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It's a simple feat to format and reuse AOL disks...but with a little imagination, a truly useful purpose can be found for those pesky white platters invading our mailboxes and magazines. 1. Mini cutting board (great for the office or the car, use metal door for knife). 2. Attach it to a ruler and presto! - you've got a fly swatter. 3. Construct a life size replica of Stonehenge. 4. At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg. 5. Money clip (use the metal door and discard the plastic case...the "rich nerd" look is IN this year). 6. Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates). 7. Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier). 8. Give them to young children to use as building blocks. 9. Glue them to the bottom of the space shuttle and use them as re-entry burn tiles. 10. Dentures (melt & form them into new teeth for grandma). 11. Room dividers for hamsters. 12. Drink coasters. 13. Use multiple disks to create an ideal door stopper. 14. Ice scraper. 15. Bathroom tile. 16. Bookmark. 17. Mini frisbee. 18. Air hockey puck. 19. Dog chew toy. 20. Dart board. 21. Pooper scooper. 22. Grill scraper. 23. Use them for karate board-breaking demonstrations (save a tree). 24. Wrist slicer - after receiving first AOL bill (use metal door). 25. Conversation piece for coffee table. 26. Destroy them - smash, burn, or run over to relieve stress. 27. Light switch cover. 28. Chinese throwing stars (tape 2 together). 29. Clay pigeons for target practice. 30. Greeting card (bind two together at one end). 31. Halloween treat (give them away all night long). 32. Bullet proof vest (arrange together in triple thickness). 33. Firewood. 34. Bird house. 35. Paper weights. 36. Pen holders (make a box without a top). 37. Post it-notes holder. 38. Refrigerator magnet (glue a magnet to the back). 39. A very sturdy base for putting the motorcycle sidestand on when parking on soft surfaces. 40. Keep 'em in the trunk for extra traction in the snow. 41. Solar Eclipse Glasses (open door and look through disk at the sun/moon -actually works). 42. Placing one in each back pocket helps children who get paddled by the coach. This spreads the force to a wider area. 43. Make an AOL disk & pasta casserole. 44. Incense burners (put stick in hole of disk hub and light the incense. 45. Bug Shield (glue a bunch to the front of your car's hood). 46. Put them on car windshields at the mall (along with this list). 47. Melt the plastic of the disks into a giant sculpture. 48. Hand them out as party favors. 49. Hidden/spare key holder (crack open 1 side, insert key and then place near door. Completely safe...who would want an AOL disk?) 50. Vertical blinds. 51. Be an AOL diskette surgeon and dissect a diskette. 52. Bench press weights (I can press 120). 53. Grind 'em up and refertilize the front lawn. 54. The new "Domino's stuffed-crust pizza" filling. 55. Tell the kids to leave warm milk & AOL disks for Santa. 56. Brake shoes. 57. House insulation. 58. Recycle them for the scrap metal. 59. Kitchen tile for Bill Gates' new mansion in Seattle (walk all over the competition) 60. Hockey Puck. 61. Add water and special plant life to make a Chia-Disk. 62. Noise maker for your bike spokes (why damage your valuable baseball cards). 63. Put one on a leash and drag it along as you walk...makes the perfect pet. 64. Poker chips. 65. Baseball practice (throw them up in the air and hit them with the bat). 66. Keychain (Put a key ring through one of the writeprotect holes and you've got a snappy executive bathroom keychain for the office). 67. Mail to 10 friends-start an AOL chain-letter (add a disk with each link). 68. Earmuffs (glue some fur on one side, then attach a U-shaped piece of bent coathanger to both disks). 69. Grind them up to make fake snow. 70. Earrings (put loop into write-protect hole). 71. Dental floss (use actual disk). 72. Use them for zipper pulls (instead of ski lift tickets). 73. When your collection of disks reaches 52, use them for a deck of cards. 74. Use them to fill potholes. 75. Hood ornament. 76. Snow blower replacement blades. 77. Put them in your shirt pocket to make you look smart. 78. Make two stacks of 10 and use them as heels for platform shoes. 79. Rubic's cube case (make into box). 80. Shipping material (keeps your photos from being bent in the mail). 81. Protect your table from burns caused by hot pots and pans. 82. Snack trays (great for holding hors d'oeuvres at parties). 83. Give them as stocking stuffers to all those people who piss you off. 84. Fly paper (use actual disk and put string through middle, hang 2" apart and apply honey to disks). 85. Pocket protector (gee Gilbert I really like your new pocket protector -thanks Lewis). 86. They make a *dandy* addition to a #$*+&% neighbor's back yard. Better yet, get them to actually install it on their computer. 87. Use them as elbow and knee pads. 88. Wax scraper for snowboards. 89. Use them to decorate your aquarium and create Computer City under water. 90. Tape a few together and use them as a mouse pad. 91. Collect a large mass and detonate a supernova. 92. A wind clacker (similar to a wind chime). 93. Soap dish (remove metal to prevent rusting). 94. Row markers for your vegetable garden. (carrots, beans, peas....) 95. Makes the perfect dance floor for your ant colony. 96. Bread roller (use actual disks and put rod through center-use about 100). 97. Hot glue gun resting/protecting pad. 98. Baby mobile. 99. Fence (may need a few thousand). 100. Toe tags for mortuaries. Great for identifying dead computer nerds. 101. Wonderbra inserts for that Madonna-techno look.
What do engineers do with too much time on their hands? Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the"loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Ehhh, Macarena!
(Dance to shitty music stupid Americans! You are so stupid that you think this shitty music is good. Dance to shitty music stupid Americans Heeeyyy, stupid Americans!)
Macarena tiene un novio que se llama Que se llama de apellido Vitorino Y en la jura de bandera del muchacho Se la dio con dos amigos
(Stupid Americans will have sex with a llama. You dance like a llama to this idiotic song! While you're busy your girl will go at it with our friends. My buddies will be with her in the bathroom)
Que le gusta la movida guerrilera Macarena suean con el Corte Ingles Y se compra los mnodelos mas modernos Le gustaria vivr on Nueva York
(You fat gorillas like shitty music. Stupid Americans paid sixteen dollars for this song. You can't tell your asses from your faces. We think New York Sucks!)
42. One Word: Hair. 41. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed. 40. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!! 39. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever. 38. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk. 37. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis. 36. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift. 35. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology. 34. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage. 33. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt. 32. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt. 31. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge. 30. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out. 29. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes. 28. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice. 27. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!" 26. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet. 25. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast. 24. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up. 23. Picard never met Joan Collins. 22 Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions. 21. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master. 20. Kirk knows how to deal with peace-loving hippie goofs. 19. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won. 18. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only. 17. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do. 16. One Word: Fisticuffs. 15. You can never lock up Kirk for very long. 14. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources. 13. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician. 12. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything. 11. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses. 10. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk. 9. Kirk's bridge is not beige. 8. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles. 7. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge. 6. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL. 5. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily. 4. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it. 3. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed. 2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail. 1. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on "stun".
9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp-- the Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable-- after some Cardassian starvation and torture, Picard looked like hell.
7) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
6) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
5) One word: lightsabers.
4) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.
3) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.
2) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
1) Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.
Guido's Web of Destruction Visitor - Communicate with Guido: The Destroyer of Men by using this ICQ Communication Panel
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