Relationships are such dynamic enterprises between two unique individuals, that it's hard for an outsider to give appropriate general advice. What works in one relationship might not apply for others. I try to address principles, rather than specific concerns, because ideals, along with our judgment, guide our actions. People who share common values might not come together on relational issues. It is always a matter of agency, whether two individuals make the choices and sacrifices necessary to foster nurturing in a relationship.

How do individuals arriving from different planets understand where another is coming from?

What works best is discussing between the two you and your loved one the things that matter to both of you. If you share some of the ideas you think are important, your loved one may see that it matters to you. He can become an adept student of what you appreciate and value. A good book that addresses gender differences, particularly male/female communication, is John Gray's Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. My wife and I read regularly from it together, and we talk about the ideas and their relevance to us. It's a good starting point to learn about each other.

In general a woman's strength is in verbal communication and social interaction, where a man's is generally spatial and logical organization. From a man's perspective: when it comes to matters of the heart, we (men) usually don't get it. Our old hunter/conqueror instincts don't equip us well for nurturing and loving assurance. It usually takes love to knock us out of the gladiator arena and pay attention to a woman's needs. A great book I can recommend is Love is a Decision by Gary Smalley (with John Trent). Smalley talks about the strengths men and women bring into a relationship. A woman can inspire a man's conquering spirit to excel in a love relationship, if he understands that he can bring his gifts to that worthy purpose.

Just for Women:

Women are typically the experts on relationships. A women might have to guide her loved one to the heart of the relationship. She should let him know that she appreciates being told and assured of his love frequently. It desn't mean making your loved one into something he isn't, in order to share what is important to you. By expressing your desires, you provide the opportunity to see what you both can do about it.

For Men:

If we are to provide the nurturing necessary to love, we need to learn the needs of our loved one, particularly her emotional needs. We need to give in ways she will appreciate. What for her is important to the growth of the relationship? Does she receive assurance of our commitment and love? Do you really think abour her?

Both of You:

Men and women bring different skills and strengths to a relationship. The resulting synergy is greater than our combined individual contributions. Couples who share one another's perspectives expand their growth and their understanding of each other and their relationship.

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