Something's that Tori brings out of me       Thoughts     so take these cures away tears of self righteousness faucets spewing blood from my veins taking pleasure within the pain lying in their shadows calling for echoed names hallowed by time cynics see the light ghouls taunt my horrific face cutting my soul slice and dice 69 loving every minute of misery with euthanasia       5-19-98           entities   closing my eyes in some attempt to block out this pain of her pain mine and every ones     thoughtless words echo pounding through my mind entities of darkness float weightless dancing on the scarlet walls reminding me of so many times spent in tears over nothing and everything that consumes my life     i know i bitch and whine but i'm tired of no one noticing watching them walk by like zombies emotionless to the outside world tired of spending this time between heaven and hell alone watching a candle burn along with my life       7-15-98           Nothing     i see your eyes up into the sky i see them they're not stars satellites are too small yours eyes i can only see when i close my own i see yours you've been my best friend i've yelled to you in evilest moments of nightfall you always stare at me you've always surrounded me covering me where i go your the things those shadows are made of your demons   |   my demons your saints   |   my saints they all collide they enter each other we dance the night away silence is your daughter i love her and hate just the same for you haunt me until i'm part of the collective where all others go to kiss you and met their fate your not death love is meaningless for you you just watch me all of us and some call you 'god' i call you 'nothing' and i owe you everything     7-13-98           Alice     no more tears to shed a life not worth living with out life betrayed by love another bad sad love poem lost within these feelings betrayed by everything around me nothing seems real like Alice I am lost and nothing seems to be real      6-13-98           night's of dreaming certain gazing eyes on looking for a piece of flesh of hopes and dreams accumulated nightmares of stalking pleasures raging fires boiling blood sweltering under a pretty piece of flesh   we can deny it also abhorred it but nothing changes primal living always in the veins under the skin that holds your eyes   casualties we all must proclaim   7-19-98     fusing with every second growing stronger feeling layers of flesh uniting with pure emotions releasing everything in hope of retaining this euphoria transcending dimensions perplexing each emotion within countless seconds being surrounded by a must driven night to hold infinity cries of pain and pleasure ethereal thoughts provoking my silhouetted soul in the calmness of a mountain meadow an orb shining bright as day just above the shadows of mist holding me           captivated lying in wake of an untold future   11-17-98         Alone in a Sanctuary of Nature   crying on a western shore for all the stars to see within a hidden beauty rarely touched by humankind listening to the waves crash around me in the hollow of whispering trees soothing a troubled heart in anguish of a deafening silence   alone   watching the stars fall from the sky trying to touch an earth of fallen souls or maybe to touch this grace of beauty a beauty that's found desolent among greens eyes lost in the evergreens waiting here for the fog to roll in to cover disgrace of my own   one body lay trembling among the sands of grain to hear an echo lapsed in my own misery shaded by a blue moon that never gave up to find the beauty that i stood alone in so many times in anguish   12-3-98         An Uncharted World   saturated thoughts comments drifting through my head of a world that never went sour but of the people who did claiming of society as nature of a goddess that has no beauty lost within the sea of culture counter culture as a way of seeing life through the meaning of flesh and ideas never to sleep within a forest to escape humanity within humanity in a world of perfect ideas created by a chain reaction to suite each other with out severe conflict and not to each others selves no matter how idiotic we want but to change out own beliefs   12-15-98