You can expect to find differences in every relationship. Individuals will have varied perspectives, no matter how many other things they share in common. Every person has different likes and tastes. That's what individuality is about.

In "My Fair Lady," Professor Higgins asks, "Why can't a woman be more like a man?" If we took this mistaken thinking to an extreme, we would expect true lovers to be alike in every aspect. As ludicrous as this may sound, some people expect marital bliss to be painted in such monochrome hues.

I don't expect any two readers to think alike. I would hope our opinions differ on many topics. Of course, we'll also find common ground on many points. Every relationship is a picture of various commonalties. I hope that each of you has the maturity to realize that everyone WILL be different. Each of us brings individual strengths and weaknesses to diversify the world around us.

Diversity of opinions is necessary for cultural vitality. Living in a world where everyone thought exactly alike would be unimaginably boring. That is obviously not what Christ had in mind when He said, "Be one." This kind of union can only be brought about by love.

Two opposite philosophies are represented by the clash between the Borg and the Federation on TV's Star Trek. The Borg represents a view of being one through compulsion. The Collective assimilates its unity by eliminating every trace of individuality. In contrast, the Federation broadens its understanding by respecting the agency and diversity of each unique culture and being.

Men and women are different in fundamental ways. If we lovingly consider the differences, we can recognize how our differences are complementary.

Men generally think in terms of facts, while women deal more with feelings. Men make great analysts, while women are better equipped to get to the heart and meaning of issues. The two perspectives are complementary skills necessary for resolving conflicts.

Men have obsessions that from the outside look pointless. A man's preoccupation with watching sports and his tendency to take his team's victory or defeat personally may seem utterly useless to the cause of relationship enhancement.

But his conquering spirit actually has a useful place outside of the gladiator's arena. He can champion a noble cause with enthusiasm and spirit. This advocacy can be properly channeled into leadership roles, as well as providing for and caring for a family. His righteous example can lead generations as a role model.

Women have much strength in social areas. They are naturally adept at nurturing love in relationships and tuning into emotions, their own feelings as well as others'. Women keep the heart of families together.

Both men and women contribute to love and meaning in relationships.

We can all benefit from each other. Accepting and loving others only broadens our world. We grew up in societies that excluded strangers; marking borders and boundaries drawn by distinctions. Rather than isolate ourselves from others who are different, we should learn what ties us together. We need to turn back the trend of prejudice and learn to respect one another's opinions and contributions.

God, the Father of all the children of earth, paternally embraces all of His sons and daughters into His circle of kinship. He brings all of our quirks and differences together through the inclusiveness of His grace. The closer we can come to doing the same, the better we will understand what love is really about.

Books

In The Mismeasure of Woman, social psychologist Carol Tavris encourages greater awareness of the diversity of "normal'' human behaviors, rather than merely comparing women and men by contrast.

What Women and Men Really Want: Creating Deeper Understanding and Love in Our Relationships. The authors, Aaron R. Kipnis and Elizabeth Herron, look at gender strengths toward a perspective of reconciliation.

You can find online reviews for these books at the above links.

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