I've decided to put mostly just my testimony here and other things like that.
"This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." 1 John 3:16
I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old. My mom, sister and I were watching the 700 Club with Pat Robertson and at the end of the show, he gave an invitation to pray with him to accept Christ as your personal savior. I didn't do it then, but when we went up to our room to be tucked in bed, my sister and I started asking my mom questions. She pretty much explained that we were all sinners and that Jesus died for our sins and if we wanted to go to Heaven, we had to ask Him for forgiveness and invite Him into our hearts. (Rom. 5:8-"But God demonstrates his own love for us: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.") So my sister and I knelt down beside my bed and prayed together with our mom, and that's when my life as a believer in Christ began. (Col. 1:13 & 14-"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.") (Eph. 2:4 & 5-"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved.")
I didn't really grow a lot after that. I went to VBS and occasionally attended regular church with my friend, but my family didn't go. My dad wasn't even saved at this point. Because of the relationship with him, I think I grew up feeling like I could never be good enough because he often only pointed out the things I did wrong. From that, I've always struggled with the idea of always having to please guys and never measuring up to people's expectations. Basically, being a disappointment. As I've studied the Bible more and grown spiritually, I've learned that I'm made worthy in the fullness of Christ. (Col. 2:10-"and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.") And I've finally come to really know this in my heart.
Anyways, on to my teenage years. Around the age of 13, I got serious about going to church and I joined a thing called Bible Quizzing with this same friend. This was the first major growth time in my Christian walk. I was learning so much about the Bible and what it meant to be a follower of Christ. There were ups and downs throughout my highschool years, but during my junior year of highschool, I had another major growth time that lasted beyond graduation from school. I was totally on fire for Christ and couldn't get enough of learning the Bible and going to church. At this point, I was involved in accountability groups and also a Christian rock band from my church. During this time, I really got into witnessing, in that I had no problem taking a stand for Christ in school and to my friends. (Jeremiah 2:17-"Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them.")(Romans 1:16-"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.")
After school, I got involved with the internet a lot and started counseling people from a Godly perspective in chat rooms at all hours of the night. I remember waking my mom up at 2 a.m. to ask her about Bible verses because I would be talking to someone online about my faith. However, this was humanly impossible for me to keep up for an extended period of time, and eventually I had to cut back.
During the summer months of 1998, I eventually met a guy online that was 3 years younger than me and we agreed for me to fly out there and meet him. (I know, I know...) So I got a job and started saving money all summer. He also sent me all the money he had. At the end of the summer, against my parents fierce warnings and acting upon my blatant disobedience, I bought a plane ticket and flew to Seattle, WA. Upon which, I ended up sitting in an airport for 3 hours at 4 a.m. in Las Vegas with plane delays. Finally, I made it to Seattle. I stayed for a week and nothing bad happened to me, except that I had horrible satanic nightmares every night I was there. The very last night I remember waking up feeling paralyzed because I felt as if Satan was sitting right there next to me. Anyways, I was glad I was going home and when I got home, I broke things off with the guy. About a month later, I started talking to a guy that I went to highschool with. He came from a Christian family, and had most of the same beliefs that I did. Needless to say, we were engaged at the end of February 1999. I guess I felt as if there was nothing else for me and I know now I was settling for something that was good, but not God's best. Looking back now, I think I was more than likely in love with the idea of being in love, instead of being in love with this person. Anyways, we had planned a wedding in the spring of 2000 and the plans fell through. Obviously, this was God trying to tell me something. I didn't want to hear it though. So, we planned again for the fall of 2002. In May 2002 we bought a house and he started living there. I got a job near the house and the plans were all coming together, though deep down, I knew God had been telling me to get out for the last couple years. As things got closer and closer, I knew I couldn't deny God's voice any longer, I had to do something. So, sometime in June 2002, after much thought and prayer and just plain getting up the guts to do it, I finally told him it was over. I had to be obedient to God and God's will for me.
Ever since then, these most recent times in my life have been major periods of growth for me. Someone once told me you have to be willing to change who you are, for what you could become. And I've changed the most in my life in these last 3 months. I started out with meeting a couple struggling Christians and a handful of lost people all bound in the chains of this world. God has used me so much in these situations. I have only been a tool for Him to work through. I'm quite convinced that He allowed me to be in these situations to help me even more than the people I was talking to, because it gave me the desire to be a stronger Christian and to grow stronger in my faith. Anyways, getting caught up in these people's lives, I knew that I needed something to give me more stability. Something that was positive for Christ to go along with what Christ was doing in my life. That's when I joined the college Bible study and regularly started going to church again. Between those two things and becoming friends with strong Christians, I feel that God is blessing me and changing me more than I can even realize at this point. I'm thankful for where I've been because I've learned so much about myself, God, and how important strong faith and strong convictions are in our lives. God has blessed me with the ability to stand up for something I believe in, and against something that I don't. Now I'm just learning to be satisfied and content with God, and God alone. And patiently seeking out God's will in my life.
Here's a really cool thing that happened to me:
Around 6am this morning (January 10, 1999), God spoke to me. I got up to go to the bathroom, and "Ask, seek, knock" kept repeating over and over in my head. It was really starting to get annoying, then the whole verse repeated over and over. Finally I said, Ok! you have my attention! When I got back to my room, God said "Seek". So I said, "Seek what?" Then He said, "Seek Me." Realizing where this was going, I said, "I know I haven't been doing this. I keep trying to do it, but I always get caught up in other things. How do I stay on track?" Then God said, "Ask." Confused, I said, "Ask what?" Then He made me realize that I should ask Him for help and strength. So I did. He then brought to my attention that He was speaking to me through the Bible (His Word), and that if I would keep reading the Bible, He would continue to speak to me through it and by reading the Bible, I'd be seeking Him. After realizing this, I then knew that God wanted me to seek Him through the Bible. After all that, I felt filled with the Holy Spirit. It was the most amazing experience I've ever had. I mean, THE one and only God, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Creator of the Universe was talking to ME! I sat in my bed for half an hour praising Him and thanking Him that He would take the time to speak to me specifically and clearly that even I couldn't miss the message. It was as plain as a normal conversation. After I got up this morning, I told my mom what happened to me and then I came down here to write this out, and there, sitting next to the computer was one of those little "Daily Bread" cards that has a verse on each side...I picked it up and guess what verse it was...Matthew 7:8! Ask, Seek, Knock! I figured this was my reminder to take heed and do what He told me to do. I don't know why the card was there, the holder for the cards is in the kitchen and we don't really even use them anymore. God is so awesome. Well, anyways, I just wanted to share all that with you. I know writing it out now, it wasn't half as good as the actual conversation. It was really totally amazing!
Another time during this year, (1999), I was having trouble sleeping and I was kind of doubting God's love for me. I just kept talking to Him and saying, "God, what if I'm really messing up and missing the whole point and doing everything wrong, and you really don't love me...". I didn't know what to think, but I finally got tired of arguing with myself and just as I was almost asleep, I could feel and hear God whisper to my heart! He said, "Let me tell your heart, I love you very much." I couldn't stop crying. I can never have an excuse to doubt God's love for me now, because He told me Himself!Home 
