I met the man who would later become my husband online when I was 19 and he was an inactive Catholic. He lived in Seattle, and I in St. George, Utah. As our relationship progressed, I asked him to take the missionary discussions, and he asked me to go to a Catholic church and learn about his church too (mostly just so it would be more fair for him). I went and of course I dismissed everything they said because I knew my church was the true one and that he would simply be the one that would have to convert. He took all the discussions, but he was still unsure about it - a lot of what they were teaching him caused red flags to go up for him, and I now realize that it was because of the protection of the Holy Spirit. Despite his lack of conversion, I still loved him and wanted to be with him. I just had faith that some day he would see the light and want to join the LDS church.

I moved to Seattle when I was 20 years old to be with him. It was the first time I had lived outside Southern Utah. I tried to go to church a few times at one of the UW Wards but instead of just letting me come in, sit down, attend sacrament meeting, then leave, they insisted on bombarding me with all kinds of questions. They were very nosy and made me feel totally smothered and out of place. This pretty much repelled me from going, and I went inactive for a period of 3 years or so.

During this 3 years, my husband John and I got married. I was still intent on converting him to Mormonism on the day that we were married. Even though I was inactive, I still believed in the Book of Mormon and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet and all that goes along with that.

About 9 months into our marriage, I decided that I would attempt to re-activate myself. We had moved out of the University area, and I decided to give church another shot. I tried to find out which ward we belonged to and what time we met by sending an e-mail from the LDS.org website. Well, about 3 months after that, I finally got a response from some sister missionaries. After re-assuring them that I was already LDS and just wanted to know where and when church was, they let me know. I hung on to that information for a while, because for some reason, I was apprehensive about going back. I fluttered in between wanting to reactivate myself LDS church and just wanting to be religion-free for at least a while.

Shortly after, I went to visit my parents in Southern Utah. About half-way through my visit, my parents, in the middle of a crowded restaurant, proceeded to ask me why my husband hadn't converted yet and why I wasn't being a better example for him by going to church myself. I was taken aback by their blunt, public questioning, and told them that I basically wasn't sure what I believed in anymore. They seemed dissatisfied with this, but I asked them if we could talk about it sometime when we were somewhere more private. They relented.

As awkward as that situation was, it got me thinking: What do I believe in? I knew for sure that I believed in God and in Jesus Christ. Beyond that, I wasn't 100% sure. I started looking on the internet to see if I could find someone out there who was feeling the same way I was...that something was missing...that something wasn't quite right... More than anything, I wanted to prove to myself that the LDS Church really was the only true church, as it claims that it is. I explored some sites that were by Mormon sources, and some that were critical of the LDS Church. Much to my surprise, a lot of what the critical sites said really made sense, and got me thinking.

They pointed out a lot of the inconsistencies and contradictions in LDS Doctrine, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt that there was something severely wrong. How could this be? How come I couldn't come up with answers to the criticism? How come I couldn't make it all right in my head? Had I been following false prophets? Had I been following blindly? How come I never questioned any of this before? I started to become angry because I felt that I had been lied to my whole life. I was in a state of mental crisis!

I know that Gordon B. Hinckley knows that he is no prophet of God. When a "prophet" goes on national television as he has in the past and can't tell you how God feels about something, what happens after you die, and when you never hear prophecies or about anything that God has said about current issues, how could he be? When he was asked about the doctrine of men becoming gods and that God was once a man, he DENIED that this was a doctrine, saying "that's more of a couplet than anything - I don't know that we teach that." I know for a fact that they do, because I was taught this in my youth. There should never be any question about anything if you have a direct link to God. How many of those in the LDS leadership know the truth? But what would you be willing to go along with for 10% of 6+ million peoples' income?

Another issue I could not reconcile in my head was the issue of Christ's Church needing a "restoration". The LDS Church clams that Christ's Church was in such a state of apostasy that the keys of the priesthood and all authority were taken away from it. Then Joseph Smith supposedly had a vision of God the Father and Jesus Christ, wherein they started the process of "restoring" Christ's Church. In the bible, when Christ was appointing Peter the leader of His Church, in Matthew 16:18, Christ promised that the "gates of hell shall not prevail against it." If there were a total apostasy, which would have been the reason a "restoration" was needed, wouldn't that have meant that the gates of hell had prevailed against it? Did Christ's Church fail? Did Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, not know what He was doing when He set up His Church? Since Jesus is perfect, I could only come to one conclusion: He knew what He was doing, and His Church has been here all along. Which led me to the Catholic Church.

I started studying up on my husband's religion, Roman Catholicism, I found that they had an article on what they think about Mormonism on CatholicAnswers.com. They had a very profound, rock-solid article that changed my life. I realized for the first time that the LDS god cannot be the same God as the Christian god. I never really put two and two together and saw that while the LDS church claims that the god of the Bible is their god, it cannot be, because the god of the Bible repeatedly expresses that there is only ONE god, and that He is it. It is also repeatedly mentioned that the God of the Bible is perfect. The LDS god, however, was once a man, is one of many gods, and cannot be perfect if we are all continually progressing. If he is perfect, he cannot be progressing (if you were perfect, what would you be progressing to???). Therefore the idea of eternal progression cannot be the truth. Yet this is what the LDS Church teaches (it would be a good idea for you to read the King Follett discourse given by Joseph Smith - several times over - if you don't believe me. It can be purchased at Deseret Book or read online on the BYU website).

So I started studying Catholicism further, because what I had read about it interested me. I began taking the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) classes, and the more I learned, the more I became convinced that Christ's Church was indeed still on the earth, and that the doctrines had not been violated and that the truths had not been lost, as I had once believed. The more I learned, the more everything I had ever learned about Christ made sense. Everything made sense, and everything fits. I could not find any holes in the doctrine. I'm not trying to pitch a religion on anyone or anything, but this is why I decided to become a baptized Catholic.

After having made that decision, I sent my letter off to the LDS church asking that my name be removed from their records, mainly so that I would not receive further contact and attempts at reactivation from the local ward. It also felt like a clean break for me, and that was important because I had felt so betrayed and lied to by that church. I received a final letter about 2 months after I sent mine to them stating that my name had been removed and that my baptism had been revoked, etc, etc....it was one of the happiest days of my life.

When I told my family that I was no longer LDS and that I had decided to become a Catholic, they were very upset. It took a long time before I felt like a real member of the family again, and there are still some tense moments at times. Thankfully, my family has chosen to accept me for who I am. I have to give them a lot of credit for how they have handled the situation.

The night before Easter 2002 I was baptized a Roman Catholic, Confirmed and Sealed with the Holy Spirit, and received the Eucharist for the first time. It was the most beautiful spiritual experience I've ever had. Every time I attend Mass I am so grateful that I did not forsake Christ when I forsook Mormonism.

I realize the Roman Catholic Church is not without its faults, but it is definitely where I have found my spiritual home. I am not one to force my beliefs on others, and I certainly respect the beliefs that others hold to be true. I am actually most impressed by those who have no structured belief system but manage to be some of the most moral people I know.

May the Lord be with you, wherever you are on your journey of faith.