Well My Doctor
Is pissed off because when they took my exrays
I hate that Mariah Carey is going to be in a movie
I hate that worse than Spy Kids
The bone between your ankle and you heel is fractured
Buy enough zit formula and Youngstown might come to rock your school
It's one of the sickest things I've ever scene
Look at these guys, they're just like "WHOA"
"We're gay but we're hard"
Can I use your phone, that's disgusting
You think making love to Mariah Carey is disgusting
Yes, I do
Is she pretty and would I fuck her are two completely different questions
It looked like you had a boner
You're always thinking about boners
Yes, boners are my favorite things (dicey skat?)
-Becky and Dave and Dusty too (Hey Let's Get Married)
Poo-Didley
Poo-Didley was the most popular kid on his block
Dare I say it, even more popular than Dr. Thomas Ewig
But Poo-Didley wasn't without problems
His Girlfriend, Frog The Heart-Warming Story, had cancer
Soon she would be dead, and that would make Poo-Didley cry
But Dr. Thomas Ewig had an answer to all this
"Give her this fruit of Would-You-Like-That and it will be just like it was before"
"Just like it was before?" thought Poo-Didley, "Well, gee, that's just what I want!"
So Poo-Didley gave Frog The Heart-Warming Story the fruit of Would-You-Like-That
But Frog The Heart-Warming Story didn't like the fruit of Would-You-Like-That
Frog The Heart-Warming Story thought it tasted a bit randy, not unlike caca
So Poo-Didley cried and cried and said, "You're going to die of cancer if you don't eat the fruit of Would-You-Like-That!"
"What?" said Frog The Heart-Warming Story, "Oh, lawdy, not cancer, can production services!"
"Huh?"
"I'm getting a new job!"
"Oh lawdy my face be blue"
And without shame, Dr. Thomas Ewig cackled, louder than the loudest of elephants
And Poo-Didley smiled and said, "Whatever dude"
"On Ye Heads of dice and sanctuary, I declare myself the largest peen peen in the whole galaxy! MWAHAHAHA"
"You stinky poo keyboard, don't make me pimp you"
"Don't you dare most popular one"
"that's it!"
And Dr. Thomas Ewig was then pimped out to Frog The Heart-Warming Story
But Poo-Didley was sad because he yearned for a monogamous relationship
That goddamn whore, I'm glad she has cancer!
-Chief Blue Dangly Testes ("In your mouth shall my dangly testes live!" Pg.56)
Shoe
We lize in dee shue
No 1 can no
Shh! Don't tell Gloria!
She know. . She keel us
She take gun and shoot my motherfucking sisters
She vacuum here.
Gloria is such a bitch.
But I would fuck her
I think her pussy smells bad
I roll dice though
STD or not, I'm fucking fat
Arther Smith (Decoding the Hieroglyphics)
Say No To Garth*
The kids were on drugs
but there was a more dangerous villain
garth abuse was turning our streets into a shit house
so me and the boys
from the shooting range
started our own program
GARE - Garth Abuse Resistence Education
If you respect your body
If you respect your mind
Just say no to Garth
But before I tell you the alternative, back to the shit house
walls were no longer walls
they were shit walls
people no longer spoke
they shat
you walked down the street, but you weren't walking
you were a piece of shit in a toilet being flushed by an 8 year old girl who was so fucking annoying nobody spoke to her, not even her imaginary friends.
if we say no to garth we can go back to a city where kids play dice on the streets, hop scotch jump rope
NOT whoring yourself to Asian tourists for a hit of Garth
NOT opening your asshole to large Asian tourists for a hit of Garth
NOT eating shit and piss and snot of Asian tourists for a hit of Garth.
Or even if you were just settling for some Dana, it would just become Garth, or some shitty movie.
-Officer Pillbotum (GARE Pamphlet found wedged under toilet at elementary school)
Jeff Gardner isn't in Rush*
What's that you say
about my freind Jeff?
Oh yeah, well fuck you then
You don't know who you're talking to
you don't know my powers
I take those dice of yours and show you who's really king
you'll see one day when I return
You'll know who's been putting those beans in your garage
those beans aren't for cooking, you know
they're for the end of your oppression
don't make me cry
or you will die
I'll say to the next guy
who wants my beans
..
for a cold slap in the face
..
..
with seven sick dice
Mick Scaegger (haulo-o-cost bunbag)
gigshnicken fin*
Why did Shaq have to leave Fu shickens
It left me with no one to love
no one who cares for me
now who can I trust?
is it you?
No, I don't think so
you're the last one who would roll my dice in this time of need
You're a pillow of reassurance
but you
are no
Shaq
Horrace Andermanstangan (from A Collection of NBA Dreams for Kids)
Totally not cool*
Why do they say that I'm totally not cool?
I drink my milk
I walk my branches of life
but my branches don't grow twigs
they grow evil fingers
Say it loud
that there is no Christ
There is only dice
But the dice cannot be crucified
But your rabbit can, Jeff
just watch your back
Gary Analis (diaries of ultimate seriousness)
When I Take Shit
When I Take Shit I sit and think
'Can anybody hear the shit drop into the water?'
I pee pee. It splashes.
It hides the sound of my poop dropping into the water
and also the sound of my farts
I try to let the farts out slowly so as not to offend
I look down and I just take a square shit!
It has corn in it and looks like its a dice or some shit
I smell shit. But it's horrible.
I keep wiping my but. Then I'm taking a big shit.
Oh no! Someone's right outside!
I take toilet paper and put it against my butthole
Let the shit come out slowly onto the paper ... I hold it there
I am a careful fatherly person
It splashes oh so quietly ... like snake it coils down
oh no! POOP! half of it drops anyway!!
Biggest sound! SO EMBARASSING!
Did people hear?
They so quiet! OH NO!
I fart squirted that last piece out ... NOO!
I take hands and spread butt cheeks ... opening asshole
This way air comes out easily ... doesn't make fart sound
Wipe ass and get on with it ... don't look people in the eyes
Run away, I hope I don't bump into them
I hope they didn't recognize me
Thomas Bradley (People and their Opinions)
Black Tape For A Blue Girl
Incinerating Blades...
Burning on my forehead
Trying to distinguish
Which one would go with red
Blood red dice roll straight into your forehead
And they feed you on some corn bread
Eat up all your corn bread
All your corn bread is FALLING APART!
FALLING APART!
These crumbs they are your corn bread
You can't roll them like dice
When you try to roll the crumbs...
...they just stick to the table
So sit at the table
Depressed at the table and CRY
Next time maybe you won't take things for granted
Sen Sam (Technically Support)
Bill Cosby
Bill Cosby has a large nose
I bet he could fit a lot of dice in there
Eric...fuck you...your jokes suck my meaty hose
in your mouth?
yep
lick dat hair
in his face!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
-Ullyses Gontsa (From Martha, With Love: a collection of my supper time fables)
Nine Inch Pain (CENSORED)
Hey Trent, I know how you feel.
I don't want to mess with dice either.
-Grant Blexi B. (Snork)
Freddy
Will Smith is on your next album.
I bet.
LIMP BIZKIT DICE.
Brad Durst (Fame Battle of Normandy)
Come hither
What is that I hear,
upon the crashing mirror?
A pair of dice do linger
There--away from vice and happenstance
Do you hear?
At the very tip of my finger
Just there--if you stare and do not blink
and think and think and think and think
The greatest general of all
will bow to you
with umbrage; aristocratic air
come rummage, if you will, in my indefatiguable memory
my crystal clear effrontery
and talk to me
R.D. Guettionard (Casa Domesticada)