Do you know the depiction of Salieri in Amadeus? I hate to admit it, but that's me. You might be thinking, "Not me. I'm not the jealous type." If that's true, great! Write an e-mail to let us know how you do it, then go out and do some good. However, if you suspect that there might be a bit of Salieri in your heart, stick around, and we'll look at one of the ways people sabotage their relationships.

There is a moment in Amadeus when Salieri recognizes he has been blessed with just enough talent to recognize true genius. Speaking as an amateur musician with no formal training, I have gained what little skill I have the hard way. I feel a compelling drive to learn everything I can about music. Everything--it's a curse! I recognize what a distant goal I've set for myself. And I realize how far short my efforts fall.

You see, I believe that music can bring the Holy Spirit and spiritual healing into hearts. And it can also do the opposite. There's a lot of great, uplifting music everywhere you look. But there’s a whole lot of bad stuff too. Sometimes finding great music is like taking a dive into an outhouse to retrieve your wife's lost wedding ring.

Yikes! Where am I going with that analogy? This is where jealousy fits in. When I see what becomes popular, I cannot imagine the departed great composers appreciatively tapping the beat in their graves. Many of the world's best hits -- and I don't mean next week's top 40 -- are virtually ignored. An uplifting message stands little chance of getting in, much less of making much of a difference in the industry.

There. Do I sound jealous? I admit it. Does it do a bit of good? No.

I bring up this topic because I recognize these feelings in myself. No one else's actions have prompted me to write this article. I recognize that to whatever extent my emotions are prompted by envy, I am not true to principles of love. That might also be true for anyone else who is willing to take an honest look inside.

I remember (when I was single) having feelings that I can only describe as jealousy. I would envy other singles who were not encumbered with kids. It seems petty to read it in print, but there I was. Poor me, having to take care of three boys, while others flitted about without a care in the world.

Jealousy comes in many different shades. Singles may be jealous of a society that seems geared toward married couples and families. Married couples may envy the unfettered lifestyle of swinging singles. Or someone might feel that someone else has more love, better circumstances, a nicer figure, a cooler cell phone or more luxuries. Envy, in any of its earthly forms, serves no great purpose.

Then why talk about it in Learning Love and Life? Because jealousy does affect our ability to relate with others with healthy respect.

Jealousy stems from the viewpoint that life is unfair. It is a selfish perspective that, contrary to the way it looks, focuses inward at what is lacking in our own life. Envy is looking at someone else with the mistaken idea that he or she doesn't deserve something as much as I do. It's a simplistic view that distorts one's vision. This narrow perception magnifies the other's vices and discounts any good traits.

Self-pity is also a form of envy. At a first glance, this might not seem to ring true. But people who are wrapped up in their own problems are not as able as they could be to help and serve others in their difficulties. Our relationships depend on our ability to shed our selfishness long enough to care about others.

Here's a test you can take to measure whether you might be jealous. Whenever you feel a reaction of dislike for someone, step back for just a minute. Imagine a red flag waving you off to the sidelines. Ask yourself, "Are my feelings about this person congruent with my belief that he or she is a child of God? If not, how are my emotions distorting my reactions?" If you discover that your reaction was predetermined before you had considered anything about the individual, you may be jealous.

Lucifer, who became jealous of God, rebelled and has been trying to thwart God's plan ever since. This is an archetype of where jealousy leads. Often when romance turns sour, people turn around and want to destroy each other. Some people, who have lost their faith, turn against gospel principles or use their energy to attack religion. Jealousy is usually disguised as righteous indignation. The jealous person will justify his judgments, thinking himself in a superior position.

The cure for envy, as with several other character flaws, is humility. Christ taught us to humble ourselves as a little child. One of the sterling qualities of very young children is that they have no prejudgments of others. They grow to love parents regardless of their elders' flaws.

In love relationships, it is ideal if we can celebrate each individual for all of his or her strengths and values. Learning love takes some re-education and reorienting of our style of thinking. It also takes some practice and real effort. But as we grow in Christ's love, we may become more like Him.

Reading Shelf

"If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?:
Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever"
by Susan Page

I found several valid points in this book by Susan Page. Also of interest is her book for married folks, Now That I'm married, Why Isn't Everything Perfect?

In If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? Page draws on her extensive experience as a leader of singles seminars and workshops. She shows that anyone who genuinely wants an intimate relationship can have one. Sweeping aside the currently popular excuses for not being able to find a mate, Page identifies the real reason singles have difficulty finding love.
 
 
 

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