Chapter 1

I recently moved to Tampa and moved in with my cousin Christina. I'm from the Mid West, so living on the ocean was a new experience for me. I was looking for a house and I wanted it by the water. My cousin told me to take my time and wait until the summer was over and the prices of the homes closest to the water would reduce in price. I still looked anyway. The summer was winding down and I still hadn't found a place. My cousin owned a small boat, and we frequently went out on weekends. She taught me how to drive her boat and now I wanted one too. Christina said, if I wasn't careful I'd be out of money. No way, I won the Power Ball multi state lottery. I had won 72 million dollars. Money was no object to me but I was picky. Just as my cousin said, I found the perfect house in October. It was on a private beach and had huge floor to ceiling windows. I could wake up and hear and smell the ocean. It had a private beach where there was a dock long enough for the biggest boat. The house was three stories and loaded with extras. I had an in door and out door pool. Cool huh? It also had a movie studio, billiard room, six bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. The kitchen was to die for. Hard wood floors a walk in freezer. The island had refrigerated drawers. The house was perfect. Big, but perfect. This is a house I could die in. It had a garage large enough to hold four cars, Four cars! On the West Side of the house was a tennis court. On the East Side was a putting green. I would never have to leave. My favorite amenity was the basketball hoops in my driveway. The width of my driveway was the same size a regulation basketball court. A basketball hoop on each side of the driveway. Cool, isn't it. A record producer owned the house and he was a kid. Well, not a kid exactly but he loved to act like one. In the basement of the house was a recording studio. I figured that would be fun for fooling around. The Realtor told me the price had just come down 10,000.00. I told her I wanted this house. She was pleased to hear that. I walked through the house on my own while she made a phone call to her office and had her secretary get the paperwork in order. She locked up the house and we drove back to her office. Three days later my offer was accepted. I would move in on December 1st. I brought Christina around to see it. She said, Oh my goodness Sam, What are you going to do with this much house? I told her I was going to enjoy it. She laughed. We could have some pretty cool parties here. I told her, you're damn right we can. My first party would be in time for Christmas. She was so happy for me. We walked through the house and I told her I had to go buy furniture now. We went to all the furniture stores. Money was no object and I was running amuck. I found everything I needed and more. Everything would be delivered and set up for me. I didn't even have to buy tools. The delivery guys would have them. We went to Sears anyway. I bought a huge tool chest and told the man to fill it up with every conceivable tool I would ever need. He laughed and said this was a joke right? I place one thousand dollars on the counter and told him to get busy. I asked if Sears delivered? He said he would arrange it. I wrote down my address and paid cash. We went into their appliance section and I picked out a refrigerator, washer and dryer and vacuum cleaner. Have them delivered I said. This was cool. I liked spending money. Christina and I headed into the mall and went shopping for clothes. I told her not to hold back, pick out anything she wanted. I noticed a huge line at Tower records. I asked Christina what was going on over there? She said someone was signing their latest CD. Cool, I said lets got check it out. It was Nick Carter. I almost fainted. I've loved him since he was a Backstreet Boy. I grabbed two CD's and stood in line. I think I was probably the only one in line close to his age. I waited 30 minutes and it was finally my turn. I placed the two CD's down on the table and told him my name was Sam. Sam? He said. Well, Samantha I said. He smiled what a lovely name. He signed the CD's and then I proceeded to make a fool out of myself and I told him I've loved his music ever since the early 90's when he was a Backstreet Boy. I asked if he ever kept in touch with the guys? He said he did. I asked how his little brother was? He said he was good. He's not little anymore though. He's as tall as I am. Wow! Where did the last 10 years go? The little girls behind me were getting mad so I said, I know you probably won't call me but here's my number anyway. I wrote down my number and he put it in his pocket. Christina and I walked into Tower and figured since we were here we might as well get some music. We bought everything we ever liked and when the clerk told me the music came to 547.00 I hand him cash. He pulled out one of those pens and checked to see if they were counterfeit, they weren't. He bagged our music and we headed out of the store. I glanced at Nick and watched him sign more autographs. He looked in my direction and tapped his shirt pocket. I hope he calls I said to Christina. She said, He's a big star, what would he want with a fan? We had shopped all day and I was exhausted. It was fun spending money. I had just changed my clothes when my phone rang. Hello? Hi Sam? This is Nick. THUD!

Chapter 2

After I picked myself off the floor I said, Hi. I'm glad you called. He said he wanted to finish our conversation. It was nice talking to someone his own age. Most of the girls in the line today were 13 and 14 year olds. He said not that he minded, but they were so young. He was 29 now. I smiled. He was one year older than I. He said I noticed your accent. Where you from? I told him Oklahoma. He said he loved my accent. He said he'd love to take me out sometime. I said, your just saying that. He said I'm serious. I really enjoyed your company today. He asked what I was doing tomorrow? I said, whatever you want to do is fine with me. I gave him directions to Christina's house and hung up the phone. I then ran downstairs, and told her what just happened. She didn't believe me. I said, well you'll see tomorrow. Nick said he'd be here at noon. I was so excited I was barely able to sleep. I woke the next morning in this fog. Nick Carter was really coming to my house. I bounced down the stairs and into the kitchen. I was going back to the mall to buy something to wear. Christina said, you just bought clothes yesterday. I said, I know but this is for Nick Carter. Oh that, she said. Do you honestly think he's coming here today? I said, I do, he told me on the phone yesterday. She said, suit yourself. I asked if she wanted to go? She said, she had to work. I flew out the door and into my Mustang Convertible. I raced into the mall and found a pair of khaki pants and a green long sleeve, form fitting, sweater. I paid for my purchases and walked over to the jewelry store. I found a nice pair of earrings. I bought those too. I got back in my car and headed home. I washed my jeans in the washer so they didn't appear to be brand new. At 11:30 I was all dressed and ready for Nick. At 11:45 he called to say he'd be late. He was stuck in a meeting with his record company. He thought he'd be done by now. I told him I was just hanging out so not to worry. At 1:15pm Christina came home for lunch. She looked at me and asked where Nick was? She was getting some pleasure out of this. She went to the kitchen to make herself something for lunch. Not 5 minutes later the doorbell rang. Christina answered the door and it was Nick. Christina is quite small so she couldn't believe how tall Nick was. She stuttered, Hi, Hi, Hello Mr. Carter, Sir, won't you come in? I sprang to my feet. Unable to believe it was really him. I walked towards the front door and Nick was shaking her hand. Hi Sam, he said. Hello, I managed to say. He asked if I was hungry? I said, yes I was just making a sandwich in the kitchen. He said, let's go out. OK, I followed him out to his car. He drove a Ford Expedition. It wasn't what I expected of him. He helped me in and I waved to Christina who was in the doorway stunned. Nick was very talkative. He turned off his radio and asked where was a good place to eat. I said, The Olive Garden was just across from the mall. We were escorted to a table and Nick ordered wine. He said, I'm sure you know a lot about me, but I don't know anything about you. I smiled and said there wasn't much to tell. I'd moved from Enid Oklahoma at the beginning of the summer and moved in with my cousin. I was in the process of looking for my own house. He asked if I had much luck? I told him I was in Escrow. He congratulated me. He asked what I liked to do for fun? I told him I was a sports fanatic. I loved to play. He just shook his head in agreement. Our wine was brought to the table along with some bread. We placed our order and Nick asked if I worked. I told him I was self-employed. He asked how old I was. I'm 28 I'll be 29 in January. He smiled and said he'd be 30 in January. I knew that but I just smiled. He asked what I did? I told him maybe self-employed was not the right word, I'd come into a little money and didn't need to work. He smiled and said that must have been a nice surprise? I told it was. Our salads arrived and Nick placed some on my plate he then took some for himself. I asked what he was up to now? He said mostly producing, he had recently cut a new album, which I was aware of, and now he was starting that promotional tour. I told him I listened to it and it was even better than his last. He thanked me. I was so damn nervous. I couldn't see past Nick Carter the celebrity to Nick Carter the man. Our entrée's came and we both devoured them. We were both hungry. We made small talk for the rest of the meal and he drove me home. He asked if he could call on me again? I told him I'd be more relaxed the next time, I promised. He smiled and kissed me on the cheek and drove away. I walked into the empty house and screamed! I just went out with Nick Carter!

Chapter 3

When Christina came home at the end of the day she wanted to know everything. I told her I was such a fool. I barely talked to him. He did ask if he could call me though. She said, that's a good sign, if he wasn't interested he would have just dropped you off and said bye, see ya. I hope you're right I said. I went upstairs and took a shower. I had so many things going through my head. I got dressed and headed back downstairs. Your insurance agent called. The papers are ready for you to sign for your house. Oh, any other calls? No, sorry just the one, she said. Oh well, maybe he'd call tomorrow. We watched some television and I said I'm going to bed. Goodnight Christina. I walked upstairs and just turned off my light when the phone rang. It was Nick. I sat there in the dark talking to him. He asked what I was doing? I told him I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. He laughed, he said he did that sometimes too. He said he really enjoyed our lunch today. I said, you did? I was so uncomfortable, I'm surprised you even called back. He said he was nervous too. I monopolized the whole conversation. He said he had to go out of town for the next two weeks but he wanted to call me. I told him if he remembered then that was OK. He said he'd remember. We were kind of just listening to each other breathe. He said, well I'll let you go to sleep now. I thanked him for calling and hung up the phone. I fell asleep dreaming of Nick. I had never slept better. I woke up the next morning and set our to do some errands. I went by the insurance agency and paid to insure the new house. I had signed up to take lessons on how to operate a boat so I had that class today too. I drove by my new house. Who ever it was that lived there was moving out now. It was almost Halloween. I guess it would take a while to get a lot of that stuff out. I told them I wanted them to leave all the sports equipment and recording studio stuff. Everything that was nailed or screwed down was supposed to stay anyway. I went to my class. I wasn't happy to find out that we wouldn't even set foot on a boat for a whole week. We would first have to learn about water safety. The importance of not drinking and driving even on the water. We would all be required to take a CPR class. Oh joy, I thought to myself. By the end of the first week I knew everything about water safety and passed my CPR class. The only thing I didn't know was where Nick was. He hadn't called. I tried to put him out of my mind. I was a little hurt though. We were finally allowed on the boat. We were all so excited. It was quickly squelched when the instructor said we wouldn't be leaving the dock. For the next few days we went over what would you do if. If this, if that. I just wanted to get out on the water. Halloween was tomorrow and Christina and I are really looking forward to it. We had started decorating the house last weekend. We hung that web stuff all over everything. We were planning a huge party. I was dressed as The Bride of Frankenstein. Christina was an over the hill spice girl. It was too funny. Her boobs hung down to her knees. She was funny. The monster mash was playing really loud and I never heard the doorbell. Next thing I knew Christina was standing with Nick. I was hurt that he didn't call and I didn't really feel like talking. But it was Nick Carter. So we went outside where it was a little quieter. Nick apologized for not calling me. He said he lost my number and when he called information he realized I'd never given him my last name. I just smiled. I said Marshall. He said, what's Marshall. I said, my last name. Oh, he said. He took out his little electronic organizer and I took it out of his hands and punched in my phone number and first, middle, and last name. He looked at it and smiled at me. He said, I see you're busy so I'll go. I told him to stay. He said, I don't have a costume. I told him to say he came as Nick Carter. He laughed. He said, he didn't feel comfortable being here without a costume. I led him upstairs and took out a white sheet out of the closet. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed some safety pins. He said what are you doing? I said, I'm making you a costume. He smiled. He sat down on my bed as I went looking for the things I needed. I had a pad on my night stand and he picked it up and was reading it. I had doodled his name all over it. I walked in and saw what he was reading. I was so embarrassed. He said it was cute. I told him I was to old to be acting cute. I told him to take his shirt off. He looked at me embarrassed. I said, I'm making you a toga costume. He had this really cute embarrassed laugh. He took it off. It was cold so I got one of my long sleeve men's tee shirts out of my drawer and had him put it on. He had a magnificent chest. His shoulders and arms were so muscular. I told him to roll up his pants above his knees. I grabbed the King sized sheet and began to draped his body. He was staring me in the face then entire time. It was getting hot in here. I draped and pinned and tucked and pinned. I pulled apart this plastic plant like thing and made a halo to place on his head. I closed my closet doors so that he could see what I'd done. He said, well no one else is dressed like this. I said OK, hold on a minute. I went back to the closet and got a sheet. I went into the bathroom and took off the black dress I was wearing. I wrapped the sheet around my body and then walked out into my bedroom. He started laughing. I said what? He said, The Bride of Frankenstein dressed for a toga party. Now that's funny. I stood in front of the mirror pinning my costume in place.

Chapter 4

I couldn't reach the back of my costume so Nick had to help me. Having his hands on my bare back was too much for me to handle. He finally got the safety pin in place and I grabbed an old gold belt from my closet and secured it around my waist. There, I said. He laughed, I had three foot high hair that was black and had two white lightening like striped designs on each side. Wrapped in a sheet with a golden sash. He said, someone has to take our picture. We walked downstairs and people were laughing at me. I told them I had to make a few adjustments. I told Christina to take a couple of pictures of Nick and I. We had a great evening. I really hated to see it end. But like all good things, it all must end. I walked Nick out to his truck and thanked him for staying. He said he'd get my sheet back to me. I said, all right. He leaned to kiss me on the cheek. He tapped his organizer and said he'd call me tomorrow. I said OK. I watched him drive away and I ran in the house. I was freezing standing out there. Christina had already started cleaning. I was too happy to go to sleep so we cleaned up the house. It was 6 am by the time I got in bed. It took forever to scrub all that makeup off my body. I was just so exhausted. My phone rang at 10am. I thought Christina would get it but she didn't. I said hello? It was Nick. He asked what was wrong with me. I said, I've only had four hours of sleep. He laughed. He said he'd call me back. I told him he'd better. I hung up the phone and slept until 2pm. I dressed and was bouncing down the stairs. I went into the kitchen and finished cleaning a few things up and unloaded the dishwasher. Christina came downstairs. She had just gotten out of the shower. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel. She said that was some party. You cracked me up when you came downstairs wearing a toga. I laughed even now. I told her I'm going to take her film to one-hour photo. She said she figured I would. I grabbed my keys and drove down to Walgreen's. The woman asked when I wanted my film. I looked at her with a confused look on my face and said in one hour. She handed me a slip and I went next door to buy milk and bread and stuff. I came back into Walgreen's and looked around for another twenty minutes. I heard my name paged over the loud speaker. I paid for the pictures and drove home. Nick's truck was parked on the street. Oh, goodness. I walked into the house with my groceries and pictures. Christina was dressed and they were sitting at the kitchen table. Help, I yelled from the doorway. Nick came and grabbed the bags from me and brought them into the kitchen. Thanks I said. I saw the sheet and my tee shirt lying on the table. What are you guys talking about I asked? The party Christina said. It was a great party. Nick said, I had fun. I put the groceries away and pealed a banana. Christina asked if I got the pictures. I said, Oh yeah, I did. I went and fished them out of my huge purse. I handed her one of the packets and Nick and I flipped through the other. When we saw our pictures we started howling. We were so funny looking. I gave Nick some copies and then I gave him one of me that was just normal. We took it just after I moved in. He said you're hair is so much lighter now. I told him I'd been here all summer. Nick helped me move the furniture back. I received a call from my Realator and she told me the house was now vacant and I could move in at any time. I was overjoyed. A whole month early? I hung up the phone and Christina asked what the call was all about? I said, my house is ready. I can move in now if I want. Nick was confused. I told him that the house wasn't supposed to be ready until December 1st. I noticed the people were moving out last week, but I never dreamed it would be ready. I asked him if he wanted to go see it? He said sure. I grabbed my keys and we got in my convertible. I said, I just have to go and pick up the keys first. He said, OK. We stopped off and picked up the keys. My agent hugged me and said she was happy for me. I told her I was happy for her commission. She smiled and said so was she. We got back in my car and I asked Nick if I could put the top down. He said he didn't care. I said I love driving with the top down by the ocean. We drove 25 minutes along the water into a exclusive gated community. Nick's eyes were wide. I pulled into my driveway and got out. Nick followed me. He said, this is your house? I said it was. He said how much money did you come into anyway? I said, Oh 115 million dollars. He stopped dead in his tracks. I said but I only got about 72 million because of taxes. He leaned against the car. I grabbed his hands and pulled him off and told him to come see. I couldn't get the door open, I was so nervous. I let go of the doorknob and took a deep breath and tried again. It opened. It was empty, but it was mine. We looked all through the house. I told him that day I met him at the mall I was there buying furniture for this house. He said, it's beautiful. I told him wait until he saw my bedroom. He gave me a look. I said come see the view. We walked upstairs and the view was to die for. He said it's a beautiful house. After walking through, we went outside and looked around. It is a great house he said. I locked the house up and we drove back to Christina's house. Nick drove my car. He said, he'd never been in a convertible before. Christina asked how we liked it? Nick said he was mad at her. I looked at him stunned.

Chapter 5

Apparently Nick and Christina talked about me extensively while I was at Walgreen's. She failed to tell him about the money I had come into. I just sat there smiling at him. He said, what? I asked what he wanted to know about me? He blushed. Christina asked me to leave the room for a minute. I looked at them both and said, why? She said just go upstairs a minute. I went upstairs and Christina said. Look, you really like her, based on what you told me this morning. I know she really, really likes you. I didn't want her having money to be a reason that the two of you started dating. I know you must have your own money, but sometimes men get intimidated when their partners have more money than they do. Nick said that would have never been an issue. Christina said, It wasn't her place to tell him anyway. She's the most down to earth person you will ever meet in your life. Don't be scared off by this. I'm an only child and when she came to live with me she just made my life better. It wasn't the money. It was her personality and her genuine kindness. Like the other day, we were at the mall and this lady was buying school clothes for her three kids. The woman was flat broke and you could tell that she was. Sam talked to the sales lady and bought like $500.00 worth of gift certificates to the store. She told the clerk that when she rang up her order, tell her she won them. Being her 100th customer. She stood and watched the lady come up to the register in Sears. She stood out of the way she wanted no recognition. You know that lady dropped to her knees sobbing and praying? Sam didn't run over there and say, hey it was me, I felt sorry for you and I'm loaded. Nick said he was beginning to get the picture. Nick said, so she really, really likes me? Christina laughed. I was screaming now asking if I could come down now. Christina said OK, come on down. They were both sitting at the table drinking Diet Pepsi's. I pulled up a chair and said, so what was that all about? Nick looked at Christina and said it was just a misunderstanding. I asked Nick and Christina if they knew of a painter. I wanted to have my interior painted. Nick knew someone. His friend Howie had a business. Howie's House Painting. (I'm laughing so hard right now. Do y'all get it? Sorry Howie fans) Nick called him on the phone. Suprisingly enough, he was free this weekend. Business was pretty slow. So my house would be painted this weekend. I called to have someone refurnish my hard wood floors and replace my carpet. I told Nick it had a recording studio in the basement. He was surprised. What do you need with that? I told him I didn't need it. It came with the house. I told him he could use it anytime he wanted. He said what kind of equipment was in there. I said, I don't know. Nick took us both to lunch. Christina felt like a third wheel. Nick and I sat on one side of the booth and Christina sat across from us. Nick had to go into the studio tomorrow so he said he wouldn't see me for a few days. I told him to call me. He gave me his phone numbers and told me I could call him whenever I wanted. We hung out at Christina's house for the rest of the day and he said he had to go about 8. I walked him out to his truck and this time he kissed me on the lips. It was just a peck, but of course it was so much more to me. I waved good bye and went inside. The next few days were spent mostly on the phone. I was calling all the stores I'd bought furniture from and was changing the delivery dates. They wanted to charge me for that. I said, if you insist on charging me, I'll cancel my order. I wasn't charged. The furniture was coming on Tuesday. I figured I give the paint a day to dry and everything else that needed to set. I was still taking my boating classes. We were finally out on the ocean. Some of the people in my class got seasick a lot. Two dropped out completely when we went out and it was raining. There was an impending storm and the water was really choppy. I just wanted a shot at the wheel. Saturday came and Nick and I met Howie and his crew at my house. Howie brought all the paint with him. I told him I just wanted White, but it had to be good quality paint I didn't want to have to paint for a long time. Howie said he'd be finished by the end of the day. The carpet people came and took measurements of the areas where I wanted carpet. I went with sea blue throughout the house. The house was going to look fabulous. Nick and I went downstairs and he looked at the studio. He said it was more modern than the one he went to in the city. I told him come out anytime. He looked pleased. He was looking at the switches and buttons and stuff. I had no idea what any of them were for. He said, It's unusually large for a studio. I told him I didn't know what was big or small. He told me, usually a studio is only large enough for the recorder. The band would have to record their music first then the artist would record to a tape of the recorded music. Here they would all fit together. I said, I guess that's a good thing. He said, it was because it would cut down on the recording time. I just looked at him and said that's nice. Let's go upstairs now. He laughed. Howie kept his promise and he was done by the end of the day. The carpet layers were finished too. The people would be coming tomorrow to redo my floors. My dream house was becoming a reality.

Chapter 6

I met Nick for breakfast after I let in the people who would redo my floors. It was 7:30am. I asked him what he was going to do today? He said well, it all depends on you. I looked at him surprised. He said, I actually have a proposition for you. Oh, what might that be? He said, remember our conversation about your studio? I said yes. He said, it's costing him and a few of his friends and arm and a leg to record at the studio downtown. He was wondering if I would rent out my studio. I told him I wouldn't rent it out he could just use it. He said, no. They wouldn't use it unless they paid for it. I told him I don't need the money. He said then Donate it to charity. My mind was racing. I was thinking, I'd definitely get to see more of Nick that was a plus. I asked him what the going rate was on a rental? He said, $500.00 an hour. I almost fainted. You're kidding, I said. He said he wishes he were. I said well, I want you to use it, but I'm not going to charge you $500.00 an hour. I think that's ridiculous. I told him I would think about the hourly fee and get back to him. I wanted him to use the studio though, his friends too. Nick said thank you. He'd call his friends and tell them the good news later. We ordered and ate our breakfast and he followed me back to Christina's house. She was at work and pulling a double shift. Nick and I spent the day playing cards and watching television. He said he help me decorate my new house. I told him with the money he and the guys paid me I was going to put it in a separate account for repairs and stuff for the studio. He said, so you've decided on a rental price? I said, I figured $250.00. He said, that's too low Sam. I told him he could take it or leave it. I held out my hand and he said I'd rather seal it with a kiss. I blushed, then he kissed me. It was just a peck at first. He then returned for another more passionate kiss. I said it was the best deal I've ever closed. He laughed, he said it was probably the only deal I'd ever closed. He said he wanted to do things right and I should draw up a contract for everyone to sign. I looked at him and said I don't know what to do. He said let's go to my place and get on my computer. I have some programs that we can use. I felt weird. I'd never been to his house before. I grabbed my purse, keys and a jacket. I left a note for Christina. He thought that was sweet. I said it was a courtesy. He said he forgot that I wasn't from here. I told him I was still from this planet. He laughed. I signed the note and left Nick's number on the bottom. We drove to his high rise apartment. It was very elegant. He offered me something to drink. He flipped on the computer and went into the kitchen. I asked what he had. He said beer, milk, or water. I said, beer. He raised his eyebrows and opened two beers. He pulled an extra chair next to the computer and opened up a business applications program. They were already printed out you just had to add and delete and put your name in there. I told him we didn't need all of this. He said you have to be protected. This document will set the hours of operation and the rules. As far as the limitations of those who use the studio. I told him I'd leave it all up to him. I stood up and asked him if I could have another beer? He said sure, help yourself. I placed the bottle on his counter top and saw our pictures from Halloween plastered all over his refrigerator. I smiled and opened the door. I grabbed another beer. I opened my bottle and returned to the computer. He ran off a copy and asked me to read it. He was so thorough. I never even thought about the liability aspect. I'd need to take out more insurance if I was going to run a business out of my home. I never even thought of it as a business either. I looked it over and said it was fine. He asked if I was sure about the price? I said, I was. He said OK. He made the adjustments and ran off a few copies. He filled his out for me on the spot. I called my insurance agent from Nick's house and she told me not to worry I was covered. Nick and I drove out to see my house. The guys who redid my floors said they only needed to dry for about 8 hours. It had been more than that. We pulled into my driveway and Nick noticed the full court basketball court. He didn't notice it before. He said he was adding a new clause to the contract. I said what is that? He said, I'd have to provide a basketball. We both laughed. We went inside. The windows were left open so it really didn't smell bad. All the utilities had been turned on so we had lights. He looked around and said it looked beautiful. The white walls and blue carpet reminded him of sitting on the beach. Nick touched the floors and said they felt dry. I lied down on the carpet of my bedroom and listened to the ocean. Nick asked what I was thinking about? I told him there had been so many changes in my life. I missed my mom and dad. I told him I only had Christina and her family here. He said that's not true, you have me.

Chapter 7

I rolled over in his direction. I looked into his smiling face and asked, Do I? He leaned in and kissed me. Nick drove me home and he kissed me good night. I went inside and Christina was sitting on the sofa watching television. She asked if I knew what time it was? I told her I didn't care, mother. I told her I was with Nick. She said she knew that. I told her I was going up to take a shower and I was going to bed. She said she'd be up soon too. I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow. I woke up Monday morning and Christina had already left for work. I sat at the table attempting to read the newspaper. I had so much on my mind. My furniture would be delivered tomorrow and I would be leaving here. I was so very sad. What would I do? I'd be all alone in that big house. Maybe it wasn't a good idea. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the phone rang. It was Christina. She said she hoped she didn't wake me. I told her that I was attempting to read the newspaper but wasn't getting much read. She said I sounded down. What's wrong? She asked. I told her I was scared to move out. She laughed. She said she'd gladly move in with me. I knew she was just kidding though. She'd worked so hard for this house. She loved this house. She asked if I would be all right. I asked her to hold on a minute, I clicked over to the other line. It was Nick. I said, Hi, hold on a minute. I clicked back over and told Christina that Nick was on the other line. I'd call her back. She said, no problem. Talk to you later. I clicked back to Nick. Hi again, I said. He asked what I was going to do today? I'm going to move some things into my house. He asked if I needed some help. I said, sure. I changed into some clothes and started filling boxes. I was getting so emotional. By the time Nick arrived I had about 4 boxes packed. I packed two suitcases of clothes too. Nick could tell that I had been crying and he asked what was wrong? I told him I was just emotional. The last time I moved it was away from my family. Now I'm moving out on Christina. He said, you're only 25 minutes up the road. I told him I knew that but it didn't make it any less painful. He held me for a minute. He carried out some boxes and placed them in the back of his truck. I was up in my room taking the pictures off my wall. Nick found me there. He said, I remember this room. I smiled. He said this is the Toga room, isn't it? Now I was laughing and crying. I sat down on my bed. Nick sat down beside me and said, it's not that bad Sam. He carried the last box downstairs and I followed him out to his truck. We drove to my new house. That brightened my spirits. After we brought all the boxes inside and I put them into their respective rooms Nick called me outside. He'd pulled his truck into the garage and was dribbling a basketball. I smiled. I thought that was the funniest thing. We played for about 90 minutes. We weren't really keeping score, but he was good. I told him I really needed that. We went inside and I worked on putting up some photos. He asked who was in each of the photos. I showed him my parents and my siblings. I even had a picture of my parent's farm. These are my cousins, and these are of my niece and nephew. He said I looked exactly like my mom. I asked how his family was doing? He said, they were all married and doing there own thing. His parent's were still out in Los Angeles. I asked him how he deals with that? They're so far away. He said, at first it was terrible for him, but after awhile he got used to it. I told him I didn't think I'd ever get used to it. He took me to lunch and we headed back to Christina's. Christina was home. She said I was so sad when I saw your room. I apologized for not calling her back, I'd completely forgotten. She said she was really busy anyway. Nick had a meeting to go to so he left said goodbye and he'd see me tomorrow. I walked him out to his truck and thanked him for all the help he'd given me today. He smiled and said it was his pleasure. He kissed me goodbye and told me he'd call me later. I walked back in and Christina and I were very sad. Once the furniture was in, I wouldn't be coming back. This would be our last night together in this house. We filled up my car and her van and took all my packages to the house. My kitchen was coming together. I thought it would be the easiest room to start with. I put my plates and cups in one cupboard. Pans and baking dishes in another. I still wanted to go and buy copper pots. Christina helped me hang up a shower curtain in one of the guest bathrooms. I decided that since I lived on the beach, I'd bring some it inside. My bathroom was decorated with a seashell motif. We finally did all we could do and then I closed up the house and we went out for beer and pizza. We got back to the house around 10:30. I showered and went to bed. Nick called around 11:30. He said he was sorry for waking me up. He just wanted to see if I was OK. I told him I was better. He asked if he could come and wait for the furniture with me tomorrow? I told him I'd love the company. Good, should I pick you up at Christina's? I told him to meet me at my house. I still had some things packed in my car. He said he'd see you in the morning.

Chapter 8

Nick was waiting for me outside the locked gates of the community I lived in. I apologized for being late. He said he'd just gotten there. I punched in my code and we drove to the house. I clicked my opener to the garage and Nick and I both pulled in to a stall. I wrote down the code to the outside gate and handed it to him along with a spare key. He said, what's this for? I told him he's going to be recording here he'd need to be able to have access. We unloaded a few things and my phone started wringing. It was Sears. I hit the code on my phone and 2 minutes later a huge Sears truck appeared. My washer and dryer were installed first. The refrigerator came next. I signed off on the items and the truck disappeared. Nick adjusted the temperature controls for me. I had no idea you even had to do that. I thought all I had to due was plug it in. The Ethan Allen truck came next. Nick and I watched in amazement as my house started to fill with furniture. Each bedroom got a Queen Sized bed. My room got a King Sized bed. The dressers and night stands. Sofa's and love seats. By 4 all of the furniture was in. Nick said, I thought the house was beautiful before, but it's heavenly now. I smiled at him. We went to the grocery store and I bought food for my house. I also picked up cleaning supplies and laundry detergent. Christina brought pizza and beer for dinner. Nick stayed. She couldn't believe it. She said, Sam, it's beautiful. Christina brought me a house warming present. My copper pots. I opened them and cried. Nick had brought me some houseplants earlier in the day. Nick put his arms around me and told Christina I was way too emotional. I looked at him and he said I wouldn't have it any other way. He kissed me. He said, it's late, I have to go. I walked him out to the garage. He said he'd be over in the morning. He kissed me goodnight. He told me to call him if I was scared. I told him I would. I asked him if he had the code to the gate? He said he did. I watched him pull out of the garage. I clicked the door shut. I closed and locked the door to the garage and Christina was cleaning up. I told her to leave it I'd get it later. I gave her the code to the gate and a key to the house too. We were both crying now. Who am I going to talk to now? She said. I told her she could call me. She said, it's not the same. I walked her out to her car and hugged her and I told her I loved her like a sister. She told me she loved me too. Then she drove off. I was alone in the house. I cleaned up the kitchen and took a shower. I pulled out a brand new towel and dressed for bed. I was exhausted. I woke up at 2am. I thought I heard something. I couldn't move. The wind had picked up. I called Nick and told him I was scared. He said he could come over. I said please do. I don't think anyone's in the house but I'm not sure. He was at my house in 15 minutes. He let himself in and called out to me. I met him on the stairs. He asked what I heard? I said, I don't know exactly. It was a loud thud that's all I remember. He looked around and then switched the lights on to the deck. The umbrella to my patio table had fallen over. He said, there is the culprit. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. It was 2:30 I apologized for making him come all the way out here. I told him if he wanted to sleep here he could. He said he would. I realized that I was in a tee shirt and little else and felt a wave of embarrassment rush over me. Nick followed me upstairs and I got into bed. He asked if I was comfortable sleeping next to him? He said he would go to a guest bedroom if I felt more comfortable. I told him I was fine. He got in bed and I turned off the lights. I rested my head on his shoulder and fell asleep in his arms. I woke up first and looked at Nick's beautiful face. His face was so relaxed. He was a very handsome man. He must have sensed me looking at him, because he smiled. I smiled too. He opened his eyes and said good morning. I asked how he knew I was looking at him? He said, he couldn't feel my head on his shoulder but he could feel me right beside him. We got out of bed and I got dressed and went downstairs. Nick dressed and shaved and met me in the kitchen. He said he'd take care of my patio table for me. My house smelled so new. Everything was new. Even this new life I was entering into. Nick secured the umbrella and went downstairs to the studio. He was so excited to be in there. I asked him to sing me something. He said he would. He didn't have any music with him today. Nick suggested that I put in an alarm system. He said it would make me feel safer. I told him I preferred him coming to my rescue like he did last night. He smiled. I looked down on the console and asked him what all these buttons were for? He gave a brief explanation of some of them. We went upstairs and had breakfast. I spent the rest of the day decorating. I called my parents and gave them my new address and phone number. They were so happy for me. I told them I'd take a video and send it to them. I had already filmed the house empty. Then I filmed the changes that I'd made. Now I was going to film it full of furniture. Nick filmed while I explained everything. I grabbed the camera from him and introduced mom and dad to Nick. My boyfriend I said. He blushed it was so cute. After we finished filming he said, am I really your boyfriend? I told him he was.

Chapter 9

Nick slowly moved in to the studio downstairs. He said he wanted to book it for the weekend. He handed me a check for $3200.00. I said, what is this for? He said, 8 hours on Saturday and 8 hours on Sunday. I couldn't believe it. It felt weird taking it from him. He said, he'd be here so much I'd be sick of him. I should at least make some money off him. I told him I didn't want his money. He looked into my eyes and almost whispered. I know you don't. It sent shivers up and down my spine. He said, you have to take it, it's in the contract. I asked him to go with me and help me buy a computer. He was surprised that I didn't have one. He said, if you want to we could go do that today. I said let's go. Nick insisted on driving. I grabbed the extra garage door opener and I put it in his car. We drove down to Best Buy. Nick knows a lot about computers so he showed me what I needed. Nick picked out some software business applications for me too. I found some software to make greeting cards. I thought that was neat. I bought a printer and a scanner. I said, I'll buy it but I have no idea how to use it. Nick said he'd teach me. We moved over to the furniture section and bought a computer table. He asked me where I would put the computer in my house. I said the den, probably. Why do you ask? He said the computer desks come in different shapes and sizes. I asked him where he thought would be the best place? He said the den. Nick picked out a computer table for me. He also picked out two chairs. We paid for the purchases and Nick loaded everything in the back of his truck. We drove back to my house and he put it all together for me. He showed me how to turn everything on. Then he showed me how to turn everything off. After spending the next several hours on the computer, I told him I was starving. If I didn't get food soon I was going to die. Nick was playing some game on the computer. He said, OK my lady. What will it me tonight? I said, Seafood sounds good. Nick said let's go. He shut down the computer and we hopped into his truck and went out to dinner. I had the scallops. Nick had blackened catfish. Once we got full we went back to my house and Nick said he had to go. He walked me to my door and we just hung out side on my porch swing and kissed. We would watch the neighbors and kiss. I loved to kiss him. He has the softest lips. He finally had to go. I walked him out to his truck and kissed him some more. He finally said, Sam if you don't let me go I'll never leave. I said, what would be wrong with that? He flashed that smile of his and said, you don't want me to answer that. I laughed and he got in his truck and drove away. I went inside and took a shower. I was extremely tired. The next week and a half flew by. Christina came over every chance she got and helped me get my things in order. I told her I wanted to cook Thanksgiving Dinner and have a party at my house. She said what a wonderful idea. She was dating a man named Eric and asked if she could invite him. I said sure. Who else can we invite and still have a good time? She said, Nick. I said, Of course Nick. When Nick came over that evening I handed him an envelope. He opened it up and he just closed his eyes. I asked what was wrong? He said he couldn't come to my house for Dinner. Why? I asked. He said he was going to Los Angeles to meet with the rest of the family. I was crushed. We were barely dating and now we'd be spending our first holiday apart. He said before you invite me to Christmas Dinner, I can't come then either. A tear escaped from my eye. He told me they always met in Los Angeles at his parent's house. It was just expected. I asked if he could miss it just once? He said he couldn't. It was family. I was so hurt. I told him it was OK, but he knew it wasn't. Nick flew to Los Angeles on November 22nd. He wouldn't be home until the 27th. I was miserable. Thanksgiving Day came and my phone rang and I didn't answer it. Nick had left three messages. I talked with my family and my mom knew how upset I was. She said, why can't he spend one holiday with you and one with them? I couldn't answer. She said, then come home for Christmas. It'd be like old times. I told her I'd think about it. She told me she loved my house and just wished she were brave enough to fly to out for a visit. She said in the Spring she and dad would drive out to visit. I hung up the phone with her and went back to my cooking. It was a miserable day. It was raining and the streets were flooding. I had put music on and set my table. Christina came with Eric and we finished preparing the meal. My phone rang but before I could tell Christina not to answer it she did. She said, Sam it's your honey! I told her to tell him I was too busy right now. She looked at me confused. She told Nick that I had my hands in some food. Could she call you back? Nick said he wasn't hanging up until he spoke to me. I took the phone out of Christina's hand and hung it up. What you go and do that for? She said. He's going to think I did it. I ran upstairs crying. The phone rang again.

Chapter 10

Christina answered the phone again. Nick asked what happened. Christina said she handed the phone to me but I hung it up. What's going on? She said. Nick said she didn't tell you? I'm in Los Angeles with my parents. Christina said, Oh. Nick continued to tell her about how he spent all his Holiday's in Los Angeles. Nick asked her to please put me on the phone. She carried the cordless up to my bedroom and found me on the bed. She said, Sam it's Nick. I wouldn't respond. She finally laid the phone on my bed and left the room. I could hear Nick and I lifted the phone to my ear. He was singing to me. He would stop and say, Sam are you there? Sam? Then he'd start singing again. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away." Sam? Sam are you there? Then he'd start another verse of "You are my sunshine." Finally, I said, I miss you so much Nick. He told me he missed me too. He apologized for having to go to Los Angeles for Thanksgiving. He said, he'd be home in 2 days. It didn't comfort me any. Holidays were important to me. I was alone here, except for Christina. I wanted to spend it with people I love. Now I'd be the third wheel at my own house. Nick said he was sorry. I asked him if he could try to come for Christmas Dinner. He said, he didn't know. His brother didn't show up for Thanksgiving Dinner and his parents weren't too thrilled about it. I said for god's sake Nick, you're 29 years old. Why are you there when you want to be here with me? Then I said, unless you don't want to be here? He said he would rather be with me than his parents. This conversation wasn't going anywhere so I told him I had to go, I had guests waiting. My voice was cracking from all the emotions I was feeling. He told me he was sorry and he'd call me later. I told him I was going out later so don't bother. I went downstairs and somehow got through this dinner. The rain didn't let up. When Christina and Eric finally left I just cleaned up my kitchen and went to bed. I turned the telephone off in my bedroom. I knew Nick would call but I didn't want to talk to him. The next day I spent at the mall. The big sales usually started the day after Thanksgiving. As I was driving to the mall I passed the boat showroom. I made and illegal U Turn and pulled into the parking lot. I was met by a salesman, I told him I wanted a boat. He looked at me like I was from another planet. He showed me a few little rafts, as I call them. I told him I was licensed and wanted something along the lines of 25 foot cabin cruiser. Or bigger if he could handle it. His eyes widened then. He said, well let's have you sit down and fill out an application for financing then. I told him I'd be paying cash. Boy did his attitude change then. He took me to an office and we went through some books and he made his pitch about a 32ft cabin cruiser I liked. I asked if it came in green? He said, I could make it whatever color I wanted. I filled out the paperwork and the boat would be delivered in time for Christmas. I walked out of there not feeling any better. I headed over to the mall and couldn't find anything I wanted. I found lot's of things I'd love to have given Nick. I don't know why I'm in this depression. I walked the entire mall and found nothing. I got back in my car and drove to the Movie Theater. I paid my admission and watched Sixth Sense. The ending just really tripped me out so I paid to see it again. I couldn't believe the movie. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen. It was still raining and I had no desire to go home. I drove around and around for what seemed like days. I made my way back home at 10:30pm. There were six messages from Nick and two from Christina. I called Christina and she was relieved to hear from me. She said, where have you been? I've been worried sick. I told her I'd bought a boat today. I was crying. She said what's wrong? I told her I was so lonely. I missed my family, I miss you and I miss Nick. Christina I love him. I just don't see our relationship going anywhere. She told me that Nick had called her house all day looking for me. Why would he do that if he didn't care? I told her I didn't know. I told her I was really tired and wanted to go to bed. She asked if I wanted her to come over. I told her I'd be all right. I hung up and went upstairs and went to bed. I didn't even undress. I just lied on the bed and cried myself to sleep. I woke the next morning to a major stress headache. I went down for coffee. Nick had already called and said he was on his way home. His flight landed at 6pm. I just erased it. The rain had finally stopped. The sun was coming out. My house was so quiet. Christina called me to see if I was OK. I told her I was. She asked me to go bowling with her. I said sure, let's go tonight. How about 6:30? She said why so late? I told her I had things to do. I told her I'd pick her up.

Chapter 10

I arrived at Christina's house around 5:45pm. She said I looked terrible. I told her I felt terrible. She drove us to the bowling alley. I paid for the lane and the shoe rentals and we went and set everything down. I went and got a pitcher of beer. We must have bowled for 4 hours. By the time we were down I was so intoxicated and emotional. Christina drove me home. She didn't want me driving. We pulled into my driveway and she used her key to open the door. Nick was inside. I said, well look who's finally back. Nick asked what was wrong with me? He was talking about me like I wasn't even in the room. I told him He was what was wrong with me. Christina said, she's drunk. Help me get her upstairs. Nick lifted me into his strong arms and carried me up to my bedroom. I told him the room was spinning. He asked if I was going to be sick. I said no, but quickly changed my mind. Nick rushed me into the bathroom and held my hair out of the toilet. I tell you this, there is nothing more sobering than heaving your guts out while the man of your dreams holds you hair out of the toilet. Christina said she'd make coffee. She went downstairs and Nick and I were alone. He stood up and got a washcloth from the cabinet and ran it under some cold water. He wiped my forehead and then placed it on the back of my neck. I was sitting there on the floor wrapped in his arms. He told me it would be all right. I stood up but the room was still spinning. Christina came back with some coffee. I sipped it a little at a time. She asked Nick if he would stay? She said, I got to be at work tomorrow at 5:30 and I need to go. He said he'd stay with me. I remember her leaving but vaguely. Nick helped me undress and I put on a nightshirt. He put me in my bed and ran out to his truck in the garage. He brought his suitcase in. He'd come right from the airport and had been waiting her for the last 4 hours wondering where I was. He said he was sorry for making me feel so bad. I kept telling him I loved him and didn't understand why he couldn't be with me. He said he was here now. He was wiping my tears as the overflowed from my lids. I asked him what he wanted from me? I'm so confused. We seem more like friends, than boyfriend, girlfriend. He didn't say anything. I said, what do you want from me? Nick just stood up and said, I want to be with you. But right now I was scaring him. It's not like me to get drunk like this. He felt like I was trying to buy his love. I told him that if I thought that would work I would buy it. He got mad and said you can't buy love. You have to plant the seed. Nourish it and allow it to grow. Lately I was smothering him, he said. He let go of me and stood up. He said, he'd be in the guest bedroom if I needed him. I felt so bad when he left me. I called out to him, but he wouldn't come back. I tried to stand but I felt so dizzy. I finally got my legs and walked out into the hall. I went into one bedroom and he wasn't there. I crossed the hall and found him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. Nick please forgive me. He didn't look up at me. I said I'm really sorry and would like to make this up to you. He said, it's late Sam. Let's just get some sleep. I asked him to come back to my bed. He said, he was really tired and he'd stay where he was. I walked over and sat on the bed next to him. I started singing, "You are my sunshine my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away." He moved so fast he scared me. The next thing I knew he was kissing me. He said he missed me. He didn't think I was listening. He said he would stay here for Christmas. I asked him if he was sure? He said he was. I told him I loved him and I really missed him. I was sorry for being so mean to him. He said, I love you Sam. I know I don't tell you enough. It was awful being so far away from you and not being able to hold you, or talk to you. He made me promise to never do that to him again. I asked him if he would please come back to my bed now. He said, OK, if you're going to force me to sleep with you. We both laughed. He said, there's my Sam. I knew she was in there somewhere. I went and took a shower. I was so ashamed of myself. I quickly cleaned up and put on my nightshirt. I came out of the bathroom and Nick was already asleep. I removed his shoes and socks. He had some nice strong looking feet. I loved him so much. I hated myself for what I did. I went downstairs and had another cup of coffee. The guilt was overwhelming me now. I cleaned up the kitchen and headed back upstairs to bed. I crawled in next to Nick. He rolled over and draped his arm over me. I went to sleep softly crying. I didn't deserve him. Nick woke up first. He went downstairs and made coffee. I came down about an hour later. He said, Sam we have to talk.

Chapter 11

I said I thought we hashed everything out last night? He said not this. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand. What is it? Nick said it was a receipt for a boat purchase. I said, oh yeah, while you were gone I bought a boat. Nick asked what I needed a boat for? I told him I had a dock and I took lessons, it was just something I really loved to do. He sat down at the table with me. He said you need to cancel this. Why? I asked. He said my spending was out of control. He said you have a Baby Grand Piano sitting over there and you don't even play the piano. I told him that I could sail though. He said, it has to stop. You've got to get control of your life. I told him it wasn't that bad. He asked me if I trusted him. Of course I trust you Nick. Do you love me? He asked. I love you more than you know, I said. He said, then cancel the boat. I don't see why? I can afford it. Nick looked frustrated. He said, you have a problem and you can't see it. Some people eat others gamble. You spend your money whenever something stressful happens. You need to learn to deal with your feelings in a different way. I said, but I really do know how to sail. I've been talking about getting a boat for a long time now. He asked if I really needed a 32 ft cabin cruiser that costs a half million dollars? What do I do? I said. He said, call them. They opened 30 minutes ago. I called the showroom and told them I needed to cancel an order for a boat. They were very disappointed about losing the sale, but Nick was right. He told me I needed therapy. Therapy! For what, I asked. He said there is something that won't let you cope with things the way you should. You spend too much money. It's only going to get you into trouble. He called his friend Kevin and asked if he could see me today. Kevin said he had an opening at 3. Nick said we'd take it. I just didn't see what the problem was. I was fine. I won the lottery for goodness sake. Why couldn't I live a little? Nick said, look around. Do you really need all this? I was crying now. Why are you doing this? I cried. Nick said, because I love you damn it. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. If you keep on this destructive path, I don't know what will happen. I told him I'd go to the session. Only if he'd go with me. Nick agreed. We walked into the professional building and went up to the fourth floor. Dr. Richardson's office was located there. I signed in and Nick and I were escorted back to Kevin's office. Nick and Kevin embraced and Nick introduced me to Kevin as his girlfriend. Nice to meet you Kevin said. I shook his hand and looked at Nick. We sat down on the couch and Kevin asked what he could help us with. Nick told him what he'd witnessed and some of my behavior. Kevin asked me some questions. He asked if I'd ever lost anyone in my life that I was really close to? I said no. He asked if there was any history of sexual abuse? I said no. He asked how old I was when I first had sexual intercourse? I said I've never had sex. I watched as Nick's jaw dropped. I felt the first tears begin to fall. Kevin asked if I was close to my parents? I told him I didn't know my real parents. Now I was confusing Nick. I told him I'd been adopted when I was four. I was raised by a family in Enid, Oklahoma. From the age of 4 until I turned 27. I'd lived with them. Kevin asked what I knew about my biological family. I said, nothing. He continued to ask questions about my family life and my upbringing. He said he didn't know why I was acting out like I was. He said, he felt it may have something to do with my biological family though. I said I'd call my mom when I got home. Nick took me to an early dinner and I called my mother. She didn't know much about my biological family. She just knew that I was placed with her and that I was as much her child than the rest of them. I told her I loved her and hung up the phone. Nick was surprised that they didn't know anything. I told him I felt better. Let's not worry about it now. Nick stayed with me until about 11pm. I begged him to stay with me, but he didn't. He said he really needed to get home and unpack. I walked him out to his truck and kissed him goodbye. He asked me if I was really a virgin? I told him I was. He asked why? I told him I was raised believing that sex was something you gave to someone you loved completely. Not something you shared openly. I hadn't yet met the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Nick said, not yet? I said, not until now. He kissed me and then got in his truck and drove away. I went inside and took a hot bath. Why hadn't anyone else seen what I was doing? I got out of the tub and called Christina. She was already asleep. I filled her in on my day including my trip to Dr. Richardson's. She was quiet. I asked if she was still there? She said she'd noticed it, but felt it wasn't her place. She said she loved me and trusted me to make the right decisions but things were really out of control. She told me she'd never leave me. I was the closest thing to a sister she had. I asked her what she remembered about my adoption? She said she knew everything. She said she even knew who my biological parents were.

Chapter 12

It was really late now and she said she'd come over tomorrow to explain it to me. I told her I was scared. My relationship with Nick was strained by whatever this secret is. She said she would clear it all up tomorrow. I went to bed really feeling like I was going to lose Nick. I called him. He was still awake. He asked if everything was all right. I said no. I told him that I didn't want to lose him. I loved him and was scared now. Nick told me I had nothing to worry about. He wasn't going anywhere. I told him what Christina said. He wondered how she could know but my mom didn't. I said, I'll find out tomorrow. I asked if he wanted to hear first hand? He said he did. I told him I was emotionally and physically exhausted and wanted to go to sleep now. He told me he loved me. It just made me cry. I love you too Nick. I didn't sleep well that night and it showed on my face. It was raining again and that just made me more miserable. Nick arrived first. He let himself in. He almost didn't see me. Hey, what's the matter, are you sick? I said just scared. He looked around did something happen? No, I'm just nervous about what Christina has to say and how it will affect the two of us. I sat up and he sat down beside me. He pulled a box out of his pocket. He said, I bought you this when I was in Los Angeles. I opened the little box and inside was a gold heart on a chain. He said it's a locket, open it. I opened it up and there were Nick and I from Halloween. The tears just started falling. He turned my face to his and kissed them away. He said there is nothing that can change his love for me. Nothing! Christina showed up thirty minutes later. Nick had already put the locket around my neck and I showed her. When I opened it up she just started laughing. I was so nervous I didn't even ask her if she wanted something to drink. Nick did it for me. Nick made her a cup of coffee and brought one in for all of us. She sat down. She said she called her mother so that she'd have her facts straight. She said my biological parents were teenagers that never married. I lived with my mother until age two when she left me at daycare and never came back for me. My mouth dropped open. She said I was placed in Foster care for about one year when they were finally able to locate my father. My father decided that he would raise me and kept me for almost another year then he too just never came home. I had been found wondering the streets in just a tee shirt and diaper. I said, I was almost 4, why was I in a diaper? She just looked at me and continued the story. She said Child Protective Services were called and I was again placed in Foster Care only this time I went to her Aunt and Uncle. It took a long time for me to adjust to the situation. I didn't trust anyone at four. When we would go to your house you would sit by yourself and cry. Eventually you started to trust people. However, you always felt you owed everyone something. Like you had to buy their love and acceptance. I looked at Nick. He too had tears rolling down his face. I wiped them away. He grabbed my hand and sighed heavily. She said that when I took a part time job after school I would stop off and buy things when I got paid. They were never for me, they were always for you brother's and sister's. You're mom and dad especially. You were always the one who helped your mom in the kitchen. You helped your dad with the animals. You lived your life for all of them and never yourself. You never went to school dances. She didn't want to be away from her parent's. She was a good student and never ever got in trouble. Hell, she didn't move out of her parent's house until she was 27. I think that you have a fear of being left again. When you moved out of your parent's house and came to live with me. That whole first week you were vomiting everyday. She called her parent's everyday three, sometimes four times a day. They finally told her that she was stopping them from getting things done. That devastated her when they asked her not to call so much. That's when she really started spending a lot of money. She's always been real thrifty up until that point. Now she felt that she had to make others feel good so that she could feel good. I stood up and walked out into the rain. I stood on the deck in total disbelief. Why didn't I remember my biological parent's? Nick was standing behind me. He wrapped his arms around me. I turned to him and asked him if he wanted to break up with me now? He said why? I told him, well it's obvious that I had some issues to deal with and I didn't know how. Nick said we all have issues. Keep talking to Kevin and he'll help you get through it. Nick called Kevin at home and asked if he could come talk to me today. He said sure, he'd be over about 1 PM. Christina said, Sam it's really not that bad. It's just a relationship issue. I think if you had the right man in your life to help you get through this you'll be fine. I said I hope Nick can put up with me. Nick spun me around and looked into my eyes and said, I'm not going anywhere. Do you understand? My tears just rolled down my cheeks. He said, Sam I love you and this is part of having a normal, healthy relationship. I am not leaving you. I just fell into his arms. Christina left and Nick took me upstairs. He lied down next to me in bed and we fell asleep in each other's arms.

Chapter 13

My telephone rang, it was Kevin at the gate. Nick punched in the code and went downstairs to meet Kevin. I got up and freshened up. I felt a little better but not much. By the time I arrived downstairs Nick had already told Kevin. Kevin stood up and shook my hand. He asked how I was feeling? I said better now that I knew why I was feeling the way I was. I said, Why did I block all that out? Kevin said he didn't know. There may be other issues other than being abandoned. He also said it may just be a fear of a failing. I was biting my nails, something I never do when Nick grabbed my hand from my mouth. Nick asked how he could help me feel more secure in his love? Kevin said, just reassure each other. All couples argue. It's healthy. Just remember Samantha, just because you disagree doesn't mean it's the end of a relationship. Kevin said he'd like me to keep coming to him. He said it would at the very least, give me an impartial person to talk to. I said, but you're friends? Kevin said, yes we are friends but I don't talk about my patients with anyone. He asked if I trusted him? I told him I did. Kevin scheduled an appointment for the end of the week. Nick went into the kitchen and made us all Turkey sandwiches for lunch. We got to talking about everything and I was actually feeling better. The rain had stopped and the sun was peeking through the clouds. Kevin and Nick headed downstairs to play around in the studio. I leafed through a book Kevin had left for me. It helped a lot because it referred to other people like me. What I was going through was pretty common. I was "labeled" a "people pleaser", I gave my all to everyone else and there was nothing left over for me. The book suggested I do things that made me happy. Do them alone, so that I could get to know me, all over again. I went out to the garage and fished out a basketball. I shot hoops for what seemed like forever. I was really feeling better. No competition just me. I played again of HORSE by myself. I practiced free throws. I love Basketball. I finally sat down on my porch swing. I was exhausted. Nick came looking for me. He asked what I was doing? I said just getting some air. He said, what's with the Rok? I told him I played for awhile. By yourself? He asked. I said yes, where is Kevin? He's in the studio, I came up looking for you a few times. I thought you were upstairs. I went up there and you weren't there. So I was checking for your car. I'm OK, besides I would have left you a note. He leaned over and kissed me and said, of course you would have. He asked if I wanted to come down and listen to them. I said, can I? He said, of course. I laid the basketball underneath the swing and followed him inside. He cornered me against the door and just stared into my eyes. He said, I love you Samantha. I smiled and said I loved him too. He leaned in and kissed me so passionately I thought my knees would give out. I broke off the kiss. He said, I'm sorry, I guess I got carried away. He grabbed my hand and led me downstairs. Kevin was at the console. He seemed to know his way around those buttons really well. I sat next to him as Nick went into the booth. Kevin flipped a switch and asked Nick if he was ready. Nick put on some sort of ear piece thing and said he was ready. Kevin flipped a few more switches and the room filled with music. Ever so elegantly Nick started singing a song he wrote. It was a soulful ballad. I love when he sings them. Kevin stopped him and said the mix wasn't right. I looked at him like he was crazy. I said, there was nothing wrong with that. Nick laughed. Kevin said that the timing was off and Nick was off key. Nick was not off key. Kevin said he was. Meanwhile, Nick in the booth is laughing his head off as doctor and patient disagree. We both realize Nick is laughing uncontrollably at us. We all had a good laugh. Kevin said, watch this. Nick let's do it again. Kevin keyed up the music and Nick began again. This time Nick finished. Kevin said which sounded better, the first or the second? I said they both sounded the same. Kevin dropped his chin to his chest and Nick fell out laughing again. I said, you know what to listen for I don't. So I'll concede to you that the second one was a better take. Thank you he said. Nick ran through a few more songs. I told my favorite song was Heaven in your eyes, or I need you tonight, which ever he wanted to address it as. I asked if he'd sing it to me. He looked at me and said, I don't even know if I remember all the words. I said hold on. I ran upstairs and got my Backstreet CD's. Kevin popped it in the CD player and keyed up track 5. It all came back to Nick. He said he should re record that. It was a big hit for him. We were down there half the day. After a few weeks of seeing Kevin even I noticed a change in me. Since I had the piano, I decided to start taking lessons. Nick and I were close again. I started voicing my wants and needs more openly now. He said he noticed the change too. Christmas was fast approaching, I felt so guilty for making him stay behind. I told him he could go to Los Angeles if he wanted. He said he didn't want to go and already told his parents. I couldn't help but smile.

Chapter 14

I continued to keep my appointments with Kevin. I was changing for the better and Nick and I were back on track. We started decorating for Christmas. I was constantly checking my spending. I would ask Nick if it was OK if I bought Christmas decorations for outside of the house. I asked him if it was OK to but a fake tree versus a real tree. Nick said, Sam it's your money, why do you constantly ask me? I told him I wanted him to keep me in check. He told me, go ahead just think twice about something before I buy it. Ask yourself if you really, really need it. Christmas was a week away. I had so much fun shopping with Nick. We put up a fake tree, I figured it would be cost conscious and environmentally correct all at the same time. We bought these little lighted reindeer for the front lawn. Lights were hung all over the house. Inside was amazing. Green and Red where ever you looked. We bought an 8ft fake tree and decorated it with ornaments and popcorn. Nick bought me an angel for the top of the tree. Nick spent a lot of time with me now. He rarely ever left. He'd moved in but not really, do you know what I mean? We were going to have a huge dinner party on Christmas Eve with all of our friends and Nick and I were going to spend Christmas Day together with Christina and Eric. I was so looking forward to it. The weather was cold now. I just missed the snow something awful. Nick was inviting the former Backstreet Boys and his brother Aaron. I was so nervous. I used to go crazy over these guys. Well, not Aaron, but still I was now dating his brother and I felt so nervous. I went out and bought some very expensive Champagne. I'd never bought Champagne before and was nervous about my choice. So I chilled a bottle and waited for Nick to come upstairs from the studio. I'd cooked dinner. Chicken and mashed potatoes, Nick's favorite. At least that's what he told me. I set our table and lit some candles. Nick has been in the studio all day. He finally came upstairs and smiled when he saw the table. What's this for? He asked. I wanted a romantic evening with my man. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. I served the dinner and Nick said it was delicious. I asked him about the Champagne. He said it was perfect. We talked about the impending dinner party we'd throw for our friends on Friday night. We had two days left. Nick felt funny not being with his family. He said this was the first time in 29 years, he wasn't home with his family. I asked him if he was OK with that? He said, I'm actually looking forward to it. I feel like a teenager again! Nick and I went upstairs and got ready for bed. Nick only slept in boxers which was totally fine with me. As I became more familiar with every detail of his well chiseled body, I began to experience new feelings. I asked Nick to move in with me. He said he basically does live with me. I told him I wanted to make it official. I want your mail to come here. I just want you to feel like this house is yours too. He said, he felt very comfortable with the way things were. I asked him if he was happy with the pace of our relationship. He asked why all the questions? Never mind, we'll talk tomorrow. I'm pretty tired. Nick said, are you sure? I turned out the light and said yes. I lied on the bed and my tears were falling. I wanted him, but he didn't want me. I was ready to commit sexually. I guess he wasn't. I had to get up, I was beginning to sob uncontrollably. Nick asked where I was going? I said, I forgot something downstairs. I rushed out of the room trying to control my emotions. I sat on the couch in the dark. I was having all these feelings running through my mind and I didn't know how  to deal with them. Do I just tell him? Nick, let's have sex. Nick, I'm ready to get laid. How do I approach the subject? I want things to move foreword but I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want. I decided to wait. I was walking back upstairs when I met Nick on the landing. The hall light was on. I quickly wiped my eyes. What's wrong he asked? I said, oh I forgot to unplug the coffeepot. He said, why would that make you cry? I'm not crying. Nick lifted my face to his. Sam, I know you, what's wrong? I asked him why he didn't want to sleep with me? He looked at me funny and said, I was just lying next to you. You got up and came down here. I said that's not what I mean. I sat down on the step. I couldn't face him. He sat down on the step above me. He wrapped his legs around my waist and said, what do you mean? I rubbed his feet and asked, Why won't you make love to me? He said he would like nothing better than to make love to me. He didn't think that I was ready. How can you tell if someone is ready? I held both of his feet in my lap. His strong muscular legs firmly wrapped around my waist. He said, You implied that you wanted to wait. I did, when was that? I said. You told me your mom raised you to not give it away freely, but to wait for that special person. I turned to face him. Tears running down my face, Nick you are that special person. He asked if I was sure? I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. He stood up and pulled me to him. I could tell I had excited him. He directed me back to the bedroom. He turned on the lights. He said, This is your first time, right? I nodded. He said then we are going to do it right.

Chapter 15

He told me to sit on the bed. He ran back downstairs and came back with a CD, a bottle of Champagne and some candles. He poured us each a glass of Champagne and put in the CD. He then lit about 6 candles. He came back to the bed and kissed me so passionately. I could sense his urgency. Yet he was trying to hold back. He wanted me, I could tell that now. It made me want him more. He pulled me up so that I was standing in front of him. He pulled my nightshirt up over my head. My nipples were hard and erect. He placed his hands on them and a small moan escaped from his mouth. He slid my panties down and I stepped out of them. He removed his boxers and we both lied down on the bed. He was kissing me and rubbing my breasts. His hand found my womanhood as he gently rubbed me. He asked me if I was sure I wanted him to do this. I said yes. He slipped on a condom and straddled my hips. He brought his mouth to my nipples and I thought I was going to die from the overwhelming pleasure I was feeling. I couldn't control my body anymore. Nick gently guided himself into me. I cried out in pain. He pulled out of me and said he was sorry. I said, why does it hurt? He said, I guess it does the first time. I said did it hurt your first time? He said no. He then told me I was the first virgin he'd ever been with. My eyes filled with tears. I told him then we would be sharing a first together tonight. He asked if I still wanted to. I said yes. He again slowly inserted himself into me. I couldn't stand the pain and kept wondering why people enjoyed this? He finally and very quickly, forced his way into me. I screamed. He pulled out so fast and was on his feet. I can't do this he said. I'm sorry, did I hurt you. Oh, please forgive me. I just laid there on the bed. It hurt so bad. Nick was now pacing the room. I told him to come back to bed. I told him I think I'm all right now. He said are you sure? I sat up and he moved closer to me. I pulled him on top of me. He adjusted the condom and then very slowly inserted himself into me. He kept asking if I was OK? Nick please, I'm fine. Nick kissed me and I felt his tears drop on to me. He made love to me and it was the most wonderful feeling I've ever experienced. He was really moving his hips and I didn't know what I was feeling but I was certainly enjoying it. He would bring his lips to my nipples and then he'd kiss me. He then lowered his head down in between my legs and licked my clit. He was so excited he didn't know what to do. He wanted to pleasure me first. He finally brought me to a climax. He than started moving really fast and moaning and calling my name. His face twisted up so bad I thought I hurt him somehow. He finally dropped down on top of me and was kissing my face. I was too concerned that something happened to him. I asked if he was OK. He said, It was the greatest experience he'd ever had. He asked if I was OK. I said, I'm fine. He rolled over and lied next to me. I got up and went into the bathroom. I came out in tears. Nick, I'm bleeding. What does that mean, I asked hysterically? He flew off the bed and said he didn't know. He asked if I was bleeding a lot? I said, enough to draw attention. He flipped on the lights and we noticed blood on the sheets. I was panicking now. I said, I have to call Christina. I called her and woke her up, I was hysterical. Nick sat beside me with his head in his hands, worried out of his mind. Once I was able to calm myself down I told her what happened. She said, it was your first time. Every woman bleeds their first time. He tore the hymen. What's that I asked? She said it was a small flap of skin that's broken with the first sexual contact. She said you're fine. Congratulations by the way. I said, so I'm OK? She said you're really a woman now. I apologized for calling so late. She said, anytime. I hung up and looked at Nick. He was really scared. I told him it was normal. He said he was sorry. He wanted it to be special. He wasn't prepared. I told him it was special, it was with him. He kissed my hands and said, If anything would have happened to me, he'd die. We dressed and changed the sheets on the bed. I fell asleep in his arms. I was a real woman. We woke up the next morning and Nick was staring at me. I smiled at him. He said how do you feel? I told him I felt happy. He asked if I was sore? No, but I have this feeling. What feeling? He said. I want you again. He smiled, oh so you're horny huh? I laughed, I said yes I guess I am. I slipped out of my nightshirt and Nick slipped out of his boxers. This time he mounted me and it was pure ecstasy. Once we each had an orgasm Nick rolled over and said he could get used to this. I laughed. He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too.

Chapter 16

I just felt like our relationship couldn't get any better than this. Nick and I spent the day cleaning and getting ready for our dinner party tomorrow night. We must have stopped four times that day for sex. He was a stud. He wanted to do it everywhere. We did it on the sofa, and in the indoor pool. We said he couldn't wait until the weather was warmer, we'd do it on the beach. I laughed. I told him if I new sex was going to be this much fun I wouldn't have waited. He laughed at that. I asked him how many women he'd been with. He was really embarrassed and said just two. Neither one of them was a virgin? He said, no. He asked if I had ever had any boyfriends before? I told him I had. The farthest we'd ever gotten was heavy petting. He laughed. He said, if he'd know that he would have had his hands all over me a long time ago. We took as shower together and did it again. We were getting careless. I told Nick, after the holidays I'd make an appointment to go on birth control. He looked relieved when I said that. Nick and I spent the evening baking cookies and pies. It was December 23rd. We had so much fun making cookies together. I felt so much more relaxed around Nick now. It didn't matter to me what was going on as long as we were both happy. I told him Kevin wasn't a very good therapist. Nick asked why? I said, if he had told me to get laid a month ago I would have been cured by now. He laughed and said we'd have to tell Kevin about that one. His misdiagnosis, it was all just sexual frustration, I said. We were laughing so hard now. Nick has the most adorable laugh. I looked at him and asked if he was going to tell Kevin. He said, of course not. Our sexual relationship is our business. I hugged him and kissed him. He said, so you can't keep your hands off of me huh? I told him I never realized he was such a nymphomaniac. He laughed and said, you didn't ask for my resume. Everything was coming together for our first social event that we'd host together. I was so excited. I was preparing some dough for homemade bread and Nick said I'm so in awe of you right now. I asked why? He said, you have so many talents. I said, why because I can bake bread? He said that and you make me feel so good inside. I kissed him. He said, he'd like to have him mail delivered here. I jumped his body right there in the kitchen. It was almost as good as if he'd asked me to marry him. We made love on the floor of the kitchen. Who's the nymphomaniac now he asked? I just loved him so much I wanted to climb inside his chest and stay there. He is so big he fills me up. I can't even describe the feeling I get when he's inside me. Our two bodies become one. It's just a great feeling. I set the dough on the counter and let it rise over night. Nick and I went upstairs and showered and went to bed. It was an end to a perfect day. We woke up on December 24th. Nick was up already and in the studio. I dressed and went downstairs and checked the dough. It was perfect. I through on a Christmas album and turned it up really loud. I divided half the dough and then split it into three strands. I braided it and then brushed egg on it. I put it in the oven. I took the other half of the dough and rolled it out. With a small drinking glass I carved out biscuits for our dinner. The house was beginning to smell like bread. It was a wonderful family smell. Nick came upstairs and said I'd disturbed his work with that lovely smell. He peeked into the oven and said, it looked so good. I told him he'd have to wait. He leaned over and kissed me. He told me I made him so happy. He went back down to the studio. He grabbed a couple of the Christmas cookies we made last night with him. He said if you need me I'll be downstairs. I said, I need you. He smiled and blew me a kiss. The bread was done 30 minutes later. It was a nice golden brown. The phone rang, Merry Christmas I sang into the phone. It was Nick's mother. Oh, Hello Mrs. Carter. She said hi, you must be Sam? I said, yes I'm Sam. She asked to speak to Nick. I said, Hold on a minute he's in the studio. I asked her if she wanted to wait or have him call her back. She said she'd wait. I ran downstairs and got Nick. He came back up and talked to him mom for a few minutes. He hung up the phone and I asked if everything was OK. He said it was, she was just calling to say she loved me and to wish me a Merry Christmas. She wouldn't have time to call tomorrow. Are you sure you're OK with this? He pulled me to him and said he was looking forward to spending time with me. He spun me around to the beat of the Christmas album. It was so nice to be in love. He kissed me and headed back downstairs. The ham and turkey were in the ovens. It was almost 11am. I turned them down real low so that they would cook slowly. They retained their juices better this way. I started peeling vegetables when my phone rang. Merry Christmas, I said. Mom was calling. Hi mom! She said, you sound happy this morning. I told her I was. I was preparing a dinner for some friends tonight. She laughed, she said it's not that, you're in love. I told her I was. She was calling to tell me she was baking cookies and she thought of me. She got so very emotional on me. She said it was the first time in 24 years that I wouldn't be sitting at the table. I was crying too. I told her I loved her and I would fly back soon. My dad got on the phone. He too was emotional. I told him I loved him. Nick came upstairs, he saw me crying and thought it was bad news. I hung up and leapt into his arms. What's wrong he asked?

Chapter 17

I told him about not going home for Christmas. This is the first time ever, I've not been seated at that table. Nick asked why I didn't make plans to go? I told him I wanted to be with him. It was my original plan to go home for Christmas and spend Thanksgiving with him. He looked down at the floor. I told him I would be all right. I promised my mom that I'd be home soon. He kissed me on the forehead and said he was sorry. I said, there is nothing to be sorry about. Nick was starting to smell the Ham and Turkey. He said, it smells so good in here. I smiled, I said it smells so good right here as I kissed his neck. Sammy, he said. I love it when he calls me Sammy. It usually means he's going to get naked. I started to kiss his neck and I lifted up his shirt and started to suck on his nipples. That drove him crazy. He had his hands up my shirt now. In very little effort he had my bra unhooked. He laid me down on the carpet and we removed the rest of our clothes. We made love in front of a roaring fire. It was wonderful. How could it get any better I asked him? He rolled over and kissed me. We got up and dressed ourselves. I headed for the kitchen and Nick followed me. Can I help? He asked. I asked if he was finished downstairs? He said he was for the day. I told him he could finish peeling potatoes. He finished up with that and I peeled the carrots. Everything was coming together. Our guests were told to arrive at 4pm. Nick and I slaved in the kitchen for the rest of the day. We made appetizers and a vegetable tray. I had made the dip the night before. I placed everything in the walk in freezer until we were ready for it. It was almost 2:30 now. Nick and I went upstairs to shower and dress. I bought this beautiful Emerald Green crushed velvet dress. It had a sweetheart neckline and was pretty short. I started to put my hair up and Nick stopped me. Wear it down, for me? I said, anything for you honey. He brushed out my hair for me and I place two combs in my hair and applied my make up. It was now 3:15pm. Nick wore some black pants and a gray and black pull over sweater. He looked and smelled so good. He slipped on some loafers and headed downstairs. I came down the staircase and he snapped my picture. He said I looked so beautiful. He came over and kissed me. Nick had put the all the vegetables on to cook. He poured me a glass of Champagne and we made a toast to a wonderful, fun filled evening. Christina was the first to arrive. It wasn't too much longer, then everyone had arrived. Nick took coats and put them in the den. He came out and poured Champagne for everyone. Christina cornered me alone in the kitchen and asked how things went. I told her I was so in love. Nick was the only one for me. She smiled, so how is he in bed? I laughed, how would I know, he's the only one I've ever been with. I have nothing to compare him too. I will say this, he makes me feel things I never thought possible. She laughed, He's good then. We laughed, Nick walked in the kitchen and asked what we were talking about. Girl stuff Christina said. He grabbed another bottle of Champagne from the walk in and headed out to the living room. Christina asked what she could do to help? I said, go sit on your butt in there. Eric doesn't know all these people. I put everything in chafing dishes so that the food would stay warm until we needed it. I joined Nick on the love seat. He was talking to Aaron and when I sat down next to Nick they stopped. I asked if I was interrupting anything? He said, guy talk and kissed my hand. I was reintroduced to everyone. They all brought dates. Brian said he usually goes home to Kentucky, he was leaving tomorrow morning. He said his work was preventing him from staying so long. Kevin was flying with him. Alex and Howie's family were in Florida so they'd be with their parent's tomorrow. Eric's family was from Pennsylvania. He said it was always a big hassle to go back for Christmas. Christina's family, like mine was in Oklahoma. I got up and went into the kitchen and checked on the Ham and Turkey. Nick asked if I was all right? I told him I was. It would have been nice if the two of us could have gone to Oklahoma for Christmas though. He hugged me and told me he loved me. Aaron came into the kitchen and asked for another class of Champagne. Nick said, hey little bro, be careful. You're only 19 and shouldn't even be drinking this stuff. He laughed and told Nick not to be stingy. Nick and I both brought out the appetizer trays and set them on the coffee table. They guys all went downstairs to check out the studio. It was just me an the girls. I walked the 7 of us through the house. They thought it was beautiful. They loved my bedroom. With the seascape motif. We made our way back downstairs and the guys had come upstairs all ready. Nick was putting another log on the fire and Aaron was on the telephone. He lowered his voice and I couldn't hear what he was saying. I called Nick into the kitchen and told me the meal was done. It was almost 6pm. We put the food on serving trays and headed out to the table. Nick was about to carve the Turkey when I stopped him.

Chapter 18

I said, you forgot to give thanks to the Lord. He looked at me all embarrassed. I said, I'll do it then. Nick sat and we all joined hands. I prayed, "Thank you Father for gathering us all here so that we can get to know each other better. Thank you for your mercifulness and your grace. We thank you for sending your Son so that we could have these opportunities. We pray that you'll watch over our families and friends. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen" Nick squeezed my hand and stood up to carve the Turkey and Ham. Everything looks so delicious Sam they were saying. Nick said, I helped too. They laughed. The food really was delicious. It was the best Christmas Eve Dinner I have had. We were laughing and telling stories. After dinner the guys all headed downstairs and left us girls to clean up. Christina made coffee and I rinsed and loaded the dishwasher. Susan, Kevin's girlfriend, removed all the linens from the table. The rest of the woman were putting leftovers into Tupperware. We had everything cleaned up in no time. We all finished off another bottle of Champagne. We had put on more Christmas Music when our men returned from the basement. Nick grabbed me and started dancing. Before long we were all dancing. Howie and Carla were dancing so close it was easy to see that they were in love. Alex and Debbie were just crazy. He would spin her around and dip her. She was getting mad. Brian and Annie just kind of zoned us all out. Cindy and Aaron were the only ones not dancing. Nick said, little brother dance with your woman. Aaron stood up and started dancing. The next track was a little faster. Brian let out a yell and we picked it up. It was so much fun. Then Alex yelled switch partners. I ended up with Brian and Cindy ended up with Nick. We did that until all of us had danced with everyone else. Nick brought out another couple bottles of Champagne he made another toast. To our women, may they always make us as happy as they've made us tonight. Christina said, I think it's the Champagne that has made you so happy Nick. We all started laughing that. We went and put out the pies. We drank coffee and ate the pies and cookies. After that we all just sat around. I asked why the Backstreet Boys broke up all those years ago? Brian said, we all just kind of went in different directions. We split up on good terms though. Nick and Alex were really the only ones who still performed. Brian was producing. Kevin was a therapist and producing. Howie had his painting business and owned some very expensive beach front property. He owned Nick's building. I asked if there would ever be another Backstreet reunion, or even if you'd ever consider getting back together? They kind of all looked at each other. Nick said, we never really ruled it out, it's just so expensive to rent the studio and we can't always get together during normal business hours. I looked at him. He said what? I asked if he had to much to drink. He said, no why? I told him he had his own private studio downstairs, open 24 hours a day. He looked at Kevin and smiled. He said, how could I forget? The guys kind of talked a little bit about it. They were all interested, but they had other things going on right now and the timing just wasn't right. Us girls were deeply saddened. Brian said, it's not like we're saying no, we are just saying not now. Aaron was back on the phone again. Nick walked up to him and gave him his wallet. What's that all about I thought? Nick and I brought out gifts for everyone. We bought them all the same thing, a sea shell that said, Nick and Sam's Christmas Eve 2009. They loved it. We said this way you'd always remember this night. They each got us different things. We got some picture frames from Christina. She had taken a picture of Nick and I on my deck. It was very nice. I was sitting on the second step and Nick was on the top step. The wind was blowing because our hair was blowing around. I was looking up into Nick's face and he was looking down into mine. We weren't even posing, we were just sharing a moment. The other picture we were sitting on the railing of the deck. The ocean cresting behind us. I was sitting and Nick was standing beside me. It was sunset and this golden glow was our backdrop. The pictures brought tears to my eyes. They were so beautiful. Kevin brought us his and her matching robes. They were so sweet. Mine said property of Nick and Nick's said property of Samantha. Brian wrote some poetry and had it framed for us. Aaron bought Nick a new Nintendo system and cartridges. What's that I said? Aaron and the guys just laughed. He said, well Sam it's been nice but we got to go hook this up. Alex and Howie said, hey, what about our gifts. Nick sat down and picked up a box of chocolates from Howie. Nick opened it immediately. Alex bought us a sculpture of a mother and baby whale. It was the most beautiful sculpture I've ever seen. Alex, you have exquisite taste. Nick and Aaron asked if they could go now? We laughed and dismissed them. We all gathered in the TV room as they challenged each other to the games. It was fun. I got up and brought in some coffee for everyone. Slowly though, the evening was ending. We said good bye to our guests and wished them all a Merry Christmas. Nick and I cleaned up the kitchen and took a shower and went to bed. Nick had set his alarm, something he never did. Why did you do that I asked? He said he didn't want to over sleep. I was too tired to care.

Chapter 19

Nick woke me at 7. I said what? He said you have to get up. Santa came. Nick I don't believe in Santa Clause. He said it's a shame because he brought lot's of gifts for you. He was relentless so I got up and he handed me a cup of fresh brewed coffee. How long have you been up, I asked? He said a few minutes now come on. I put on my new robe and notice a suitcase by the door with a ribbon on it. I said, where are you going? He said, never mind that, come on let's open our gifts. He turned on the Christmas Tree lights and we sat on the floor. He handed me some gifts and I handed him some of his. We were like two little kids. He bought me a beautiful black dress. I love it I said. He also bought me some diamond earrings and perfume. I bought Nick a black silk shirt. Short sleeves. A basketball jersey, and some more Gravity cologne. I also gave him a picture of us. He said I have two more things for you. They are big and the last one I got last night. So I'll let you choose which one you want. One is something to wear and one is somewhere to go. I said, somewhere to go? I'll pick that one. He handed me an envelope. I was a faxed receipt of two electronic tickets to Oklahoma City for today. Nick was taking me home for Christmas! I screamed. Nick? Oh my God, we're going home! I hugged him and kissed him and pushed him down to the ground. He said, you still have one last gift. I said, I didn't care. What could he give me that could top this? He said, open this and find out. It was a small little box. I just stared at it. Oh no, I said. Tears streaming down my face. I got off of him and he sat up. He placed the box in my hand and I opened it up. There sat the largest diamond ring I've ever seen in my life. I was speechless. He took the ring out of the box and asked me to marry him. I was bawling my eyes out, I managed to get out a yes. He just squeezed me so tightly he was happy too. He slipped the ring on my finger. I asked him if he was sure? He said he wouldn't have asked me if he wasn't. We made love on the wrapping papers around us. Nick said, I really hate to break this up but we have a 10:30 flight to Oklahoma City. It was 7:45. I jumped up and ran upstairs. I was so happy. What did I do to deserve this? I quickly showered and dressed. Nick had packed a bag and I trusted he had what I needed. If not we'd buy it there. I asked if my parent's new I was coming. He said, No. Even better! We got into Nick's truck and headed out to the airport. There weren't any lines. That was good. We made it in plenty of time. Nick bought us breakfast at McDonald's. Our flight was called and we boarded. The trip would take 3 ½ hours. It was a non stop flight and I was so excited. I didn't know what excited me more, the ring on my left hand or that I was going home. We held hands all the way home. We landed and got a rental car and headed north. It was 12 O'clock local time. My parent's don't eat until 2 so it gives us plenty of time. I had already shipped gifts back to the family so I'm sure they opened them all ready. We pulled onto my parent's farm and Nick was impressed. He said, when you said farm I pictured this rickety old falling down place. I said, oh no. My dad has one of the most prosperous farms around. We pulled in behind a bunch of cars. It was almost two when we arrived. I told Nick they'd all be at the dinner table by now. We crept up to the door on the porch and knocked. Daddy opened the door and just about fell over. His scream of delight caused everyone to leave the table. Daddy and I were embracing and crying. Mom came out next and hugged me. She immediately noticed the ring on my finger. Samantha Jean, what is that on your finger? I said, mom, dad, this is Nick and he's asked me to marry him. Again the hugs and tears started. My mom grabbed Nick's face and kissed him. Daddy was shaking his hand then all the aunts and uncles and cousins started flowing out onto the porch. They were all happy for me. We all went inside and mom set two more place settings for us. Dad prayed for all of us and we sat down to the best Christmas Dinner I've ever had. I had Nick and my family around me. I felt so loved. Mom asked why I didn't tell her I was coming? I said, because I found out this morning at 7:30am. She laughed. Nick was a true romantic. Mom said we'd stay here. How long we staying? Nick said, three days. Three days? Is that all? Dad said. I'm afraid so. I couldn't get a return date until January 7th otherwise. We laughed and ate and ate and laughed. My parent's thanked us both for the gifts. Nick looked at me. I told him I signed his name to the gifts too. My parents had sent a quilt or my bed and mom knitted Nick a sweater. Nick really liked the sweater too. Nick kept calling my mom Jillian, she said your almost family, call me mom. Nick said he'd try to remember. I showed Nick around the house. He loved that my mom had pictures of all us kids all over the walls. He went out and got the suitcase out of the car. I showed him where we'd be staying. He said, this was your room? I said yes. He said, and this was your bed? I looked at him and said yes. He said, oh Sammy.

Chapter 20

We fell on my bed after I locked my door and Nick and I made love on my old bed. It was a weird experience because there was the threat of someone walking in. Well at least looking for us. We changed into more comfortable clothes and headed downstairs. Nick stopped me at the top of the stairs and said, Who do you love? I said, I love you. He kissed me and we headed down to my family. My cousins were so excited to have a Backstreet Boy in our house. We played their music all the time in our house. My cousin Sarah asked if he still saw the guys. You can only imagined when I told her they were at my house last night. Nick smiled. He asked who was her favorite. She felt a little embarrassed and said Brian. He told her he'd get him to write to her. She was in heaven for the next three days. I helped mom in the kitchen and left Nick with my brother's and sister's and the rest of my family. Mom was in the kitchen alone again. I walked in and she was sitting at the kitchen. I said, ma what are you doing in here by yourself? She said just sitting a minute. I bent down and hugged her. I told her I loved her so much. I looked into her teary eyes. She said you know don't you? I said, know what? She said, how you came to us. I said, yes. Christina told me. She said you're so different now. That boy has really gotten under your skin, hasn't he? I said he did. She asked me if I thought his hair was too long? I laughed, I told her I'd mentioned it but I was used to it. Nick walked into the kitchen and sat down next to me. He said, what's going on? I said, we were just talking about your hair. He smiled. I said, ma come touch it. It's so soft. She was all embarrassed. She got up and went to the sink. She asked me if I liked the quilt? I said it was so beautiful. Thanks for making it. Nick said, you made that? I said of course. He thought she bought it. He said, he'd have to take a closer look at it when we went home. Mom dropped a knife. She looked at me. You live together? I said, yes but I had just asked him. He still has his own place but stays with me most of the time. She smiled, I knew it made her uncomfortable, but this was 2009. She asked when and where we were getting married? I looked at Nick and said, I'm happy with being engaged right now. I don't think we are in any real hurry. Nick looked at me and pouted, he said I am. I kissed him and he looked embarrassed for kissing me in front of my mom. I asked if he wanted to go find the little kids? He said it's cold. I said oh come on, I'll keep you warm. We bundled up and headed out behind the barn. When we were kids we'd head back here. There is a huge hill and we'd ski and sled down it. Nick laughed. There they are I said. Sure enough, all the kids were out there. Nick picked up his camcorder and was filming all the fun. My niece Bethie asked for me to ride with her. I sat down and Nick took our picture. It was so much fun. Someone gave Nick and inner tube. I finally got to the top of the hill and he said ride down with me. I said, OK. My brother James took the camera and filmed us and Nick sat in the tube and I sat on his lap. We got a push from my cousins and went sailing down the hill. Nick and I were laughing all the way down the hill. We were thrown off on the bottom and Nick ended up on top of me. I was laughing so hard. Nick just kissed me. I said, Nick everyone is watching. He said, I don't care let them watch. I kissed him again and we walked to the top. Do you want to go again I asked? He said, this time I want to sit on your lap. I laughed and said OK. I sat down on the inner tube and he sat on my lap. We flew down the hillside again. Laughing all the way. This time we had the camcorder with us. We flew down so fast it was so fun. I asked Nick if he changed the tape from last night? He said, No it wasn't full yet. I said, We can play the tape of our dinner party. He said OK. We were out there for about 2 hours and then we all headed back to the house. Nick had two of my nieces on his shoulders. They were tired and their feet hurt. We went back and I told everyone that we were going to play the video from last night. Sarah about jumped out of her skin. She said your dinner party? I said yes. Mom handed me back my video I had sent her with my house on it. She said it was a very nice house. Mom served some more pie and brought the kids hot cocoa and the adults coffee. Nick and I sat on the couch and mom sat next to me. Everyone ready, I said? They all said yes. Well I didn't know everything that was on the tape. It started out with me asleep in my bed. Nick was narrating she has no idea what's about to happen to her. I sat up but didn't see him and he stopped the tape. The next thing on the tape were the preparations, and me talking about mom. I wouldn't be there this year and it just breaks my heart. He told me not to worry we'd find something to keep me occupied. Nick filmed our tree and the fireplace and the outside of the house. It all was hard to take in. Nick and I had put ornaments on our tree with all our families names on them. They all thought that was sweet. Finally the guests were arriving. Nick was filming as all of them arrived. Christina walked in the door with Eric and everyone cheered. I laughed at that. Then Brian and Annie, Sarah had tears in her eyes she said he looks just the same. Then she asked who's he was with? Nick said that's his girlfriend Annie. She said, Oh. Nick followed quickly by saying there not even engaged. She smiled at him. He was mixing well with my family.

Chapter 21

Finally, Aaron arrived, we hadn't said anything about his brother being there. My younger cousins were going nuts. Oh my god, Aaron was in your house? What's he like? Then they realized that Nick was sitting beside me and he was Aaron's brother. I said he's very sweet. Then they saw Cindy. He's got a girlfriend too? I said, they all did. It was a couple's dinner. They watched as Nick helped me serve the dinner and listened to my prayer. My mom was wiping tears from her face. Then they saw the fun. We were all dancing and singing and having a great time. There was the little part where Nick was filming Aaron on the phone. He was making the arrangements for our trip today. He was asking Nick for his credit card. He asked Nick when he was going to propose to me. Nick turned around and looked at us, he said watch it dumb ass, she doesn't know. He put his hands over his face and through his head back on the sofa. He was so embarrassed. Everyone was laughing, even mom. He said he was so sorry for that. Nick said he had the ring in his pocket. He was afraid to put it down in fear I'd find it. He asked to see it. Nick handed him the box and Aaron opened it. Aaron said are we going to watch this video tonight? Nick said no. He said good, Sam I'm so happy for you. I hope you accept his proposal anyway. He was laughing so hard now. He hung up with the airline and said, oh yeah, let's get serious here. Sam, welcome to the Carter family. Wait until you see the size of this rock he got for you. Holy cow! He said, if I turned him down he'd come after me. Then Aaron said quick she's getting up. The tape went black. Next we were exchanging gifts. Mom and dad got to see the photo's that Christina gave me. She asked for copies. I said, I'll do that when I get home. After our guests left Nick filmed me loading the dishwasher. He said, let's go to be we've got to get up early for Santa. Everyone said, oooooooooooooooh. I was so embarrassed. Then the tape cut off. The next thing we saw was everyone up on the hill. First Bethie and I on the sled and then Nick and I on the inner tube. Everyone laughed when Nick sat on my lap. We flew down the hillside and Nick said Shit. Again his head flew back. Everyone was laughing at how red he was turning. It was too funny. Then I filmed him laughing and carrying Bethie and Sandy on his shoulders back to the house. The tape ended and everyone applauded. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day. Nick went upstairs to take a shower and my the rest of my family started packing up to go home. My sister Kathy invited us over tomorrow for lunch. I told her I'd talk to Nick and we'd be there. I went in the kitchen and poured myself another cup of coffee. Mom came in and said it was so nice to see my so happy. I told her I had great parent's. She said I did this all myself. She offered to make my wedding dress. She said unless you want to buy one. I told her I'd love it if she would do that for me. I told her that I didn't have a date yet. I didn't know when that would happen. She said you just let me know. I kissed her good night. She said she was happy I was home. I went upstairs and Nick was just getting dressed. I scared him. He dropped to the floor. I said it's just me. Why didn't you lock the door? He said he forgot. I quickly showered and changed for bed. Nick and I got into my little double bed. He said, it's not like home is it? No, but we can cuddle all night. I told him we'd been invited to my sister Kathy's for lunch. He asked which one she was? I said, Bethie's mom. He said, Oh OK I know who you mean. He said you'd probably want to get married here in Oklahoma, wouldn't you? I said, yes is that OK? He said, I'd go anywhere to marry you. Even the moon. I kissed him. His wonderful hands started to explore my body. We made love again. We fell asleep in each others arms. Sometime in the middle of the night my mom came in and placed an extra blanket on our bed. Nick didn't remember the blanket there before. I said my mom probably placed it on his during the night. It surprised him that she came in without us knowing. I said, we're adults I'm sure she knocked. He kissed me and asked if I was happy? I said, I couldn't be any happier. I asked him if he wanted to go out alone today? He said, no he liked my family. That brought a smile to my face. There was a knock on our door. My mom walked in and brought us breakfast in bed. I said mom? You didn't have to do that. Nick was embarrassed. He was in bed without a shirt on. The only way I liked him next to me. Mom placed our tray on the bed and said it was no trouble. She kissed me and turned to leave. Nick said this is so cool. She didn't need to get up early for us. I told him she didn't. My dad's been up since 4 and has been working the farm. Nick couldn't believe it. We ate our breakfast and dressed. Nick carried the dishes downstairs while I made the bed. I walked into the kitchen and asked where Nick was? Mom said he'd gone out looking for Dad. I asked mom what she was reading? She had gone through her recipes and was looking for the recipe for my favorite recipe. Turkey pot pie. I told her not to go to all the trouble. She said it was no trouble. I kissed her and went to get my coat. I told her I was going to look for Nick.

Chapter 22

I found Nick in the barn with my dad. They were talking really seriously about something. I said, what's with the long faces? Nick smiled, nothing he's just explaining what goes on with the farm. I looked at him, What do you want to be a farmer now? We all laughed, he said no, just trying to get to know your dad a little better. Actually dad and Nick didn't have much in common except for the common male bond with sports. It was a start though. I told Nick I was going back to the house, I was just making sure he didn't get lost in a snow drift somewhere. He kissed me and then I left. As I left the barn I just took in a deep breath of fresh air. There was no better place on earth to be. My brother James came back with his family. My niece Kristin came running up to me. I used to baby-sit all these kids. Let's go to the hill she said. OK, let me get some gloves first OK? James said, go say Hi to Grandma first. I walked in the kitchen door and said Mom, look who I found. She smiled and kissed everyone. I grabbed my gloves and Kristen and her two younger brothers, Jimmy and David followed us out to the hill. Nick saw us leaving and he ran to catch up with us. Where is everyone going? He asked. We had the sleds and inner tubes and the kids said, Where do you think? Nick just laughed, he said can I come too? Jimmy said, yes but can I go down on the inner tube with you? Nick tapped him on the back and said sure buddy. Jimmy had the biggest smile. We were out there for what felt like only an hour, but we were there for almost three. My brother James, came looking for us. We were having so much fun. He said, it's time to go. The kids all protested. I told them that we had to go to aunt Kathy's anyway. Nick said, we'll come get you tomorrow and do it again, OK? They looked to my brother and he said, Sure! I'd love a little break. We walked back to the house and headed to Kathy's. She lived two farms over. She was about 2 miles down the road. We walked in and were met by her 4 kids. Bethie was clinging to Nick. He loved it. Her son Samuel was playing a video game and Nick was interested. Samuel said do you play? Nick said, do I play, move over kid. They went at it for a while and Samuel wouldn't play with him anymore because Nick kept winning. I asked Nick what was the matter with him? He's a kid, let him win. Nick looked all embarrassed and said, Oh, sorry. Nick said, OK tell you what Samuel, I'll play one handed. Fair? Samuel said OK. Nick still won. Kathy said lunch is ready. Samuel still sat by Nick. Nick asked him what games he had? Samuel said he didn't have very many. Nick said well, with you mom's permission maybe we can go to a mall, then he paused and asked if there was a mall in this small town? We laughed and said of course there is. He continued well maybe we can go down to the mall and find some that you don't have. He was so happy and excited. Kathy said, it was fine with her, but he didn't have to do that. Nick said he was going to be his Uncle and Uncle's always spoil their nephews and nieces. He looked at me across the table. I smiled at him and told him if he wasn't careful he'd be broke on my family. I was one of 8. Everyone had kids. He said it's Christmas! We ate some turkey stew and turkey sandwiches. Nick said he was full. I told Kathy that was the best compliment. Her husband Jack was working their farm. He came in as we were taking their four kids to the mall. He looked at Kathy and said to me, how long you going to be gone? Kathy smiled. I told him long enough. He laughed and grabbed Kathy around the waist. They'd been in love ever since I could remember. We drove down to the mall and the kids went wild. Nick took the boys and I took the girls. Bethie and Jilly headed right for the dolls. They each picked out a doll and some accessories. Nick and the boys bought some video games and a basketball and hoop. We met up and said, how many nieces and nephews do you have? I said 16, why? He said we'd better get gift certificates for the others. I don't want them all left out. I laughed, I said you don't want to bring each of them down here individually? He said, hell no! The kids looked at him. I mean Heck no! We paid for the purchases and got the other kids $50 in gift certificates for Toys R Us. We stopped for ice cream before we left the mall. We'd been gone for 2 hours by the time we pulled onto Jack and Kathy's Farm. Kathy met us at the door. She saw Nick emptying the back of the van and shrieked, what did you buy? The kids were all talking at once. I looked at her and said, Nick and I were practicing. When I won all my money I gave all my siblings 1 million dollars with the promise if they ever needed more all they had to do was ask. Unfortunately, my family is too proud to do anything the easy way. Jack helped Nick set up the basketball hoop. It's one of those moveable kind, they filled the base with water and tried to play. The boys were happy. The girls were in the house being mothers with their new dolls. Jack and Kathy thanked us for the gifts. It was late so Nick and I headed back to Mom and Dad's. We ate dinner with them and watched some TV. We went up to bed about 10:30. Mom and dad were already asleep. Nick said he could live here. My family was so close and everyone lived in these wonderful farmhouses. I laughed I said, you wouldn't last one winter. It was the end of yet another perfect day.

Chapter 23

We woke up and mom again brought us breakfast in bed. Nick was wearing a tee shirt this time and felt more comfortable. She left the tray and headed back downstairs. Fresh homemade cinnamon rolls. Nick was in heaven. He said, I don't think we're leaving tomorrow. I laughed. We finished our breakfast and dressed and went downstairs. Nick thanked my mom for the wonderful breakfast. She said, anything for you Nicky, you brought my baby home for Christmas. I tried not to laugh, mom called him Nicky. He didn't seem to mind. We were going to go get Jimmy's kids and take them sledding I told mom. She said, OK be careful it's supposed to snow and the roads will be slippery. We promised to be careful. We got to my brother's house around 10am. The kids were waiting. We left 3 gift certificates with Jenny for the kids. She said, that was so sweet of us. We put all the kids in the van and headed back to mom and dads. I said, we'll call when we were on our way. I asked her to call mom and let her know we made it OK, and we'd be home soon. She said she would. We all waved good bye and drove back to Grandma's. Grandma was waiting on the porch and the kids ran up to her and gave her a hug. She said, I made hot coffee and cocoa. I said, thanks ma, we'll be back in a couple of hours. We took the kids to the hill and had another wonderful day. Nick filmed the entire vacation for me. He said whenever I missed them I could turn on the video and it would be almost like I was home. I kissed him. Kristen said, Yuck. Why do you guys kiss all the time? I said, it's something you do when you really love someone. I told her she'd understand when she got older. We got back to Grandma's and loaded all the kids back in the van. It was almost 3. Grandma made sandwiches for all of us and we ate on the way to Jimmy's house. Jenny said it was the most peaceful 5 hours she's had in years. I laughed. I told her it was the most fun I've had in a long time. Nick and I drove home and went for a walk. He asked how many acres dad's farm was. I said, 50 acres. How does he get around, especially in the winter? I said, we have snowmobiles for the winter and dad drives a truck the rest of the time. His eyes got big when I said snowmobiles. I said, do you want to go for a ride? He said oh yeah! We went back to the barn and daddy gave us the keys to the snowmobiles. We went all over the property. It was freezing cold though. I motioned for him to head back. He pulled up beside me and said what's the matter? I said, I'm cold and it's getting late. We better go back. He said, OK and followed me back to the barn. We covered them back up and went inside. Mom was just putting dinner on the table. I ran upstairs to the bathroom and washed up for dinner. Nick was sitting at the table talking to my parents. I joined them. This would be our last dinner for a while I said. Mom was tearing up. I told her I'd be back soon. Nick said he had such a great time here, he wished we didn't live so far away. Dad agreed. Samantha loves the water so she chose to move to Florida. We'd go to the lakes every summer and she'd be out on the boat. I'm surprised she hasn't bought one yet. I almost choked on my turkey. Nick asked if I was OK? I drank some water and said I was fine. We went upstairs and packed up our clothes. Mom had washed our clothes for us. Nick asked if we could bring my mom home with us? I said, she's not a maid Nick. He said, he didn't mean it that way. I said he better not have meant it like that. We left the gift certificates with mom and dad addressed to the rest of the nieces and nephews. Mom thought that was nice of us to do. Nick and I sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and eating apple pie. He asked why I left after all these years? I said, my mom always felt that she had to give me more attention than the other kids, we always were together. She's not that young anymore and she breaks her back just taking care of herself and dad. I didn't think I should add to that. So why Florida? He said. I wanted to live on the ocean, but didn't want to live where I didn't know anyone. So Christina invited me to live with her. I stood up and washed out the dishes and dried them and put them away. I told Nick when I won all that money I tried to modernize this house for mom. I had that dishwasher installed and she doesn't even use it. I opened it up and the tags were still attached to the basket. I said, here was my opportunity to do something for them and they refused. Dad had a mortgage on the land and on the house. Without his permission I paid them off. He was so angry at me for that. I don't think he'll ever forgive me. Nick said, you're dad loves you Sam. I said I know that, but it was a pride thing. By paying off the mortgages he thought it made him look like he wasn't a good provider. He didn't speak to me for a week. Nick said he didn't know what to say, other than I had a wonderful family in his eyes they'd do anything for me. I said, I knew that, but I'd like to do more for them. He said, Money can't buy you love. Love is earned and you've earned theirs and they've earned yours. I kissed him and we went up to bed for the last time under my parent's roof.

Chapter 24

Mom served us breakfast in bed one last time. She was crying all ready. She made us Bacon and Eggs and made Nick some cinnamon rolls. We ate the breakfast and dressed. I carried the tray while Nick carried our suitcases to the front door. I helped mom clean up the dishes. I asked her not to be sad. She said, she couldn't help it seeing me leave again. I told her I loved her. Where's daddy? I said. He's in the barn. Just then daddy came through the kitchen door. He asked if we were ready to leave. I said, yes. Nick was just standing in the doorway. He didn't speak, he didn't know what to say. The three of us were crying. I told them I loved them both very much. We had a great time the last three days. My mom hugged Nick and told him he was a good boy. She kissed him and then wiped her eyes. Daddy gave Nick a hug too and told him to take care of me. Nick said he'd do his best. They walked us out to the van and we embraced again. I love you, I called as we drove away. I was sobbing so bad now. Nick pulled over and held me for a minute. He asked if I was going to be all right? I told him it was just so hard to leave them. They are all I have in this world. He said, what about me? I said, I'm sorry, you know what I mean. I've lived with them for 24 years of my life. They are all I know. You don't find that love everywhere. He said, I promise our children will know that love. I kissed him and we headed for the airport. The flights were delayed due to weather. Nick and I wandered through the airport and bought a cup of coffee and a magazine. We headed back to the gate and waited another 40 minutes before the called the flight. I called mom to let her know that we were delayed but were leaving now. I promised to call her when we got home. We were finally able to board. We took our seats and I slept on Nick's shoulder all the way home. He woke me at the gate. I apologized for leaning on him. He said, he slept too. It was nice to be back in Florida but I missed my family. We found Nick's Expedition and drove home. I unpacked our suitcases and headed for the living room. I turned on the lights to our Christmas tree. I just sat and cried. Nick said, if he knew I'd be this upset he never would have taken me home. I smiled at him, I'll be OK. He said, do you want to watch the video? I said, maybe tomorrow. Nick checked his messages and one was from Aaron. He wanted to know if we were engaged or not. We'd forgotten all about that. No one knew. We hadn't told anyone. Christina was having a New Year's Eve party. We'd tell everyone then. Nick called him back and told him I'd said yes. Aaron said, congratulations Sam, I waved to him and said thanks. Nick talked for another 20 minutes about meeting my family and what a wonderful time he had. He hung up and called Brian. He guy, are you going to Christina's party? Good, I'll see you there. I need a favor though. He told Brian about my niece Sarah and he promised her he'd ask him to send her a letter and a picture. Brian said, no problem he'd do it. Nick said that he had to go, I was a sad about leaving my family. He said, he'd be by tomorrow to talk about something important. Nick asked if it could wait? Brian said, it would keep until tomorrow. Nick hung up the phone and sat down beside me. He said, Do you want to shoot some hoops? I smiled, I said why? Do you feel lucky? He said he knew he was lucky all ready for having me in his life. I smiled, he said I have to get something first. Mom had baked him two dozen of her cinnamon rolls. He was eating them on the airplane and the whole aircraft smelled like cinnamon after that. It was funny. He grabbed one and we went outside. The sun was setting but we still had light. Nick and I played a little one on one. Of course he won. We played horse, and I beat him. We went inside and showered and got ready for bed. I thanked him for such a great Christmas. It was nice to be back in our own bed again though. We made love again and fell asleep. I didn't even put my clothes on. I was too tired. I woke up at 9:30am. Nick left a note he had gone back to his apartment for something. He'd be back soon. I dressed and went downstairs. I poured a cup of coffee and ate one of mom's cinnamon rolls. I called my mom. I missed her so much. We didn't have anything to talk about, but I just loved hearing her voice. I told her, I was going to get those pictures copied for her today. She asked if it wasn't too much trouble, she'd like a copy of the videotape too. I told her it wouldn't be a problem. She said she really liked Nicky. He's a good boy. I agreed with her. She asked where he was? I said, he went out for a while he should be back soon. Nick just walked in I told her. I told Nick it was my mom. He took the phone out of my hands and said, Hi mom, how are you? He was rubbing my back. He thanked her for the cinnamon rolls. He said, I miss you too mom. He handed the phone back to me and I told her I had better go. I love you mom. I told her mom wanted a copy of the tape and I'd promised her I'd copy the video for her too. He asked where the film was? I told him in the camera case. He said let's go take these things in. I grabbed the photos and my video and the 4 rolls of film I'd taken. We dropped them of at Photo mart and went to Brian's house. Everyone was there, Alex, Howie and Kevin. Brian said we've been waiting for you.

Chapter 25

We took our seats and Brian looked at Nick. Well, it's really Sam's fault that you're here right now. I said, my fault? What did I do? Brian said, well ever since you mentioned us recording again. We've really haven't thought of much else. We'd really like to do it again. Nick looked at me and he said he didn't know. He said, he travels a lot now with his solo career and if it was anything like the last time, he'd never see me. Alex sighed, he said, I knew this wouldn't fly. I looked at Nick and said, don't make this about me. If you want to do this, then do it. I could come with you sometimes, couldn't I? Brian said, their girlfriends used to travel with them all the time. Nick said, well by that time she'll be more than my girlfriend. That got their attention. Nick lifted my left hand. They went crazy. They started congratulating both of us. When did this happen Kevin asked? Christmas morning Nick said. Once all the questions were asked and answered. I said, OK, so what are we going to do? Are you going to record again? Nick said, yes. I want to do this. I said, OK so how are you going to manage this? Brian said, we'd have to find a manager and then go from there. I asked why didn't they manage themselves? He said, they would need a promoter or sponsor until they got started. I said, OK. Brian said what do you mean by OK? I said, looking at Nick. I have the recording studio at my house and I have money, Nick started to object. I put my hand on his mouth. I said, I want you guys to record in the studio and I'll sponsor you. Kevin said, well this is a really expensive venture you're getting into. We couldn't impose on you like this. I said you wouldn't be. I lifted my hand from Nick's lips and asked if it was all right to tell them. Nick said, tell them what? I said about our money. Nick said, it's not our money, it's your money. I told him, once we get married it would be our money. He said, no it wouldn't we'd sign a prenuptial agreement. Howie said, guys can we get back on the topic here. I said, OK, last year while I was living in Oklahoma I bought a Powerball lottery ticket. I won 115 million dollars. Every one of their jaws fell open. I said, so money is not an issue. I used to listen to you guys all the time so I know you're good. So I don't see how this is not a good opportunity for me. Brian said he wanted me to be their manager. I told him I had no idea how to do that. He said, they would all help me. I said, I'll be manager on paper if they wanted me to, but they would make all the decisions. Nick said he didn't know about this. Alex said, let's sleep on it for a while. We were all getting together at Christina's house on New Year's Eve. Maybe we'd have a decision by then. That gives us three days. I looked at Nick and he said, OK, in three days. We all went out to celebrate our engagement. Brian handed me a letter and photo for Sarah. I thanked him. I told him she would be so very happy. We went to the Safari Bar, which is a restaurant. It wasn't very busy so we took over a huge table. Nick and Alex ordered half the menu. Brian said, the heck with it, bring us one of everything on the menu and lot's of plates. The waitress was like, you're kidding right? He said, no I'm serious. We all laughed. I said one of everything. Beers all around too Howie said.. We saw the manager come and look at us. Kevin got up to talk to him. The manager said the server was a little nervous. Kevin said here's my license and my credit card. Do what you have to do. The manager said, hey aren't you that guy from that band. Kevin said, Backstreet Boys. She said, Oh my God. Can I get your autographs? He said, sure. She said she'd get our order in right away. She came back to the table with Kevin and they all signed a sheet of paper and posed for a picture with her. The server came back with the appetizers and she was really nervous. I told her they were harmless. The beers kept coming and so did the food. The server was really put to the test. She was bringing clean plates every 10 minutes and refilling our beers. Once we finished our meals she asked us if we wanted dessert too? I said no. Brian said we said everything on the menu that would include the desserts too. I laughed. She went back to the kitchen and brought out pies and ice cream and everything else that was there. I nibbled at some chocolate cake. The bill came and Kevin said it was already taken care of. Whoa! I said, that's too expensive for you to pay for by yourself. Kevin, said don't worry he'd put it on his expense report. We all laughed. The guys tipped the server $200.00. You should have seen her face. We all went our separate ways. Nick and I went home. I asked what he went to his apartment for? He said, oh that's right. He opened the back of his truck and pulled out his family pictures. He said being with my family made him miss his own. He also said he didn't have his apartment anymore. All of his things are in storage. He gave up the apartment to live with me full time. I hugged him. He pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. It was a change of address request form. I laughed. He said, you're the one that wanted my mail to come here. We went inside and I filled it out for him. Nick sat rubbing my shoulders as I did it. He asked me when I was going to marry him?

Chapter 26

I told him soon. The next two days we just relaxed around the house. Nick's brother was back in town and staying with us. Since Nick gave up his apartment he didn't have anywhere to stay. I told him he was welcome anytime and could stay as long as he liked. It was fun watching the two of them. I remembered the stories of them being so close. Nothing had changed in all these years since. Finally New Year's Eve arrived. Aaron had plans with Cindy. Nick gave him the code and we made a key for him. He asked if it was OK if they came back here instead? Nick said, instead of what? There plans were to go crash someone's party, if they didn't do that they were going to hang out on the beach. Nick said, he didn't mind if I didn't? I said, sure. Nick told him he didn't want him serving alcohol to his guests though. We'd be responsible if anything happened to any of his guests. I said, well if they crash here it'd be OK, wouldn't it? Aaron's eyes go all big. Nick said, are you sure? I said, they're a bunch of teenagers, what could happen? Nick rolled his eyes. He told Aaron not to disappoint us. Aaron said, yes dad. I promise I'll make you proud of me dad. I laughed, he said chill out, it'll be fine. Nick and I went and worked on the computer. Nick decided that if I wanted to invest my money in the Backstreet Boys then he wouldn't stop me. He said they were very profitable before and he hoped they'd be again for my sake. I told him it was only money. Nick was typing up contracts for all of us. I would be their manager but they would have artistic control. Majority rules voting. Since there was 5 of them, I'd never be forced to be a tie breaker. I loved that. I suggested a title for there first release. Nick said what? I said it should say, Backstreet Boys. We're Back! He said that sounded great to him. Nick said he'd have to start writing again. I asked him what he was going to do with his solo career? He said he'd try to keep them both going. If he couldn't he'd dedicate his time to the group first. That would have to be everyone's first priority. He wrote up the contract and ran off 6 copies. He put them in a folder and said we should invite the guys over for dinner tomorrow night for dinner and talk business. I said can we order pizza in, I'm tired of cooking and cleaning that kitchen? He pulled me into his lap and said anything you want babe. We went upstairs and dressed for the party. Aaron was on the computer making a banner for his party. He told us we looked great and thanked us for letting him use the house. I told him he was family, what's ours is his. He smiled and said, does that mean I can use your camcorder? I said, yes. Nick went up and got it for him and a blank tape. Nick showed him where the CD player was and all our CD's. Aaron said, She has Journey Nick. Nick had never noticed that before. He said, Do you like Journey? I said, I loved Journey almost as much as him. He laughed. He said, Steve Perry was his one of the reasons he did what he did. I told him I knew that. He smiled. He said, what don't you know about me? I told him I'd have to bring out my old scrap book one day. He said you kept a scrapbook? I laughed and said didn't every teenage girl? It was getting close for us to leave. Aaron's guests were arriving and we told them to have a good time. Nick warned them all if anything happened to this house, there would be hell to pay. Aaron said, you have to forgive my father. I busted up laughing. Nick and I got in his truck and drove to Christina's house. I kissed him and he went to the guys and I went looking for Christina. She asked how my family was and hugged me. I said they're great. What can I do to help? She said, chop some ice will you please? Sure, I grabbed the bag of ice and the icepick and started chipping away. I asked her where Eric was? She said he was around somewhere out there. I filled two bowls and she said that was enough. She asked what Nick thought of my parent's and vice versa. I said my mom baked for him. She laughed, she said what was she trying to bribe him or what? I said, no mom didn't have to bribe Nick for anything. Then I waved my ring in her face. She screamed, the music was so loud that no one noticed though. She said, when did this happen? I told her Christmas Day. Why didn't you call? I told her I didn't have time. He gave me the tickets and then the ring and then we were leaving. She said, you've been home for days now. I told her I wanted to tell her in person. She went looking for Nick and congratulated him. The rest of the night was a blast. Nick called to check on Aaron. He said, they were playing some board games. He said it sarcastically though so Nick knew what he meant. Nick said, I trust you bro. He wished his brother Happy New Year and found me against the wall talking to some of our friends. He wrapped his arms around me and said we got ten minutes until midnight. I kissed him and told him to meet me here at midnight. He made his way back to the guys and watched me from across the room. He invited them all to dinner tomorrow. He said he agreed to rejoin the band. Someone started counting 10, 9 I looked for Nick he was trying to get to me through the crowd. 6, 5. I walked in his direction to. 3, 2 our lips met at 1, Happy New Year they yelled. We just kissed and then Alex started singing.

Chapter 27

We left the party about 1 AM. We'd had a pretty exhausting week. We returned home and Aaron's party was still going strong. We wished everyone a happy New Year and headed upstairs to bed. The house was intact and they didn't even appear drunk. We closed the door and showered and dressed for bed. Nick and I had just got into bed when there was a knock on the door. Nick turned on the light and said come in. Aaron had changed into some sweats and a tee shirt. He just wanted to thank us for allowing him to have this party. We said, no problem. He jumped in bed between us and kissed us both. He said, man this bed is comfortable. Nick pushed him out and said downstairs with your friends. Aaron wished us a Happy New Year and good night. He closed the door. Nick said, is that how it's going to be when we have kids? I said I imagined so. Nick climbed on top of me and removed my nightshirt. We made love. We dressed and fell asleep in each other's arms. I was so happy. Nick was tired though. He'd been through so much lately. He was under a lot of stress over me managing the band. Not so much the managing part but the backing them part. Nick was up early the next morning. He made some coffee and got the paper and came back to bed. I woke up and he rubbed my back. Happy 2010 he said. There are nothing but bodies all over downstairs. I laughed. I got up kissed him took bite of his cinnamon roll and headed for the shower. Nick joined me a few minutes later. I said, what are you doing? He said it's in my contract. I laughed. He washed my body and my hair. He asked when I was going to marry him? I said, let's wait until the summer. June is a popular month. Six months he said? It old him it was six months not six years. He said he was hoping I'd say Valentines Day. I told him my mother was going to make my dress. I would never put that much pressure on her. He relented and said, OK. When in June? I said, would you mind terribly if it were on Father's Day? He said, of course not. I told him I'd want to get married in Oklahoma too. Was that OK with him? He said, he hoped that I would choose Oklahoma. He said, it's a beautiful place. You're mom told me how you use to talk about getting married on that hill where we went sledding. The memory made me smile. When did she tell you that? He said, when we were alone. Nick turned off the water and wrapped me in a towel. He grabbed a towel and wrapped himself up. I told him there would be a lot of planning between now and then. Is this too much for him? He's starting up the band and getting married. He said, heck no. I kissed him and got dressed. I went downstairs and they were all awake. I said, there was doughnuts in the kitchen. We'd stopped on the way home from Christina's party. They were starving. They cleaned up their mess after they ate and thanked us for the use of the house. Aaron went upstairs and went back to bed. I called my mom and told her we'd set our wedding date for Father's Day. Did that give her time for my dress? She said it did. She asked if I was sure I still wanted the same dress. I said yes. You see, growing up as a child, I always planned out my wedding. I found a dress in one of the Bridal magazines and told her this is the dress I wanted to be married in. The dress was beautiful. It was an off the shoulder dress. Beaded bodice with a skirt that was overlaid with beads. Even the shoes were beaded. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to do this? She said she did it for all of her daughters and was going to do it for me too. I said, OK mom I'll send you a check for the material. She said, I better not. She'd take care of it. I told her I lover her and hung up. The Football games were coming on and Nick and Aaron were parked in front of the big screen TV at 12 sharp. I was talking with Christina on the phone. She would be my maid of honor. Aaron was going to stand up for Nick. She was so happy I was happy. I asked her if she felt Eric was the one? She said, she doubted it. I'm sorry I said. Sometimes you have to stop looking for someone and then you'll find them. She asked what color brides maid dresses I'd have? I told her most likely they'd be some soft pastel color. Since I was getting married outside I wanted something bright like the flowers that would be in bloom in the backfield. She said, it's going to be a beautiful wedding. I hung up and plopped down next to Nick. Who's winning I asked? Tampa he said. I asked them if they wanted me to fix them a sandwich? They both said yes. I made up some sandwiches and threw some chips and sodas on a tray and brought it in to them. I went into the den and flipped on the computer. WWW.BRIDES.COM. I started to plan my wedding day. Tampa won the game and they guys came over for dinner an hour later. We sat at the dinning room table and went over the contracts. We made some changes and Nick typed up the new contracts and we all signed them. Backstreet's Back, I said. We toasted with Champagne. The next few weeks was full of change. Kevin and Howie dealt with their businesses. Brian reshuffled commitments. They were all spending more time writing now. They would harmonize all the time. Trying to regain that rhythm they had. They went in search of a Choreographer. They interview ed for over a week and then settled on Natalie. They had written quite a few songs and were trying to fit words to music and vice versa. We were coming up on Valentines Day already.

Chapter 28

Nick and I flew to Los Angeles to meet his parents for Valentines Day. We met them for dinner. They seemed like nice people. I could never call Jane mom though. They were very close but in a different way. I think she may have been mad a little. Both her sons were living under my roof. She didn't say it, but I sensed it. Bob, Nick's dad was easy going. Nick looked just like his dad. We took a day cruise over to Catalina Island. It was very romantic. We walked around the island and bought little souvenirs to take home. We chose a sea food restaurant. I love fresh seafood I commented. Nick said, it's mom's favorite too. She smiled. Over dinner Nick told his parent's that the Backstreet Boys were back together. They were thrilled to hear that. Nick said it was all my doing. I just looked out the window. Nick said, that I agreed to manage them. I still couldn't make eye contact with any of them. He went on to say that I was mostly paying for everything and the guys all had a say in everything. Jane said that's great Samantha. I looked at her and was incredibly embarrassed. I stood up and walked to the restroom. I sat in a stall crying forever. We weren't getting along. I felt so bad. I finally got up and went to the sink. I splashed water on my face and dried it off. I reapplied a little make up and walked out the door. Nick was standing by the cigarette machine. He asked if I was OK? I said, Nick she doesn't like me. The tears started falling again. Nick said, she likes you she's just protective. I said, it's something else. She doesn't like me. Jane rounded the corner and said, who doesn't like you? I wiped my eyes and looked at the floor. She asked me to follow her into the bathroom. She went into the stall and did her business as I wiped my tears. She came out and washed her hands. She said, now what makes you think I don't like you? I told her I guess I'm just insecure about things. She said, she liked me, she was just trying to get to know me. She said, Nick had been in relationships before where all the girl wanted was to profit somehow off of Nick. So she's just learned to be very protective over all of her children. She said she thought I was a delightful person. She could see that my love for her son was genuine. I told her it was. I'd do anything to convince her of that. She wiped a tear from my cheek and told me I already had. She hugged me and we walked out together. Nick and Bob had moved to the bar. Nick stood up and grabbed my hand as I neared him. You OK? He asked. I'm fine I said. We sat in the bar for a few minutes. I ordered a white wine. Jane said, make that two please. We sat together and talked about our trip to Oklahoma. I watched Jane's expression as Nick talked about my family and Christmas and all of that. Jane sensed my uneasiness and said, she wasn't mad that Nick didn't come home for Christmas so if I was thinking that then I shouldn't. I smiled at her. Nick opened his wallet and pulled out a picture of my entire family. Eight kid's and their spouses and children. We all surrounded my parents. Nick was in the picture too. There were 34 people in the photograph. Jane thought we looked wonderful. It was time for us to head back to the boat. Jane sat next to me and we talked about the wedding. I told her my mom was making my dress and that we were getting married in Oklahoma. She said if she could help with anything, for me not to hesitate to call. She put her arm around me and welcomed me to the family. The boat docked and we got into Nick's parents Mercedes. We drove back to his parent's house in Malibu. They also lived on the beach. Nick and I went for a sunset walk. It was very peaceful here. We went inside and showered and got ready for bed. We'd be going back to Florida tomorrow. We said good night and I gave Jane the copies of the pictures I got for Christmas from Christina. I'd made some for my mom and Nick's mom. I just never got around to sending them to her. How did one do that? I didn't want to appear pushy. She loved them. Who took your pictures? She asked. I told her it was my cousin Christina. I told here that she was going to be my maid of honor. Jane smiled, too bad you couldn't have her take the pictures too, she's very good at this. Nick's sister's had come to visit and they were delightful. They apologized for not being able to spend more time with us. Nick invited them to Florida. They said they'd love it. Nick said, you too mom and dad. We didn't have a lot of time either. Before the wedding we should get together. They said that would be nice. We said good night and Nick and I went up to bed. Nick called Aaron and told him mom liked me. Aaron said he was happy for me. That's the biggest hurdle. He said the guys had been here all day in the studio. Nick asked if everything else was all right? Aaron said, well there was this little fire. Nick said, Fire, what fire? Aaron said he was just kidding. Nick said he owed him one. They said good night and hung up the phone. Nick slid into bed with me and began to undress me. He said, first your bed now my bed. We made love all night long. I just wanted him inside me forever. We finally got our fill and fell asleep.

Chapter 29

We arrived back in Florida a little before 4. We drove home and the guys were shooting hoops in the driveway. We pulled in the garage and they all asked about our trip. I said, I'm just glad it's over. Aaron said, if I could survive mom I could survive anything. Nick said, be quiet, mom's in the car you idiot! Aaron's eyes got wide and he was panicking. Then Nick laughed and told him they were even now. Aaron just dropped to the ground. Nick followed the guys into the studio after carrying my suitcase upstairs. I dropped all our clothes into the laundry chute. I brought the empty suitcase out to the garage. I locked the upstairs doors and headed down to the studio. Nick and Brian were singing a song when I walked in. It was a song about two lovers. It was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. I just stood back in awe of their talent. I brought some bottled water from the refrigerator we put down here. Nick waved at me through the glass. He was singing to me now. Something like, how could he go on with out you in my life. I didn't get all the words but it was just beautiful. They had decided on 4 of the 10 cuts that would be on the album. They hoped to have it finished by the end of April. They still had two months. Word had already spread about their reunion. We installed a second phone in the room, which now became an office on the second floor. I was constantly fielding calls about appearances that I just turned on the answering machine and told them to leave as much information as they could and we'd get back to them. I turned off the ringer because the phone would ring at all hours of the day and night. I sat down at the end of the day and would type up the different TV shows and radio personalities that wanted to talk to the guys. I had them choose which appearances they would make. They decided on a few and I called back the next day to confirm dates with those who wanted to talk. We wouldn't leave the state. The guys were proud of their roots in Florida. The fans supported their careers the last time and they'd hoped they'd do it again. Our first press conference would be in two days. I had no clue what to expect so the guys filled me in. Kevin said, not to worry, if they delve to deep I'll stop it, just like before. Before I even knew it we were in a Limousine to the Sheraton Hotel for our first press conference. There were a lot of fans. Young and old. We went inside and were directed to one of the ball rooms where the conference would take place. We all sat behind one very long table looking out at the photographers and reporters. Brian started the press conference by saying they'd decided to try it again. We were successful before and miss all the excitement. Kevin said they had new management and were happy with their contracts and were looking forward to making music. Howie introduced me to everyone. We call our organization 5GuyProductions. I was the "President." Alex said that I've given them a lot of creative freedom that they've never had before. They were really looking forward to the new album and the tour. Someone said, Nick hasn't changed much. You haven't said anything. Nick said, he was happy with the arrangements that had been made. We was pumped and ready. The title of our new album says it all. We're Back! There were more questions for each of the guys. How had life changed for them? What had they been up too? Were they married? Nick said, not yet anyway. They all laughed. There were questions for me that I tried to answer with confidence. Where was I from? How'd I meet the guys? I was so glad when it was over. It was followed by a photo session. As the guys left the hotel they were swarmed by their fans. They signed autographs and posed for pictures. We got into the Limousine and headed back to the house. We would do it all again tomorrow. Everyone was talking at once in the Limousine. It's still the same. They ask the same questions, take the same pictures. It's like we've never left. Nick asked if I was all right? I said, I'm fine. When I was younger I'd always wondered what you guys did after one of these junkets. They all laughed. I got home and checked the messages. More requests for talks. Talk shows were now calling. The guys agreed to do Rosie O'Donnell. They said she was really supportive of them in the past. I asked if they wanted to sing a new song on the show. They said yes. I called the show back and talked to one of the producers. The said they'd like to book them on at the end of the month. February 27th. I checked their schedule and said yes. I called a meeting and suggested we hire a secretary for these appointments. My entire day was consumed with it. I was getting married in a few months and I had to go back to Oklahoma soon for a fitting. They said they didn't have a problem with that. I asked for suggestions. They of course didn't have any. I called Christina and she said her firm had downsized and she new the perfect man for me. She gave me his number and I asked if he'd found employment? His name was Joseph. He said he didn't. I told him I was Christina's cousin and she had referred him for a job I was trying to fill. I asked him if he could come by later today? He said, sure. I gave him my address and phone number. I went down to the studio and told the guys that a man named Joseph would be arriving in about 20 minutes. I needed them to help with the interview. Howie said he'd help. He'd had experience with interviewing people for jobs. Great, thank you.

Chapter 30

Joseph arrived on time. I invited him into the living room and offered him a drink. I told him what I was looking for and what I was offering. Howie came up and apologized for being late. Howie shook his hand and said, I don't know how far you got but this is what we want. He repeated basically what I'd said. Joseph said, I'm interested. Nick had printed up an application for employment and he filled it out. I brought him down to the studio and introduced him to the guys. They sat around talking to each other for about 30 minutes. I asked him to wait upstairs while I talked to the guys. Aaron walked him upstairs. They all said he was great, I should give him a shot. Kevin said, just let him know that there is a probationary period of say 30 days. That way if it doesn't work out there would be no surprises. I went upstairs and asked Joseph if he could start tomorrow. He smiled and asked what time I wanted him here? 9AM I said. Nick and Aaron went out and bought another computer. The one in the office would be used for business and Nick and Aaron set up the other one in the family room on the third floor. Just across the hall from our bedroom. I asked Nick about putting Aaron on the payroll. I said he's always here doing something for us. Let's get him involved too. So we offered Aaron a job as Assistant to the Backstreet Boys. He said he'd take the job. With the job comes responsibility Nick said. Aaron would be responsible for making travel arrangements. He would also arrange to obtain a bus for touring. His first assignment would be to book tickets for all of us, even Joseph to New York City. We'd want to fly in the night before the Rosie O'Donnell show. Aaron was instructed to book first class tickets and book good rooms. We wanted to make a good first impression. Aaron was given a credit card that would be billed for all the travel arrangements. Aaron was a smart kid. He went to a travel agent and talked to the manager. He gave him his business card that Nick printed up on the computer and stated what he needed. The travel agent was pleased that we chose them for their travel needs and called a woman into her office. The woman's name was Pamela. Once the introductions were done Pamela was told what would now be her number one priority. She was happy to take on the added responsibility. Aaron gave her the first itinerary and they imprinted the credit card and kept his signature on file. Pamela came back in about 20 minutes with 8 first class tickets and 7 hotel rooms at the Waldorf. Aaron thanked her and left. The agent said he just paid us 18,000.00. Aaron drove back home and handed me the tickets. I handed them right back. I said this is your responsibility now. He said he was hoping to be in on the recording part of the venture. I told him over time he would be. I promised, but right now this is where I needed him. He said OK. He walked into Joseph's office and asked what was happening. We agreed that we wouldn't over due it with press junkets. We just wanted to get the word out. The guys were hard at work on their first album where they made all the decisions. We boarded the American Airlines flight to New York City on February 27th. A car was there for us and took us directly to the Waldorf. We made our way to our rooms. We were due at the Rosie O'Donnell show at 7:30am. The guys would run through their song a few times and then go to make up. We went to see a Broadway show. It got our picture in the paper. We went to dinner and then back to the hotel. We all had to be up early and that was Josephs and AC's job. Nick and I shared a room. It was wonderful. This was the first time in a long time that we'd been alone together. It was nice. We went to sleep. AC was on the phone at 6. Rise and shine he sang into the telephone. I told him we were up. Nick and I showered and dressed. Nick shaved and splashed on some Gravity. I melted every time I smelled him. We headed over to Rockefellar Center and were met by one of Rosie's producer's. She was quickly introduced to everyone and we were ushered upstairs. We were told that Rosie never meets with the guests before the show. She likes it to be spontaneous on camera. We had put together a band and they were setting up when we showed up. The guys went around and shook all the hands and started to warm up. The guys ran through the song they'd perform. A song called Lonely Heart. The song Brian and Nick would sing. The song was written by Nick, Brian and Kevin both wrote the music for it. I took my spot in the audience and watched the show. I was so nervous for them. Rosie stood not three feet in front of me and introduced the Backstreet Boys. The crowd went wild. They sang through the song, and when it ended it was crazy. Rosie broke for commercial. She came back from the break and the guys were all sitting beside her. The guys said they were all happy with the way things were going. They had new management and that gave them a lot of creative freedom. Rosie commented on the song. Alex said Nick wrote it. Rosie asked what inspired him to right that song and Nick blurted out his fiancee. He bowed his head. He said the F word. Rosie harped on it. You're engaged? Nick turned red and said he was. Everyone clapped. Of Course Rosie couldn't stop there.

Chapter 31

She asked if his fiancee was in the business. He said yes. Rosie attempted another question when Kevin interrupted and said we have not changed our original stand when it comes to dating. We date we're all involved in relationships at this time. However, it's something that we'd like to keep private. Our privacy as I'm sure you know, is very important to our well being. Rosie said I couldn't agree more. She asked when the new album was coming out? Brian said, he hoped it would be finished by the end of April. Then maybe another month after that it would be released. Rosie then broke for another commercial. The guys remained on stage and were shooting cushe balls at the audience as she closed the show. I walked down out of the audience after they called clear. The guys unhooked their mikes and I was introduced to Rosie. I was so nervous. I'd admired her my entire life. She invited us all upstairs for lunch. Anytime you mentioned food around my guys they were there. We went up into a huge eating area. Rosie had food catered in from a deli around the corner. We all sat down and started making small talk. Rosie noticed Nick and I in our own little world. I caught her watching us. I turned my body from Nick. She said, Samantha I've already figured it out. You're the Fiancee. We all laughed. She said, you manage them and you are the Fiancee? How do you do it? I told her what Brian said was true. The boys make all the arrangements and decisions. Except to appear on your show. I committed them first then told them. I've admired you for such a long time. She blushed and said thank you. She asked if I'd invite her to the wedding? I told her it was in June in Oklahoma. She said she didn't care if it was on the moon she wanted to come. I told her we'd send her an invitation. She wrote down her address and personal phone number. She said, you call me if I can do anything for you guys. Since Oprah left the talk show circuit, Rosie had more clout than even Johnny Carson had. So it was a big deal to get her in our corner. We headed back to the airport and were rushed by lots of fans. We boarded the American Airlines flight and flew home. I was going to Oklahoma tomorrow to visit my parents for the weekend and to get fitted for my dress. It would be the first time Nick and I would be apart. Nick drove me to the airport the next day and we said good bye. It was an emotional farewell. My sister Kathy picked me up. She had her kids with her and they were disappointed Nick wasn't with me. I apologized and turned my conversation to Kathy. Who was pregnant again. How are you feeling? I asked. She said she was fine. She said, the guys have been all over the news. I told her we were in New York yesterday. She said everyone watched. The drive was pretty quick and mom and dad were waiting for us. We ate lunch and I tried on the dress. It fit perfectly. It was so beautiful. Mom had done a great job. I spent the next two days catching up and preparing for the wedding. Nick called me everyday and told me things were fine. He missed me. I reminded him to pick me up at 6pm on Sunday. He said, he wouldn't forget. Mom and I went looking for material for the brides maid's dresses. I decided on Red velvet dresses. I thought with the green background that they'd look stunning. Mom agreed. I found a pattern for mom and she would take care of the dresses for my sisters. I bought a pattern and some material and would have Christina's made in Florida. Mom would be preparing all the food. My sister's were going to help. It was going to be a personal thing for her. She was going to make Ham's and some roasted chickens and potatoes and vegetables from her garden. She showed me daddy's prized possession. His garden. We stopped at the bakery in town and I chose a cake I liked. It was weird sleeping in that bed without Nick. I woke up Sunday morning to the smell of Cinnamon. I got up and went downstairs. I asked mom what she was doing? She said she was making cinnamon rolls for Nick. I laughed. I ate breakfast with mom and went and dressed for my trip back to Florida. Nick was waiting as I got off the airplane. I handed him mom's cinnamon rolls and he was really happy to see me. We drove home and he asked how everything was turning out. I told him it was going to be perfect. I told him I went with red dresses. He said, wow. I asked him how many people he thought his parents might want to invite? He said he'd call his mom when we got home. It was still three hours earlier in California than it was in Florida. He left a message on his mother's answering machine, as his mom was not home. We went upstairs to make up for time we'd missed. It was so good to see him and feel his arms around me again.

Chapter 32

By the end of April the guys were right on track. They had ten new songs for their new album. They'd been working with Natalie, their choreographer for the last 4 weeks. The album had gone into production. Things were moving a long nicely. We received 10 copies of the disc. I listened to it over and over. It was better than anything they'd done! The guys agreed. Nick sent a copy out to his mom and dad and they called back so excited. We sent the rest of them out to various entertainment people. We even sent one to Rosie O'Donnell. She called us and thanked us for remembering her. She said the album was great. She asked if she could play snippets on her show. We said, sure. The album was due out May 10th. She said she received our invitation and had already responded. She wanted the guys to come back as soon as their album was released and they could find the time. I turned the phone over to Joseph and Rosie turned her phone over to her assistant. They came up with a date at the end of May. I watched Rosie the next few days and she sat down and said Hello to John. She said she had received a copy of the not yet released Backsteet Boys, We're Back! CD. She had permission to play some of it for everyone. She hit a button and the music blared through her audience. She was singing along. She'd push another button and another song would come on. She noted that the album was the best album she'd heard in a very long time. She said, it's worth every dollar go buy it on May 10th. Her audience applauded. I switched the TV off and told the guys what had just happened. I told them it was on video if they wanted to watch it themselves. They were really too tired to do much of anything. They'd been working so hard. Nick had lost almost 15lbs since they started dancing again. I sat down on his lap and he pulled me to him. I love you, he whispered in my ear. I kissed him and asked what's next? They said they were discussing when they should start touring. I said, July 4th would make a great start of tour date. They perked up with that. I said, you guys have been split up for a long time, what a better way to kick off a tour than with a bang! It should be at an outside venue too so that you can have a huge fireworks show. They told me to keep talking. I said, that's all I can come up with. You guys figure out the rest. They all huddled together and started writing up the details of what they wanted. Their wardrobe was tasteful and older, more age appropriate for them as men. They were still dancing, but the flying thing was scrapped. They weren't as agile as they once were. Nick's family was flying in tomorrow for our get to know each other party we planned back in February. Aaron was still living with us. Joseph had taken over all travel arrangements and guest appearances. He was an asset to our organization and we frequently called him a god. He fit in just great. He was up to date with a lot of the fashions and really helped out in that area. Aaron was manning the boards. He had a knack for mixing music and creating arrangements. Our spring was unusually warm for this time of year. Nick decided we would barbecue while his family was here. On Friday my family would join in. I'd have two whole days with Nick's family and then my family would join in for the weekend. Saturday the new CD would be released. We were due to have a press conference Saturday night. We were excited and nervous all at the same time. I had nerves so bad I couldn't eat or sleep. I have a small frame to begin with and was losing weight. Nick made me eat though he thought I was getting too skinny. Nick's family finally arrived. We picked them up and Bob followed us in a rental van and drove them out to their hotel. While they all got checked in Nick and I walked around the lobby. Some people started noticing Nick. His picture was being plastered all over the news and newspapers. We went up to his parent's room and we all went down together. A fairly large crowd had gathered waiting for another look at Nick. Nick waved and signed autographs. He posed for a few pictures and we headed home. Nick punched the code and the gate opened. We made sure everyone got through and drove home. We parked the cars in the garage and entered the house. Everyone thought our house was beautiful. It had really become a home to me now with Nick here with me. We gave everyone the grand tour. Aaron came up from the studio and hugged his family. Jane said he was too skinny. I told her he ate like a horse. Aaron smiled and said I do mom, honest. She laughed. We sat down and Nick and Aaron went to start the barbecue. It was a lovely day. Jane really liked our home. She commented on the decorating and I told her if was both of us who decided what would go where. She liked how our stairs were lined with pictures of both our families. She thought it was tastefully done. She recognized the photos that Christina had taken of Nick and I when we first started dating. She said she just loved those pictures. I got to know the girls a little better this time too. Finally the guys came in and said, Let's eat. We all joined in around the table and feasted on Hot dogs, hamburgers, and steak.

Chapter 33

We played the video we made from last Christmas. Nick had his arms around me during the video. It made me sad to watch it. We got lots of compliments on my family and their farm. They laughed when Nick and I took the kids to the hill. Especially when Nick cussed going down the hill with me on his lap. He was even more embarrassed that his parent's had heard it. They even liked the part of the video from our Christmas Eve Party. Even Jane was teary eyed as Aaron was welcoming me into the family. She said she felt in on it now. Nick was kissing me now because I had said yes on Christmas Day. I looked at Jane and told her my mom invited her to stay at the farm the week of the wedding. She said, if you wanted to come, come anytime. It was an open invitation. She said really? I said, she'd be here Friday, you'll see for yourself. They returned to the hotel around 9pm. They knew their way around so we didn't have to escort them or anything. Nick gave them the code to the gate so when they came back tomorrow they could get in without any trouble. Nick and I got ready for bed. He said, you know we only have a month and a half until we're married. I said I know. He said, where did I want to go for my honeymoon? I had no clue. You pick, surprise me, I said. Nick said I was putting too much pressure on him. I told him I'd be happy just to stay here with him. That's all I needed. He made love to me, we were both so passionate about each other and knew just how to please the other. We woke the next morning and my mom called. She just wanted to make sure that we'd be picking them up. I told her how could I forget her? She was so nervous, Nick and I agreed to fly my parent's out first class and everyone else flew in coach. Mom said, don't tell Nicky, but I made him some more cinnamon rolls. I told her she wouldn't recognize Nicky anymore, he'd lost so much weight. Nick's family came over around 1pm and we all went to lunch. We went back to the Safari Bar and Nick asked the manager if Dana was working today? He said she was. Nick requested her to wait on our party. The manager said no problem. Dana came back to the table unsure of who it was that requested her. Then she saw Nick and I. Oh, hello you guys. Where's everybody today? Nick laughed. Isn't this group large enough for you? She laughed. She said did you want your usual. I quickly said no, we wouldn't put her through that again. She took our drink order and by the time she came back we had our lunch order for her. We explained to everyone that the guys took us out for a lunch/dinner in honor of our engagement and Brian had ordered one of everything on the menu. They laughed, Bob said that sounds like Brian. Nick said, Dana was our waitress and she really went all out for them. That's why they requested her again. Nick had thrown out into discussion where they all thought we should go on our honeymoon. He said he had no idea and wanted suggestions from everyone. A lot of suggestions from the romantic to the, don't you even consider it, category. I told Nick I preferred somewhere where we could be alone, yet still have contact with people. I didn't want to go sailing off a cliff or down raging river. Go somewhere in between I said. Nick said you're not helping. Our food came and we dug in. I ordered the fried clams. I love fried clams. Nick finished his plate and mine. Bob asked if we were planning on having children. I looked at Nick and said, yes. We were both smiling. Nick said, we both come from large families and we were planning a large one too. God willing, I said. Nick was now 30 and I was 29. We'd have to get busy really quick Nick said. I elbowed him. Everyone laughed. Dana was there to refill everyone's drinks and to take away the dirty dishes. I said, I told you she was good. She came with extra napkins before we'd even thought to ask. She came back and cleared the last of the dishes and asked if anyone wanted dessert? Nick and Aaron started talking at once. It was funny they haven't changed a bit, Jane said. Nick and Aaron were to be fitted for tuxes today. Our day was fast approaching. We split up outside the restaurant. Nick, Aaron and Bob all drove to the tux rental place. The girls all returned to our home. Joseph called me into the office and said we had a problem. It had to do with the CD not making it out on Saturday. Why I asked? He said something about a distribution problem. I said, call Brian and see if he can figure this out. He'd been on this end before so maybe he'll know what to do. Joseph said he'd get right on it. I walked out wondering how we were going to get through this. Jane noticed that I was upset and asked what's wrong? I told her about the impending problem and she said well did you get firm with them? I said, I deferred to Brian. I'm hoping he can handle it. She said, you have got to talk to them. Call them and put a lot of pressure on them. You'll sue them and you'll win if that CD is not released on Saturday. I told her OK, I told Joseph not to call Brian but get the distribution company on the phone. I was shaking. Jane held my hand and gave me her strength. Jeff Baum got on the phone and I let him have it. I told him I'd have his job if this CD was not released on Saturday, I'd also sue him for damages to the guys careers. I'd hold him personally responsible. He finally said, he'd have the CD released come Hell or high water. I hung up and Jane hugged me. That was fantastic. Now, you're their manager. I walked out feeling stronger for what I'd just done.

Chapter 34

My family flew in on Friday. Nick and I picked them up and put them up in the same hotel. We had them drop off all of their belongings and allowed them to catch their breath. We were all going back to our house. Mom said the flight wasn't too bad. She enjoyed the first class flight. Nick's family was already at our house when we arrived. Christina was there too. Everyone was introduced and Jane and my mom embraced. My mom said it was such a pleasure to meet Nicky's mom and dad. She told them he was a good boy. She then handed Nick some cinnamon rolls. His eyes got so wide. His dad said, what's in there? Nick said only the best cinnamon rolls I've ever tasted. His dad followed him into the kitchen. We'd be barbecuing again. We ate out on the deck. The weather was so nice. Mom talked with Jane about the wedding. What she had accomplished so far. Mom's tears started falling when she said that I was the last of her children to marry. She was so happy to be alive to see it. I kissed her on top of her head and said ma what could happen to you? You're the strongest person I know. Jane said if she could help in anyway she'd really like too. My mom looked at her and said, bless you. I have my hands full and could really use the help. Jane asked her what she needed help with? Mom and Jane got talking about the wedding and I found Nick and the guys on the court. Nick hasn't received a work out like this in a long time I said. He looked at me and smiled. His team was losing and he was not happy about it. He wasn't mad about it but Nick was really competitive. It was the Carter Men against the Baker Men. My family's winning I chanted over and over. Nick tried to ignore me. I stood up and said, do you need a Baker woman to help you Nicky? He laughed and then threw me the ball I took one look at the basket on the opposite side of our four car driveway and released it. Nothing but net! Swoosh I said! Nick tackled me on the grassy area that lined our driveways. He said you love to embarrass me don't you. I said, no, I just love you. We were laughing. My brother's asked if Nick knew how ticklish I was? Nick said, oh are you ticklish? He almost made me pee my pants. My brothers teased me endlessly as a child I told him. We went inside and enjoyed our families. The band came over around 7 and Sarah just about died when Brian said, OK which one of you is Sarah? Sarah stood up and shook Brian's hand. Brian gave her one of the crooked grins and said, can't I have a hug? He hugged her and they became inseparable from there on out. Sarah was a very mature 14, but far too young for Brian who was 35. He was flattered though. After the introductions we all went downstairs where the guys performed their new CD for us. Brian brought in a stool for Sarah to sit on and Nick brought one in for me to sit on and they serenaded us with Lonely Heart. Brian kissed Sarah on the cheek and Nick kissed me on the lips. I love you baby, he said. They sounded fantastic. I couldn't believe this was happening. The CD would be released in the morning and then it would be nothing but non stop appearances regarding the release. We got everyone back to the hotel and Nick and I came home and cleaned up the mess. We showered and went to bed. The Limousine arrived at 10am to take us to the press conference. The guys were picked up first and we were the last stop until the Tower Records. There were tons of security and tons of fans too. The guys made their way inside signing autographs and taking pictures. There was a table set up in the back corner of the store. The media was all over us. We finally made it in the store and were brought back to the table. I'd sit behind the guys while they greeted each fan. They were each given sharpies and water and then they were asked if they were ready. Nick reached back to me and kissed me and then said, he was ready. They each followed with yes let's go. Before the fans were brought into the store there was a televised press conference. The fans outside saw it on two huge screens and were also able to hear it over the loud speakers. The questions started. They each had a CD in front of them and referred to it often. After about 40 minutes we were told it was time to let their fans it. The doors opened as people rushed back to the tables and started snapping pictures and they were crying. I stood up because they were rushing the table, and I thought for sure, someone would get hurt. I yelled, wait a minute. Kevin handed me his mike and I asked the boys in private, I said, will you agree to stay here until everyone of these people has an autograph. I'm just worried that someone's going to get hurt. There were 500 or so people there. They all agreed to stay as long as it took. I stood up and introduced myself as their manager. I told them I just asked the boys if they were willing to stay until every one of you, got an autograph. They agreed to stay for as long as it takes. So I just ask you to please back up and give each other room. They applauded and did as I asked. The guys told me later that they were proud of me that moment. I put the fans first and that was important to them. We were there for 6 ½ hours when the last autograph was signed. We headed back to the Limousine and I promised to never make them sit that long again. We were dropped off at the house and Nick went to take a shower. Jane said, she saw the whole thing on TV. It looked like it went real well. I said it did. We have a strong following and they are going to make it.

Chapter 35

The weekend ended with a mass migration westward. My family headed back to Oklahoma and Nick's to California. Jane had made plans to fly out to mom's a few times to help. The next few weeks were spent traveling with the guys. They were performing Lonely Heart, and it was getting a lot of air time. We flew to New York and did the Rosie O'Donnell show. She announced to us on the show that our album had just gone Platinum. The guys stood up embracing. I was in the audience crying. Nick unhooked his mike and pulled me out of the audience. He said, it's all because of this woman right here. They all applauded. I was in tears. Rosie was in tears because she knew our secret and thought it was really sweet that Nick acknowledged me like he did. Rosie got another chair for the stage and I joined them. Rosie asked if there was anything else I wanted to share. I said, no, not really. She went to move on and Nick said, I do, I want to share something. Nick stood up behind me and said everyone, she's not just my manager, she's my Fiancee. We're getting married next month. Rosie yelled and I'm going! I was laughing. The guys were high fiving each other. Alex said, you finally said it out loud. Nick said I want the world to know, I love this woman. He kissed me on national TV. Rosie passed me the Kleenex box. We were both hysterical crying. She went to break and we tried to calm down. She looked at me and asked if I was all right. I said, just emotional. I wasn't expecting this. Nick said, he told himself once the record went Platinum he was going to sing it from the roof tops. He just happened to be sitting here on national TV and took advantage. Rosie came back from the break and repeated what Nick just said. Howie said, that they were going to kick off their tour on July 4th. Rosie asked if that would give us enough time for our honeymoon. I looked at her and told her she better not tell the date. She laughed and promised she wouldn't. Kevin said, it was more than enough time. They'd be kicking off the tour in Tampa on The Fourth of July. It was going to be a great show. Rosie wished us all good luck with the album and with our wedding. During the break Rosie invited Nick and I to her house for dinner. Nick said, sure we'd be there. The guys did there thing in New York while Nick and I made our way to Rosie's apartment. She had a penthouse apartment in the middle of Manhattan. She invited us in and apologized if she gave too much away during her show. We said it was fine. Nick handed Rosie some wine and we sat on her living room couch. Rosie now had 4 children. Her oldest was 14 and her youngest 4. She had a live in nanny who would be entertaining the little ones. We had a wonderful time at her house. It was the first celebrity's house I'd ever been in. I was nervous. The night ended and Nick and I caught a cab back to the hotel. We all got up early the next morning and headed back to Tampa. It was June 1st now. We would be married in 15 days. The guys were traveling more and more to promote this album. It was number one nation wide. We were getting a lot of slack because our international fans were also very loyal and weren't really included in what we were doing. We called a meeting to see what could be done about that. It was decided that once we complete the American and Canadian tour we would move across the Atlantic. The guys had their passports all in order so we were ready to go. I had Joseph scout around and book some venues. Things were really picking up now and Joseph said he needed some help. I asked if he had anyone in mind. I told him we all trusted his judgment so he should do what has to be done. With that we closed in prayer. Nick and I went up to bed to lie down. We were incredibly busy. Our wedding was looming over our heads. It was a good thing but we were really looking forward to just getting away from everything. I was having the best time of my life though. We woke from our nap and I put my swimsuit on. It was incredibly hot Nick called the guys and I called Christina. Come for a pool party. Nick and I were already in the pool. We were enjoying the quiet when out of the blue Alex and Brian charged in and splashed water all over the place. Kevin and Howie stood back and laughed. They brought their girlfriends too. I was glad not to be the only girl. The gods were shining down on us blessing us with beautiful weather and wonderful friends. Nick's competitiveness came out yet again when we were forced to play king of the mountain. The guys lifted us all on their shoulders in the pool and we tried to push each other off each other's shoulders. Nick and I were good, but Brian and Annie won. Next was a race between the guys full length of the pool. There and back. Nick won that race. Next it was the girls. I won that race. The guys jumped in and pulled us all under water. We lounged around and then Brian got the idea of doing flips off the diving board. Oh goodness, I said. We had gotten out and dried off I was reading a magazine and not paying much attention to the guys anymore when water drops fell on my magazine. Nick, Aaron and Brian all stood over me smiling. I instinctively grabbed the sides of the chair. They pried my hands off and threw me in. After that Nick and I held each other in the water. He asked me if I was happy? I kissed him so passionately and then looked into his eye's. He said, I'll take that as a yes.

Chapter 36

One week before the wedding I flew with Christina to Oklahoma. Nick and I wouldn't be together until our wedding day. It killed me to be apart from him for such a long time. Once Christina and I got to my mother's house we were immersed in the wedding up to our eyeballs. We were wrapping little favors for the tables. Jane and BJ had already arrived so it was nice that we could do all this together. It gave me more time to get to know them both. Daddy was so excited about the wedding that he wasn't getting any sleep. Mom was worried. I told daddy if he didn't slow down I wouldn't let him walk me down the aisle. He promised to try. I tried on my dress and it was a little big. Mom said, you're losing weight? I told her stress. She had to take it in a little. It was beautiful. She had sown little beads all over my shoes too. I couldn't wait until the wedding. BJ asked what I was going to do with my hair. I said, I hadn't even thought about it. I always wore it up but Nick liked it down. BJ said she'd help me with my hair. I told her I would love it. She went and got an old Bridal magazine. She said, I think this would look nice. The hair was held back by two combs and large ringlets fell all around the Bride's shoulders. I said, wow. Do you think that'd look good on me? She said let's do it tonight and see. I said, OK, I felt so giddy. We were going to have close to 150 guests. Leslie and Ashley flew in on Wednesday. They fell in love with the farm too. It wasn't at all what they'd though it would be. We walked around the farm, I took them to the hill where Nick and I played at Christmas time. There was a swing up there daddy had put up for the kids. We were going to line the rope with flowers and daddy was going to put a new piece of wood for the seat. We'd take some pictures on it. They said it was so beautiful here, how could I ever leave it? I only left it because I knew I could come back. We walked down to the lake where we all used to swim as kids. We didn't need a swimming pool, we had this man made lake my dad made for us. We walked back to the house and met our mother's on the porch drinking lemonade. I snapped a picture. I said, this is a Kodak moment if ever I saw one. They all laughed. Tomorrow Rosie O'Donnell would be flying in. I invited her to stay at my mom's house. She was excited. Rosie arrived at my parent's house at 1PM. Tonight was my shower. My sister's had arranged a great party for us. My nieces and my sisters and cousins would all attend. I got lots of nice things. We played a couple of games and ate lots of food. Then we all decided to run out to the lake and swim. At least most of us did. We didn't even change our clothes. It was so exhilarating. We went back and sat on the porch until our clothes dried. Mom and my Aunt's served all of us cake and ice cream. I shared a lot about Nick and what he does to make me happy. I told them this had been the hardest week for me. I was bawling now. Someone passed the phone to me and said, call him. I did, he was having his bachelor party at the house. They would all be flying in tomorrow. We were to be married on Sunday. He would be so close but we were weren't to see each other for two days. The party was a great success, I thanked them all for coming and one by one they left. It was just down to just those staying at my mom and dad's house. Rosie said she was going up to bed. Eventually we all ended upstairs. It was Friday morning and I knew Nick was coming today. My heart was beating faster just in the excitement. Rosie and I walked around the farm and we talked a lot about growing up here. I told her my story of how I really wasn't a Baker. She had tears running down her face. She told me Oh yes I was a Baker. She said if I wasn't a Baker then I wouldn't be here right now. She said she had adopted four children and if anyone were brave enough to say she wasn't there mother just because they didn't come from her body, they'd better have a good pair of running shoes on. We really bonded that day. She is so smart and compassionate. I headed for the barn but she wanted to go down to the lake. We walked all around and skimmed rocks off the surface. She asked if there was anything that would make her happier than I was now, what would that be? I said, to be this happy in love in 50 years. She smiled at me, and thought that was so sweet. We headed back to my parent's house and I stopped in my tracks. What's the matter she said? A tent was being raised. Oh my, we're so close aren't we? Rosie laughed and grabbed my arm and helped me walk closer to the tent. It was all so surreal. My mom called out and said Nick called. He landed and is heading this way. The guys would all be staying with my sister Kathy for the weekend. He was so close. I felt my tears betray me. Rosie said, oh don't cry. I went and hugged my mom and told her everything looked so beautiful. Thank you so much for loving me the way she did. We went in and ate some lunch. Nick called and I got to talk to him for a while. It was getting dark. I heard a car pull up in the driveway and a bunch of people running up the stairs. The next thing I knew I was blind folded and told not to scream.

Chapter 37

I recognized Rosie's laugh. She told me not to fight it, I'd be happy with the outcome. I was buckled into a van and driven around for about 40 minutes. The car finally stopped and I was carried out of the car. I was eventually put down and told not to move a muscle. I was nervous I had no idea what was going on. The blind fold was removed from my eyes and Nick was standing in front of me. He had been kidnapped too. I was so happy to see him. I was crying. We were in my parent's barn. Nick said, you didn't know? I had no idea I said. My brothers and sisters had been out here all day decorating the barn for a party for us. Everyone was here. All the Carter's, my family and some close friends. Rosie said, you almost blew it when you wanted to come in here this morning. I laughed at the thought. The music started and Nick asked me to dance. The night was so magical. I didn't ever want it to end. Nick and I went up to our hill. We just sat there kissing and being close. He said, it's so peaceful hear. I can hear my own heartbeat. We laid down on the grass and were staring at the stars. I told him I didn't care if I ever got up from this spot. We'd been gone a while and thought we'd better go back to our guests. We walked in and everyone was having so much fun. I danced with daddy and told him I loved him. He'd made me so happy. His eyes filled up with tears. He said, honey I love you more than you'd ever know. Brian tapped daddy on the should and asked if he minded? Not at all daddy said. I kissed him and Brian and I were dancing. I looked over at Nick, who was dancing with Rosie. He was laughing so hard at something she said. He was a beautiful man. Bri asked it I was nervous. I said my butterflies had butterflies. This party helped though. Bri said it was Jane's idea. She saw how miserable you were without Nick and it was thrown together last minute. I didn't know that I said. Bri said that Nick was very lucky to have found me. I told him that I was the lucky one. Bri kissed me on the cheek when the music stopped. I went searching for Jane. I found her and I walked up and hugged her. You have made me so happy, how can I ever repay you for this? I was bawling. We walked outside where we could hold a conversation without yelling at each other. I said, we've come a long way since our trip to Catalina Island. She said, she can't believe I ever thought she wouldn't like me. She says as for repaying her, she just wanted me to be happy with her son and that was thanks enough. I hugged her again. We were both crying and Nick came out and wanted to know what was happening? I said, did you know that all of this, pointing to the barn, was your mom's idea? He shook his head. Really? She said she may have had the idea, but there was a lot of people in there who made it happen. We all went back inside and mingled with everyone. Nick pulled me on the floor when Journey came on. We slow danced to Open Arms. We were so in love and everyone knew it. The night finally ended and Nick and I were forced to say good bye again. I couldn't let go of him. I told him to leave his shirt. He did. I went inside and mom and dad headed for bed. I went up to my room and changed into Nick's shirt. I was missing him so much. Ro knocked on my door and asked if I wanted any company. I said, sure. She came in and held me. She said, in two days you'll be together for the rest of your life. I showed her my dress. She thought it was beautiful. I even pulled out my old scrapbook. She said, you've loved him for a long time haven't you? My tears betrayed me again. She asked if I wanted her to stay with me. I said, that would be nice. We climbed into my small double bed. She was complaining, she said I hope you have a larger bed than this at home? I laughed and said it was a King sized bed. We both fell asleep in no time. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. I woke up at 8am. Rosie had already left my bed. She drove into town with Jane and the girls to pick up something's for my wedding. It was me and mom all alone in the house. She said, well this is it kid. Tomorrow you'd be a Carter. I said, I'll always be a Baker in my heart ma. She was emotional and she looked so tired. I asked if she was OK? She said she was fine. Nick called and asked me if I was still going to marry him tomorrow? I told him if he didn't show up I come after him. He said he'd be there. I told him I loved him and missed him. Jane came back with everyone and they brought in the large pictures Christina had taken on my deck. She said, if she'd know those pictures were going to be so popular she would have copyrighted them. We laughed. They were 13x20's and framed. They would stand on each side of the entrance of the tent. The tables were being set up tonight and the florist would arrive first thing in the morning. It was almost time. BJ was going to style my hair like we did the other night. It was almost time. I went to bed that night unable to sleep. Nick called me on my cellular phone so he wouldn't wake the whole house. He told me he loved me. We talked about the wedding a little bit. He told me Bri would be singing an old song for us. I said, one of your? He said yes. Which one? "If I Don't Have You". I didn't remember it. Nick sang to me a little of the song's chorus. If I don't have you, To hold on to, I can't go on, In this world alone Baby it's true, If you said good bye, Girl I would die, I'm a star with no light, A day with no night, If I don't have you. I told him I loved him and would see him tomorrow.

Chapter 38

I woke to a very fragrant smell. Roses I said, sitting up. Nick had sent 9 dozen Roses to me. Mom and Jane had put them in my room while I slept. The card said, one dozen Roses for every month you've loved me. I jumped out of bed and down the stairs. Everyone was in the kitchen. I was so freaking in love with him, I had to kiss someone. Not wanting to leave anyone out I kissed them all. What's this all about? Rosie asked. I said, I'm getting married to the most wonderful man in the world and I flew back upstairs. Mom filled her in on the Roses that were in my room and Rosie came up to see. She said, it's a good thing you don't have allergies. This could have been tragic. I laughed. I showed her the card. She read it and said, he owes you a couple hundred dozen doesn't he? She was referring to my scrapbook. I smiled. I looked out my window and watched as the florists were handing bunting and flowers from everything. The day was warm the sun was shining and the birds were singing. I quickly dressed and asked Ro to follow me to the hill. Aren't you going to eat? She asked. I told her I was too nervous to eat. She said your mom makes terrific cinnamon rolls. You should try one. Do you think she'll give me the recipe? She followed me downstairs. Rosie grabbed my camera and snapped pictures of me in all my glory. We headed to the hill and I laid some of the Roses Nick sent me on my Grandparent's grave site. I told them I wished they were here to see me. Ro said, they're here in spirit. She took my picture kneeling at the grave. The florist had already lined the swing. I told Ro to look at the swing. She made me sit on it and took my picture. We walked back and went through the tent. It was beautiful inside. A dance floor was toward the back of the tent. A long table lined the back wall. It's wear the wedding party sat. I put Rosie at my parent's table with Jane and the Carter kids. She thanked me for that. Everything was so colorful. My mom was after me to eat something. She said, I'd never make it through the wedding. I sat down and had some orange juice and a cinnamon roll. My sisters had all arrived with their families. Christina said we should get ready. BJ and I headed upstairs and she started on my hair. We played my old BSB CD's. It helped me get through the day. I was having so much fun. My sister Kathy came and said Nick was a nervous wreck. He was really emotional. It saddened my heart to hear that. She said, he's got 4 friends and a brother that love him too. They'll lift his spirits. He'd dressed in his tux and the photographer was there taking pictures of him already. He looked really good, Sam. You have a handsome husband. Husband, I said. He will be my husband soon won't he? My sister said, Sam don't cry you will ruin your make up. Time was quickly passing. I put on my dress and BJ let down my hair. You look beautiful they said. I slipped on my shoes and fixed my vale. I went downstairs and my mom and dad said I took their breath away. Everyone was dressed and looked beautiful. We all went outside and a photographer was taking our pictures. Brian called the house and said they were on their way. Daddy had set up a smaller tent out by the hill and we all headed in that direction. We all waited as the guys approached the wedding site. Nick was looking around trying to figure out where I was. He looked toward the tent, I was watching him and I stuck my hand out and waved to him. He smiled and waved back. Nick continued up the hill. Those guys looked so handsome. They waited as the Bride's maids met them and continued their walk up the hill. A small orchestra was playing some music as the guests waited for me. Once the best man and Maid of Honor took their places. Daddy grabbed my arm and said, honey it's time. He quickly told me how much he loved me. And how proud I've made him over the years. I said, oh daddy I love you too, please don't cry. We heard the wedding march and we exited the tent. Everyone was standing and facing in our direction. We walked up the hill and down the aisle and I was handed over to Nick. He had tears in his eyes. The Pastor opened in Prayer and blessed our union. Next Brian stepped out of line and sang "If I Don't Have You." There wasn't a dry eye. Brian stepped back in line and Nick and I said our vows. We both thanked God above for bringing us to each other. Then we both thanked our families for their love and support. The pastor had us repeat the traditional vows and then asked for the rings. He blessed the rings and we exchanged them. After that we were pronounced man and wife. Nick lifted my vale and lifted me off the ground and kissed me. My dad had raised butterflies, each guest released them as Nick and I walked back down the aisle into the tent. The beautiful butterflies sprang to life and filled the sky. Nick brought me back to the tent and kissed me ever so passionately. I told him I loved him. We were hugging and kissing each other. The guests were moved to the tent for the reception. The Bridal party remained behind for pictures. We took pictures of Nick and I and then off everyone. Nick and his groomsmen, and me and my Bride's maids. Mom and Dad and me and Nick, then Bob and Jane and Nick and I. It seemed like the pictures would never end. Finally, they photographer felt he had enough. We all headed for the reception area.

Chapter 39

We all lined up outside the door of the tent. The DJ asked for everyone's attention. He started introducing the Bridal party. He called them off by name and by relationship. Sister, friend and so on. He finally got to us. He introduced us as Mr. and Mrs. Nickolas Carter. We entered the tent to a standing ovation. We made our way to our parent's table and kissed them all. We all made our way to our table and stood up looking out at all of our family and friends. Aaron stood up as the best man. He said it was his job as the best man to make a toast. He said he's know his brother all his life, that got a laugh. He said, well you know what I mean. He said we were raised in the happiest of households, but I've never seen him this happy before. He said, she's lived with me just as long as Nick has. That got a laugh. He said although Nick benefited from it more he was proud of us both. We made each other laugh and cry. We were truly soul mates. Everyone lifted their glasses and toasted us together. I reached for the mike, I told them I knew that this wasn't really traditional, but my heart was bursting with so much love and joy that I just had to get it out. I turned to Nick and thanked him for being here today. They all laughed. I told him he completed me. I thanked Aaron for being my little brother too. I turned to Christina and thanked her for being my surrogate mother for the last 9 months. To the guys in the band, I love you all so dearly. I'm enjoying the ride. Next to my siblings, with out you I'd be miserable. To Rosie, thanks for clearing my head this past week. To Nick's parent's I love you. I couldn't control my emotions any longer. To mom and dad, I am so very grateful to the almighty God above for sending you to me. You told me this morning that I took your breath away, it is you that gave me life. I love you more than I could express in words. With that I dropped the mike and ran to them. I was an emotional wreck. With that the salad was served. Daddy said, go on, get back up there with your husband. I made my way back to the table and Nick embraced me and kissed away my tears. He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped away my tears. We feasted on Ham and Roasted Chicken. The DJ announced it was time for the Bride and Groom to take the floor. We stood up and waved to everyone as we took the floor for our dance. We danced to Faithfully by Journey. It was so romantic. Next was daddy's dance. We chose a very appropriate butterfly kisses by Lee Greenwood. It was a very long song and my feet were hurting. Next I danced with Nick's Dad as He danced with my Mom. We danced with everyone in the wedding party. It was a great day, one I'll never forget. We cut the cake and I got ready to throw the bouquet. All the single ladies stood together and I threw the bouquet. Rosie caught it and immediately handed it to Christina. She rolled her eyes and said, Oh please. It was funny. Next I sat on a chair and everyone watched as Nick lifted my dress to get to my garter belt. He jokingly lifted it a little higher. I got so red. Everyone was laughing. Nick slid the garter belt off my leg and kissed my knee. (That was an interesting picture. When Nick kissed my leg he was looking up into my eyes and just the look on his face made me fall in love with the picture.) He shot the garter belt and it landed in Brian's hands. Woo hoo Nick yelled. It was really funny. We got Bri's reaction on video too. It was time to go. We were all packed and heading to our Honeymoon. I kissed everyone good bye and thanked our parents again for making this whole week really special. They all lined up out side the tent and threw bird seed at us. Nick and I would head to a hotel by the airport and fly first thing in the morning to Molokai Hawaii. I was excited. He said it was the most uninhabited island where we could see people by day and could be alone at night. We headed to the hotel and spent a night in the most expensive suite in the hotel. Nick undressed me and we made love all night long. We barely got any sleep that night. We ate breakfast at 6:30am and headed to the airport. Our families surprised us at the gate and sent us off in grand style. We spent the next two weeks on Molokai. We went hiking up the volcanoes and swam in the ocean. It was really a wonderful time. We flew home on June 30th. The guys needed to rehearse for the start of the tour. We arrived home and it was really nice to be back. Nick carried me over the threshold. I called my parents and they were glad we had a great time. I hung up my dress and would take it to the cleaners tomorrow or the next day. Nick called the guys and they were coming over to practice on our deck. They put in the CD and danced all night long on the deck. I went upstairs and went to bed. I was exhausted. Nick joined me around 2. He stuck his ice cold feet between my thighs. I just smiled. It was nice to have him with me again. We woke up around 10am. Nick and the guys were going to get outfitted for their first show of the tour. Joseph was told not to book to many dates. He said he booked one publicity shoot for each city. So we'd have a concert, talk and them move on. The guys were back. They had their first sold out tour. Our lives were coming together beautifully.

Chapter 40

The guys were a hit! The audience was into the concert of new and old songs. The fireworks went off and the guys ended with a soul full rendition of God Bless America led by Alex. It was beautifully choreographed. The next morning we woke up to rave reviews. Our local news was holding up the local newspapers with "They're Back!" splashed across the front. Anyway you looked at it, it was all good. The rest of the tour the tour got the same reaction. I think we were in Canada when new came of my mother's death. I was devastated. Nick was devastated too. It was the last night of our North American tour. We would leave right after the concert for Oklahoma. They opened the show and tried to be upbeat. Nick and Brian came out to sing Lonely Heart. Nick asked everyone to pray for his wife's family. They had just lost his mother in law tonight. It was completely unexpected. He began the song saying this is for you mom. There wasn't a dry eye. The concert ended and Nick and I chartered a private plane and flew to Oklahoma city. Mom had a stroke and died in daddy's arms. Dad was crushed. Nick and I hadn't been back in 4 ½ months. I rushed into the house and flew into daddy's arms. Nick was still wearing the clothes from his show. The funeral would take place on Saturday and she'd be laid to rest on the hill with her parents. Nick and I went up to my old bedroom and I just cried and cried. I never got to say good bye I cried. Nick said he knew. We woke up the next morning and I thought it was a dream. Nick asked me if I smelled cinnamon. I looked at him and we ran downstairs. There was no one there. I was crushed and dropped to the floor. Nick was in as much pain as I was. Nick called his mom he was so choked up he could barely get the words out. Jane thought something happened to me. He finally managed to say Jillian died of a massive stroke. Nick dropped the phone and couldn't talk anymore. Jane asked where we were? Nick said in Oklahoma. She said she was on her way. She and Bob arrived later that evening. Nick and I were lounging on the porch swing. Jane and Bob were obviously very distraught over the news. Bob went to look for my Dad. He was digging my mother's grave. Bob embraced my dad. My dad appeared to age over night. He was inconsolable. On Saturday our house was once again filled with our friends and family. This time to grieve for the loss of my mother. She'd be so sorely missed. She was laid to rest beside her mother up on the hill we all loved so much. Everyone of us stood up to say something about mom, but I think Nick got to us about mom. He said she welcomed him into the family without prejudging him. He'd always remember how she said, Nicky you're a good boy. He choked up and said, whenever he would smell cinnamon, he'd think of her. The service was over and we helped daddy back to the house. I don't know how long he's going to last without mom I said to Nick. They've been married for almost 55 years. They married at 16. What was he going to do now? My eldest sister Joanna would be moving in with dad. She had 2 children and she and her husband Scott would help take care of dad. It was decided. There was no way daddy was going to leave this farm. Nick and I left on Monday morning and flew back to Tampa. Nick was right, just the smell of cinnamon made him weep. We passes a doughnut stand on the way out of the airport and he was shaken. We got back home and Aaron said how sorry he was for us both. We embraced each other. Aaron told Nick he had a package on the kitchen counter. I started up the stairs and heard Nick cry out. I ran into the kitchen and there on the counter was a box of cinnamon rolls my mother mailed to him. All we could do was cry. We spent the rest of the day in bed. Aaron answered all our phone calls. Nick's mom called and Aaron told her about the cinnamon rolls. Rosie called from New York and sent her love. The list went on and on. What we didn't expect was the love and support of Nick's fans. They sent addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Nick Carter, flowers and stuffed animals. They sent cards and personal messages. It was so much that we held a press conference about it. A week later and we were still distraught to even mention her by name. Nick and I hand in hand thanked them all for their love and support. We thanked them for the gifts and the cards. Nick told them he was happy to know that we had an angel watching over us. Jillian may be gone from our lives he tried to say, but we well never forget her. With that Nick and I went home. My daddy didn't make it 6 months without mom. He was buried right beside her. They said daddy died of a broken heart. The farm was left to Nick and I, mom and daddy felt we really could see what they saw when the purchased the land. 2 years later Nick and I welcomed the birth of our first child, Jillian. Followed in close succession by Nickolas, Jack and Sarah. I'm pregnant with our fifth child. The guys are still really busy. Nick still gets emotional whenever he smells cinnamon. We fly back every winter to Oklahoma. Where we take our children sledding down the hill of eternal life. We tell them the stories of the headstones. How they were angels now. Watching over us. Keeping us safe. Our last child Christina Renee was born on my mother's birthday. I was the greatest gift we ever given ourselves. Nick and I have been married for 10 years now. People say we are more in love today, than we ever were. I still can't bare to be without him for too long. He still brings me Roses.