Effort

Why is it that I always put too much in.
Its got to be my fault that I do it –when we first begin,
I wonder why none of them ever can
Put in the effort that I give to them.
Do they take it for-granted what I give,
Why deal with all this….why live?
No one before can attain the realizations I learned,
But why the irony –where I am to always burn?
Did I do something wrong?
No, I know this, maybe of this world Is not where I belong
Maybe I belong with Him,
But I do not know if I did faulter…and where I did sin.
Obviously I have, for this pain to come about,
For going amiss somewhere pertaining to her - I seriously doubt.
But maybe this is how this works,
What is this thing of love? Where are the perks?
Its almost like I wait to be hurt,
Draining the life from me…even that last pitiful spurt.
Who is this casting these ideas in my head,
Is it truth , am I a book to easily read?
I guess this is my fault, but where is it?
These thoughts in the back of mind are constantly lit,
Because I’ve dealt with all this in the past,
So how am I supposed to change things to last?
It doesn’t look like I can, constantly being attacked by pain’s cardiac glove,
This makes me want to give up on life, and simply not love.