It’s a Cruel Web Out There

As usual, I have theories on this. In today's society, children seem to grow up much faster. Two income families are much more common than they used to be. At the same time, single parents are found a lot more than they used to be. Kids spend much more time in day care facilities with other kids and learn how to express themselves at an early age. They learn how to be forceful with their opinions too. They aren't going to forget those skills either! Don't get me wrong, I am not knocking it, just accepting it. As a father of two, and the husband of a working wife and also has a day job, I can see this every day. My children have great debating skills when it comes time for bedtime, snacktime and playtime. Some day, these skills will prove useful to them when it comes to negotiating the price of a car, getting their first job or trying to get out of that first speeding ticket. Along the way, they will probably make some folks ticked off at the "mouthy little turds". These traits go a long way on the WWW too. Perhaps even farther, as it is easier for some people to "go off" on someone in the relative comfort and safety of their living room, behind their keyboard. Message forums are an immensely popular way of people sharing a common interest to communicate with each other. Obviously, I am a fan of auto racing, so I go to racing forums. I go to races too. There is something eerily similar between the two venues. The intensity of the fans is amazing. I include myself in this group. Even the most tranquil of fans will come to a rapid boil when it comes time to defend their favorite driver or to defend a position they have on an issue. This is good. There is nothing in the world wrong with expressing your opinion, and there is likewise nothing wrong with using emotion as a tool, as long as it is controlled. At what point does it go to far? Recently, I have seen the quality of discussions eroded almost across the board in the various discussion forums. From name calling to out and out lies. It is getting worse. Such antics used to be limited to the various drivers, but recently it has moved on to the participants themselves. Most people use a stage name when they post on a public forum. I never was able to understand that. I always figured that if I was going to go public and have something to say, I was going to use my own name. A lot of people use a false email address, or no email address at all. Again, I wondered what was the point. When I have something to say, I am thick skinned enough to take the feedback…good and bad. Recent developments have me understanding.

I used to be a participant of a popular message board. I enjoyed tremendously the commradery and friendship I felt on that board. I could debate sensitive subjects with all my might without fear of someone taking things personally. Likewise, I could listen to someone argue with all their might without taking anything they may say personally. There was never any name calling or threats. Everyone was confortable sharing their joys and sorrows. The owner had connections in NASCAR, and was very accommodating. It was great. This was exactly what Tim Berners-Lee had in mind. The site grew, and with growth came new members to the board. Some of these new members fit right into the mold that had been cast from the very beginning. Some didn't. Some of the "old-timers" didn't care for the new blood and their new ideas or their style in presenting their ideas. I figured that it was probably a good thing to hear fresh points of view presented in a different manner than what I was accustumened to. I still felt comfortable using my name and email address. Then something happened. I started getting email from people I didn't know that weren't very flattering. I would see messages under my name and email address on other forums that I didn't post, nor would I ever post as the content was something I would never approach. The idea of agreeing to disagree vanished. The owner became more and more distant. Tensions mounted. Something had to give. Give, it did.

Recently, the line was crossed. A series of less than complimentary emails were sent. Some were called names, another was threatened. The aftershock was tremendous. Accusations flew. Feelings were hurt, egos bruised. The line was drawn in the sand and sides were taken. Berners-Lee certainly didn't have this in mind. Suddenly, I am thinking that a stage name and a hotmail email address are the way to go. Over and over again, I ask why. You probably have guessed that I was involved, otherwise why would I be writing about this in some detail? I was involved. I have no idea why initially I was involved. I don't know if someone used my name and email without my knowledge and posted something I didn't say, or if I posted something that someone took offense to myself without knowing it. Either way, the person angry with me doesn't care to explain what the problem was, and I quit trying to get that person to explain. I was of course, very angry and became involved in the aftermath. Who said what, did what, meant what and so on. I became obsessed with trying to saddle blame on someone for this terrible thing that happened. Before I knew it, I was doing what I always preach people not to do…I was acting on emotion alone, and not allowing myself time to take in all of the facts. I had become one of them.

I have had time to reflect on the last week now. I realize that what happened was inevitable. Human beings as a rule conflict with each other. Conflict is in our nature. From the times of Cain and Able all the way to the current Yugoslavia situation. Man simply cannot resist conflict. I can't pretend to know why, I only know we can't. Understanding that, how could various folks, from different walks of life, raised on different ideals, with different beliefs continue to get along indefinitely? The logical answer is they can't. Knowing we are eventually going to fight, why bother participating? Well, I guess we don't have to keep participating, but I do know that if we put our heads into a hole, we are going to miss out on a lot. There are a lot of good discussions out there, a lot of knowledge and a lot of good ideas. We might not agree with all of them, but I guarantee you, if we listen and I mean really listen, we are going to learn something. We might not always like what we learn, but a lot of us don't like spinach either, and I'm told it's good for us.

In the end, we can keep enjoying the benefits of the WWW. We can meet new interesting people, share experiences and learn a thing or two. If we don't like a place on the WWW, we can find another one we might like. There are thousands of places a person can go to be heard. We can even throw tantrums, but if you choose to throw me a tantrum with no valid reasoning behind it, I will tell you the same thing I tell my little kids. "You had me listening until you lost it and started whining. If you want my attention, act like a big boy. I don’t understand baby talk."

I remember the days leading up to me leaving home for the Navy. One of those days, my mother told me that it can be a cruel world out there. But it can be a beautiful one too, if you take the time to look at it. The same thing applies to the World Wide Web. The WWW can be mightily cruel, but it can be beautiful too.