As my beat grows cold, I look around my world and a familiar feeling enters my mind.
Because I know I've broken a mold that previously contained one that was kind,
I sometimes put my hand to my chest, to see if it still beats,
and I shit you not when with all my zest, I cannot feel it when I push deep.
It makes one wonder if it has froze over, and gone into hibernation,
as I look over my shoulder, I see a past thats in critical condition.
and I know it will die and wither away, as I look from the glass wall,
and there are no words I can say, that will keep it from its fall.
and as it decends it braces for the impact, and I already feel the scar,
that it will form as I react, and wave goodbye from afar.
A weight is gone for some strange reason, and I fear that it shouldn't be,
as I enter another season, my eyes once again scream with glee.
This is not the normal process, that I know,
but I think with distress, something new has come to show,
itself and its thoughts, from a place hidden far and deep away.
And with it, it has brought, an old feeling that I do not know and cannot say,
what exactly it is, but I am excited, while I know inside it's not a good thing.
But I cannot deny it, and embrace its darkness and all that it shall bring.
It has taken me back to a place I've long forgotten, and am ashamed to have left behind,
I had thought it long gone and rotten, but has been there waiting for me all this time.
He says welcome back, where have you been?
It is you that I have lacked, you are one of my kin...
is what I tell him as he looks me up and down, glad to see the glimmer,
and erases my frown, even though I grow much dimmer.
I worry, I say, that it is finally gone, and he smiles back at me,
and says that I have grown too fond, and got lost in a wicked tree.
But now am I back to guide you along the way, and I feel perfect inside,
even though my heart has long gone astray, and on its feeling I've relied.
To which I've never allowed, and in which I've gone wrong,
as I stand alone among the crowd, I hear a new song.
It dances with life and beats to a different drum,
that washes away all the strife, and replaces it with fun.
The kind that some do not like, and are afraid to play in,
but I will grab the mic, and gladly sing its sin,
as loud as I can once again in the light, fearless of the crowd and all the others,
trying to bring down my sight, and complaining to their mothers,
that they do not like the Ben of old, the one that is not there,
and through eyes of cold, will see what's right and see who's fair.
I am back he says to me as I close my eyes, and let it all inside me,
and quickly is when I realize, the man I've lost fits to a T.
How far I have gone, how long I've been away,
from the man that is so fond, who knows all my ways.
I am sorry to have left you so far in the past, is what I say.
He knew it wouldn't last, he's been waiting in the grey,
and white matter in my brain, waiting patiently for me to again find,
the real me inside, one who does not refrain, nor resist what's made me shine,
and gotten me to where I was, careless of thoughts, worriless of opinions,
and does what he does...just because, confidence bubbling over and dances in my dominion,
of kettle painted black, shaking in the fires,
bringing all I need back, refusing to drown and boil with the liars.
These eyes are green, yet icy and blue.
They say I am harsh, they say I am vain and mean, those that have no clue.
You are right I tell them, I am that way, the inside is vacant,
and I like it that way and from it I won't stray, I am what you make it.
It is the best of me and who I am at heart, in this world he needs not remind,
It has been me from the very start....
this man I left behind.