| Apartment for Rent: Spacious 2 bedroom in quiet area. Sound proof (for those of you who aren't used to hearing the sound of guns at night). Also, included is central exhaust fans for those of you still smoking in the closet. Sorry, no pets, no elderly, and absolutely no tanning beds allowed on the top floor. Must have renters insurance Only $300/month Call 999-7866 |
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| Local and National News, June 13, 2026 |
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| Classifieds |
| HUGE Garage Sale ! Friday and Saturday Only, 8-5pm, behind the church on clemens street Many glass pieces, car stereos, cds, ect. Something for everyone! |
| Wanted to buy: looking for an American flag, Will pay top Dollar ! 555-0911 |
| The war in Iraq has finally ended! President Bush is still thinking of re-election! American population to skyrocket by another 16% of immigrants this fall due to a lower population of American Citizens who gave their life in the war. Gas Prices fell $0.03 , showing the lowest to be $17.89 a gallon Atlantic Ocean dips to an all time low of 28,000 feet below sea level |
| The sun's circumference started expanding this morning at aproximately 05:59 am EST as reported by NASA officials. Our star that has sustained life on this planet as we've known it for thousands of years has hit it's first stage of self destruction. The IRS insists that all back taxes be paid before the beginning of the second stage. DNR officials are hosting a membership drive and a fundraiser to begin construction on the proposed underground colony. Those interested may contact their local DNR office. |
| The FDA just gave it's stamp of approval on the cure for cancer. Expect the boxes to hit store shelves in about 3 months. AIDS research insists they are not too far behind them. |
| Local Police reports lifting of ban on green within the next three days. The last shipment that was thought to be contaminated has been located and destroyed. Expect the order to be lifted on Friday afternoon. |
| Stop smoking already. WHAT? Do you think the world is coming to an end that you can't sign up for smokers anonymous or something? Do you really want to die of lung cancer? Sign up for our free sessions. Please leave a message with your name and number to fit in our evening classes. call STOP IT! Today! |
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| Radon charged water is makin a re-appearance on store shelves! |
| OH MY GOD DID YOU HEAR??? They are switching the water well here to a NON-COMPLIANT RADIUM WELL to upgrade the current system. DID THEY FORGET THAT SOME GUY'S JAW FELL OFF YEARS AGO FROM THE BIG RADIUM TREND??? SCARRY |
| Hey now this is true: 4-11-05 |