Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.
Acura NSX - I am impotent
AMG Hummer: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Buick Park Avenue: I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Catera: I learned nothing from the Cimarron
Cadillac Eldorado: I am a pimp
Cadillac Deville: I am a very good Mary Kay Salesperson
Chevrolet Blazer - I like to play in the dirt, but I don't want to get dirty.
Chevrolet Camaro: I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Caprice: I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Chevrolet Cavalier: (1) I start 11th grade in the fall
(2) I enjoy putting out engine fires
Chevrolet Chevette: I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'vette.
Chevrolet Corvette: I am having a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chevrolet Malibu(New style): I gave in to the advertising, and bought a car that I know Japan has been building for 10 years.
Chevrolet Monte Carlo: I have no front teeth.
Chevrolet Sprint: I think I can, I think I can.
Chevrolet Suburban: I am king of the road
Chevrolet Tracker: I start 12th grade in the fall
Chrysler Cordoba: I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Citroen 2CV: I think your car looks funny, too
Datsun 280Z: I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Aries: I teach third grade special education and I voted for George Bush
Dodge Avenger - I am a rich daddy's girl who thinks my car can outrun a Firebird.
Dodge Charger - I own a moonshine still in Hazard KY.
Dodge Dakota - I am too macho to drive a compact truck, but I am still too much of a wuss to drive a full size truck.
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.
Dodge Diplomat: I used to enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Dodge Durango: see Jeep Grand Cherokee
Dodge Omni - I wish I had a Chevette.
Dodge Neon: I enjoy seeing Saturns, Honda Civics, Chevy Cavaliers, and Ford Escorts in my rearview mirror
Dodge Power Wagon: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Ford Contour: I wish I had a Chevy Malibu.
Ford Crown Victoria: I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Ford Explorer: see Jeep Grand Cherokee
Ford F-150 - I like a truck that will fall apart when I try to load it to its rated payload.
Ford Mustang 5.0: I start college in the fall and I'm living off of Dad's money
Ford Mustang 2.3: I will be starting 10th grade in the fall, and I'm riding the tail end of my parent's money train
Ford Probe - I like to think it's a Mustang.
Ford Ranchero: I am leading a Militia to overthrow the government
Ford Ranger - If I go over 50, I am looking for trouble.
Ford Taurus - I hate driving
Ford Tempo: I teach fourth grade special education and I voted for Bill Clinton
Honda Civic: I just graduated and have no credit at all
Honda Accord: I lack originality and am basically a lemming
Hyundai Accent: I delivered pizza for years in order to get this car
Hyundai Tiburon: I miss the tasteful, conservative and understated styling of the 1974 AMC Matador
Infiniti G20: I couldn't afford a real Infiniti.
Infiniti Q45: I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Isuzu I-Mark: I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than the Daihatsu
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJS V-12: I am so rich I will pay $60,000.00 for a car that is in the shop 280 days of the year
Jeep Grand Cherokee: - I need a vehicle that can tackle the speed bumps at the mall.
Jeep Wrangler: I only have one friend. No need for a backseat.
Kia Sephia: I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu of America
Kia Sportage - I can't afford a REAL 4x4.
Lexus LS400: I am the lawyer suing the owner of the Infiniti Q45
Lexus LX450: I paid way too much money for an ugly, glorified Toyota Land Cruiser.
Lincoln Navigator: I don't mind that I paid $50,000 for a Ford Expedition with two extra reflectors on the tailgate
Lincoln Town Car: I live for bingo and covered supper dishes
Mercury Grand Marquis: I live for bridge and covered supper dishes
Mercedes 600SL: I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 600SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata: I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
MGB: I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.
Mitsubishi Mirage - I wish I had an Escort.
Nissan Altima: See Honda Accord
Nissan Maxima: I am still in the closet
Nissan 300ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
Oldsmobile Cutlass: I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser: I get carsick driving minivans
Oldsmobile Delta 88 Diesel: I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List also
Plymouth Neon: I am tired of being slowed down by Saturns, Honda Civics, Chevy Cavaliers, and Ford Escorts
Pontiac Trans Am: I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 928: I am dating big-haired women who would otherwise be inaccessable to me
Range Rover: I do not care about J.D. Powers or his surveys
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: I think Maggie Thatcher is a touch too Whig for me
Rover 3500: I am married to a mechanic
Saturn SL1: I don't care that street sweepers pass me on the road
Toyota Camry: I have always wanted to own the Oldsmobile of Japanese family sedans
Toyota Corolla: See Honda Civic
Toyota Tercel: I wish i had a Honda Civic
Volkswagen Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagen Cabriolet: I am out of the closet
Volkswagen Jetta: I enjoy putting out engine fires
Volkswagen Microbus: I am tripping right now
Volkswagen New Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volvo 740 Wagon: I am afraid of my wife
Yugo: I remember when the only thing that exploded in Yugoslavia was its cars.
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