Chapter 1

My mom and dad were crying as I packed up my Ford Explorer. "I'll be all right," I say to them. They are both in tears. I've just been divorced and it was messy. I was only married for 6 months before I found out he was cheating on me. I was devastated and I wanted to get away. Paul was my high sweetheart and first love. I had never loved anyone as much as him. I'm only 19, but his was the one and only love I have ever known. We married just out of high school. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. We were married right away and had a wonderful Honeymoon in Hawaii. I was so happy. We moved into an apartment and both got jobs. We were both attending UCLA and had bright futures ahead of us. We were both Medical Students. I thought we'd be married forever. Then one day I thought I would surprise him at the Library. Only to find out that I was the one who would be surprised. I looked all over the library and couldn't find him. I was just about to leave when I heard him laugh. I walked in the direction only to find him with a girl. He had her backed up against a bookcase and he had his hands all over her. He was kissing her and telling her he loved her. I just sat there staring. The girl finally noticed me and told Paul to stop. Paul turned around and saw me. I ran out of the library and sped off in my car. Paul tried to tell me that it was nothing. It was just a crush, I felt so betrayed. I filed for divorce the next day. Everyone tried to talk me out of it. If I hadn't heard him say he loved her, maybe I would have tried to patch things up. But he said it. I moved back to my parent's house and they tried to get me to give Paul a second chance. I asked my parent's if the other had cheated, would they be so willing to take them back? "After all the years we've been married we wouldn't do it." "That's the difference between you and Paul. Paul did it." Now it has been six months after our divorce was final and Paul was marrying the girl from the library. The news had crushed me. I fell into a deep depression and couldn't trust men anymore. My parents have a cabin up in Big Bear, in the mountains of California. I decided that I was going to move up there. My parent's never used it anymore anyway. I kissed my parents, "I'll call you as soon as the phone gets turned on." They told me they loved me and was so sorry for the pain in my life. "I just needd time to be alone." I watched them in my rearview mirror and headed to my new home. I turned on some music the drive just flew by. 3 hours later I was pulling into the driveway. The cabin over looked Big Bear Lake. It was so peaceful up here. I went inside and it was very hot and dry. Dusty too. I immediately opened up all of the windows. I uncovered all the furniture. I swept the floors, dusted and vacuumed. The place was coming together. I went out to my Explorer and brought in my things. I first hung up pictures of my family and friends. I still hung on to a picture of Paul and I, on our Wedding Day. I slipped it into a drawer. It took the entire day and I was tired. I showered and changed clothes and headed to the grocery store. The closest store was some distance away so I bought lots of food. I also bought about 10 gallons of water. It was my drink of choice. I went back home and prepared my first meal. I called the Phone Company from my cell and they would have the phones on tomorrow. Dad always left the electricity on. So I had power. The Gas Company had come out before I arrived. After dinner I cleaned up the kitchen and went to bed. It was the end of the first day, of the rest of my life.

Chapter 2

I had dropped out of Medical school. Paul and I had enrolled in every class together and I didn't want to see him, let alone sit right next to him. I changed my major and became a writer. I wrote a little for the school newspaper before I left and was told that I had a career in writing. I had published a few short stories and was in the process of writing a novel. My professors were sorry to see me go. I'd made a few contacts in the outside world, one, with Random House. Gina Daily told me, "as soon as you have the book done, call me." I promised I would. So I wrote daily. It was so peaceful at the lake that I was often inspired. I sat down on the dock and would dip my feet in the water and just watch the people on their jet ski's and water ski's. Dad had a boat but I didn't know how to work it. So it just sat there tied to the dock. Dad said, "next summer I'll come up to teach you how to drive it." It was already October and was starting to get cool. Our rainy season was coming. Mom and Dad came up a few weeks after I'd moved in and stayed a long weekend. Dad and my brother chopped enough wood to last two winters. Mom made some fresh loaves of bread for me. It was nice having them there for a little while. I pretty much kept to myself. I liked it that way just fine. I had only one house within a mile of me and it appeared to be vacant. I liked the isolation. I could play my music as loud as I wanted and I could be alone. The winter months were upon us. It started snowing. It was so beautiful. I would occasionally see some cross country skiers and hear the snowmobiles. It was the only noises I heard outside my own world. I was making a lot of progress with my book. It was basically about me, but not really. It was about two people who overcame obstacles in their lives to be together only to be torn apart over and over again. Then eventually they'd be separated by death. It was a painful book to write. I incorporated a lot of my feelings into the book and found it very therapeutic. I woke one morning and made some hot cocoa. I saw a man standing on the deck of the house next door. I had never seen anyone there before. He looked as though he was trying to chop wood. The wood was frozen and he wasn't having much luck. I could see his frustration on his face. He finally gave up and went inside. Too bad for him, I thought. I wasn't about to go to the rescue of a man, especially after Paul. My mom called that day and asked how I was doing. "I'm fine. I'm going to go for a walk today and just meditate." "That's lovely dear." Meaning, maybe I should move home now that I've been up there for 5 months. I told her I was happy and at peace and like the isolation. I lied and told her I'd even met my neighbors. She perked up to that. She started asking questions. I told her it's not like I invited them to dinner, I just saw them and said hello. She still saw it as a sign. I finally told her I wanted to go and we hung up. I dressed in warm clothes and walked out side. I found the path I usually take that leads to a part of the lake that's used as a boat runner and sat there. I was sketching the lake and making little notes about how I would incorporate this into my book and another book when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. It was my neighbor. I didn't look in his direction. I just returned to my sketching. He continued to walk closer to the water and he just sat down. He appeared to be crying. I heard him ask "Why me God?" a lot but tried to block it out. I finally got up and went back to my cabin. I started a nice fire and was all cuddled up in a blanket on the couch. I was reading a book when I saw him walk back to his cabin. He'd been down there for almost 2 hours. I watched him walk back to his cabin and go inside. I smelled a story there. I dropped my book and started to write about the mysterious man. I had all these ideas running through my head. I guessed him to be about 22, blond hair, approximately six feet in height. He was lean but had muscular. He walked with his head down a lot. He seemed to be in a lot of pain. I hadn't noticed anyone else around so I assumed he lived alone. November hit us with a terrible snowstorm. The roads were almost unpassable. I had gone to the store two days earlier so I was stocked up on everything. I even bought a turkey for Thanksgiving Dinner. My dad was devastated when I told him I would not be coming home for the Holiday. Paul was supposed to be getting married soon and I didn't want to dwell on that. I was beginning to notice a pattern with my neighbor. He'd end up at the lake everyday at the same time, 2:30 in the afternoon. He'd stay for two hours and go back to his cabin. I wrote that down. He appeared to be so sad. One day I noticed he had a visitor. Another guy, about the same height blond hair. Maybe his brother. My neighbor wasn't happy to see him. I turned off my radio and heard him saying he just wanted to be left alone. The other guy called him Nick. At least I had a name now. Nick, my neighbor. The other guy eventually left. It was 2:15pm. I knew Nick, would be heading out to the lake any minute now. I bundled up and grabbed my sketch pad and headed down to the lake. I felt so evil, but he was the only person around and I was starting to talk to myself. So I figured I go down and try to sit closer and listen to what he said.

Chapter 3

I took a seat on a huge rock. I was kind of overlooking the area where I usually sat. I saw Nick walking into the area. I pretended to be writing. With my dark sunglasses on I just stared at him. He was crying. He kept asking God "why this had to happen to him? Why didn't he take him instead?" He was in so much pain I found myself tearing up. The depths of his pain were seemed endless. I sat there for about an hour watching him and listening to him. It was so cold I couldn't stay any longer. My body ached from the cold. I climbed down off the rock and started walking back to my cabin. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I was hoping he'd turn around and see me. I stepped in a whole and fell to the ground in pain. I screamed out and he turned. I tried to stand but couldn't put any weight on my left foot. I dropped to the ground again. I grabbed my pad and tried to stand again. I fell to the ground in a heap and began to cry. How was I going to get back to the cabin? Just then I heard his voice. I had forgotten he was there. I looked up at him and his eyes were so puffy and swollen. But they were the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen in my life. I tried to stand but couldn't. I started crying. "I can't get up." My boot was beginning to feel tight and if I didn't get it off soon I'd have to be cut off. "Let me help." "Pull my boot off." "Let's get you back to your cabin first." "No, you've got to take it off now or I won't be able to get it off later." He tried to gently pull it off but I cried out in pain. He stopped. "No please, keep pulling it. It has to come off." He finally got the boot off and lifted me into his arms and carried me all the way back to my cabin. He smelled so good. I almost felt sorry I'd been listening in on his conversation. I gave him the key to the door and he placed me on the couch. "Is your husband around." "I'm not married." It was the first time I'd said that in a long time and the tears overcame me. He asked if I would be OK by myself. I said yes. He turned to go and I tried to prop my foot up and I winced in pain. He turned around to look at me struggling with my foot. Here, let me help you he said. I told him I'd be all right. He helped me off with my jacket and took my other boot off. He asked if it felt broken. I told him it wasn't broken. I could move it. It was just a bad sprain. He asked if there was anyone he could call for me. I told him, I didn't want anyone to come up here. I was up here to get away from everyone. He seemed to understand that. He introduced himself as Nick. I said, Nick to meet you Nick, I'm Jennifer, but everyone calls me Jenny. His face went white. What's the matter? He said, he had to go, but he'd be back to check on me. I said, he didn't have to do that, I'd be fine. He said, he'd be back in an hour or so. I was sorry to see him go. I grabbed my notebook computer and began writing about today's event and my mysterious neighbor named Nick. My ankle felt better in a few days. I was able to put some weight on it. It was still sore. Nick would come buy with soup and stuff for me. I thought it was very sweet. I invited him to Thanksgiving Dinner. He turned me down. I was surprised. I cooked anyway. He was opening up to me very little. I hadn't volunteered much information myself. Neither one of us had any visitors. We just plodded along in our own worlds. I enjoyed my Turkey. I try not to each much meat. I'm not a vegetarian, but I try to eat more fruits and vegetables. Meat is too filling. The turkey sandwiches were the best. Once my foot healed completely, Nick stopped coming around. I still wasn't able to get through to him. He was grieving for someone. That was the obvious part. Once I felt comfortable I would walk back down to the boat area again. It was nice to get out and walk. The air was very cold. I brought some hot cocoa with me.

I was sketching and didn't notice Nick standing over me. He was watching the lake come to life on my pad. He said I was gifted. I about jumped out of my skin. Oh, you scared me. He smiled. It was the first time I'd ever seen him smile. He said he was sorry and asked if he could sit down. Sure, I said. I haven't seen you in a while and thought, maybe you left. He said, he'd never leave here. Never is a long time Nick. He said it sure was. He wiped a tear from his eye. I asked him why he was so sad? I think he was ready to talk to me. He said he'd lost his wife 2 years ago. My heart stopped. He was still grieving this much and it had been two years. Oh, I'm so sorry I said. His tears were falling faster now. Do you want to talk about it? He said, she was pregnant with their first child. He wanted her to get pregnant and she wasn't ready. She died while giving birth to their son. His son was stillborn. I had tears running down my face now. That's horrible. He said it was all his fault. I tried to tell him it wasn't. He said she didn't want to have a child. She wasn't ready yet. I rubbed his arm and he embraced me. I was shocked. I wasn't expecting it. He let me go and said he was sorry, It has just been a long time since he's had any physical contact with anyone. He asked what I was doing up here this time of year?

Chapter 4

I told him of my break up and eventual divorce from Paul. He was sorry to hear that. I told him it was almost a year since I left him. Paul had already moved on in his life. I felt my tears betray me. He said, you must have loved him very much. I told him that Paul was my first love. My one and only. I'd thought that we'd be together forever. He just nodded his head and let his tears fall. He grabbed my hand. He said, we could probably help each other. I smiled at him. I said how do you mend a broken heart? He said we could teach each other that. I offered him some hot cocoa. He drank some from the cup. He said, he'd forgotten how good this was. Over the next few weeks we got very close. He helped me get a Christmas tree. He came to Christmas Dinner. I shared with him a little bit of my writing. The poetry I'd written since I'd been up there. I gave him a drawing of the lake. He like it, he felt a little embarrassed because he hadn't gotten anything for me. We went for a walk. Nick always held my hand now. We were like each other's lifelines. We walked down by the old bait stand. There were a few families around for the holidays. It was the first time I'd seen anyone in a long time. Other than Nick anyway. We walked by an elderly couple and the woman said to her husband, isn't young love sweet? Nick let go of my hand. He hasn't held it since. For some reason that just crushed me. I felt myself pulling away from him. Nick was also pulling away. Nick wasn't over his wife and I wasn't over Paul. Nick even stopped coming by. Paul had been married over a month now. The New Year was coming and I was incredibly lonely. I found myself turning inward. I didn't even answer the door when Nick finally started to come over again. On New Year's Eve my mom called to tell me that Paul and his wife had a baby. I just lost it and hung up on her. I ran out of the cabin and down to my dock. What was wrong with her? I double over, I was sobbing so much. Paul and I often talked about having kids and he had one now. It cut through me like a knife. I just lied down on the dock. I didn't have any shoes on and I wasn't wearing a coat. I just decided that I didn't care anymore. I don't know how long I was there before I heard Nick call out my name. I didn't move. He fell down beside me and picked me up and carried me back to my cabin. I was shaking so badly. I was wet and cold. He stripped me of my wet clothes and tried to warm me. I wasn't talking. My phone was ringing and Nick answered it. It was my mother. Nick put the phone to my ear but I wouldn't move or speak. He said I was sleeping. They made some small talk and he hung up the phone. I was crying and cold and couldn't get warm. Why am I here? I kept thinking to myself. How can I go on? I felt like my heart was dead. I finally fell asleep. Nick was afraid for me. He couldn't get me warm enough. He stripped down and got into bed with me. I was like an ice cube. Nick was so scared. He didn't sleep all night. I woke in the morning and I just started sobbing. Nick had his arm around me, but I didn't even know it. I went to sit up and woke him. He asked if I was all right. Oh god Nick. You scared me. I scared you? He said. I've been coming to your house for a week and you don't answer the door? I find you on the dock hardly dressed. What the hell happened? I just cried and lied back down. I didn't want to talk about it. I had just realized that I wasn't wearing anything but a bra and my underwear when it hit me. Nick was in bed with me and I could see his bare chest. I clutched the blankets under my chin. What's going on here? I said. Nick said he couldn't get me warm. I looked at him and said so you took my clothes off? He said he saw it in a movie once. These two people were caught in a storm and the power went out. They lost all heat and electricity. So they stripped out of their clothes and huddled together to warm each other. I smiled. He said it helped didn't it? I said I guess it did. He asked me what happened to cause me to do this? I said, Paul and his new wife had a baby. I don't know where the tears came from. I didn't think I could cry anymore. Nick hugged me close. I told him I'd been feeling awful ever since the walk by the lake. When he stopped holding my hand. He looked down. He said he wasn't ready to move on with his life. I told him I wasn't asking him too? I wasn't asking him for anything. But he took his friendship away without even consulting me about it. You stopped coming over to see me. He said he had come over last week. I said it took you two weeks! Now I was supposed to just let you in? You hurt me Nick, I was crying so hard I couldn't get the words out. I trusted you with my feelings and emotions and you betrayed me. He hugged me to his bare chest and lifted my head and kissed my lips. I pulled away. I stood up and walked to the bathroom to get my robe. I headed downstairs to the kitchen. Nick dressed and followed. The kettle was whistling but I wasn't hearing it. Nick switched it off and turned me towards him. He said we have to talk.

Chapter 5

We sat at my kitchen table and he told me all about his wife. He had known her since he was 5 years old. She lived next door to him. They had attended elementary school through High School together. They were also married right out of high school. He couldn't wait to have children. She wanted to go to college and wanted to wait. He pressured her and she became pregnant. He was happy and she was not at first. Eventually she was happy. She had complication after complication during her pregnancy. She was always sick. She went into labor and hemorrhaged and died. The baby was still born. Her name was Jenny. I couldn't look at him. We had the same name. I cried for him. I cried for her. They'd grown up together and apparently loved each other deeply. Nick had some very deep scars. He said he'd spent every Holiday alone since her death. She died at 2:30 in the afternoon and the doctors tried for two hours to save her. I felt awful. I couldn't even begin to understand his pain. I could only say I was sorry. He said that day we went for the walk, when the lady made the comment about young love. It just scared me. I was beginning to have feelings for you. She made me feel like I was betraying my wife. I told him I understood now. It was OK. He said he still had feelings for me and he realized that last night when he thought I was dead on the dock. His tears were steady now. He thought he'd lost me too. I was crying too now. Nick, I'm so sorry. My mother can be so indifferent sometimes. She thinks by giving me information about Paul, I'd see that he was moving forward and I'd be able to move on too. He was holding my hands now. He said, I know it's not going to be easy, but I'd like to try to move on with you. I told him that neither one of us were ready. He said, he took those two weeks to say good bye to his wife. He had to let her go. He was beginning to see what his friends, and family were telling him. It was Jenny that was dead, not him. He said, Paul has moved on. You should too. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but we have each other to lean on to help us get through this time. He asked me if I wanted to try? I told him I wanted to move on, but it was hard for me to trust anyone. He asked if I trusted him? I said, I did, but you went away. I was crying again. He rubbed my hands. He promised me he would not go away without telling me. He wiped my tears and leaned in to kiss me. My emotions took over and I kissed him back. Oh, how I wanted to love again, and be loved. It just hurt so much. He said, I want to love again. I want to know that feeling again. If we just open up our hearts to each other, and be honest, I think we can do it. He was brushing my tears away. I looked into those blue eyes of his and knew that I could trust him. I wanted to trust him. He said, the first thing you have to do is talk to your mother, and set the boundaries. Tell her she is not to call you and talk about Paul. Let her know how it hurts you. I know a part of you still loves him. He has moved on and so have you. Let it go. Can you do that? I told him I would. I asked how I could help him? He said, just be my friend. I smiled at him. He pulled me to him and we just held each other. He said, this is not going to be easy. I think if we just have patience with each other, we can have something special together. I told him he could call me Jennifer, or Rose, which is my middle name. If that would help? He said, your name is Jenny. It's a beautiful name and I will call you Jenny. I looked into his eyes and kissed his soft lips. He said, I'm hungry, do you have anything to eat around here? I laughed. We went into the kitchen and made lunch. We'd spent four hours talking. After we had lunch, Nick went home. I called my mom and told her she had really upset me by calling to tell me Paul had a child with the women who destroyed my marriage. She said she was sorry. I told her if she couldn't hold a conversation with me, without bringing up Paul, then I would prefer that she didn't call me at all. She again apologized and said she just wanted me to hear it from her and no one else. I asked her who would tell me up here? She told me I was being irrational. I told her then maybe we should take a break then. I hung up. The phone rang a few minutes later and I didn't answer it. I was crying and didn't want to talk to her. A minute later Nick was at my door. He came in and held me. What's the matter? I tried to call you. I filled him in my conversation with my mom. He invited me to dinner at his house. I hadn't been to his cabin yet. I was much bigger than mine, he was still cooking and poured me a glass of wine. I watched him cook. He refused to let me help. I really started noticing him now. He was a beautiful man. His hair was longer than I normally would have liked on a man. It looked good on him anyway. I walked into his kitchen and pulled it out of his eyes. He has the most adorable laugh. His hair is so soft. We sat down to a wonderful dinner. He walked me home around 8. He asked if I would be all right. I smiled and said I would be. He kissed me and I went inside.

Chapter 6

The next few weeks we got so much closer. We spent a lot of time together. We went skiing and we went on nature walks. Nick was a great cook, so he taught me how. The news was stating that we were about to be hit by a major snowstorm. We took it very seriously and drove down to the store and stocked up on food. We also bought a new flashlight and some candles. As we were driving home the snow started falling. It was projected to be the biggest snowstorm we'd ever seen. Nick was worried and we decided to stay at my place. His place was bigger but, I had enough fire wood to last two winters. Nick brought some clothing and some of his personal effects to keep him occupied for a few days. By nightfall we had over a foot of snow on the ground. It was still snowing. There were reports of power outages. We were lucky so far. I had a gas stove so we would be fine if we ended up losing power. We'd still be able to eat. Nick and I shared my bed, we still didn't have sex yet. I didn't want to pressure him and I wasn't ready myself. We woke up around 3am, according to my wristwatch. The power was out and it was freezing. Nick stepped out of bed and he got back in really fast. His feet were like ice. I reached down and pulled off my down socks and he slipped them on. He started a fire in the fireplace in my bedroom. He also grabbed another blanket. He then grabbed another pair of socks out of the drawer for me. He put them on my feet and kissed my legs. He came up from under the blankets and climbed on top of me. He started kissing me. I wanted him but I just wasn't ready. I had this secret fear, I hadn't told him yet. I didn't quite know how to tell him. He might be angry or feel I was being childish. He sensed my reservations about not moving forward and then climbed off and held me. I told him I was sorry. He said that it was OK. I told him I really wanted to make love to him. I was just struggling with things still. He sat up on his right elbow and stroked my hair. He said what issues? I told him that I was afraid to tell him. He looked really serious at me and said, Jenny you said you trusted me. You can tell me anything. I tried to roll over and tell him it was nothing. He lifted the blankets off my body. I screamed. Nick! It's cold! He said he'd with hold the blankets until I told him. I was freezing but laughing it was so funny. I told him I'd tell him but first he'd have to warm me up. He replaced the blankets and leaned over and gave me the most passionate kiss I ever received. I looked at him with tears in my eyes. What's the matter? He asked. I'm just afraid that when your with me, that you'll be thinking of her. He looked away. I said, we have the same name. I'm afraid that if you make love to me, you'll be thinking of her. He sat up and placed his head in his hands. I was beginning to think I was right. I got out of bed grabbed my robe and went downstairs. I was trying to start some water boiling and I kept dropping the kettle in the sink. I just threw it across the kitchen and I dropped to the floor crying. Nick flew down the stairs thinking I'd done something stupid. He saw the kettle and me on the floor. He sat down next to me and put his arms around me. He said he's sorry for the way he reacted upstairs. He was angry with himself for making me feel that way. I told him it wasn't him it was me. He said, I don't think of her when I'm with you. You are both two different people. Sure you have the same name, but you have different personalities and you look so very different. She was very fair skinned with red hair, and a temper to match. You have the most beautiful brown hair. I love to run my fingers through it. You are very even tempered. You love to hang around the house. She always wanted to be around other people. We were so different. You and I are so much alike. You like it when I teach you things. She would just get frustrated. I love to watch you sketch. You are so talented. So please don't feel when I look at you I see her, because I don't. I see you, and I'm falling in love with you. Hell, I am in love you. I looked up through my teary eyes and said really? He said yes. I told him I loved him and it scared me to move on. He kissed me and then said. Now that you've broken the kettle, how are we going to make hot cocoa? I laughed. He helped me up and I grabbed a small saucepan from the cabinet and filled it with water. Nick threw away the dented up kettle. I had snapped the top handle off and it couldn't be fixed. While I was doing this at 3:45am Nick looked out the window. Oh my goodness, Jen you have got to see this.

Chapter 7

He held the curtains open and the snow was halfway up the window. I couldn't believe it. He said, I'm so glad that we decided to stay together because I wouldn't have made it out of my cabin. The snow was still coming down. It was a blinding blizzard. Nick turned on my small transistor radio and we listened to the weather report. All roads were closed. The snowplows were stuck on the roads. Oh my, this is big. Phone lines had snapped due to the weight of the snow and ice that formed on them. We are so isolated I said to Nick. He said, well, that's what we wanted. Nick said with the power out we should put some of the perishables in the snow. I pulled out an old ice chest and Nick opened a window and filled it half full. We stuck in the milk and eggs and stuff. Neither one of us were meat eaters so we had some fish that we put in there. Nick's hands were red and frozen. I told him to run them under the warm water. He did but he said they were still cold. I took them and placed them between my thighs. He smiled and said that's better. He kissed me and we went back up to bed. This time we stripped down to just our socks and I straddled him. Our first sexual encounter was so beautiful. He is so gentle, so caring. I just wanted to crawl inside his chest and stay there. Once we both climaxed Nick fell on top of me and told me, that was amazing. It had been almost 1 ½ years since my last sexual encounter and more that two years for Nick. He was a little teary eyed but kissed me and told me he loved me. We fell asleep in each other's arms. Nick was up first and he went downstairs. He was cooking lunch. I walked downstairs and Nick met me on the bottom step. Good afternoon he said. I smiled and asked him how long had he been awake? He said 2 hours. I asked him why he didn't wake me? He said I was tired and he wanted me to get my rest. He led me to the kitchen and he'd made spaghetti. I got up and looked out the window. The window on the first floor was almost covered. It didn't appear to be snowing anymore. I walked back to the table and asked Nick if he'd been listening to the weather? He said he had, the radio was saying it had stopped snowing but some places had received as much as 6 feet of snow. Wow, I said. Two deaths had already been reported when a roof collapsed. How sad I thought. We cleaned up the dishes and I went upstairs to change my clothes. Nick came a few minutes later and caught me naked. I felt so embarrassed. He walked over to me and told me not to be ashamed. He said, I had a beautiful body, why should I be ashamed. I quickly dressed when he went into the bathroom to shave. I went downstairs and grabbed my laptop. I started on another story. Nick picked up one of the thirty or so magazines we'd bought the other day and started flipping through. I was well into my story when my tummy told me it was time to eat. I looked over at Nick to ask him if he was hungry and he was asleep on the couch. I turned off my laptop and walked over to him. I sat down on the floor inches from his face. I just memorized him. His beautiful hair shadowing his eye. From his perfect eyebrows to that beautiful nose. His lips were so soft and kissable. His perfectly shaped ears, and skinny neck. He had broad shoulders and a long torso. His chest was void of hair but it was so shapely and soft. I knew under there somewhere was a nice ass but he was lying on his back so I couldn't see. His legs were long and muscular. He had very long slender feet. Strong looking with long slender toes. I looked back at his face and his eyes were open. What are you doing? He asked. Trying to take in every inch of you, I said. He smiled. I asked him if he was hungry? He said, not for food. He sat up and lifted my shirt over my shoulders. I wasn't wearing a bra. He brought his lips onto my erect nipples and started gently sucking them. He leaned me back on the floor and removed his shirt. He told me he wanted me. We removed our pants and made love on the rug in front of a fire. How romantic is that? When we were done I was extremely hungry. We dressed and went to the kitchen and Nick warmed up some left over spaghetti. He was sitting right beside me with his hand on my thigh. Nick found some wine and we had that with our meal. We played a game of Gin Rummy and I beat Nick. He said let's make this interesting, let's play strip poker. I figured since I beat him at rummy, why not. He had me naked in 15 minutes. I laughed. He said, you still have your socks on. Over the next week the snow melted enough that we could get the door open. Nick got up on the roof and took off as much snow as he could. The power was back on but we still had no phones. Nick had a cellular phone and we trekked over there to see if it still had a charge. It did. We made our calls to friends and family and told them we were OK. They were relieved. Nick pretty much moved in with me after the blizzard. My cabin was smaller but it was easier to heat. The next two months quickly flew by and the snow was mostly melted. It was almost the end of March now.

Chapter 8

I guess it was around Easter when I started feeling awful. I hadn't been able to keep anything down. Nick was scared because he knew what was wrong with me but was afraid to tell me. One particularly bad morning he came up behind me and handed me a home pregnancy test he'd gone out and bought for me that morning. What's this? I said, knowing full well what it was. He said, you might be pregnant. Oh, no. I said. Nick said we didn't talk about birth control and well, when that blizzard blew through here we didn't do much else. Oh my goodness. I took the test but was afraid of the results. I asked Nick to look. He said, it's positive. I told Nick I was sorry. He said, he was sorry he should have had protection. He asked what I wanted to do? I told him I was going to have a baby. I felt a small smile appearing. He looked at me and said, you're not mad? I said, this baby was conceived out of love, why would I be mad? He held me in his arms and his tears were falling. I pulled back and asked him why he was so upset? He said you've made me so happy. When I checked the test and saw it was positive I'd thought you hate me. Nick, I love you, how could I ever hate you? One thing I knew for sure was that I had to get to a doctor. I picked a number out of the phone book and made an appointment for later that day. Nick and I climbed into my Explorer that had been parked for the last 8 months at the cabin and we drove down to the doctor's office. The doctor said I was about 2 ½ months along. I was due in October. Nick smiled when he heard the due date. When the doctor left the room he said, The baby was conceived during the blizzard. To be more precise, this baby was conceived during our first sexual encounter. Nick smiled when I said that. He leaned over and kissed me. I love you he said. I got dressed and we drove home. He asked if I wanted to call anyone. I told him no. I was comfortable with just the two of us knowing. The next two months led us to wonderful new experiences. We felt the baby kick. It was an amazing feeling. Nick left me alone one day and was gone most of the morning. He came back with a cradle and some toys for the baby. He also came back with an engagement ring for me. He got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I cried, I was so happy. I asked him if this is what he really wanted? Just because I was pregnant with his child didn't mean we had to get married. He said even if I wasn't pregnant with his child, he's still want to marry me. So I said yes! We made love right there on the couch. I then decided we had better call our families. My mom was happy. She wasn't so happy that I told her I was almost 4 months pregnant though. I told her I was in love and no matter what she had to say I wasn't going to let her ruin it. Daddy got on the phone and he couldn't control his emotions. He told me he loved me and was very happy for me. He asked me when he was going to meet this new man in my life. So, I invited him up for dinner this weekend. He said he be there. Nick was pretty nervous. I told him my dad used to play professional football and was very protective over his children. I told him not to be intimidated. His bark was worse than his bite. Nick and I went to the store. My clothes wouldn't fit anymore so we bought some maternity clothes for me, and a book of names. Nick was going to make a pot roast with roasted potatoes and vegetables for my parents. He was so nervous. We were going to make an apple crisp for dessert. When we got home we put the food away and I went upstairs to change out my sweats and tee shirt. I put on one of the maternity outfits and headed downstairs. Nick's eyes brightened. He said I looked so beautiful. He kissed me on the lips, and my stomach. He was always rubbing my stomach and talking to the child. He said he wanted to get married before our child was born. He said, I'd like to get married on July 4th if that's OK with you? I told him that's a great date. We decided to get married in his cabin. It had a great view of the lake. I told him I was hoping my mom would make me a dress I could wear. That's if she's still talking to me. He said, money is no object. I can buy you a dress. I told him that she's made dresses for all her kids. She made my last dress, but I wouldn't wear that one again, even if I could fit in it. He wrapped his arms around me and said it will all work out. We cleaned up the cabin and we drove down to the post office and dropped of two transcripts of the books I'd written while being up at the cabin. We picked up some sparkling apple cider and wine for my parents and drove home. My parents were coming tomorrow. I was more afraid than Nick was.

Chapter 9

Nick and I were sitting on the porch swing when my parents pulled up. Nick was so nervous. I told him even if my parents hated him which, they won't, I still loved him. Nick helped me down the steps and into my daddy's arms. Nick shook daddy's hand and mom hugged Nick. Nick helped dad with the bags and we all went inside. Daddy had tears in his eyes when he saw how pregnant I was. He asked if I was feeling all right. I told him Nick and I just came back from my doctor's appointment and the doctor said this child is very healthy. Mom started to say something but I dropped my fork and looked at her. She stopped and said I've always been healthy and took great care of myself. So the baby would be fine. They asked Nick about himself and his family. He told my parents that he was a widower and that I helped him get through his grief. Daddy kept looking at Nick trying to intimidate him. Nick wouldn't look in his direction. We cleared the dishes and I asked Nick to go upstairs and get my little footstool so I could sit more comfortable. My parent's looked at me. Nick went upstairs and he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. I told my dad to stop intimidating Nick. I loved Nick and he loved me and if we had to get married without them being present then we would. Mom made a comment about Nick being in my bedroom without me being present. I told them both that Nick lived here. I thought mom's heart would stop. I saw Nick sitting on the top step and set them both straight. I told them about Nick's wife, Jenny. I told my mom how he helped me get through the emotional phone calls with her about Paul. I told her I moved on and if she ever mentioned his name in my presence again, let alone Nick's, I would never talk to her again. I was crying now. Daddy was angry at how I was talking to mom. I told dad, you don't hear her when she talks to me. She called me to tell me Paul was getting married. She called when his daughter was born. Daddy, I don't need to hear that. I was crushed when he cheated and crushed even more when he married her. She didn't have to call me. Daddy knew I was right. Nick came down and lifted my feet for me and put the footstool beneath them. Nick said, if I may be so bold as to say I love your daughter. I've never been this happy in my entire life. I would never do anything, to hurt her. She is my reason for living. I looked at him. We both had tears in our eyes. He looked at me and said, I mean that. If it wasn't for you…I stopped him. I kissed him and told him he meant the same to me. My mom was visibly shaken. She said that she was sorry and she would never ever bring up the other man again. Then she asked if she could make my dress. I just started bawling. I was so emotional I couldn't even speak. Nick said to my mom, she was afraid to ask you. She thought you'd say no. My mom got up and sat beside me and said, you may not believe this Jenny, but I love you. I always have and I always will. I'm so sorry I upset you. She hugged me and then hugged Nick and said she was happy for us both. I brought mom into the room we were going to use for the nursery. Dad and Nick went outside. They made their way down to the dock. Nick said, Jen loves to go out on the water but the boats not running. Daddy asked if he knew about boats? Nick said a little. He could drive one but not fix one. Daddy opened the door to the engine and started poking around in there. He asked Nick to get his tool chest from down below. Nick came back up and daddy already had grease up to his elbows. Nick and daddy were out there for hours. Mom and I went out and brought them a couple of Pepsi's. Daddy said he and Nick will have the boat up and running by nightfall. Nick smiled at me and kissed me. I just looked at him. He winked at me. I turned and mom and I walked back up to the house. I went upstairs to change and tripped over a pair of shoes. Mom went running out of the house like a mad woman screaming for Nick and dad. Nick came running in like some marathon runner and took the stairs three at a time. I was already sitting on the bed. Nick asked if I was all right. I told him I just tripped on my shoes. I was all right. He said we're going to the doctor's and have them check you over. I told him I was OK, but I could see in his eyes that he was really scared. I told him OK, let's go. He picked me up and carried me out of the house and put me in daddy's Expedition. I told him I could walk. Daddy drove us all down to the emergency room. One of the doctors recognized him and asked for an autograph. He said I'll sign whatever you want if you check out my daughter. He rushed me in and checked for bleeding, there wasn't any. He did an ultrasound it was normal. He explained to Nick that the baby was protected by amniotic fluid. I was OK and released to go. Daddy thanked the doctor and signed a few autographs. We got home and Nick ran a bath for me. My new maternity clothes were ruined. Nick got oil all over them. Daddy said he'd take us shopping tomorrow. Nick said he didn't have to do that. Daddy said are you telling me I can't spend my money on my daughter? Nick said no sir. Daddy laughed. He said you're all right son. Nick looked at me and I squeezed his hand. What a compliment I told Nick later. He called you his son, he never called Paul that.

Chapter 10

The next morning Nick was the first one up. He had made coffee for my parents and hot cocoa for us. We bought some bacon and sausage for my parents and Nick made them a wonderful omelet. He made me my usual vegetable omelet. My parents were surprised. We all piled into dads Expedition and drove down to the local mall. Mom and I went into the fabric store and dad and Nick went to the Big 5 sports store. I found a pattern I liked and some material. Mom was so happy and it reminded me of how things used to be. My emotions were getting the better of me. She looked at me and asked what was wrong? I said, I miss this. I miss spending time with you and doing things like this. She smiled and squeezed my hand. She handed me a tissue. I told her I loved her. Now she was crying. We paid for our things and were sitting on a bench when Nick walked up. What happened? He said. I said, nothing, honey, we were just remembering the old days. Dad hugged mom and Nick held me. Nick was so happy he said look what I found. He held up a stuffed basketball. He was so proud of it. He said, even if it's a girl, she'll like it too. I smiled at him. Mom and Dad bought us a progressive crib. It was so neat. It was a crib and a changing table. Then when the child is a toddler it became a toddler bed. Then it became a twin bed. They bought all sorts of clothes and blankets. We bought a swing and stroller. Then Nick disappeared and came back with an infant car seat. He said we have to be able to get the child home. We all laughed. We stopped for lunch at the local family restaurant. We drove home and Nick and daddy brought the items in the house. They spent the rest of the day and part of Sunday putting the crib together. Mom and I went down to the paint store Sunday afternoon, while dad and Nick were next door looking at Nick's place. We picked out some paint and I bought an ABC border to place all around the room. It was the best weekend I can ever remember spending with my parents. It was finally time for them to leave. I really hated to see them go. Mom and I had filled out about 50 wedding invitations and Nick and I had some portraits taken in the mall. I'd have the portraits back in two weeks. Nick and I would add a photo to each invitation and then mail them out. I made mom and dad take tons of pictures while they were with us. We hadn't had any pictures of the two of us. It was two months until Nick and I would get married. I would be six months pregnant by that time. We watched my parent's leave and Nick and I sat on the porch swing. He said I like your parents. I said they like you too. We sat together arm in arm. I was hungry so we went inside. I told him I was so glad he liked to cook. Nick made a vegetable stew and it was so delicious. After dinner we went upstairs and took a shower together. He even shaved my legs for me. I never had anyone shave my legs for me before. He smiled and kissed my tummy. I got dried off and dressed and Nick and I went through all the stuff my parents bought for us. We put things away in the drawers and in the closet. Nick liked the border I bought and said he'd put it up tomorrow. I wound up this light globe and turned the lights off. Nick and I lied on the floor staring at the Disney characters on the ceiling. I asked him to help me up. I was tired and wanted to go to bed. Over the next few weeks many things were happening. First, the snow was almost gone. Nick and I spent a lot more time out doors now. It was mid May and the temperature was still on the cool side but it was getting warmer. My doctor's appointments were going well. We had an appointment for the big ultra sound. The one where they talk all the measurements and stuff. They would also be able to tell us the sex of the child if we so desired. I asked Nick about that. He said he'd rather know ahead of time. I said, you don't want to be surprised? He said, Christmas was always tough for him. He knew Santa Claus wouldn't come until he fell asleep, but he'd always wake up around 4 and wake everyone up. His parents would be so mad. I told him if that's what he wanted then we'd find out. I got my portraits back. They were beautiful. I hated myself in them. I was pregnant. Nick said I was beautiful. We spent the next day and ½ stuffing them into the wedding invitations. Those were now in the mail. One of the best things, next to Nick and the baby, that had ever happened to me was the arrival of a letter form Gina Daily at Random House. I was so nervous I couldn't open it. I made Nick do it. Nick was reading it to me out loud then stopped. He looked into the envelope and pulled out a check for $50,000.00. He handed me the check and I sat down. He said they wanted to sign me to an exclusive contract and would pay me $50,000.00 for a three-book deal. I had already written two books. They wanted one more. Nick was laughing and dancing around the room. He asked me what I wanted to do? I told him to get my laptop. I called Gina and accepted her offer. She said she knew I would and the books were already in production. She needed a recent picture of me for the jacket. I told her I had one for her.

Chapter 11

Nick and I got up the next morning and I had to drink as much water as I could. Nick kept trying to get me to drink more and more. I already had to go to the bathroom. We arrived at the doctor's office and I was asked to lie down on a table. Nick held my hand the entire time. I was in so much pain. My bladder was full and it hurt. The ultra sound was fine, it was just all that water in my bladder. The technician asked if we wanted to know the sex of the child. I looked at Nick and he said do you want to know? I told him it was up to him. Nick said he could wait. I asked the technician if she could write it down because I knew Nick would want to know later and it would bother him that he didn't ask. So she did. She gave her little speech about the accuracy and told us it was her best guess. I was finally allowed to get off the table and empty my bladder. We got home and Nick asked for the piece of paper. I asked him why? He said because I want to know. So I took the paper out of my pocket and read it. I asked him if he would be happy if it was a girl. He got a smile on his face and said yes. I said I'm sorry to disappoint you but it's a boy. He jumped off the couch and lifted me in the air. Are you sure? I handed him the slip of paper and he cried. He really cried. He'd have his son after all. Well, now he wanted the book of baby names. I said, I wanted to name him Nickolas. Nick looked at me, are you sure? How about John after your dad? I said no. I wanted to name him after his father. Nick kissed me and said, we still need a middle name. After a few days, we settled on Nickolas Joseph Carter. We called our parents and told them the news. They were so happy for us. Nick's parents would come the last week of June so that we could spend some time getting to know each other. His brother and sisters were coming too. They would come with their families too. Nick was the oldest. They were all married and had children of their own. Where are we going to put everyone I asked? Nick's cabin had eight bedrooms. His family would fit in there. My parents wouldn't want to stay with us. Especially, on our honeymoon. I was one of six and my siblings would probably go home. Nick's family was from Florida though, they would have to stay. We hoped they would all fit in Nick's cabin. Nick and I ordered a wedding cake and secured a Pastor to perform the wedding on July 4th. Nick called a few caterers and they agreed to take care of everything. There would be no bridesmaids. My sister Diana would stand up for me. Nick's brother Aaron would stand up for him. Mom and dad came up again for another weekend in June and mom brought my dress so I could try it on. It was a little big. Mom said not to worry, she'd take it in a little bit but wanted me to have some room to grow. They loved the nursery. They said we were so in love and were so happy for us. They liked the portraits and the snap shot's that now adorned our home. We would be married in three weeks. Time was passing quickly. We took mom and dad out on the boat. It was a nice afternoon. Dad and mom had to leave. They had another engagement they couldn't miss. We again watched them drive off. Nick and I cuddled on the couch and watched television. Two weeks later the arrival of Nick's family over took us. Luckily, they all fit in Nick's cabin. Nick was the uncle of 11. His mom and dad were very nice. His sisters and I got along very well. We went for walks and swam in the lake. It was a very tiring first day. Nick and I had his parents over for dinner and Nick cooked. His mom was impressed. She asked if I taught Nick to cook? I looked at her funny. She said, What? I said, Nick taught me how to cook. Then we all looked at Nick. He said I lived alone and watched the Food Channel all the time. We laughed. Nick and his dad went out for a walk and Jane helped me clean up the kitchen. She said she was glad Nick found someone that made him so happy. I looked at her and asked if she would give me an honest answer to something? She said she would. I asked her if I made Nick as happy as his first wife did? My voice cracking as I asked. She said no, he's happier than now. Jane explained to me that Nick and Jenny had a very unusual marriage. He loved her, but I don't think she loved him as much. He did everything for her, and she wouldn't ever come to our house for dinner. They lived two miles from us. I was a little surprised. I asked her what was her honest opinion of Nick and I? She said, she just wished we had been married before I got pregnant. However, Nick and I were happy and in love and that is all that mattered. She asked if she could hug me. I said of course. I took her into the nursery and she picked up the basketball. She said, Nick? We laughed. Nick and Bob came in and found us in the nursery. Jane and I were going through some of the clothes my parent's had already bought for us. We went over to Nick's to join the rest of the family. While there Jane gave me a gift. Open it she said.

Chapter 12

It was so heavy. I couldn't even imagine what it was. I opened it with Nick at my side. I took the lid off the box and Nick recognized his baby book and photo album. He looked at his mom and said thank you. I opened the photo album and saw the pictures of Nick as a baby, then as a youngster and then as an adult. I flipped through his baby book. Jane wrote down everything. All his firsts, it was a great gift. I thanked her. She said there's more. I looked inside the box and found two outfits. One was the outfit Nick was brought home in, and the other was Nick's Christening outfit. I had tears rolling down my face. Nick said she gets emotional, all those hormones you know. He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead. Jane got up and left the room. I looked at Nick. He said, he'd be right back. He followed his mom into the kitchen. She quickly wiped her tears and asked Nick if he needed something. He said, I wanted to give you a hug. He held his mother as she sobbed in his arms. He looked at her and asked what was wrong? She makes you so happy Nick. It's just every mother's dream to want her kids to be happy. Nick said she makes me happy. I love her with my heart and soul. She said she could see that. Jane told him that I asked her the question if I made him as happy as the other Jenny. Nick asked what she said? Jane said, I told her that she made you happier. Nick smiled and squeezed him mom's hand. I love you mom. Jane said, I love you son. They returned back into the living room. I looked up at them. She said she was OK, just some left over hormones. We laughed. Nick returned and sat next to me. Just then the baby kicked so hard I swear everyone saw it across the room. It caught me by surprise and I jumped. Nick said what? I said, did you feel that? He said, what? I grabbed his hand and placed in on my tummy. The baby kicked again. Nick's face lit up like a Christmas Tree. Next thing I knew I had so many hands on my tummy. This little guy was going to play football, I told Nick. He said, You're dad will be happy. Nick looked at his dad and said, Oh yeah, guess who Jenny's dad is? Bob said who? John Westlake. Bob said, no way. I said, it's true. He looked at Jane and said do you know who her father is? Jane said, John Westlake? He said he's just the greatest full back to ever play the game. Now the conversation was turning to football. I just wrapped up in Nick's arm and placed my head on his shoulder. I was tired all the time now. I just loved his smell. He was so sweet to me. He was excited that his family was with him. I could tell how close they were. It was a double joy for us. Nick hadn't seen them in more than two years. That and they were here to witness our wedding. He kept rubbing my back and I caught Nick's mom wiping tears from her eyes. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Nick kept talking and I woke to his laughing. I sat up and Nick said, well look who is back with us? It was dark outside now. Oh my goodness. Why didn't you wake me? He said, why? I kissed him. He said, I got to go to the bathroom now. I said me too. We walked to the bathroom and he let me in first. As I exited the bathroom I kissed him. I went back to the sofa and picked up the photo album to really look at the pictures. Jane sat down beside me and was explaining where the pictures were taken and how old Nick was. My tummy was grumbling and the baby kicking. I looked at Jane and said this baby wants to eat. She laughed. We went to the kitchen and she made me a tuna sandwich. Nick found us and said, I thought I'd find you in here. I said, well your son is hungry. He wrapped his arms around me and said, I love it when you say that. Jane was just smiling at us. You too act like newly weds. I just kissed Nick. I finished my sandwich and Nick and I said goodnight to everyone. We walked home and sat on our porch swing for about a half hour. It was very noisy with Nick's family next door. I was very tired and Nick and I went in took a shower and went to bed. Nick made love to me. I told him I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I fell asleep in his arms. The next day a large box arrived on our doorstep. Gina Daily sent me ten copies of each of my books. Nick's family was surprised. We hadn't told them I was a writer. Nick said you should have seen the check she got a few weeks ago. A $50,000.00 check. All their eyes got wide. I gave all the girls a book. Nick was so proud of me. We started preparing for our wedding day. We only had four days left. Mom and Dad came and would stay with us until the wedding. Our parents got along famously. My dad and Bob got along great. All the guys went over to Nick's and spent hours playing basketball. Mom and Jane and I, all went upstairs for me to try on my dress. It was too small. I almost died. My mom said it was OK, I brought my machine with me. It will be ready in time. The dress was so beautiful. I was upset though. The guys came back and they were hungry. Mom and Jane barbecued hot dogs and hamburger and I sat on the side moping. Nick asked what was wrong? I told him my dress didn't fit and collapsed in his arms in tears. He laughed and said my mom would fix the dress. I knew she would.

Chapter 13

God has been so good. Blessing us with a great family. We get married in tomorrow. They are going out of their way to make this the best wedding for us. The guys are out there right now building a gazebo for us to get married in. I didn't realize that we'd have all fifty guests show up so Nick's house isn't even big enough anymore. They were also setting up a tent for our reception. It was getting so close and I was so emotional. I'm in my sixth month now and going through every emotion know to man. I'm hot, I'm cold. I'm happy, I'm sad. There is no end to the emotional roller coaster. Nick is great through it all. He's really scared though. I can see it in his eye's whenever I pull a face or hold my back. I tell him it's all part of a healthy pregnancy but I know it bothers him. Nick and I have decided to write our vows. It's something that is very personal and important to me. Jane said that Nick and Jenny got married in her back yard and she didn't want to write any vows. She said that Jenny felt that there wasn't anything more to say than what was already written. I was surprised and looked at Jane. What did he see in her? I asked surprising even myself. Jane laughed and said, love is blind. I laughed too. The flowers were to come first thing in the morning. We'd been meeting with the Pastor and we put us through marriage classes. He was deeply moved by our stories and said I should write a book about it. Nick and I laughed when he said that. Then Nick told him that I was a writer. In the end the Pastor agreed to marry us. We were thrown a bridal shower. The shower was for both of us. It was a lot of fun. We played some games. We ate a lot of food. They had the gazebo built and in the morning it would be adorned with flowers. Nick and I walked through and really took it all in. We were even going to take a victory lap around the lake on dad's boat. All the kids had decorated it with "Just Married" signs and different wedding decorations. I couldn't wait to be his wife. I played a game of horse with the kids. Nick was watching me. He was really concerned. I told him I wasn't playing one on one. I was just shooting baskets. I was all right. His family was really ribbing him now. He was starting to withdraw from us so I excused us and we went for a walk alone. I asked him what was the matter? He said, he didn't like people getting on his case because he was concerned for me. I told him it doesn't matter what they think. It's all about us. He hugged me. He said, I just don't want anything to happen this time. He had tears in his eyes. He said the closer it gets, the harder it is for me. I told him, no I promised him, if I ever felt like something was wrong I'd tell him. He hugged me closer and I felt his tears falling on my head. He looked me in the eye and said, if anything ever happened to you or this baby. It would kill me. I knew he meant it literally too. I told him he didn't have to worry. We would be fine. I looked into his tear filled eyes and told him I loved him so much I would never jeopardize myself or this baby. I told him if he loved me he would take me back to the house because I really had to pee. He laughed. We walked back hand in hand and as he got closer to the cabin his nieces and nephews came running to him. Uncle Nick, Uncle Nick, they yelled. I let go of his hand and told him, it wouldn't be too much longer before he'd hear daddy, daddy! He pulled me back and kissed me. I went to the bathroom and met him outside. The kids were already calling me Aunt Jenny. The guys built a huge fire pit and we sang songs and roasted marsh mellows. This day was wonderful. Mom had fixed my dress, it fit and I was in love. We had the best families in the world. Jane and Bob asked if they could remain behind. They really liked Big Bear and didn't want to leave right away. I said that would be great. More time for Nick and I to spend with them. We decided we would go to New York for three days for our honeymoon. We'd kind of kill two birds with one stone. I'd go and meet Gina Daily, and we'd go and sight see. My doctor didn't want me traveling too far. He checked me out this morning and said things were looking good. I'd gained quite a bit of weight though. He was concerned. What could I do? He said, nothing. Some women just gain a lot of weight. Nick said I looked fantastic and not to worry. It was already ten O'clock. The kids were all in bed and the adults started to say good night. Nick and I moved up to the porch swing. It was just Nick and I and our parents. Nick was rubbing my feet. They were telling us that this was going to be the last night as single people. Daddy joked and said, honey if you don't want to go through with this.. I said. DADDY! They all laughed. Daddy was only joking. He told Nick he was so proud of him for taking such good care of me. He also said, if he hurt me he'd come back up here to break both his legs. My mom said that nothing like that would ever happen. She said they have a different kind of love. They grew new hearts and a new love. Jane was crying. She said we better all go to bed. We've got an important day tomorrow.

Chapter 14

Things got started early on our wedding day. Although Nick and I spent the night in the same bed, our parents decided that after breakfast we'd be separated until our 1pm wedding. We ate real slowly. They were on to us and made us finish up. I couldn't bare to let Nick go. I kissed him and he kissed me. I walked him to the porch and we noticed the flowers adorning our gazebo. He said, I'll meet you right over there. My tears were falling. He wiped them and told he me loved me. I watched him enter his house and close the door. I sat down on the porch swing. My mom called me inside. It was only 9am. I watched through the upstairs window as the caterers set up tables and the florists arranged flowers. The band was coming to set up and the chairs were aligned on each side of a path that was made to the gazebo and was being lined with rose petals. It looked so beautiful. God had graced us with a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. I took a long hot bath and just soaked. I was a little stiff from all the running around I did yesterday. After the bath I felt so much better. I wrapped in Nicks green terry cloth robe. It smelled of him and made me feel better. The baby was so active today. I guess even he was excited. I laid down to take a nap. Lately I'd been so very tired. I wanted to be able to enjoy the day. My mom came upstairs at 11:15am and told me it was time to start getting ready. I stood up and told her I was ready. She laughed. She helped me on with the dress and nylons. Since my pregnancy my hair had really grown. It was almost down to my butt. My siblings were all arriving and Diana and Susan came up to help with my hair. They had each brought their hot rollers. So, in they went. They worked on my makeup and told me how beautiful I looked. Mom and dad gave me some pearls to for my wedding. Earrings and a necklace. I got a blue Garter Belt from my sister Sarah. My two brothers Danny and Michael were outside assisting the guests. A lot of people were arriving now. I looked out the window and could see Nick. He was so beautiful. He was in a black tuxedo. I was dizzy and had to sit down. My emotions were getting the best of me. I sent Sarah down to tell Nick that I loved him. I watched as she went and found him. She pointed to my window and Nick blew me a kiss and tapped his heart. Sarah hugged Nick and walked away wiping her eyes. She came back and she said he wanted me to tell you he'd be waiting for you at the gazebo. I smiled. She said, Jen I am so happy for you. Paul really lost out on something special. She said if it's any conciliation, when Paul heard you were getting married and having a baby, he was jealous. His marriage to that Cindy girl is on the rocks all ready. I told her I didn't get pleasure out of anyone else's pain. But I was still glad she told me. She said you have found your true love. Nick loves you, I can see it on both your faces. I hope to one day find that kind of love. My brothers came up and kissed me and told me they were happy for me. Each of my sisters did the same thing. Mom came up and fluffed my dress and told me she was proud of me. She said I'll see you in a few minutes. Daddy came in and asked if I was ready. I stood up and he just sighed. You're even more beautiful than I remembered. I hugged him and told him I was so scared. What if things didn't work out with us? Daddy said, Impossible. That boy loves you. Jennifer, you have to realize that. I told him I did. I told him Paul loved me too. Daddy said, not like Nick loves you. Your mother was right when she said you guys grew a new heart and a new love. I've never seen a couple more in love than you two. We could hear the music playing. Sarah was singing "Somewhere out there". She had just ended. That was our queue to go downstairs. Daddy helped me downstairs and with tears in his eyes he kissed me and covered my face with my vale. I love you princess. We heard the wedding march playing. Daddy and I walked outside and down the steps. I could see Nick and I tried to focus on him. He was smiling. I could also see that he was shaking too. My mom stood up and our guests followed suit. Daddy walked me down the aisle to Nick. I looked into his eyes. He was crying too. The Pastor started out with a prayer. He went on with the ceremony and finally got to the part where we say our vows. Nick went first.

Chapter 15

Choking on every word he professed his love for me. He said I gave him a new life. Without me his life would have no meaning. I had made him the happiest man alive when I agreed to marry him. He promised to always be here for me and for our children. Everyone laughed. He said his love was deeper than any ocean and would last forever.

Now it was my turn. I had to stop many times in order to tell him how he made me feel. I told him how dizzy I felt with just the thought of him. How his every touch warmed my soul. When he rescued me that day on the dock, I was ready to die. I'm so glad I have two reasons for living now. Without you I couldn't breathe. You are my reason for breathing. You are my reason for living. We grew new hearts and I'm so glad you're in mine.

Everyone was crying. I don't think everyone understood what we meant with our vows. But Nick and I knew. We were both really straining to breathe now. We were so overcome with emotion the Pastor actually asked us if we needed to take a minute. Nick said Yes. It surprised all of us. He pulled out a handkerchief and lifted my vale and wiped my eyes. Then he kissed me and put the vale down. He wiped his eyes and put the handkerchief in his pocket and turned to the Pastor. OK, we're ready he said. The Pastor asked for the rings. Aaron, who was also crying handed the rings to the Pastor. The Pastor blessed the rings and we said the traditional vow, of promising to love and honor and all that. It was finally time to kiss the bride. Nick lifted my vale and kissed me so passionately I lost my footing. He held me and I didn't fall. I love you he said. The Pastor said I now introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Nickolas Carter. Everyone stood up clapping and cheering. Nick and I walked back up the aisle and into the house. He was crying and I was crying. He said he was so happy. He just kept kissing me and telling me he loved me. Our parents came in the house and tried to hug me but Nick wouldn't let go. His dad finally got him to let go and then he held his dad. Our parents were crying now too. My dad asked us about our vows. I looked at mom and told her I loved her. Then I told her what I did. Hanging up on her and running down to the dock to die. Nick found me and brought me back here. I didn't want to live after that conversation. Everyone was in tears the tissue box was almost empty. I said to them, he really saved my life. If he hadn't been here I'd be dead. Nick pulled me to his chest. The weight of our words had new meaning to them now. The photographer said we'd need to wait a little while. All of our eyes were puffy. Jane took some ice cubes from the freezer and wrapped them in paper towels and we all sat there with ice cubes on our eyes. We went back out to the gazebo and took our photos. It was a beautiful day. Nick and I along with our parents took our lap around the lake. We were met with thunderous applause from our neighbors and horns from passing boats. We finally arrived back at the dock and we went and met our guests. Nick didn't take his eyes off me all night. Aaron proposed a toast to the luckiest people on the face of the earth, he said. May your love overflow so that we can leave with just an ounce of your happiness. Nick hugged his brother. We then sat down to eat. I'm starving I said. Nick leaned over and kissed me and asked how I felt. I told him I was dizzy. He looked at me, I said dizzy in love. Baby, you make my head spin. After we ate and everyone was done. Nick and I danced to Endless Love. Daddy stood up and made a toast of welcoming Nick into the family. He said he'd gladly welcome another son. Then daddy met me on the dance floor and we danced to Daddies little girl. After that I think I probably danced with everyone there. I told Nick, I had to sit down. I was standing too long and my legs hurt. He put me in a chair and sat with me. Someone asked me to dance and Nick said no. I told him later. It was time to cut the cake. Nick and I cut the cake and fed a piece to each other. The cake was delicious. I told Nick I really needed to lie down for a minute. He carried me into the house and up the stairs and laid me down on the bed. He asked if I was all right. I told him it was just too much excitement. I was too emotional. I was just tired. He lied down beside me. I told him to go out and mingle. I'd be up in awhile. He said, I'm staying right here beside you. Sleep just over took me. We both fell asleep in each other's arms. Two hours later Daddy came looking for us. He said, you're guest are starting to leave. We got up and freshened up and went down to say goodbye. I threw the bouquet and Sarah caught it. She smiled and I laughed. Nick slipped the garter belt off my leg and tossed it over my shoulder. Nick's friend Brian caught it. We said our good byes and went back inside. My mom was waiting for me.

Chapter 16

She'd been inside the house crying. She asked me to sit. She asked me to forgive her for what she'd done. She never meant to hurt me and couldn't bear to think of what she put me through. She said she didn't know what she was thinking. Can you ever forgive me? I told her, I already had. She hugged me and sobbed on my shoulder. She said if anything had happened to me, she would have died inside. I told her nothing happened and I was fine. I told her I loved her. I told her I'm extremely tired. This kid is really active and he was wearing me out. Besides, Nick and I were going to New York tomorrow. I kissed her good night and told her I'd see her in the morning. I met Nick upstairs and he helped me get undressed. We got in the shower together and Nick made a comment about making the shower wider. I just elbowed him. He said, not because of me. He said it was hard for even one person to shower. He helped me into bed and noticed my feet were swollen. I told him that I stood too long today. I was fine. We made love for the first time as man and wife. I had gained so much weight and felt so fat. Nick said there was just more of me to love. We slept in each other's arms and I woke up in the morning and couldn't move. I called Nick, he was groggy and I told him something was wrong. He jumped up out of bed so fast he fell on the floor. He said what is it. I told him I couldn't move. My legs hurt from my ankles, to the middle of my back. He said you over did it Jen. Oh my god, I've got to get you to the doctor. He woke up my parent's and told them he was taking me in to see the doctor. My mom called Jane and Bob and we all met at the hospital. The doctor said it was just that my sciatic nerves were under a lot of pressure. He said he'd do an ultra sound though just to make sure. He asked if my due date was still October 5? I said yes. He said one child, do you know the sex of the child? We said it was a boy. He was just trying to make us comfortable. He rolled in the ultra sound machine and said he heard we got married yesterday. He squeezed the cold gel on my stomach. Nick said, yes we did. He started rubbing the machine on my tummy. He stopped and backed up then went forward again. He picked up the chart and looked at it again. He again went and was real serious again. Nick asked if something was wrong. The doctor said he didn't know. Which was the wrong thing to say to Nick. Nick said what do you mean by that? The doctor turned the machine off and then said he wanted a second opinion on something before he told us. He said the pregnancy was fine but he saw something and just wanted a second opinion. Nick and I were now upset. Nick was scared. About 10 minutes later a woman came in with the doctor. She had my chart. I recognized her as the woman who had done the original ultra sound. She said, how are you Mrs. Carter? I told her I was scared. She looked at how upset we were and said, if Doctor Rosenburg was correct, we'd be very happy parents. She flipped on the machine. She said it appears I may have missed something. Nick and I looked at each other and my tears were just flowing. My new heart was breaking. She looked at me and said, well I'll be damned. I said what? She turned off the machine and wiped off my stomach. She said, you've gained a lot of weight haven't you? I said, is that why this is happening? She looked at both of us and she said the reason I'm having trouble right now is because she missed something during the last ultra sound. The she said, rather I missed someone. Nick and I screamed. Twins! Yes, you're having twins she said. Nick and I were just ecstatic now. Dr. Rosenburg said, that my pregnancy could get a little uncomfortable from here on out, nothing that would hurt the babies. They both agreed that the babies were very healthy. And for someone carrying twins a weight gain of 50lbs was not excessive. Our parents were finally allowed in. Nick was too emotional to talk so I told them the news. The doctor released me and Nick took me home. I was not allowed to travel and was instructed to take it easy for the next couple of days. I would be seen once a week now until the end of my pregnancy.

Chapter 17

There would be no honeymoon for us now. That was fine with us. The news we'd received was far better than any trip we could ever take. For the next 2 months we watched as the babies grew inside of me. No wonder there was so much activity in there. Jane continuously sent letters to me. I kept in contact with family and friends via snail mail and emails. We were in the home stretch now. The nights were starting to get cooler now. Nick and I would sit on the porch swing until 8 most nights. We were back to being the two of us and it was great. I love this man with my whole heart and soul. He'd sing to the babies all the time. He had a great voice. We went to my doctor's appointment today and he said that it wouldn't be much longer now. Nick and I were trying to be prepared for things now. We went and bought another infant car seat and crib. We bought more clothing. It was getting harder to get around now. I packed a bag for the hospital and it was kept in the trunk of my Explorer. Nick though I was being silly. We still had three weeks to go. I even put the infant car seats in the car. I said, I didn't want to leave anything to chance. He loved that I planned things out. He was really getting worried though. I was in pain all the time now. These kids were sitting on every major organ. I was having a hard time breathing now too. I'd gained 75lbs. I was huge. If Nick said there was more of me to love one more time I was going to clobber him. Well, he never got the chance. On September 23 my water broke. It scared the hell out of me I thought it was blood. I sat up and screamed. Nick flew off the bed and said what? I said, Oh Nick, I'm bleeding. His faced twisted as he pulled the blanket off of me. I was hysterical. He told me it's not blood. Your water bag broke. We have to go now. The babies are coming. I was so scared. I told Nick, I couldn't do this. He said, let's go. I couldn't will myself to move. He picked me up, grabbed the keys and we left. Nick was in his Pajama's and I was soaked from the amniotic fluid. The contractions were coming and they hurt. I kept telling Nick that I couldn't do it. It hurt too much. We finally got to the hospital and we were rushed into labor and delivery. They quickly assessed the situation and found that I was dilated but the baby was breach. Nick asked what that meant? The doctor explained that they had two options. They could attempt to turn the baby or take them both by Cesarean Section. I was in so much pain. I told the doctor turn the baby. The doctor tried to turn the baby but the pain was too much for me to bear. Nick made him stop. He said, take them Cesarean. The doctor told Nick he'd have to leave. I said no! Don't leave me, you said you'd never leave me. I was scared and crying hysterically. The nurse had put an IV in and they were sedating me now. I was in so much pain I couldn't see straight. The nurse tried to make Nick leave but I wouldn't let him go. The doctor said to the nurse suit him up. We're going to the OR. Nick was as scared as I was. A nurse brought Nick a change of clothes. Told him to put on the surgical mask and cap. They could have no germs in the OR. I told Nick I was scared. He said he was too. He said I'm right here. I'm not leaving you. We headed to the OR and the anesthetic was starting to work. I heard Nick say, don't leave me Jenny. Please don't leave me. That's all I remember. I woke up in recovery with Nick lying beside me. I moaned and knew the babies were out. I said Nick? He sat up and kissed me and said I'm right here. I asked if the babies were OK. He said they're fine. I told him I hurt. He asked me where? I said all over. Hold me Nick, please don't let me go. Nick called the nurse and told her I was in pain. She explained to him that I was groggy and was probably not in any pain, I was most likely remembering the labor. She gave me something for the pain any way. I started coming around a little and asked where our babies were. They are in the nursery. I said what do we have? He said a boy and a girl. I smiled. I started crying. Nick we made a family. He was kissing me and I felt his warm tears on my face. The nursed rolled in the kid's bassinets in my room. Nick handed me the kids one at a time. They were perfect, ten fingers and ten toes. They were quite healthy. When the nurse handed Nick our son, I saw him weaken. He sat down and looked into the eyes of our son and said, Hi, I'm your daddy. I fed them both and we all slept. Nick was exhausted and so was I. I'd have to stay here for the next few days. Nick called his parents and told them of the arrival of their grandchildren. We then called my parents. They were thrilled. I was released three days later and Nick and I took our family home.

Chapter 18

The children are home with us where they belong. The first few months we did nothing but watch them sleep. I'd lost 60lbs after they were born. I still had 15lbs to lose. Nick's parents are flying in tomorrow. My parents left today. She said the babies are beautiful. She made them each a quilted blanket with their names and date of birth on it. Our daughter Nicole was born first. Then Nickolas followed one minute later. Nick said his son was already being a gentleman by stepping aside and letting Nicole be born first. I smiled at him. We didn't think we'd ever be as happy as we were on our anniversary. Here was proof that it was only a New Beginning for us. I told Nick I heard him before the babies were born. He asked what I was talking about. I told him I heard him ask me not to leave him. He said he was glad I listened to him. Nick's parents arrived the next morning. Bob and Jane just embraced me. They were so glad I was OK. Jane said you must have been scared. I said I was more afraid for Nick. She asked how he was? I said he's one heck of a dad. Just then Nick came down with both babies in his arms. The years quickly passed and the twins grew. We eventually moved to Florida. There really wasn't anything to keep us in Big Bear. There wasn't anything for the kids to do. We had seasonal neighbors. It was no life for them. They shared a strong bond though. They were so close and protective of each other. They never fought. Years later we had another son. Jonathan named after my late father. Nick and I were more in love everyday. My world ended 38 years after we were married, when my beloved Nick died in my arms of a heart attack. If it weren't for my kids, I'd be with him now. I struggle to get through each day. The kids come often to check on me. They see that I'm slipping away from them. I'm dying of a broken heart. My sister Sarah came to tell me that it was OK to go. Nick was waiting for me. She was crying. I told her that it was OK. Nick was here for me now. Don't be sad. Tell our children we love them and are so proud of them. Sarah called my children to tell them of my passing. Nick and I were laid to rest side by side for all eternity outside our cabin at Big Bear Lake. Laid to rest underneath the gazebo, where all those years before Nick promised to wait for me. We had gone home again.