These are all quotes from movies that I thought were really KOOL! If I have any of the characters wrong send me and e-mail to let me know!
ACE VENTURA: Pet Detective
I just can't do it, captain. I don't have the power!--Ace Ventura
If he had held the ball laces out like he's supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die
of gonorrhea and rot in hell!--Ace Ventura
Warning! *ssholes are closer than they appear!--Ace Ventura
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
Sell crazy some place else, we're all stocked up here--Jack Nicholson
Doctor how can you diagnose someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and then act like I had some choice
about barging in here right now?--Jack Nicholson
AUSTIN POWERS
When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people die!--Dr. Evil
No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan--Dr. Evil
As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting
with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!--Austin Powers
It's Doctor Evil. I didn't go to Evil School for 6 years to be called Mister--Dr. Evil
No, this is me in a nut shell; Help! I'm in a nut shell! how did i get into this nutshell? what kind of nut has a shell like this
one?--Austin Powers
I've got a whole bag of SHHH with your name on it--Dr. Evil
Let me tell you a little story about a man named "Shh"--Dr. Evil
It's freedom, baby, yeah!--Austin Powers
Is it an evil petting zoo?--Dr. Evil
I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!--Seth Green
I want chicken. I want liver. meow mix, meow mix, please deliver--Dr. Evil
You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads. Is that
too much to ask?--Dr.Evil
BABE
Christmas!?! Christmas means dinner, dinner means death! Death means carnage, Christmas Means Carnage!!!--The Duck
BEETLEJUICE
I'm the ghost with the most, babe--Beetlejuice
BATMAN RETURNS
Holly rusted metal, Batman!--Robin
BILLY MADISON
No, I will not make out with you! we got chlorophyll guy up there talking about god knows what and all this girl
wants to do is make out with me. I am here to learn everybody, not to make out with you. Proceed with the
chlorophyll--Billy Madison (Adam Sandler)
No part of anything you just said remotely resembles a rational thought. I award you no points and may god have
mercy on your soul--Question asker from Billy Madison
THE BREAKFAST CLUB
Ya see this? It's about the size of a cigar burn wouldn't you say? You see, this is what you get in my house for spilling paint in the garage. Do I stutter?--Bender
Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. So... so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?--Bender
Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!--Bender
You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?--Bender
But face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better
citizen?--Bender
Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong, and what we did waswrong, but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us. In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions, you see us as: a brain,
an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7 o'clock this
morning. We were brainwashed--Brain
Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing her shrink--Brian
Do you think I was born yesterday? Do you think I'm gonna have you roaming these halls?--teacher guy
You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you--teacher guy
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wordrobe closet?--Bender
Screws fall out all the time, sir. it's an imperfect world--Bender
DROP DEAD FRED
No panties. She's not wearing any panties--Fred
DUMB AND DUMBER
...Our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
It's ok....I'm a limo driver--Jim Carey
You sold our dead parakeet to a blind kid?!--Jim Carey
FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF
I do have a test today. That wasn't bullsh*t. It's European Socialism. I mean what's the point. I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists. They could be fascist anarchists. It still wouldn't
change the fact that I don't own a car--Ferris Beuller
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around everyone once in a while, you might miss it--Ferris Beuller
The question isn't what are we going to do, it's what aren't we going to do--Ferris Beuller
Pardon my french, but if you stuck a piece of coal up his ass in two weeks youd have a diamond--Ferris Beullar
Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second--Ferris Beuller
Look, don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it!--Cameron
It could get wrecked, scratched, stolen, breathed on wrong, a pigeon could sh!t on it, who knows--Cameron
FOOLS RUSH IN
You are everything I never knew I always wanted--Matthew Perry
HAPPY GILMORE
The price is wrong, BOB!!!--Happy
You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast?!--Happy
You could bother me for a nice warm glass of shut the hell up--Mean Attendant Guy
You will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep--Mean Attendant Guy
Check out the name tag, your in my world now grandma--Mean Attendant Guy
Look, I got the alligators head who got your hand--Happy
INDEPENDANCE DAY
Forget the fat lady. You're obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here!
Excuse me, Mr. President, that's not entirely accurate--Presidential Assistant
All you need is love, John Lennon, smart man, shot in the back very sad--?
Oh, no. no, you are NOT shootin' that green sh*t at me!--Will Smith
Oh god, I hope they bring back Elvis--?
Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy *ss through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad... and what the h*ll is that smell? I could've been at a barbecue! But I ain't mad--Will Smith
JERRY MAGUIRE
I love you, you complete me--Jerry
I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game featuring you, while singing your own song in a new commercial starring you, broadcast during the Super Bowl in a game that you are winning and I will not sleep until that happens. Give me fifteen minutes and call me back--Jerry
SCREAM
Look, Kenny, I know you're about fifty pounds overweight, but when I say hurry, please interpret that as MOVE YOUR FAT TUB OF LARD *SS NOW!--Gail
Sydney, how does it feel to be almost brutally butchered? How does it feel? People have a right to know!--Gail
If I'm right about this, I could save a man's life. Do you know what that would do for my book sales?--Gail
Who am I? The beer wench?--Blonde chick (name?)
If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath-- would you be standing in the horror section?--Randy
Now that Billy tried to mutilate her, do you think Sydney would go out with me?-- Randy
Oh please don't kill me Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel!--Blonde chick
I never thought I'd be so happy to be a virgin!
What's the point they're all the same, some stupid killer stalking some big breasted girl who can't act and is always
running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door, it's insulting--Sydney
SPACEBALLS
I see your schwartz is bigger than mine--Vader
May the schwartz be with you!--?
The name's Barf. I'm a mog, half man half dog. I'm my own bestfriend--Barf
WAYNE'S WORLD
Marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries--?
I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored--Garth
She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym-class--?
It's like a new pair of underwear, you know... At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you--?
Now these quotes, I know who wrote them so there are names right beside them.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect--Steven Wright
Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from the other animals.....except the weasels--Homer Simpson
If I were two-faced would I be wearing this one?--Abraham Lincoln
I base my fashion sense on what doesn't itch--Gilda Radner
A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is the one that notices you--Adlai Stevenson
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's to dark to read--Groucho Marx
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!--Steve Bluestone
Mary had a little lamb, and the doctor fainted--Anonymous
Count your age with friends, not with years--Anonymous
Give her 2 red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second "For my bestfriend"--Anonymous
Q: If you could live forever, would you and why?
A: I would not want to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why i wouldn't live forever--Ms. Alabama 1994
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff--Mariah Carey
These are NOT my quotes, I have not written any. Some are just quotes that I have borrowed from Melissa. She didn't write then either. So if you see a quote that you just happened to write then I will put your name right there beside it!
Worry about the small things... the big things will take care of themselves.
Nothing is more rewarding than to watch someone who says it can't be done get interrupted by
someone actually doing it.
If you are constantly looking back, chances are, you'll fall into a hole ahead.
Try not to work for someone who has more problems than you.
The best way to eliminate any enemy is to make him a friend.
It's always easier to stay out of trouble than to get out of trouble.
Keeping up is always easier than catching up.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
The best time to save money is when you some to save.
You never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with him.
If you're skating on thin ice, skate real fast.
If you aren't happy with what you've got now, what makes you think you'll be happier with more?
People take different roads to success. Just because someone isn't on your road doesn't mean
they've gotten lost.
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
To be mature means to face, and not evade, every fresh crisis that comes.
Do not knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away-- he hates that.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying
to save.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else -and usually it's reading his own
handwriting.
