CULT OF THE
UNBORN CHICKEN
VOICES(C.U.C.V)
presents:
30 Important
rules that`ll help you get through life :
1. If you dont know `bout what ure gonna do with your life ,
think of some of the 20 year old people i know...or some of them
that even touched 40. Well...they just kept thinking `bout that ,
and are now hooked on drugs and forced to live on catfood.
2. Understand, that friends will come and go. This is because of
your irritating personality...Nobody likes you...so if you think
that the only thing that gets you through the day is the "misconception
that people like you" , its best you end it now. Shoot
yourself in the head , and if that isnt possible....other ways of
suicide are avalible at "http://www.asan.com/users/kangaroo/suicide.htm"
and "http://www.ewav.com/oldwebsitefiles/suicide.html"
3. Learn to smoke and take drugs. If ure underage , get someone
to buy them for you. Believe me when i say , theres nothing that
will help you get through the day any happier!
4. Travel as much as you can. When on flights , go into the
lavatory and pick up whatever you can...perfumes...soaps...toilet
paper...even the toilet seat if possible. I must remind you ,
that u`ve paid much more than all that is worth, so dont let your
conscience play with you.
5. Maybe you`ll marry and have children...or maybe you wont. If
you do have children , lock them under the stairs..untill they`re
sober enough to live like an adult.
6. Do one thing each day that scares you....Look in the mirror.
7. Sing...Dance...Laugh....Jump in front of an 18 wheeler truck.
It`ll help get your mind of stress...and some of them are "one
in a lifetime" experiences.
8. If ure worried bout the way you look, think that ure probally
fatter than you think...maybe you should consider an eating
disorder.
9. If you`re worried about a school exam, call the school on the
day of the exam, and threaten to blow up the school with a bomb
that uve jsut recently planted in it.
10. Cheat...if you think you can get away with it.Remember , that
most of the succesful children in your grade engage in cheating.
11. Shoplift as much as possible. Its the best way to save money
,to give to the poor. Remember, a man is measured by the amount
of charity he gives.
12. Dont forget your old friends. If you see any of them on the
street, try to run them over with your car. Dont worry `bout the
car if its insured. N plus, you can hand over the surplus for
charity.
13. Remember, you can wear your underwear 4 times....forwards...backwards....inside
out forwards..and inside out backwards! Its the best way to
conserve water.
14. Pick up fights with gangs in public. Its the best way to show
your manly nature, strength n superiority. If the last three
words dont describe you , then its the best way to show your
internal organs after the encounter with the gangsters.
15. Put dynamite into soil where corpses have been buried...like
graveyards.
16. Set off school fire alarms...thats one of the best thrills
you can ever experience during school hours.
17. Plant drugs on teachers. If that seems to be hard, a
schoolmate would do fine.
18. Smoke in your school uniform.
19. Walk in crowds with a cigarette lighter, and set peoples hair
on fire...specially those with long hair that are easy to reach
without anyone noticing.
20. Join a cult..specially those socially evil ones.
21. Set the toilet paper in public toilets on fire.
22. Remember, only you will truly take care of yourself...so
always carry a conceiled weapon.
23. Stick your tongue in electric sockets early in the morning.
Its the best way to jumpstart your day.
24. Cherish your loved ones. They are your most prized possesions.
If any of them die , have them stuffed.
25. Never aim to high. Theres a huge chance where it might not be
worth it.
26. Dont be reckless with other peoples hearts...who knows...u
might need theirs for a transplant someday!
27. Traffic drugs and drinks in school...its the best way to
practice for a future successful buisness profession.
28. Take your partner to the seaside(for a date). That way , you
can pay less for the date , and if they complain...you can always
throw them overboard....with the thought that "you dont need
him/her...there are many fish in the sea".
29. When you`re in a car...n there is a pedestrian waiting to
cross the road...stop the car and allow them to cross.....when
they`re just `round the center of your car....slam on the
accelerator. You seriously gotta check out the fright on their
faces.
30. Another fun thing to do with your car is to drive on the
footpath....its more fun than driving on the roads.
.......................................................By......................................
.........................................................Mark
deSouza..........................
Note from the author:
Hey pplz!
well......you might be wondering why i wrote this. Well......just
felt like it. You must have heard of the song "Everyone is
free to wear sunscreen". Well....it kinda inspired me....if
u havent heard that song....u gotta. The lyrics are really
thought-filled. Anyways...based on that, thought i`d write
something similar to that...which i did. DO NOT follow it! I`ve
tried out a few of them stunts mentioned above....specially the
pedestrian one....that one is seriosuly fun! Most of the others
are just thoughts. And if you`ve got the impression that i smoke
n do drugs.....NOH! thats among the social evils i`m against....but
hey.....spreadin` bad influence to the minors isnt a crime...or
is it? :P Neways....dont take any of the above seriously.....and
hope u enjoy it. Yeh...mail me n temme wat u think of it....k`s?
cya!
Best regards,
RaDiOaCtIvE HaMsT3R