I know why people are fat

I know why people are fat. It’s Ponderosa. You know, the restaurant. I went there today and as always it’s “all you can eat.” I’m a sucker for deals, for getting the most for my money. I’m going to assume that is how most of America is. Always looking for the best deal out there, and trying to haggle and make it an even better deal.
The all you can eat (AYCE) deal that most Americans go for will be their demise. The leading cause of death in the USA is heart disease, almost always lifestyle related. I am a bargain hunter myself, and a rather large fellow, However, I haven’t had time to make a subconscious plan in my head to seemingly screw over the food industry – like most Americans have.
Everyone remembers The Simpson’s episode where McAllister (old sea captain) tries to kick Homer out of his restaurant because Homer is putting Captain Bob’s place out of business by eating too much. Most people saw this episode around 1994. The idea of taking advantage of such a scheme would prove to be ‘ingenious’ in the minds of many Americans. However the plan is flawed! Homer is just a cartoon character, no one can eat that many donuts, or to take advantage of such a great AYCE deal as to close down the business. We didn’t know that, and most of Americans still don’t know that.
So the plan was set in motion, with millions of people all over the country. At the start it didn’t appear to start off so well. See, Americans weren’t (as) fat back then, 8 years ago, and because of that they could not hold as much food in their stomachs. The next phase of the plan was already beginning, as Americans slept in their bedrooms tired from a night of eating. Their stomachs grew, as did their bellies. The capability to hold more food made the AYCE deal seem even better, so Americans keep coming back. Come back they did, like a drug addict returning for more dope.
Even fat people have children (ew), and so began the second generation of fatties. The children learned early on that saving money was good, they also learned about the food pyramid. However saving money seemed to be the number one priority, before any silly health need. So the children learned from the parents and ate like children have never eaten before. They will undoubtedly raise a third generation, which will become even more obese. “All you can eat” is no longer an advertisement to attract customers, it’s a frickin’ challenge to all the overweight people out there – and they will rise to the challenge, When I say rise – I mean they’ll get really overweight so they can get the best deal.
Now, in time, I’d say about 4-5 generations, this problem will go away. However the affects of this are not good, not at all. I anticipate heart disease killing over 57% of Americans, along with people being so fat that they cannot get up and reach the buffet table. The problem will eradicate itself because the buffet deal will no longer become ‘a deal’ to Americans. Yes – the Simpsons episode does hold true. This is only after centuries of death and disease. The buffets will fade away, the Ponderosas will declare bankruptcy and all will be well again. That is until we all become thin and the cycle repeats itself.