MAN, I'M GLAD I'M A MAN, MAN
Everyday I give thanks to God I was born a man instead of a broad.
When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV.
I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee.
I go to a barber, not a beauty salon.
Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on.
Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts.
I use my turn signal, I understand sports.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man.
Tell you the reason I am.
I don't go through a phase every 28 days.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.
I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john.
I don't throw a fit when I break a nail.
I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale.
I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror.
I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer.
I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass.
I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man.
Tell you the reason I am.
I don't face the pain of water-weight gain.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.
Let me tell you ladies.
Listen to me ladies.
I love those things inside of your blouse.
I love your pretty faces,
Your warm and soft embraces.
But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house.
I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date.
I don't play with dolls unless they inflate.
When someone asks me my age, I never lie.
After sex in bed, my spot's always dry.
I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines.
I don't mind if my dates try to get into my jeans.
I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie.
This is the same underwear I wore yesterday.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man.
Tell you the reason I am.
I don't take a pill. I don't use Massengill.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man.
Tell you the reason I am.
I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin'.
Man, I'm glad I'm a man.
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