your dad, we won't come." "I don't even know if he wants to come, but he's a big fan of sports too." "We'd love to come back." "What about the rest of your band? Would they like to come too?" Brian said, "I'm sure they would love to. " "Great then I'll just get the maximum tickets and we'll use what we can." We finished up the food and watched the replay of the game. It was getting late so we stuffed my backpack with soda's and chips and beer and headed back to my house. I invited them in and they accepted. I threw the beer and soda's in my refrigerator along with the ones from last week's game. We sat down and made some small talk and Brian used my bathroom. "We'd better be going." "What time do we leave tomorrow?" "About 11 a.m. It was close to one now. Will you be awake?" "I'll set my alarm." "We'll wait for you in the car Nick." "I'll be there in a minute." Brian and Leighann said goodnight and thanked me again for the game. I waved and said you're welcome. I was alone with Nick. He took me in his arms "I'm sorry for the way things started out tonight. "The last thing I wanted was to make you uncomfortable." "It all worked out all right. I spent the evening with a..., What's the name of your band again?" He laughed, "The Backstreet Boys." "Oh yeah, Backstreet Boys. I'll try to remember that." He lifted my face to his and kissed me. Damn he gave me the chills every time. He slipped something into my hand and I looked down. It was a CD. "Track 5, listen to it." I said I would. He kissed me again and said he'd pick me up at 10:00. "You said eleven." "I can't wait that long," and then he was gone. I looked at the CD again. Millennium. I walked to my bedroom and put the CD in the player and keyed up track 5. I sat on the bed with a huge smile on my face. Was this a message? I kept it on repeat until I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning it was still playing and I woke up to my alarm and hearing Nick's voice. I packed an overnight bag and my new CD and waited for Nick to arrive. When he knocked on the door I opened it and kissed him. It was the first time I initiated a kiss and it felt strange. There were no chills this time. He smiled, "you listened to the CD?" "You're good." "What did you think of the rest of the CD?" "The rest?" He laughed I invited him in and closed the door. "The plane leaves at 11 so we had to get to LAX soon." "I just need a minute." I grabbed my overnight bag. "Did you pack your swim suit?" "It's October, why would I pack my swimsuit?

Chapter 10

"The hotel has a heated pool." I ran into my bedroom and grabbed my swimsuit and packed it in my overnight bag. I walked out and turned every thing off and Nick took the bag from my hand. "Are you ready?" "Ready." He leaned in and kissed me. He sent chills down my spine again. He didn't have his truck, he had a limousine. What the...? Your band must be big." We got in and headed towards the airport. There wasn't much to do but kiss and kiss and kiss, all the way to the airport. We met up with the rest of the group. They were all very handsome and very nice. Kevin, Brian's cousin, I'd have to remember that somehow. He was with Kristen and the others were all single. We boarded a "private" airplane. Another first for me. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I took as seat assuming I could just sit anywhere. "Not there that's Howie's seat." "Oh, I'm sorry." Howie said no problem. Nick sat in the back. "Would you like the window or aisle seat?" "Window please," he moved out of the way and I took the window seat. No one sat in front of us or across from us so we were totally alone. We got buckled into our seats and he held my hand during take off. Once we were airborne he undid his buckle and looked out of the window with me. He pointed out different landmarks. "I really hate flying but I like to look out the window." I laughed. He put his arm around me and he said, "look at that." There was a commercial aircraft flying just below us. "Isn't that cool?" "Yes, that was cool Nick." He laughed and said, "what if the Utah Jazz were on that plane?" "Then it would be really cool." He laughed and squeezed me. He kissed me again and Brian cleared his throat. "Excuse me, Nick I can't find my Millennium CD, have you seen it?" "Um." "I borrowed it." I reached under my seat and started looking for it while Brian went off on Nick. He didn't like Nick borrowing things because he never gave them back. "He lent it to me, sorry I meant to give it back but I forgot." "That's okay, it's just that Nick borrows things and they disappear." "This didn't." "Are you finished listening to it?" I nodded, "it's a great CD." "Do you have a favorite?" "I like track 5." "Did you like Show me the meaning of being lonely?" "Uh huh." He smiled, "Did you listen to any track other than 5?" "Uh uh." He laughed, "why don't you just keep this then. You have about 11 tracks left to listen too. I can get another, I'm tight with the group." I laughed and thanked Brian. "Are you thirsty?" "I'd love some water if you have it." Nick got up out of his seat and came back with some food and a bottled water. He pulled out a tray and shared his snacks with me. The flight to San Francisco was less than an hour. We landed at SFO international airport and hopped into a stretch limousine and headed for our hotel. Nick and I would share a two-bedroom suite. I thought that was very considerate of him, he didn't assume anything. Cool isn't he? Anyway, we got upstairs and Nick took a shower and I sat out on the balcony. I looked down below and saw a huge crowd of girls standing outside the hotel. I wonder what all the fuss is about? I thought. I heard a knock on my bedroom door and said come in. Nick found me out on the balcony, "What are you doing?" "Look at all those people down there, why do you think they are there?" He looked over, I don't know. It's cold lets go inside." I followed him back into the sitting area and he ordered room service. "Are you excited?" "I guess." Our dinner arrived and we ate alone, it felt strange to be sitting in a hotel room alone with Nick, but it also felt comfortable to, in away. Nick's friend AJ came waltzing into our suite and then quickly apologized for barging in once he saw us. "Ot looks like I'm just in time."

Chapter 11

I looked at Nick. He said, "guard your food." I laughed. AJ said, "are you going to eat that roll?" "Help yourself." "Now you've done it." "What did I do?" "Hey Jamie, are you done with your salad?" "Are you hungry AJ?" "Not really." He was already eyeing the other half of my club sandwich. "Bbecause I'm full and I'd hate to waste this perfectly good sandwich." "No, don't do that. If your full, I'll finish it for you." I stood up. "Would you like to sit down?" Nick was laughing. "What should I wear to your show, I mean concert?" "What your wearing now is fine." I sat on the sofa and picked up the city guide of San Francisco. I flipped to the back and said they opened a new sports bar! Nick and AJ both laughed. I lifted the magazine up so that it covered my face and I continued to read. About 30 minutes later AJ thanked me for sharing my dinner and said he'd see me in 20 minutes. "Are we leaving now?" "In just a few minutes." I got up and put my shoes on and combed my hair and brushed my teeth. I reapplied some make up. I don't wear a lot I like the natural look. Steve used to say it worked well for me. I sat out on the couch and waited for Nick. I picked up the remote and switched on the television. I found a college basketball game and was engrossed in it and didn't notice Nick watching me. I saw him move and he startled me. "Sorry, are you ready to go?" "I'm sorry," I flipped off the television and grabbed my backpack. We headed down to the elevator and we met up with Brian and Leighann. Brian asked, "Are you ready?" "Ready for what?" Brian just rolled his eyes. "Ready for what Nick?" "Remember when you asked why the crowd was downstairs?" "Yes, but you didn't know." Brian laughed and then quickly apologized. We stepped into the elevator and then Nick said, "well they're out there for us." "Us?" I asked. "The Backstreet Boys." I didn't believe him at first but once we got into the lobby and stepped off the elevator the crowd outside went wild. Nick said, "whatever you do don't let go of my hand." "Okay," I said, he must have sensed that I was scared because he kissed me and pulled me close. AJ led the way followed by Kevin and Howie. Nick and I went next and then Brian followed behind us with Leighann at his side. They all seemed to really like Nick and he waved a lot and signed a few autographs. He introduced me to a few people as a friends from back home. That was fine with me. We finally made our way to the limousine and once the rest of the guys got in we pulled from the curb. "Are you all right?" "Damn you guys are popular aren't you?" They just all laughed. "I guess we're not going to some High School Auditorium then are we?" AJ looked at me like I was crazy. We pulled into the SFO Convention Center which held 35,000 people and the giant billboard said BACKSTREET BOYS...ONE NIGHT ONLY....SOLD OUT!!! I felt sick. My throat was tight and my heart was racing. I was scared, I started to shake. "It's all right." "Are you as big as the New Kids on the Block?" They all started laughing really hard when I said that. "The Jackson 5. The Beatles, how big are you guys?" "You'll see tonight." The limousine stopped and we all headed inside. There were a lot of fans there all ready and the concert didn't even start for another 3 hours. Nick held my hand and I followed them inside and saw the stage. "Oh my heck!" We headed backstage where we met up with their manager. He asked Nick who I was? "She's with me and she needs a pass." "Lee needs one too." He opened up his jacket and pulled out two backstage passes. I just watched Leighann and did as she did. Then the manager said, "let's go guys." Nick turned to me and said, "I'll see you in 30 minutes." I guess I must have shown the fear because he quickly said, "Leighann is here, I just need to go get ready." He kissed me and then he slipped his tongue in my mouth.

Chapter 12

He sent the chills down my spine every time. "Are you going to be all right?" "I will now." He smiled and kissed me again. He ran to catch up with the others and Leighann said, "let's go have a seat out here. I followed her out and she apologized again for making me so uncomfortable last night. I forgave her. "Nick's like my little brother. All these guys are like my brothers, except Brian of course. I just don't want them hurt. We did the same thing to Kevin's girlfriend and Howie's girlfriend. You'd be surprised what some people will say to get close to these guys." "Are they really that big?" "Wait until you see the show tonight and all of your questions will be answered. I have to warn you though, it's just a show. It's hard not to get jealous as they play to the fans but remember it's just an act." "What are they going to do strip or something?" That caused her to bust up laughing. "Lets go for a walk." We made our way into the halls of the arena. I bought a BSB tee shirt and hat. Leighann just laughed. "I have to show my support right?" "You can get this stuff for free." "Nah, it's all right." I bought a soda and we were walking back to the arena when they started letting some people in. A few girls ran up to Leighann and asked for her autograph. She was signing her autograph. I stood back and watched. Who was she? Did I miss something? I thought to myself. Finally she said, "We have to get back and see what is taking the guys so long." She looked around and motioned for me to follow her. Once we got away from the other girls I asked her what that was all about? "Because I date Brian, and they just like me." "Oh my, what else is going to happen?" Nick came running out in this blue weird get up. "Cute, very cute." He kissed me and asked, "What's in the bag?" "Souvenirs." "I tried to tell her she could get that stuff for free, but she insisted on buying it." "Let's go back stage. Brian's looking for you." We walked in the back and he introduced me to the musicians in the band. When he introduced me to the drummer I looked at him weird. "He plays the drums just not all the time." "Are you playing drums tonight?" "Um, maybe." "So what am I supposed to do?" "I have a seat for you and I want you to enjoy the show." He kissed me again. "I have to go do the sound check." I walked out and the other guys were already on the stage. Nick joined them and I found Leighann and sat with her. She was holding Tyke, Brian's dog. I sat down with her and the musicians started warming up and then the guys started singing a little. Nick sat down and started playing the drums. He called me up on stage but I wouldn't go. "Jamie plays the drums man. I haven't heard her yet though." "Go up there. When's the next time you'd ever have this opportunity?" "Can I really?" "Go for it." I made my way up on stage and up popped another set of drums. Nick challenged me to a drum duel. I of course, accepted. I sat behind the other drum set and started playing along with them. I got lost in the minute and the next thing I knew I was off in my own world and it turned into a drum solo. I finally snapped back to reality and stopped. They all started applauding and Nick told Tim he was in trouble. Nick helped me off the stage. "That was fun, thank you." He pecked my lips and slapped my butt. I just smiled at him and said, "thanks." Leighann was all smiles when I sat down. "Now wasn't that fun?" "What a rush. When does this show start?" "Another 90 minutes." "What do they do now?" "We're going backstage because they'll start filling the arena in a few minutes." There were already a few people looking in but they weren't allowed all the way in yet. We went back stage where the topic was me.

Chapter 13

AJ wanted to know if there was anything I couldn't do? "I can't carry a note if my life depended on it." "Hallelujah there is hope for us yet." Everyone laughed at AJ's dramatics. There would be no opening act as this was a make up concert. "You guys usually have an opening act? How long have you guys been together?" "Almost 7 years." I felt really embarrassed. I had never even heard of them before yesterday. The time flew by and the guys all said a prayer and Leighann and I walked out to our seats. Again Leighann was recognized and signed a few more autographs. We found our seats and the arena went dark. The 35,000 fans cheered and I felt so excited. The next thing I knew I heard the soundtrack from Star Wars and the guys were flying over head. "Oh my goodness!" They landed on the stage and Nick was waving to me. I couldn't erase the smile off my face. I just looked up and smiled at him. They started singing Larger than Life. I turned to Leighann and said, "hey wait a minute, wasn't this the song last night?" She smiled and said, "uh huh." They were running all over the stage and they were good. I was dancing with the rest of the crowd. Leighann was little more reserved but she soon got up and was dancing with me too. During a song called Quit Playing Games With My Heart, they flew off the stage again. AJ was over our heads and he was throwing toys down at the fans. He was spinning around like crazy. I tried to see Nick but he was on the other side of the stage. "Is it safe for AJ to be doing that?" "The crew prefers that he doesn't do it but he won't listen." As he was going back in for more toys part of his harness gave way and he was literally hanging by a thread. The gasps and screams that came from the crowd were nothing compared to my screams. All the guys were looking over in AJ's direction. They managed to get him down safely but you could tell AJ was scared when that happened. He got down off the stage and started running around on the ground, throwing animals into the crowd. He got to Leighann and me, and he saw my tears. "I'm all right baby." The whole arena cheered. Finally the others all came in for a landing. I was relieved to see the others all in one piece. There were costume changes and numerous dance numbers. They were so awesome. Nick waved and blew kisses to me throughout the show. He did his little dance on the ladder routine right in front of us. I was so embarrassed because he was so erotic. "I've never seen him like this," Leighann said. That made me laugh. He fell on the stage and I stood up. Leighann pulled me down and said, "it's just an act, watch." I kept my eyes on him and he kicked up and landed on his feet. "How the heck did he do that?" Leighann just clapped and shook her head. "Amazing!" I said. They picked some mother's and daughters from the audience and sang The Perfect Fan. Nick played drums, Kevin played the Piano. The night was unforgettable. Once the third curtain call was done, Leighann and I ran back stage and hopped into the waiting limousine. A few minutes later the door opened up and the guys all sweaty hopped inside. Nick sat next to me. "Did you have fun?" "Yes, except for when my heart stopped. I nearly had a heart attack." Everyone looked at AJ. "Thanks for the tears baby, but I'm all right." "You cried?" "I thought he was going to come crashing down into the crowd." "That's so sweet." We got back to the hotel and they all took showers and cleaned up. We snuck out a side door and walked down to the local bar. We danced and drank. We all got totally wasted. It was the best time I had since Steve. We got back to the hotel and I called Nick Steve. Nick looked at me and said, "who's Steve, the bar tender?" I laughed and said, "yeah, I guess." Nick was all over me. He was drunk and I tried to push him off me. "No Nick, stop." He kept on kissing me. "No, Nick." I managed to get away from him and closed and locked the door to my room.

Chapter 14

Nick sat outside my door. "Jamie, I'm sorry, please come out." I lied on top of my bed and cried. How could I be so stupid? Was all that kept going through my head, after a while Nick stopped knocking and I fell asleep. The next morning I woke with a terrible headache. I called down to the front desk and asked for some Tylenol. They said they'd bring it right up. A few minutes later I heard a knock at the door of the suite. I slowly opened the door and found Nick asleep just outside of my room. I gingerly stepped over him and answered the door. I thanked the man for the Tylenol and when I turned around Nick was standing behind me. I nearly screamed. "Jamie, I'm sorry." I knew he was, he didn't blame it on the booze he just kept apologizing for messing things up. I forgave him, mostly because he wouldn't stop talking and my head was pounding. He brought me a glass of water and I took my Tylenol. I headed back to my bedroom and Nick followed me. I turned and looked at him. "I promise to behave." He made me smile I climbed back into bed and got under the covers. Nick lied on top of the covers and we fell asleep there. A few hours later I woke to Kevin standing over Nick and talking to him. Even though I slept in sweats and a tee shirt I was still surprised to find Nick and Kevin in my bedroom. I realized that I knew Nick had lied down with me, but I didn't think he'd still be here, nor did I think he'd be holding a conversation with Kevin. I pretended to be sleeping and listened as Nick talked with Kevin about what had happened last night. Nick felt really bad about it. "Nick, You need to give Jamie some space." He had similar problems when he started dating Kristen. He smothered her all the time and she really hated it. Over the past few years he and Kristen became soul mates. He knew what she liked and she knew what he liked. Sometimes they even finished each other's thoughts and sentences." "I'd love to have that with Jamie, if only I could relax and not blow this." "If it's true love it will win out in the end. Otherwise, you could end up with a very good friend." Friend?! I thought, I wanted to kick Kevin right off the bed. I didn't want Nick as a friend, I wanted him as a lover, boyfriend. I didn't need another male friend, I had enough of those. I started to stir and they both got up and went into the sitting area. Once I was sure they had left the room I stood in the doorway and listened as Nick continued to talk about how perfect we were for each other. We had a lot of the same interests and he said I was a great kisser. Kevin said that I also seemed very giving, patient and kind. Nick just smiled as he listed some of my finer qualities. There was a knock on the door and then AJ walked in. "Where's Jamie?" he asked. Nick told him to be quiet, that I was not feeling well and was still asleep. "Are you going to let her sleep all day or are you going to wake her up soon?" "Let me go check on her." I sprang back into bed and Nick must have sensed something because he stood over me for a minute and then went back to the sitting area, or at least that's what I thought. Once I felt the coast was clear I snuck out of bed and made my way back to the door of my bedroom. Kevin and AJ were talking but I couldn't see Nick. I kept looking for him but he was no where in sight. Then all of a sudden I felt his arms wrap around my waist. "Gotcha!"

Chapter 15

"I heard voices." But I was smiling and we both knew I had been caught. "I really am sorry." I told him I forgave him and it was all right. He leaned in and kissed me sending those familiar chills down my spine again. I trembled in his arms. He stopped kissing me. "Are you cold?" "On the contrary," and leaned in and kissed him. "Are you hungry?" "Starving." We walked out into the sitting area and Howie and Brian had joined us. Kristen, Kristina, and Leighanne had all come in together. Claudia was back home. Kristina had flown up this morning after she heard about AJ. We all decided to go out to dinner and dancing. I showered and changed and an hour later we left the hotel and headed to some classy restaurant. Kristina was a very pretty girl, it was obvious that AJ was head over heals for her. He could barely eat. If anyone looked at her too long he got so jealous. Kristen and Kevin were sitting very cozily together on the other side of the table. Brian and Leighann were very comfortable and lovey dovey. Howie was alone and didn't seem to mind. He kept winking at all the single women in the restaurant. Nick and I were becoming closer every minute that we spent together. He held doors for me, he pulled out chairs, he was such the gentleman. They all were. "I listened to the rest of the Millennium CD, and you were right, it was really good." He smiled, "I'm glad you liked it." We ordered dinner and the guys all ordered champagne. We were a little tipsy when we left the restaurant but we had the limousine so we were fine. We headed over to Confetti's. It was the happening nightspot in San Francisco. It was crowded but we liked it. We filled up two booths and ordered a round of drinks. AJ and Kristina immediately headed to the dance floor. Their bodies were so close together that you couldn't fit a dime between them. They were kissing more than they were dancing. When they did dance it was so erotic we told them to go get a room. Kristina blushed but AJ said it was already taken care of. Nick asked me to dance and I of course said yes. We danced to a few songs and headed back to the booth. Kristina and AJ had already left, I found that so funny. Kevin was out on the dance floor with Kristen. Kevin was about a foot taller than Kristen, but he was so in love. He didn't mind neither did she.

Finally the night was winding down and Nick wanted to head back to the hotel now too. I was so nervous as I didn't want last night to repeat itself. Nick and I headed back to the hotel and we sat in the sitting area for a while. We kissed and talked, his hands roamed all over my body and he asked me if I wanted him to stop? "No," he kissed me and then slipped his hand up my shirt and began to fondle my breast. My heart began to beat faster and my breathing got really shallow. "Nick..." is all I could say. "Do you want to stop?" "Yes, we have to stop. I'm not ready." "I'll wait for you." I stood up and began to walk to my room. He grabbed my hand and stood up next to me. He kissed me again, his tongue exploring every inch of my mouth. Slowly and deeply. My body was on fire and I didn't want him to stop, but we had too. Nick kissed me again and told me to sleep well and he'd see me in the morning. I could see his excitement as he backed away from me. A few minutes later I heard the shower turn on. I climbed into bed wondering if I was making the right decision. About 30 minutes later I heard a knock on my door. I said come in and turned on the light. Nick asked if he could just lie next to me. I flipped back the covers and turned out the lights.

Chapter 16

We had stayed an extra day that no one had planned on. We all met for breakfast and returned back to Los Angeles. The flight home was a little bumpy as San Francisco had rain. Nick and I got into our limousine and headed back to my house. I invited him in but he seemed hesitant, so I let him leave. As I walked inside of my empty house I wondered if I had blown the perfect opportunity to be with Nick. I checked my messages. Steve called twice. I sat and listened to the message over and over. He said he wanted to get together this weekend and left his number for me to call him. I debated whether to call him or leave him in my past. He was my first love and I still had feelings for him. But I also have strong feelings for Nick. I just don't know which one I have stronger feelings for. I took a shower and headed down to Huntington Beach. I sat on the sand and drew the fishermen who were fishing off the pier. I sat and sketched the sun as it set into the ocean. The pier was unusually busy for a Monday night. I listened as the music carried out over the water and laid back as the sky began to darken. The stars were becoming more visible now. As I stare into the night sky I can't help but wonder what I am going to do about my personal life. My cell phone jars me out of a deep thought. It was Nick, he said he's been calling me for the last few hours and was worried. "I'm all right." I felt my tears starting to slip from my eyes. "Where are you?" "I'm by the pier, I just have a lot on my mind, but I'm okay." "You don't sound okay and I don't feel it's safe for you to be on the beach at 9:00 p.m." I sat up, "is it 9 already?" "What have you been doing for the last 8 hours?" "Just a lot of thinking. I'm going to head home now, I'm sorry I worried you Nick. I'll talk to you later." "Call me when you get home." I picked up my things and headed back to my Expedition. I shook the sand off my clothes and out of my hair. All of a sudden I was bathed in the headlights of a car. I heard a familiar voice say, "Jamie, is that you?" I tried to block the headlights with my hand and then the lights went out. I heard the car door open and he asked if I was all right? "I'm fine Steve, I was just heading home." "Whose car are you driving?" I chuckled and said, "the old Mercury died on me so it's a new one." "I can't believe you finally got rid of your ancient car. It used to embarrass me whenever I drove it anywhere. But we had a lot of memories in that car too. I smiled. "Yah." "Why didn't you return my calls this weekend?" "I've made some new friends and we spent the weekend in San Francisco." He raised his eyebrows. "Did you catch Friday's game?" "I was there." "I couldn't get tickets so I had to watch it on television. "Are you going to the Nets game this week?" "My dad is coming into town so I would probably go." He asked how my family was and I asked about his family. My stomach was flip-flopping as I felt I was cheating on Nick just by talking to him. Steve asked if I wanted to go for coffee? "Tonight's not a good night, I just got back at noon today and I've been out here all day. I've got to get some sleep." "Maybe another time then." "I'd like that." Steve hugged me and kissed me on my cheek. He whispered that he missed me. I just looked down at the keys in my hand and told him I'd better be going. "Call me sometime Jamie." I said I would and then I climbed into my Expedition and drove home. I was surprised to see Nick waiting for me. I pulled into my garage and Nick climbed out of his truck. "What took you so long? I was just about to come looking for you."

Chapter 17

I climbed out of the car and cleared out my belongings. I didn't answer him right away and he knew something was up. I closed the garage and headed inside. I flipped on the television and scoured the channels for sports. "What's wrong?" I smiled and said, "I was fine." I got up and Nick stood up and pulled me to him, he said, "what's wrong Jamie?" I just let my tears fall, "I don't know what to do," I finally said. He just held me and kissed my forehead. "You don't know what to do about what?" I just held onto him and didn't say a word. "Do you need someone to talk too? I can call Leighann, or Kristen. They'd been through this before, he knew it was hard to date with all the pressures." "It's not that." "Leighanne, she knows what it's like to be smothered by Brian's love, am I putting too much pressure on you, because if I am, I'll change." "No, no, no, its not you, it's me." I released him and sat down and buried my face in my hands. "Jamie, please tell me what's wrong." I looked toward the television, there was a college basketball game on. Nick picked up the remote and turned the television off. "I ran into Steve tonight." "Who is Steve?" "You know, Steve, Steve. "I handed him my scorebook. "Oh, I thought you said you were at the beach?" "I was but when I was leaving, Steve saw me and we talked for about 30 minutes." Nick was holding my hand but not looking into my eyes. "Do you want to be with Steve?" "I don't know Nick. That's why I'm so confused. I've just found you and things haven't exactly been smooth but I like you. I like you a lot. But Steve was also my first love, and I still have feelings for him. I have strong feelings for you too. I just don't want to miss out on a life I was meant to lead. Does that sound funny to you?" "No, I don't especially like it but I understand. Jamie, I really like you a lot. I'm sorry that things haven't gone very well for us....," I interrupted him and told him it wasn't his fault. "Really it's not, I still have issues to deal with and it's more me than you." "What do we do now? Do I wait until you decide, or have you already decided?" He was now looking me in the eyes. I felt so lost in his ocean blue eyes. "Nick, I really like you. But, I have this history with Steve and I'm afraid that it's going to be a problem for the two of us." He looked down at the floor, "so you want to go back to Steve?" "No, not really. I loved him a lot, but.... I'm afraid that I'll be comparing the two of you and that will be a lot of pressure for you to deal with and our relationship won't work because of it." "When did you guys break up?" "A year ago." "I'm willing to take the risk if you are. I can't explain my feelings exactly, but you are the first and last person I think of each day since we've met. It's not just physical either. You're beautiful but it's the inside that attracts me to you. You are so talented and caring and loving, you haven't a clue who I am and it doesn't bother you." I felt my tears betray me again. "If we don't explore where this relationship could go, we'd both regret it." He wiped my tears and he told me he loved me. I just fell into his arms and cried. "Jamie, please give me another chance to prove my love is real." I chuckled. "What's so funny?" "Isn't that a song?" "You've been listening to Millennium." That's when I knew that Steve was my past and Nick was my future.

Chapter 18

I told Nick that I wanted to be with him and that Steve was my past. I held onto his hand as I dialed Steve's phone number. He answered on the second ring. "Hi, it's just me." "Hey, I was just thinking about you." "Steve, I just wanted to tell you that I wouldn't be meeting you for coffee." "Okay, maybe some other time." "No Steve, see I'm dating someone and I really don't want to mess things up because I really love him. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. I wish you nothing but the best Jamie. I hope that we could atleast remain friend." "Friends, I'd like to remain friends. I better go, I'm really tired." Nick asked, "Are you all right with this?" "I feel a lot better, I really do." "I'd better be going," he kissed me and sent chills throughout my body. I moaned as he kissed me. That just made him pull me closer. "Nick," I said. He just kept kissing me. "Jamie, I love you." He released me from his grip and I walked him out to his Truck. "I'll call call tomorrow." "Remember, my dad flies in tomorrow sometime." "Then I'll call you Wednesday." "No, call me tomorrow. Maybe we can all go to dinner or something." He looked a little nervous, "you're going to meet them when we go to the Net's game anyway." He smiled, "I'll call you tomorrow." He kissed me again and I watched as he drove away. I went inside and took a shower and went to bed. The next morning I woke up and practiced my drums. I hadn't been out there in a long time. It was like a workout. When I was through banging around I had some much sweat dripping off of me I had to take another shower. My dad called while I was in the shower. He and mom were in town and he left the number to his hotel. I called him and he invited me out to dinner. "Great, may I bring Nick?" "We'd love to meet Nick." I talked to my mom for a few minutes and then I called Nick. "I was just thinking about you." He always knew what to say. "My parents are here and they invited us both to dinner." "What should I wear?" "Dress casual, it's only the sports bar. Dad found out that they were going to televise the Celtics VS. The Nets. So he wants to go see them play on the big screen." Nick laughed, "I can tell you take after your father." I had to agree dad and I loved sports. "I'll be there at 4." "I can't wait. I told him I'd see him later," and set off to clean my house. I took another shower and put on my Net's jersey and waited for Nick on my front porch. I had the Millennium CD blaring through my house when Nick pulled up. He jokingly asked if the guys were invited too. I got up and turned the music off and grabbed my jacket. "What are you doing for Thanksgiving Dinner?" "Probably go to New York to be with my family. Why?" "I was hoping you'd come to my house." "Your house?" "My parents." Now I had the butterflies in my stomach. "I'd love too go to your house." "What about your parents?" "What about them?" He laughed, "should we go then Miss Cooper?" "Yes, Mr. Carter we should get going." Nick drove my Expedition and we headed for the sports bar. We made our way inside and found mom and dad. I couldn't believe my eyes. "Oh no, Nick let's leave." "What's wrong?" "Nick I'm sorry I had no idea, please believe me." Just then my dad motioned me over. "Is that your dad?" "Yes, my mom and dad." "Is that your brother?" "No, it's Steve."

Chapter 19

Nick paused a minute and then took my hand and led me to my father's table. "Hello Mr. Cooper, I'm Nick Carter. It's a pleasure to meet you." Dad shook his hand and then Nick introduced himself to my mother. I hugged them both and sat down next to Nick. "Look who we ran into?" Steve and Nick were checking each other out. Sizing each other up was more like it. "Steve what are you doing here?" "I came to see the game too." "Are you meeting anyone here?" "No, but your dad invited mem to sit at the table with you." "Excuse me," I headed for the bathroom. I stood in their pacing back and forth. My mom finally came in and I cried in her arms. "Why did daddy invite him to stay?" Mom didn't say anything. "I'm sorry Jamie, we'll get through the dinner just fine." We headed back and I sat next to Nick. "Are you all right?" "I'm sorry Nick," I couldn't hold back my tears. He took the napkin and wiped my tears. "What's wrong?" My mom elbowed him and he shut up. Just then the game started. Nick and I turned our chairs so that we could see better. Nick kept his arm around me all through the game. We both got into it as we watched the Nets defeat the Celtics. Dad was a Celtic fan and so was Steve. When Nick and I were happy the Nets won, daddy put his big foot in his mouth and said, "Nick I thought I would like you." I felt the air leave my chest as I picked up my backpack and grabbed Nick's hand and we left. "Where are you going?" I was too emotional to talk to him. I was fumbling for my keys when dad met us both out at my car. "Is this your new Expedition?" I wouldn't look at him. "Princess what's wrong?" "Daddy, how could you?" I just leaned against the car and cried. Nick pulled me to him but Nick wouldn't look daddy in the eye. My dad kept saying what did I do? Nick said, "no offense sir, but Jamie did say she was bringing me to dinner tonight and for you to invite her exboyfriend, who she still has feelings for, sitting at the same table was not a wise decision." "I'm sorry." "Why daddy? I told you how I felt about Nick, why did you do this?" "Princess, I apologized, what else can I do?" "Apologize to Nick daddy." My dad turned and apologized to Nick and they shook hands. "Maybe we can get together another time, just the four of us." "Daddy I would really like that. I have to warn you though, Nick is not Steve and I like it that way." Daddy kissed my forehead, "Do you forgive me?" "Of course dad, I forgive you." Mom and Steve came walking out of the sports bar now. Nick helped me into the Expedition and walked around to the other side. Mom walked up to the car and kissed me goodbye. "I'll call you later. It was nice meeting you and I look forward to seeing you again." He smiled, "I look forward to seeing you again too." Nick backed out of the parking stall and I asked Nick to drive to the pier. We ended up walking on the beach. "I am sorry for this evening. If I had know that Steve would be there I never would have agreed to go." "It's not your fault. I know you would never do something like that. So that was Steve huh?" "Yes." "Is it me or do we look similar?" I laughed, "you look somewhat alike, but you're much, much cuter." Nick just squeezed me. "Take me home Nick." "Are you tired." "No, I just want to be with you." "You are with me." "Not like this." He smiled and helped me up and we headed back to my house.

Chapter 20

We headed back to my house where once inside we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I led him through the darkened house bumping into things all the while. By the time we got to the bedroom Nick and I were laughing so hard because of all the things we'd knocked over or bumped into. My house wasn't cluttered in any way shape or form, but all of a sudden we were tripping over things. Nick found my face and buried his tongue deep inside my mouth. He pulled my jersey up over my head and with one snap my bra came undone. I helped him with his shirt off and we climbed out of our pants. Nick gently laid me down on the bed and cupped my breasts with his big strong hands. He kept kissing me and sending shock waves through my body all the while. "Do you have a condom?" He stood up and I could make out his outline from the little light that we had. He was a very well endowed man. I just knew I was going to enjoy this. I heard him rip the wrapper off the condom and he tried to put it on. He finally climbed back on the bed and kissed me all over my body. First my lips then my neck and then he found my nipples. He lingered there for a little while and kissed my stomach and glided right over my, you know what, I was nervous because that was my weak spot. He straddled me and slowly inserted his manhood inside. My body arched in ecstasy as he began to thrust in and out of me. I was almost screaming with pleasure. Nick rolled over onto his back and adjusted the condom and pulled me on top. I rocked my body back and forth trying to bring pleasure to him. I ran my tongue over his chest and his neck and then I began to suck on his nipples. That just drove him wild. He couldn't take it anymore and he pulled out and began to bring me to my climax. He thrusted himself deeper and deeper into my body until finally we climaxed together! We were both breathing so deeply and our hearts were racing. Nick was sweaty. I just rubbed the back of his head. Sliding my fingers through his silky hair. I told him I loved him. He kissed me on the lips and he said he loved me too. Nick sat up and I heard him take off the condom and walk into the bathroom. I just lied on the bed and then I smiled. I heard the sound of another wrapper being torn open and Nick again fiddling with trying to get it to fit. "Are you okay?" I rolled him over on his back and mounted him this time. I intertwined my fingers with his and then began the rhythmic motion again. Nick fondled my breasts and pulled himself up until he had my nipples in his mouth. He was definitely a breast man. He grabbed my butt as he climaxed again. "I need a drink I'm thirsty." I headed out to the kitchen and poured him a glass of ice cold water. He followed me out and we shared the glass of water then he pulled me down on to the ice cold kitchen floor where we went at it again. We ended up back in my bed where we fell asleep in each other's arms. It was the best lay I've ever had in my life. Nick seemed satisfied too. It was NEVER like this with Steve. Never three times in one night. As I tossed and turned next to Nick's body, his hand always found a part of my body. It was almost as if he couldn't sleep unless he was sure I was still here. It felt wonderful. The next morning I woke up before Nick. He was still asleep but hard as a rock. I slipped under the sheets and climbed on top of him. Once I brought my head up from underneath the covers I found his smiling face. "Good morning!" I just smiled as he leaned over and tore open another condom.

Chapter 21

Two days later we met up with my mom and dad in the suite for the Nick's game. Brian and Leighann came with us. Kristen, AJ, Jessica, Kevin, Claudia, and Howie all came separately. Dad pulled me aside and asked if everything was all right with us? "Daddy, I'm so in love nothing could ruin this feeling." He kissed my forehead and asked, "Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?" "Ooh, well I'm glad you brought that up." I laughed nervously, "Nick invited me to meet his family." Dad's eyes got really wide and he said, "is that so?" "It's not like that dad. We've not known each other long enough." "As long as you come home for Christmas." "Thanks dad.". Nick came over and shook dad's hand again and dad pulled Nick aside. Nick gave me one of those "help don't leave me alone with your father looks." I walked over and tapped on Leighann's shoulder and asked her to take a walk with me. She kissed Brian and we went to the ladies room. "I'm sorry if I seem immature but I have to tell someone, because I'm going to bust if I don't tell someone." "What?" Her eyes wide with anticipation. "Nick and I slept together." She smiled and said, "what do I say here? Congratulations?" "It was so wonderful I can't tell you how he made me feel." "Oh please, don't go there." We both laughed, "I love him Leighanne. I really love him and it doesn't seem real." She nodded her head. "That's how I feel about Brian. It almost feels like something or someone is going to wake you up and say get real, what would he see in you? I just looked at her. "You do know don't you?" Then I noticed the tears in her eyes. "Oh don't go getting emotional on me. I want you to be happy, just like me." She hugged me, which really surprised me. "How about I buy you a beer?" Now she really laughed, as the beers were free in the suite. We headed back and then I handed her a beer. We opened our beers and Leighann said, "to never ending dreams". We clinked our cans and downed them. She was faster than I but that just motivated me. "Okay, again." I handed her another can of beer and we downed that. Again she beat me. The guys were all laughing at us now because I wouldn't let it go. Finally after the fourth beer Brian said, "Lee let her win already." I did! "No fair!" I said with a little bit of slurring of my words. "Another night at my house. We'll all spend the night, just us girls and talk. I need to know about my Nicky." Nick was laughing, he'd never seen me like this. The truth is, I've never seen me like this. My parents were not amused. I began to eat the sandwich that was left and that helped somewhat. But I whispered in Nick's ear that I hoped he bought more condoms. He just smiled and tapped his back pocket. The arena went dark as they began to introduce the starting line up. I sat between dad and Nick. Dad was whispering in one ear as Nick was licking me in the other. I kept laughing and dad was getting a little upset. I told Nick to stop and then turned my attention to dad. He was talking about the players and stuff, we always talked before a game started and Nick was distracting me tonight. Nick behaved himself and let me have my time with my dad. I reminded him that I'd be all his later. He just smiled and said he knew that! I laughed as the game started. It was loud in the booth. Brian and Leighann were sitting in front of us and Kristen and Kevin were beside them. We had a really good time, until the Lakers beat the Nets. I can't stand the Lakers. Dad and his many connections got us down on the floor after the game and we got to shoot around. It had always been Nick and Brian's dream to play in the NBA. Tonight they kind of did.

Chapter 22

I sat on the bench with the girls and watched as my dad and our men made fools of themselves. Nick and Brian were pretty good, dad was holding his own. They were having the best time and then Shaquille O'Neil came out and shot a few around the court with them. Okay now Shaquille is like 7' 7. Nick is about 6' 2 and my dad is 6' 4. Well, to see Shaquille out there was so hilariously funny, total Kodak moment. Thankfully, mom had her camera. "What's so funny?" Nick asked. I couldn't even talk as I was doubled over in laughter. He pulled me off the bench and I posed between him and Shaquille O'Neil. Okay, I'm only 5' 4. So you can imagine what that was like. Shaquille was like leaning his forearm on my head. It looked like I was holding him up! Since then, I've liked the Lakers a little more. Dad wanted to come back to my place, he hadn't seen it yet. But I told him to come over tomorrow. My place was a mess and I was pretty tired. "Okay then, How about lunchtime?" "That would be great, I'll cook." I kissed them both goodbye and we all thanked them for a wonderful evening. AJ was trying to jump and hang from the net, he was too small so Shaquille lifted him up and AJ swung like Tarzan. It was so funny! Shaquille said, "anytime you want to come down and shoot around with me let me know. Your dad has the number Jamie." "You have Shaquille's phone number?" Dad just smiled. Nick grabbed my hand and started pulling me away, he said "Thank you again for a great night, but we've got to go." Nick and I headed up the stairs and once we were out of view from my parents he put me up against the wall and started kissing me. I was melting in his embrace and when he broke it off he apologized. "I've wanted to do that ever since you downed those four beers. That was just so sexy." I just laughed and pulled him back to me. "Let's go home." We were walking away and we saw Kristen and Kevin locking lips too. Nick ran up to Kevin and said, "get a room mister," in his deepest voice. He startled Kevin at first but then Kevin realized it was Nick and the chase was on. He chased Nick down the escalator and outside the Staples Center. Kristen and I laughed as we watched. Kristina and AJ found us, "What's so funny?" We pointed outside and then AJ said, "what did Nick do?" That just made Kristen and I laugh harder. I walked outside and called to Nick. "Let's go I can't wait anymore!" Kevin still hadn't caught Nick, Nick was too fast for him. Brian and Leighann came down with Howie and Claudia. Howie and Brian both got Shaquille's autograph. Nick called them both traitors! "I expected that much from Howie, but you Brian?" Then he started making kissing noises and now Brian was chasing after Nick. It was the funniest sight. I just sat down as Brian chased Nick. Kevin started chasing him too and then AJ and Howie. Well, four to one you knew what would happen. They caught Nick and told him he needed some cooling off and they threw him in the fountain outside of the Staples Center. I about died, but he did look so sexy all wet. Nick was mad but I think he was pretending more than he was really mad. He kept asking how he was going to get home? "We can strap you to the roof of my Expedition, you'll be dry by the time we get home." They all laughed and Nick lifted me up and we both went into the fountain. Security was heading our way and we bolted into the parking garage. Nick said he was sorry but I was laughing so hard I didn't care! I wrung out my clothes the best that I could and Nick took off his shirt and wrung it out. What a sight we were, then my parents drove by and when they saw us they stopped. Dad asked what had happened but neither of us could tell him. We were laughing too hard.

Chapter 23

We climbed into my Expedition and I drove us to my house. Nick and I headed through the darkened house and made our way into the bedroom. Where we didn't come up for air until the next morning. The next day was dismal, it's been raining all day and my parents were coming. Nick had to head home for a change of clothes. I kissed him and told him I loved him. My mom called a few minutes after Nick left and asked if I needed her to bring anything? "No mom I'm fine." "I really liked Nick. He's such a sweet boy." "He is in no way a boy!" She didn't understand what I meant but that was all right with me. Dad took over the line and asked what happened last night? "Last night? What? oh when you saw us in the parking garage?" "You kids were soaking wet." "That's what love does to me!" "Jamie, what really happened?" So I filled him in on everything and by the end of the story we were both laughing hysterically. "Will Nick join us for lunch?" "Yes, is that okay with you?" "I was hoping Nick would be there, I really want to get to know the man that makes his daughter so happy." "He does make me happy daddy. And guess what else?" "What?" "He plays the drums." "Nooo, he plays the drums? Steve couldn't even play the drums and you two were perfect for each other." Dad quickly apologized and asked me to forgive him? "Dad, you have to be more careful. I'm not with Steve and I don't want you mentioning Steve around Nick." "I am so sorry, it will never happen again. I like Nick even more than Steve anyway, Steve was always trying to please me where Nick, Nick is Nick. He only sees you. I was really proud of Nick that day at the restaurant. He stood up to me in a gentlemanly way." "I love him dad, I can't imagine my life without him." "Don't start getting mushy on me, we'll see you for lunch. I love you princess." "I love you too dad." I hung up and immediately called Nick. Nick had just walked in the door. "I miss you, and I love you." "I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm just getting some things together. Oh by the way Jamie?" "What?" "I love you too." I hung up the phone and started the lunch. What to make, what to make? Since it was kind of cold and dismal outside I decided on Beef Stew. I chopped up my vegetables and browned my beef. I listened to the Millennium CD the entire time as I missed hearing Nick's voice so much. I baked up some fresh bread in my bread maker and chilled some wine for my parents. They were big wine drinkers. Nick and I would have soda or beer. We were easy, well you know what I mean. Nick was the first one to arrive. "What are you making?" I let him taste the stew. "That's awesome." I just smiled and then he kissed me. He jokingly asked if we had a few minutes to go down the hall? I laughed and said, "no, besides you are out of condoms." He pulled a brand new box out of his overnight bag he'd brought with him. "Maybe for a few minutes," I said as I looked at my watch. He slid his hands up under my blouse and began to caress my breasts. "We don't have time Nick and you better not get too excited otherwise my parents will notice," as I rubbed my hand over his ever growing member. He smiled and said, "well get my mind off you then." "How do I do that?" "EXACTLY, how can I possibly do that?" "Here, go set the table." He laughed, "Okay, I'll try." Nick and I set my table and when track 5 came on he pulled me out of the kitchen and started it over again. We danced together and he sang to me. I was so in love, how can anything be more right?

Chapter 24

He said, "Jamie, how much time do we have?" "About 20 minutes, why?" He just grabbed my hand and led me down to my bedroom. We had just got undressed and he had just lain on top of me when my doorbell rang. I just busted up laughing. Leave it to my parents to be early. Nick didn't think it was so funny. I jumped off the bed and quickly got dressed. Nick took a little longer as he had to calm his friend down. I met my parents at the door and let them in. Mom loved the house and thought I'd done a great job decorating it. "Whose truck was parked in my driveway?" "That would be Nick's he's using my bathroom right now," I said with a chuckle. "How do you get into that thing?" "Nick has a step stool for me." They both laughed at that. Nick came up a few minutes later and shook mom and dad's hand. We sat down and talked a little and dad finally asked Nick what line of business he was in. When Nick said he was in a band I could see the disappointment in his face. "Now dad, he's in a very successful band. I had the same thoughts I'm sure you're thinking right now but listen to this." Nick dropped his face in his hands as I put on Millennium, track 5. I walked to him and said, "excuse me, Mr. Carter? But isn't this our song?" He looked up at me and we danced. Mom loved the song. Dad said Nick was good but he shouldn't expect to survive on just his voice. "Bands are here today and gone tomorrow." Nick said, "you're right Mr. Cooper that's why I also produce and invest my money wisely." Now dad was impressed. "Do you play the stock market Nick?" "Yes sir, Mr. Cooper, I dabble." "Please, call me John." "Okay, John, I don't feel that the market is very viable at the moment, so many strong stocks have weakened over the past few months so I put my money in CD's and other investments that don't depend on the Dow or NASDAQ." Dad was impressed, as was I for that matter. I had no idea how intelligent he was. He was Brilliant in bed, but I had no idea. Dad never told Steve he could call him John. It was always Mr. Cooper. I couldn't erase the smile off my face for the rest of the day. We sat and ate and talked a little more. We all went to a movie together and then mom and dad left as they had another engagement. As soon as they drove off Nick said, "we have some unfinished business." He literally carried me down to the bedroom. "Do you know what happened today?" "What?" "My dad asked you to call him John." Nick brushed it of like it was nothing. "Nick, he's never asked ANY of my ex-boyfriends to call him John. You are the first." Nick still didn't realize the significance at first, then he said, "what did Steve call him?" "Mr. Cooper." With that off went our clothes and we spent the rest of the day in bed. My parents eventually went back to New York and Nick was back with rehearsal as the group was planning another tour. I invited all the girlfriends to my house for a sleep over so that we could get to know each other better. It was the greatest party I'd ever had. I learned so much more about the group. Especially about Nick, I found out he recently had his heart broken not once, but twice by the same girl. That has got to hurt. Leighann said, "but Nick's been great since the two of you have gotten together the last few weeks." "I never knew I could fall in love this fast. I figured that it would have to take a while." Everyone agreed with me, they each had there own story of how it was instant love, not love at first sight, but their personalities won them over.

Chapter 25

Nick and I would be driving to Palos Verdes to his parent's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I called my parents in New York before we'd left. My brother and his family had flown back, so they wouldn't be alone. Nick and I headed to his parent's house and I made him talk to me the whole way to calm the butterflies. I had packed a few pies and was so nervous. We pulled into the driveway of this huge house and I was immediately intimidated. Nick helped me from his truck and I could feel the tears burning my eyes. "Nick I'm so scared." "What are you scared of?" "What if they don't like me? What if they hate me?" "How could they could hate you?" "I'm just very nervous." "There is no reason." He picked up the pies and grabbed my hand and we walked into the house. He had 3 sisters and 1 brother. His Aunt's and Uncles and Cousins were here as well as his parents. I pretty much stood behind Nick through most of the introduction and then Jane, his mom, came and said, "I'm so glad to finally meet you. Nick has told me so much about you Jamie." "It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Carter." "Oh please, call me Jane." I wanted to scream! Nick's dad was just as friendly, his whole family was a lot of fun. I couldn't believe there were so many people here and they were concerned that I would have a good time. Nick's little brother was adorable, I think he had a crush on me because he kept asking me a lot of questions. He even sat next to me at the dinner table instructing me on what to eat and what to pass on. He was cute. He was trying to get into acting. He was a singer too. He was only 14. I thought he was cute. We made it through dinner and I didn't spill anything on my blouse. I thanked the Lord for that. We then went into the living room to watch sports. Nick's dad couldn't believe I wanted to watch sports. Nick put his arm around me and said, "you have no idea how much this woman loves sports." He filled his dad in on the Basketball games we'd gone to and my score book I keep. I was trying to contain my excitement over the plays that were being called on the television right now. That made Nick laugh. "Let it out Jamie let it out." "Did you see what the ref. just did? Is he blind? I see that he's wearing glasses but I think it's time for a new prescription." That just sent all the men laughing. I couldn't keep my bottom on the couch. "Oooh, did you see that? oh my goodness." They had more fun watching me than they did the game. I pulled my book out of my backpack and had Nick help me with the names. Nick didn't know I brought it with me and then he showed his dad. He flipped to the front and said, "you were how old when you started this book?" "8 years old, and I've marked every game I've ever watched or gone too." "That's amazing." "You forgot someone at the Celtics' Nets game." "What?" "Steve was there." "I know but I ignored him so he didn't count." Nick laughed. We went back to the dining room and had pie and ice cream. I got many compliments on my pies. It was time to go and Nick and I headed back to my house. He was going into the studio tomorrow so he'd see my late tomorrow night he said. "Do you want to come inside for a little while?" "I do, but I really can't I'm just too tired." I laughed and said, "you're too tired?" "I'm also out of condoms." That made us both laugh. So he kissed me goodnight and he went home.

Chapter 26

Christmas was coming and dad sent my ticket for New York. Nick and I were both bummed as I would be spending two weeks in New York away from him. I felt like a kid, I cried for two days straight. Nick bought me some diamond earrings and a stuffed teddy bear to keep with me while I was away from him. I bought Nick a Utah Jazz Jersey, my favorite team, and gave him tickets to the suite for Christmas Day. Lakers and Houston were playing, I'd really hate to miss that game. Nick promised to call me everyday, but it wasn't enough. Nick picked me up on December 21st and drove me to the airport. As I boarded the United Airlines jet to JFK, I was overcome with emotion. "I don't want to leave you." Nick kissed me and said, "it will only be two weeks." Nick was being recognized now and it was cutting into our time together. Nick signed the autographs and promised to talk to them as soon as I left. Which didn't make me feel any better. "You can't wait to get rid of me huh?" "It's not like that. Don't get mad now." "Nick come with me, I don't want to go alone." "Jamie, your family wants you to be with them alone." I heard the final boarding call and I had to go. Nick kissed me again and told me he loved me and would call me everyday. I finally boarded my plane and climbed into my window seat and cried all the way to New York. 6 hours later I was standing in baggage claim with my parents bawling my eyes out. I miss Nick so much, I told my mother." "The time will go quickly, you'll see." We drove into the city and would stay the first night at the apartment on 5th Ave. Tomorrow we would drive upstate to their home in Nyack. I was miserable and when Nick called I could barely speak. I missed him sooooo much. "If it's any consolation, I'm pretty miserable without you too." That first week was torture. Family kept flying in and everyone was festive, I was miserableand hated every minute of my visit. We had to drive into the city on Christmas Eve as we were picking up another family member. My parents insisted I go as I was miserable being at home. "We'll go early and maybe go shopping for Nick." "We've already exchanged gifts." "Well, then you can help me pick something out for Nick>" It was the most fun I'd had all week. We bought Nick some electronic drums from my mom and dad and I found this beautiful heart locket with a matching key. The girl wears the locket and the man wears the key. I decided to be corny and buy it for Nick. He would always have to the key to my heart. Dad saw some collector baseball cards and bought them for Nick. They cost my dad $500.00. He must really like Nick. We had all the gifts gift-wrapped and then we headed to the airport. My mom and I went into the gift shop as dad went and picked up our relatives. Mom looked at her watch and said, "the airplane has landed let's go find dad." We walked out into the terminal and over to the gate. "Who's coming anyway?" Neither of them answered and then I saw him. Nick was here for Christmas. I couldn't move I was paralyzed. Then he flashed that million-dollar smile in my direction. I ran into his arms and kissed him. "Are you surprised?" "Was this planned? No wonder my parents wanted to go shopping for you," I said. "They bought presents?" My mom and dad welcomed Nick to New York and dad said, "we'd better get going we have a long drive home." Nick and I sat together and talked all the way home. Nick couldn't believe my parent's house. My parents set Nick up in his own room, big mistake. He was down the hall from me. Nick finally met my brother and the rest of my family.

Chapter 27

We exchanged gifts later that evening. I got new clothes and a new leather jacket. I got more BSB CD's. I'd asked everyone as I didn't know what else to ask for. Then Nick opened up his gifts from my parents. He loved the drums and the baseball cards. He opened up the gift from me to him and he found a key on the chain. He looked at me a little confused and then I pulled the locket out from under my sweater. "It's the key to my heart. Corny, I know." My relatives all said awwww. Then Nick leaned in and kissed me. "I love it." We had a late dinner and turned in for the night. I kissed Nick good night and went to my bedroom. A few minutes later I heard a knock on my door. I jumped out of bed and found Nick on the other side. Nick quickly came into my bedroom and started kissing me. He missed me as much as I missed him. We climbed into my bed and made love. Later that morning he had to sneak back into his room so we wouldn't get caught. We met up with my family at noon and celebrated Christmas together. The following week was one of the best I'd ever had. Nick and I took off on the snowmobiles and made snowmen and had snow ball fights with my nephews. We had so much fun. Dad and Nick talked commodities and stocks and stuff. We watched football and then I said, "what did you do with the tickets for the suite? " "AJ, Kristina, Brian, Leighann, Kevin and Kristina were using them." "Cool, it's going to be a great game." It wasn't being carried on the East Coast so we instead watched the Orlando Magic and the Chicago Bulls. It was still a good game. We celebrated the New Year with a huge party at my parent's home. Nick and I didn't really know anyone but we didn't care. We danced and got really drunk we were cool about it though. We took off upstairs from the party and went and celebrated ourselves. I liberated a bottle of Champagne and Nick and I played strip poker in my bedroom. The clock finally struck 12 and Nick and I kissed. I blurted out, "I have never felt this way about another man before." Nick looked at me and kissed me. "I love you Nick." He laid me on the bed and showed me how much he loved me. About 20 minutes after we had finished there was a knock on my bedroom door. Nick flew off the bed and into the bathroom. My mom and dad stood at my door when I opened it. They had come to wish me a Happy New Year. I told them I had too much to drink and turned in early, but I kissed them both good night and wished them both a happy New Year. Dad said they were going to wish Nick a Happy New Year. "No, don't do that!" I had a nervous little laugh, "He was worse off than I was, I'm sure he's passed out. Don't wake him up, let him sleep it off." Daddy looked at me funny and said okay. I said good night and closed and locked the door. I told Nick it was safe to come out. He had gotten dressed in the bathroom and kissed me. He was sweating. "What would have happened if he caught us?" "Daddy would have skinned you alive." His eyes got wide, "I'm just kidding. We're adults right?" He nodded his head but I could tell he was uncomfortable. "I'm going back to my room, I'm nervous now." I kissed him and he told me he loved me. I climbed in bed as he left. Not a minute later the door opened again, I asked Nick if he changed his mind? But then I saw my dad following right behind him. BUSTED! "Daddy, what's wrong?" He closed the door and told Nick to have a seat. "Not on the bed," daddy said. "I'm very disappointed with the both of you. You just looked me in the eye and lied to me." I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. "If you two wanted to share a room, all you had to do was tell me."

Chapter 28

"Why did you feel the need to sneak around and lie to me? Jamie?" All I could do was say I was sorry. "Daddy I'm sorry, I just didn't think you'd let us." "You two are adults and I know you would be careful." I looked at Nick. It had just dawned on us that we hadn't used a condom tonight. "You have been using protection haven't you?" "Of course daddy. The last thing we want right now is to get pregnant." Nick couldn't look at either one of us. I felt awful. Daddy went on to say that he was still very disappointed in both of us. This was not how he wanted to start off the New Year. With that he got up and left. "Jamie, I didn't use a condom." I looked at him through my tears and told him I realized that. "What if you get pregnant?" I couldn't answer him. That would just devastate my family. I laid on the bed and covered myself up. I couldn't face him right now. I didn't want to face it. Nick went back to his room and I eventually fell asleep. The next morning I went looking for Nick. Mom said he was outside. I apologized to her for last night. "What about last night?" Then I realized daddy had not told her. "Oh you know, having a little too much to drink and leaving early." "I have noticed that you've been drinking a lot more lately." I promised that I would cut back. "When did he leave?" "He went outside a few hours ago." I looked surprised. I ran upstairs and changed and headed out looking for Nick. I finally found him down by the frozen lake. "Hey, aren't you cold?" Nick turned around and he shook his head no. I sat down next to him and asked if he was okay? "Jamie, I didn't use a condom." "So, I realize that. It's not the end of the world." "For me it could be." "Why?" "I'm only 21, I'm too young to be a father and I'm part of a very successful group. If word gets out that you're pregnant." "Whoa! First of all I'm not pregnant. We don't know that." "But still...." "Don't do this Nick. I know where you're going and don't do this." "We better cool off for a while." "No Nick, you don't mean it." "I'm flying back to California today, alone." I couldn't hold back my emotions any longer. I got up and ran inside the house and up into my room. I locked the door and didn't answer it. Nick knocked to say he was leaving and my mom and dad were worried now too. They still didn't know what had happened. Daddy drove Nick back to the airport and mom kept coming upstairs to get me to talk. I just turned on my Millennium CD and drowned out her voice and knocking. I have never cried so much. Two days later I got dressed and headed downstairs. I was to fly back to California today. My mom and dad were so relieved to see me. "What happened?" "I don't want to talk about it." We drove to the airport in silence and I told my parents I loved them and boarded my flight to Los Angeles. I was so lonely, I just cried all the way home. I made my way through LAX and caught a taxi back to my home. I paid my fare and went inside and went to bed. The phone rang all day, but I would not answer it. The next day my doorbell kept ringing and my phone. I didn't answer them either. A week later I finally came out of my depression and decided I had to go on with my life. Nick was just a man. A man that I loved with my heart and soul, but..., still only a man. I went grocery shopping and ran into Brian. I was not ready to talk about it. Kevin was with him and they were getting ready for a party. I got an invitation but told them I wasn't ready to face Nick. I told them both that the Bulls were in town on Friday and if they wanted to get together in the suite that would be great. Of course they said yes. I told them I'd meet them at the Staples Center around 5.

Chapter 29

"Can we bring dates again?" "Sure, I'd love to talk to Leighanne." "Call her. She's been so worried about you Jamie." "Has she?" "If you ever need to talk, just call us." "How is Nick?" "I was wondering if you would ask about him." My tears started falling. Kevin hugged me and said, "Nick isn't any better than you are. He won't talk either." "I gotta go," I left my cart of groceries and ran out of the store. I climbed into my Expedition and drove home. I climbed back into bed and stayed there for the rest of the day. My phone rang again but I wouldn't answer it. I heard my answering machine click on and I heard a woman talking. "I know you are there and I'm going to keep calling until you pick up." The machine clicked off and the phone rang again. "Jamie? Please pick up, I know you're heart is breaking please, please pick up the phone." Click, ring, click, ring, finally I picked up the phone and told Leighann she was driving me nuts. She laughed and said, "I'm coming over." Then she hung up on me. It was silent for the first time in about an hour. I turned off the ringer and waited for Leighann. 30 minutes later my doorbell rang. I contemplated ignoring her, but I heard her say that if I didn't open the door she'd be here all night leaning on my doorbell. I reluctantly opened the door. She rushed in and hugged me. I just cried like a baby. I hurt down to my very soul. She closed the door and just hugged me. "Please tell me what happened?" I let her go and sat on the couch. "Jamie I'm sorry but you look awful." "Thanks for making me feel sooooooo much better." "What happened?" I told her about New York and how I was miserable and then Nick came and things were great. Then New Year's Eve we had too much to drink and well, we went back to my bedroom and made love. Well my father caught us and told the both of us we had disappointed him so much by sneaking around and lying to him. Well then he said he trusted us as adults and if we had wanted to share a room we should have just been honest about it. "And that's why you and Nick have split up?" I just started crying and then I told her, "we didn't use a condom." "And?" "Nick freaked out. He said that if I got pregnant it would ruin everything for him and for the band. He wasn't ready to be a father." "If he wasn't ready to be a father then he shouldn't have been having sex." I knew she was right but it didn't take away my pain. "So is that why you two have broken up?" "Yes." "Are you pregnant?" "I don't know. It's too soon to tell." "What would you do if you were pregnant?" "I'd keep it. I'll move away and never tell anyone who the father is." "What about Nick?" "He made it perfectly clear that he's not ready to be a father." "That's too bad, but that's not the best thing for the child." "Which child are you referring too?" She laughed, "It's nice to know that you haven't lost your sense of humor." I just cried, "why does it hurt so much?" "Your heart is broken, it will take a while to heal." Leighann stayed with me a few hours and then called Brian and told him what happened. I heard Leighann say she loved him too, and that just made me cry. I got up and went to my bed again. "Oh no you don't we are going out." "Leighann I really like you but you are really annoying me now." She knew I was serious. "okay but I'm going to call you later and if you don't answer the phone I'll be back leaning on your doorbell." She made me smile. I promised her I'd answer my phone.

Chapter 30

I fell asleep feeling somewhat better for talking it out. Leighann did call later and I thanked her for coming over. "You really did help. I felt better." "Then lets go to lunch tomorrow?" "Let me think about it okay?" "Okay, I'll call you back." I hung up the phone and it rang 2 minutes later. I laughed, "I'm still thinking about it." Nick said, "Jamie?" My heart stopped, "Nick?" "Hi." I hung up the phone. The phone rang again and I wouldn't answer it. Nick left a message that he was sorry and he was miserable without me. He asked if I was pregnant? He wasn't miserable I thought, he just wanted to find out if he was off the hook. I called my daddy and said I needed to relocate and I didn't want to talk about it. He said he'd have my house up for sale by the end of the day. And he did too. The Century 21 sign went up on my lawn and I slowly started the arduous task of packing up a lifetime of memories. Leighann came by that night and asked what was up with the sign? "I have got to get out of here. I love Nick too much to be this close and not to be with him." "What happened?" "He had the nerve to call here. He called here right after you did." "What did he say?" "He told me he was miserable without me and then he asked if I was pregnant. He just wanted to know if I was pregnant, if he cared about me at all he never would have left New York the way he did." "He does have the right to know." "I don't even know." "Here is a kit," and she pulled a pregnancy test out of her purse. "It's been 3 weeks so it would detect it by now." "I'll do it in the morning. "Do you want me to come over?" "I'd really rather be alone." She left and I put the pregnancy test away. I couldn't sleep very well that night and I decided around 2 a.m. that I would take the test. It was positive. I was devastated. It sealed my fate and the fate of my child. A few hours later I called my father and told him I wanted to move to Oregon. "What's in Oregon?" "The Trail Blazers," and then I cried. "Jamie what's wrong? Are you in trouble?" Then I told him the whole story. "You have to tell Nick." "No daddy, I don't want to ruin his life. He can't ever know." "I'll take care of everything. You need to fly up to Oregon, I'll have a ticket waiting for you." While I was able he wanted me to find a place to live and a doctor. I packed up what I could and called a close friend. She didn't know what was going on or who I had been dating. I left some boxes at her home and she promised to send them once I got settled. Leighann called later that morning and asked if I had taken the test? "I did and it was negative." "How does that make you feel?" "Leighann, I'm leaving California." "Why?" "I can't stay here. I have to leave." "Where will you go?" "New York to be with my parents." "When are you leaving?" "Today." "But I didn't get to say goodbye!" "I love you Leighann you've been a great friend, watch out for Nick and tell him I still love him." I hung up the phone and unplugged it. Instead of flying to Oregon I decided to drive. My car had to get up there anyway. Over the next few months my home in California sold, my friend sent up the boxes and I moved into a new home in a suburb of Portland. Dad bought me a suite so that I could watch the Trail Blazer games. Basketball season was over but I would use it when it started up again. The summers in Oregon were beautiful. I was 6 months pregnant with Nick's child and no one knew but my family. In the beginning Nick called my parents house but he had since stopped.

Chapter 31

I read in the rag magazines that he was dating. He had gone on with his life and there was certainly no room in it for me. My son was born on October 2nd and he weighed in at an ever 8 lbs. My mom was with me during the delivery and my dad thought it was time for me to let Nick know. I made him promise me that he would never tell Nick. He reluctantly agreed to never tell him. I named my son after my dad. Jonathan Cooper. I gave him his biological father's name for a middle name. Jonathan Nickolas Cooper. When my son was about 6 months old the Backstreet Boys were in concert in Portland. Since I had the suite I invited a few friends to come with me. We arrived early and partied in the suite. I headed out to the ladies room and on the way back I ran into Leighanne. She saw me first. If it had been the other way around I never would have talked to her. "You look great what are you doing in Portland?" "I live here, but I don't want Nick to know that." "Why?" Just then my friend Pam came out and said Johnny needs his diaper changed. Her eyes were huge. "Don't tell him Leighann. You can't tell him." "I'l be right back." I went and got my purse and told my friends that Johnny was sick. I'll catch a cab and talk to you tomorrow. I got out of there as fast as I could. I caught a cab and cried all the way home. I got Johnny changed and put him to bed. Meanwhile back at the arena, Leighanne told Nick but they couldn't find me. They went on with their concert and then one of them got the greatest idea. Nick called out my name and said that I'd just won their contest. So if you would make yourself known to one of the security staff he'd deliver it himself. They went on with the concert. Well Pam, not knowing anything about me and Nick alerted the security staff that I had already left the arena. That information got back to Nick and Nick asked Pamela to wait until after the concert and he'd talk to her personally. Well she knew that Nick was my favorite and thought she would be doing me a favor. Nick met up with her after the concert and Nick asked her why I left? "Her son, Johnny was sick, something about a fever." "She has a son. Yes, he's adorable, just turned 6 moths old." "I'd really like to deliver her the prize myself. Could you give me her address?" "She'd die if you showed up at her house." He smiled, "why is that?" "She loves you. She plays your Millennium CD everyday, track 5. Even Johnny gets happy when that song comes on. She has this running joke that it's Johnny's dad singing to them." "So can you write down the address for me?" "Sure. What did she win anyway?" "Tickets, T-shirts and stuff." "Wow, I wish I could see her face when you drive up to her home." "Remember, don't tell her I'm coming over." She promised she would tell me. Nick signed an autograph for her and took a picture with her. Once she left Nick broke down. He was a father and I had left to spare him. Brian and Kevin asked if he wanted company? "We have a son." Brian and Kevin knew this all ready. "My son," Nick said just barely above a whisper. Brian hugged Nick, "you can't go alone. We'll all go. We'll wait in the car while you go and talk to her." "I'm scared. Kristen said she couldn't believe that I bailed without telling them I was pregnant. Kristina said, "she must have really loved you Nick." Nick just cried and went to change.

Chapter 32

They got directions to my home and at 1 a.m. my doorbell rang. I was asleep and Johnny was now awake. He was screaming. Nick got all emotional outside as he heard his son's cries for the first time. He turned back to the van and they all got out and stood with him at the door. Nick rang the bell again and I opened the door to see all of them on my doorstep. I couldn't move, I tried to close the door but I couldn't. I had Johnny in my arms and he was crying and the 9 of them on my doorstep at 1 a.m. They all came inside and closed the door. Nick said, "Jamie why?" "I never told anyone so don't get mad. I never thought I would run into Leighann I'm sorry. No one knows you can go." "Jamie wait. Is he my son?" "His name is Jonathan Cooper." "But is he my son?" I just cried and nodded my head. Now everyone was crying. Everyone except Johnny, he wasn't sure what was going on. I had never had this many people in my house before. "Can I hold him?" "No." "I'm sorry for everything. I miss you and I still love you." "How did you find me?" "Your friend Pam." "Pam? What, how, I don't understand." Then Kristina told me what had transpired at the concert. AJ was still by her side and they were still in love. Kristen was exhausted and was leaning on Kevin. Kevin was listening to everything that was being said. "I don't want you all to hate me. I did what I thought was best for Nick." They quickly said the didn't hate me. They could never hate me. "How was keeping my son from me best for me?" "You told me yourself, you didn't want to be a father. You didn't want to let the fellas down, or ruin your career. So I made the decision for you." "I was being stupid. I went to see you and you were gone. I couldn't believe you left without saying goodbye." "I know you have someone in your life now, I knew you would. Johnny would just complicate things for you. We are doing just fine." "What are you talking about?" I said nothing. Johnny had fallen back to sleep. "I'm going back to bed so if you don't mind. "I'm not leaving." "We aren't going anywhere either." "Johnny is going to bed." Nick tried to follow me but I wouldn't let him. Kristina and AJ followed me. When we went back to the living room. Kristina said, "you're definitely the father and Johnny knows that." "What do you mean?" AJ said, "you have got to see the nursery." "No he doesn't," I said. Nick got up and went anyway. All over the nursery were pictures of Nick. Snap shots. Personal photos and even a few posters. When Nick came back out he was crying. "I am so sorry for making you go through all of this alone." "We are fine." "I still love you." "Thanks." "No really, I love you Jamie." "What about Sarah, or Susan or whatever her name is?" Everyone looked at Nick. "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Your latest girlfriend." Kevin said, "Nick hasn't dated anyone since he broke up with you." Nick said, "I tried to talk to you but you wouldn't take my calls. Then I went to your house to ask your forgiveness and then you were gone. I called your parents but they wouldn't tell me where you were either. I never imagined in a million years that you were pregnant." "I wanted it that way." I smiled I said, "another one of your songs." "Jamie can you please be serious for a minute? I love you and I want to know my son." "What about your career?" "What about it?" "You know what, it's 2 a.m. and I'm tired." Nick said, "I know you still love me." I couldn't take my eyes off his him. He locked his eyes on mine. I said, "but...," "No buts. I love you."

Chapter 33

AJ said, "will you two just kiss and make up already I'm tired and I'm hungry." "Jamie?" "The kitchen is through there AJ, but as for kissing and making up, not tonight." I went to bed and told them to lock up when they left. I climbed into bed and a few minutes later I felt someone get in bed next to me. I jumped up and turned on the light. "Get out Nick." "I'm not leaving." He then looked around my room and saw the pictures of the two of us. "Jamie, why are you fighting this?" "I don't want to go through the pain again. My heart was just healing with Johnny. He is all I needed right now." "I need him too." "Nick it's really late and you have another concert tonight." "Kiss me and I'll go." "No, I won't kiss you." He got out of bed and walked to me. "I know you want to so just kiss me." "No Nick." He was standing less than a foot away from me and he said, "kiss me Jamie." He leaned in and kissed me. He looked me in the eye and said, "kiss "me" Jamie." I cried, I still wanted him. Even though he hurt me I still wanted him. He leaned in and kissed me again, this time I kissed him back. I felt my heart skip a beat and I felt weak. "I love you Jamie." I hugged him and didn't want to let him go. Just then Johnny woke up again and started crying. Nick said, "let me get him. Please?" He followed me into the nursery and he picked up Johnny. Nick was crying and saying, "I'm your daddy. It's all right, I'm your daddy." I was crying too. "This you can't help with." I sat down in the rocker and nursed my son, our son. Once Johnny was full and changed, I put him back to bed. I turned to look at Nick and asked, "Where do we go from here?" He smiled at me. "What?" "That's one of our songs too." I didn't understand and then he sang a few bars. God I loved him so much, but I didn't want to get hurt again. He had made it perfectly clear that I would ruin his life with this child. It didn't want that. "Why did you leave?" "You know why I left. I was pregnant and you didn't want a child, you told me yourself." "But couldn't you at least tell someone? Why did I have to miss the first..." "6 months," I said. "6 months of my son's life?" he finished. "I was trying to do what was best for you. I didn't want Johnny growing up thinking he killed his father's career. It was just better that you didn't know. I knew you would move on, I thought you had." He was shaking his head and his eyes were ready to overflow with the tears he was trying to blink back. "I thought we knew each other better." I got up and left the nursery and headed into the living room. AJ had made a few sandwiches and they guys were just laying around. "Haven't you left yet?" I asked. Kevin asked, "what's going on in there?" "Nick was just getting ready to leave." Nick looked at me and said but...," "You haven't changed your opinion, you don't want to be a father. I don't want you in my life, I don't want to be reminded of what I did." "But you love me, and I love you." "It's just not enough, I'm sorry it's not enough." I went back into my bedroom. Kevin and AJ knocked on the door, I said "WHAT? Please can't you just leave Nick?" I said. Kevin opened the door and he and AJ walked in and closed the door behind them. Kevin said, "Jamie, talk to me. What's going on?" "Kevin I'm just so tired I can't even think right now." "Try, no one is leaving until we get this resolved." "Does getting "this" resolved mean me getting back with Nick?" "No, I just wants to make sure that you both want this. Do you really want Nick out of your life?"

Chapter 34

"Do I want Nick out of my life? No, I don't want him out of my life. I love him, I love him so much I had to go see him tonight. I never in a million years thought I'd run into Leighanne. If only I'd stayed in my suite." AJ smiled at me. "What's so funny?" "We should have known you'd be in a suite." Kevin said, "well let me tell you what's been going on for the last 15 months since you've been gone. When Nick found out you left he tried to find you. He hired a private investigator and he lived at the beach. He figured you'd go back and sketch, paint, or whatever it is you do down there. He got so sick, he was almost hospitalized. He hated himself for what he made you do. He couldn't concentrate for a whole year. Then just when he seemed to be coming around Leighanne sees you tonight, well last night," he says as he looks at his watch. "Nick hated himself for so long. He really loves you Jamie. I don't know what else to say other than he's never stopped loving you. If you can't at least forgive him, I'm not saying marry him, take him back move in with him, just forgive him. This will certainly kill him for sure this time." "I do forgive him, there isn't anything to forgive. He didn't want children. He didn't want to let you guys down but getting me pregnant, and he didn't want to lose his career. So I made sure that didn't happened. He didn't do anything but be perfectly honest with me. I know how he feels deep inside. Honest I do, I know he doesn't want to be a father. I don't fault him for that. I love my son, my family has enough money so that I can raise my son with all life has to offer him." "What about a father?" AJ asked. "My brother and my dad are involved in his life." "But he doesn't have anyone to call daddy," AJ said. "Is that my fault? I'm not the one that doesn't want to be a father." Kevin said, "have you asked Nick lately? Have you asked him today if he is ready to be a father?" I looked at the two of them and through my tears I said, "I can't and I won't be responsible for the end of all your careers. I just won't, I'm sorry I can't do that." Kevin said, "it really isn't up to you though is it?" I looked at him and said, "what do you mean?" "If Nick wants to be a father to this child, he can go through the courts and then it's a matter of public record. If you want a clear conscience then..." "He would never, you can't be serious?" AJ said, "I grew up without my father. If it were my mother who decided for me at 6 months old that she didn't need him I'd be plenty angry with her. Especially if my father wanted to be part of my life and she prevented it." "What do I do? What do I do? "I got up and walked out of my bedroom and held open my front door. "I need you all to leave now please." No one budged. Nick walked to me and looked me in the eye and said, "I love you Jamie. I love my son. I want to be his father. I'm ready for that." Brian stood up and closed the front door. Nick and I stood there staring at each other. "Jamie, won't you please just give me a chance?" "To prove your love is real?" He smiled and said yes. He reached for my hand and I said, "Nick, what if...," He said, "Shhhh, it doesn't matter anymore. If I don't have you and our son, it's not even worth it." Brian said, "will you two kiss already, I'm tired and want to go to bed." Nick leaned in and I kissed him. Brian stood up and said, "let's get out of here." "Where are you staying?" "Sheraton," Howie said. Claudia, Kristina and Jessica had all fallen asleep. Leighann was crying. "Can I stay the night with you?" "Not yet Nick. But I'll be here in the morning." "Please don't leave, I couldn't live without you two." "I'm not going anywhere." They all went out to the van and Nick said, "I really do love you, and I'm ready to be a dad." "Sure, I'll see you tomorrow."

Chapter 35

Nick and the fellas left and I waved as they drove away. I went inside and sat down to write Nick a letter. "I'm really sorry to do this to you again, but I really have no choice. I will not let our son be the reason all your dreams come to an end. I love you too much to hurt you that way. Please don't hate me. I've never stopped loving you. I will always love you. Jamie." I started packing things up again. I hated to do this, but I called my father and told him Nick found me. I needed to move again. "Oh Jamie, why?" "I can't stay daddy. I have to go, I can't be the one to ruin his career. I don't want Johnny growing up thinking he's the reason." "Whatever you want. Where do you want to go? Seattle?" "I don't know." "I'll take care of everything, just like before." I called Pam and had her come over. She was all smiles. I told her telling Nick where I lived was the worst thing she could ever have done. "You know him?" "He's Johnny's father." She went white. I said they spent the better have of the morning here. I haven't been to sleep and I gotta go. I started to cry, I said, "I need your help Pam." "I'm so sorry, what did you need me to do?" "The Expedition is packed and the rest of the stuff I would need you to send to me once I got settled. I don't want to tell you where I'm going right now, but I will be in touch. First, I gotta get some sleep. Can we crash at your house? Or does Nick know where you live?" "They never asked for my address." "Good," I loaded up Johnny into the car seat and taped the note to the front door of the house. I took one last look around and closed the door to my past for good. I slept until 5 p.m. Pam took care of Johnny and fed him the milk I had expressed. That and his cereal was enough to sustain him. When I woke up I knew something was wrong. "What happened?" "Nick's not performing tonight. Something about him being sick." "It's just a hoax. Just like last night, don't worry about it." "Do you think so?" "Of course." Johnny was sleeping and Pam made some food for the road. I would leave tonight under a cover of darkness. It sounded like something right out of a novel. Around 8 p.m. I left, I promised her I'd be in touch. I drove for 4 hours and I got really tired. Johnny wasn't doing so well either. I stopped and checked into a dive motel. At 7 a.m. the next morning I was back on the road. I stopped off at McDonalds and got breakfast. I had just strapped Johnny into his car seat when I saw the tour bus pull into the parking lot. The bus pulled around to the back of the restaurant and I got in the Expedition. I prayed that it was the band's bus. It wasn't. I sat perfectly still as they walked directly in front of me. Nick wasn't with them. No one saw me. Once they entered the restaurant I backed out of the stall and headed out of the parking lot. The band's bus pulled in right in front of me and I had to back up. AJ was sitting up front and he saw me. He was motioning to the driver and the driver started honking his horn. By that time everyone in the restaurant was looking out the window. I saw Kevin and Brian come outside and AJ started pointing at me. I backed up and kept backing up. The bus was boxing me in. Then I saw Nick. I just cried. I was backed into a corner with the bus blocking my exit. I was trapped. Nick ran up to the Expedition and started pleading with me to open the door. I wouldn't look at him. Johnny was crying now. I was crying, Nick said please open the door. Nick walked around to the back door on the passenger side. I had forgotten to lock it. He opened it and got in. He picked up Johnny and said, "why? Why did you run again?" "Nick I can't do this. I just can't do this." "I quit the band last night." "What?" "You left and I quit."

Chapter 36

"The guys told everyone that I was sick, but I'm not. I want to be a father to my son. I want to be with you. I don't want you to feel like you have caused any of this. It's my decision, it's done I quit." "Oh Nick, you didn't?" "I did, Jamie I love you, and I want to be with you and my son. I have to be with you and my son. Without you I have nothing." He was sobbing now. "I have nothing without you." "Please, let me back in your heart." He then started to sing, "what can I do, to get to you, to find a way back to your heart?" I just smiled, I loved him and there was no denying it. I turned to face him and said, "I'll let you back in our lives on one condition." "Anything." "You go back in the group." He shook his head, no. "I won't do it." "Then neither will I." Kevin, AJ, Howie, and Brian all walked up to the car and Brian asked if Nick was coming with them? Nick shook his head no. "Yes he is." "No I'm not." The guys all walked away and got on the bus. "Nick they're leaving." "I'm not leaving you or my son." "But Nick..." "Jamie, damn it! I want to be with you. Can't you understand that? What do I have to do or say to make you believe that?" "Get on that bus and I'll follow you." "I don't believe you. I'll ride with you and Johnny, you follow the bus." The buses started to pull a way. First the group and then the band. "Nick..." "Just follow them." "Johnny has to go back into his car seat." Nick couldn't do it and I got up and leaned over to help him and he pulled me onto his lap and kissed me. He kissed me hard and long. "Jamie, I can't live without you." "I love you Nick." He pulled me to him and cried in my hair. "I've waited so long to hear that. Oh God I've waited so long to hear that." He wiped my tears and he promised things would be different. "Will you give me a chance?" "You can thank AJ, but yes I'll give you a chance." He looked at me and said, "why AJ?" "AJ's little speech about if his mom had kept his father out of his life, he wouldn't have been able to forgive her for that. As much as I love my son, our son, I didn't want to be the reason he'd be in pain some day. I also don't want him to be a target for you, if things go wrong later or once people find out that you're a dad." "They'll know tonight. The whole world will know tonight." "What?" "I planned on taking you to Seattle tonight and introducing my wife and my son." "Wife?" He dug into his pocket and asked me to marry him. "I never wanted to be apart from us again. I went to the house with roses and the ring and found my note." "Oh God Nick, I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." He put his hand on my lips and said, "it was all my fault." I shook my head, "no it's not." "Will you marry me?" "Nick..." "Please don't make me beg you." I couldn't stop the tears from falling. As quickly as Nick wiped them away the next one wouldfall. "Jamie, will you marry me?" "Are you sure this is what you want?" "YES! Is this what you want? No guilt. No regrets." "Yes, I want to marry you Nick." He broke down in my arms. He couldn't control his emotions anymore and he had to get out of the Expedition. He dropped to his knees on the pavement and I thought he was going to have a heart attack. "Nick are you all right?" I screamed. He stood up and lifted me off the ground. "I'm the luckiest man in the world." Then he kissed me again. "Are you hungry?" "No, I'm not hungry." It was a first for him. He climbed in the driver's seat and we headed for Seattle. I fell asleep and woke up as we were crossing into the city. "You were tired." I apologized for sleeping so long. "How's Johnny?" "He was fussy but he had stopped and changed a diaper and fed him a bottle of formula.

Chapter 37

I smiled at him. "What?" "Do you really want to be a dad?" "More than anything in the world, well I want to be your husband first." I smiled and he squeezed my hand. I hadn't even noticed that he was holding it. It just felt so natural. We finally caught up to the rest of the group. They were all asleep but we woke them up. Nick asked if he could join the group? Kevin said, "you were never out, you were just sick remember?" They all laughed and hugged him. Johnny was being passed around and being introduced to his "Uncles". Leighann walked up to me and through her tears she asked if I was all right? "I am now." I held up my hand and showed her the ring. "Did you say yes?" I nodded. "You about killed him when he showed up at your house yesterday. I won't ever let you do that to him again." She was angry but she had every right to be. "I know, I promise you I will never leave him again. I've lost 15 months with him, and if you think it wasn't hard then you're wrong. I know every move the group has made. I read every article to make sure Nick was happy. Every time I saw his smiling face from a picture or an ad, I grieved. So I don't blame you for hating me for what I did, I've come to realize how much I hate myself." "I don't hate you Jamie. I love you, we all love you. Without you around here there was a hole. Now that you are back and have Johnny, I feel like my heart will explode." I hugged her and we both cried. "When Nick and I get married will you stand up for me? Again?" "What do you mean?" "You've stood up for me and put up with me ever since I've met you, and I'd love for you to be apart of this special event." "I'd be honored." Nick walked to me with a screaming Johnny. "He's hungry." Nick said, "what can I do?" "Unless you start lactating, there isn't much." He didn't understand. I sat down and started to nurse my son. Nick was embarrassed as everyone had gathered in the suite and I was nursing my son. I had a blanket over me. "But everyone knows what you're doing?" "So, is that so bad? Should I starve him?" "I'll just have to get used to it." It was getting late and everyone went back to their suites. They had a show tonight and then they had two days off. "If there was away to get married today, I'd do it. But I want the fellas there and they are just too tired. Can you wait until tomorrow? I told him I wait until the end of time for him." Nick called for a port a crib and when that came in the room I placed a sleeping Johnny inside. Nick pulled me close and said, "I need to be with you." He started to unbutton my top and then with one try unsnapped my bra. We lie completely naked next to each other. "Do you have a condom?" "What for?" "Nick?" "I meant it when I said I love you. Do you want Johnny to be an only child?" He smiled and then climbed on top of me. He started crying. "What is it?" "I just missed you so much." We made love and fell asleep in each other's arms. Nick was still wearing the key to my heart locket. Like me he had never taken it off. Around 5 p.m. we all got dressed and headed over to the Seattle Dome. Nick's seamstress had made Johnny a blue LTL outfit. Nick would fly out with Johnny in his arms. Johnny would be hooked up to a cable so it would be perfectly safe. But I was still scared for him. They ran through it a few time and Johnny really seemed to enjoy it. They ran through it with the music on and he seemed fine. They filtered in a screaming crowd and he was startled but Johnny was a trooper he enjoyed it still.

Chapter 38

I stood at the bottom of the steps and waited for the guys to fly in. As soon as I heard the Star Wars music start I began to cry. The smoke started to billow out of the box they hid in and then one by one they were lifted into the air. Nick with Johnny led the pack. I looked at the audience as they pointed at Nick with a baby in his arms. They were still screaming and applauding. Once they landed on the stage I felt such relief but the speech was yet to come. They circled the stage so everyone could get a good look at them. But instead of singing larger than life. Nick stepped forward and took center stage. "I need to say something. I specifically chose "Seattle" to be the arena where I would introduce my son." They all started applauding, I could see some were crying, but most were happy. Nick raised Johnny over his head and circled the stage with his son. Even the fellas were crying. They were emotional. Nick was emotional. "This is my son Jonathan." Again the screams came from the audience. They didn't care that he was a father. "Okay, now that you've met my son, it's time for him to go to bed." He kissed Johnny and they all said awwwwww. He walked to the steps where I met him half way and he handed me our son. He leaned down and kissed me. "I love you babe." Again thunderous applause. Johnny and I were escorted back stage to the dressing room where a portable crib had been set up for him. I nursed him and laid him down and he fell asleep. Nick hired a nanny to stay with Johnny so that I could see the show. I walked back out just as they were singing Quit playing games. How appropriate I thought. I was recognized and people were congratulating me and patting me on the back. I had bodyguards around me but I still felt invincible. Brian pointed to the other side of the stage and the bodyguard kept ushering me around. I finally saw my man flying over head. A spotlight shone on me, and Nick tossed an animal to me and blew me a kiss. The concert was great and I was tired. We all went back to the hotel and Nick and I made love again and fell asleep. The next day we were married in a civil ceremony. Johnny's name was legally changed to Carter and we lived happily ever after.