Here are my thoughts of the day/week/month/season of love/year:

More SNF!!!

LIGN=Center> 15 November 2000 hey everyone! it is me again. this journal update is specially devoted to JUAN!!!! he thinks i was pushing him away from coming to visit me and nyc this weekend, but honey, i was only trying to make things easier for the both of us. nat had people coming (Good Lord, help me!), c and k are coming, and ciara can only handle so many people, and i have to open my wonderful starbucks, too, at 5am. anyway, juan is the best in the whole world, after my Andy, of course!, and i wasn't pushing you away, juwon, i just did not like the tentativeness of plans...people know i am a perfectionist when it comes to organization and scheduling...(being that i pad my schedule a half hour, but shhhh!!! keep that quiet!) so, i hope this was worthy enough of being posted...andy's mom is coming tomorrow and i can't wait to see her, and i miss her a lot!!! sorry for being a bitch to a lot of people lately, but with the roommate situation, registration headaches, and stupid group project in IR class, and my monthly visitor coming soon, i was seriously stressed. but things are better now, and i have a clothesline in the middle of the room so i can still have the privacy i had for a while before...so, this is a major shout out to juan, my latino king (as john leguizamo says all the time!), andy pandabear, and my wonderful girl, lucy...and the wonderful people in ellicott who take care of my andy when i am not there...and you guys take care of me when i have my moments of desperation and anxiousness...i cant wait to be home for thanksgiving...sean, we are totally going to drag-race (not drag queen) down the Avenue in good ole' white marsh, right?! LOL! for real now, this is a good night to ANDY, Juan, and Lucy!!!! Miss you lots! NYC is calling all of you to come see me soon!!!! again, and lastly, i love you honeybear..para siempre... link: it is for my bible study group here at marymount. im so proud of it...i hope that you are too

13 October 2000

Hey everyone, it seems like an eternity since I updated last. i am having problems updating my pictures (i have a scanner now), so that will be a constant project in the wonderful world of ciara's website. Anyway, that is because i have been busy getting ready for school and NYC. Yes, for those of you wo do not know, I am in NYC at Marymount Manhattan College, and I like to refer to myself as the Princess of the Social Science Dept. here. I love NYC, but I love Andy and my mom more, so i may be coming home to umcp next year. im nto telling my parents that im switching my major (just like felicity, huh?) to dance if i come to umcp. i can always do a citation in spanish lit, or french or italian, you know? i can only be a dancer for ten years, it doesnt matter how old i am if i am into int'l studies. and i really dont know what i want to do anymore, but i know i wantto help those less fortunate. andy says that i should be a dance teacher...woudln't be fun if i had a dance school and taught it in spanish!?!?!? Being alone up here without anyone else from your high school tends to get rather lonely, but im totally handling it for now. work is fine, but things are very different up here, drinks are made differently, and people are ruder...they drink more soy milk and want a lot of foam. i am going to get another goldfish, but i think ill have to name is andy two, like audrey two, in little shop of horrors, for all of those theatre people out there. i miss seafood and crabs...everything has been wonderful and i have lost about 15 pounds since i have been here, because i dont have any money and i cant afford to eat...so send me some money people!!!! i love brooklyn and people think im ghetto b/c i live in brooklyn, but if you live in brooklyn, you get so much respect...its not as ghetto as you think...i like ugly new york shoes. i have two pair, but im saving to get a pair of boots and vinyl pants...i love you guys a lot and keep in touch...i love visitors, and my apartment is huge, so come up and visit me...ill take you out to some fun places...email me! here is the much desired shout out to sean, who would liek to be referred to as "asshole boy," like canteen boy on snl. also, i want to say hi to courtney, liz, mandy, ken, and janek (my euro boy!) at UMCP. lastly, i love you honeybear..para siempre... link: my new favorite movie, you can guess why

17 July 2000

hey everyone...time for an update. andy went to a family reunion this weekend, so i have had a lot of fun without him....no i didnt, but i did go to nyc saturday. my dad and i went up on the bus and we saw fosse. it was soo good. brad anderson was soooooo hot. the way those guys wear those pants are uhhhhhhhh. of course, as soon as i am good enough for bway, fosse, just like cats, will have closed. that sucks. college sucks already and im not there yet. love makes you do a lot of things, and i dont want to be held back, but it feels right with him. so i think of it as if im not holding myself back, but having reservations. there is not doubt i will have fun, b/c helllooooo, im in nyc. monday nights will be my only lonely nights actually, b/c theatres are dark that day/night. no guarantee to the future though. second point of the night, (it's now 7-18-00), californication sucks. yes, it does....so many people have been hurt by that cd. think of it as the symbol of "a soul weeping in the milk of depression over bad decisions." that sounds sooo real world hawaii. my friend is having a hard time dealing with a guy problem. my reflection, as i said i would write for her, is that bad things happen to good people. God and uncontrollable fate makes us do things to teach us a lesson. we do not know what that lesson is until we say to ourselves, "so that was the point." im sure everyone has experienced that one time or another. maybe the lesson is good, or maybe it is bad, but we learned that lesson by moving on. situations, like relationships, may seem soo meaningful when we are actually in them, but its hard to determine if you are in love, or in love with being in love. my advice is to put your energy where it will truly be appreciated and valued for all that it is worth. third point of the night, to my special shining star, i will miss you lots, when you are in honduras. you mean so much to me, and i only say things and request attention b/c i need to have constant confirmation b/c ive been hurt so many times before. it is different with you, and i like that. i love you. i'm out for now....night night. link: FIDONYC, how to adopt dogs and cats in the city

1 June 2000

sorry for not updating, but so much has happened these past few months and i would like to reflect on what is going on now. convention was fun. andy and i went to our promS together, on the same night. went to andy's graduation (yay for my smart boy!) i finished my term as bcsc president and i miss it like anything! it was such a great run of 6 years and i will not soon forget it. ib has thankfully ended!!!!!!! no more exams. i have a life again. ive graduated from high school and decided on marymount manhattan college in nyc. i joke around about how i am going to be going to NYC and not classes, but don't tell my parents that! LOL. They know how intoxicating it is, and plenty of my friends are genuinely worried about me going to nyc, but don't fret b/c i will go to classes...especially intro to algebra!!!!!!! lol. you can come and visit me, too. BJ has already requested every other weekend to stay in my apartment. LOL! i placed right out of english class, but my math grade was low so im in a remedial math course....that is what i get for being so bad at math i guess. whatever. anyway, andy and i are great as always. we spent a lot of time together and we went to hfs this past sunday and yesterday we went to nyc. i think that he has gotten caught up in the intoxication that is nyc also, but that is fine with me. i really didnt want to go to nyc, when they lost my papers at registration, but andy made me realize how much i loved it, and central park was such a pleasant experience with him. its such a nice balance with the concrete and noise. you can hardly hear the cars or subway, when you lay in the sheep meadow. we saw people at the stage door at beauty and the beast, and he saw me get the look in my eyes like i wanted to be them, and he said, "dont worry, you'll be one of them next year." so, now i am glad to be going to nyc. i needed a push from my friends, and not my family, b/c they have been rooting me on all along, so thank you to andy for giving me that. anyway, ill miss everyone lots when i go away. im trying to work at starbucks in the mall, so ill let everyone know what is going on when i know myself. email me to let me know what's going on too. don't forget to watch the tony awards sunday night. sat night fever was not nominated for anything, but JCS was nominated for best revival, so have fun watching the musical numbers. i turn 18 in 12 days! andy is taking me to brtiney spears! (yes, we have a strange fascination with her.) ill be legal soon! link: how the tony awards are created

12 March 2000

another update guys. a big thank you to juan for giving me feedback with my oral...dont forget to send me those pics when you get back to your dorm tomorrow night, ok? ay papi. i cut off six inches of my hair, and it is sort of shorter, i can notice a difference, but no one else does really...a big deal i think. but: i havent had a lot of homework lately, but ive had a lot to do for convention, which is only a mere 16 days away. any donations out there? email me to help me help you! i HAD to go to brekafast this morning b/c I couldn't stay home alone...argh...ridiculous!(or ricoculous, right HB?) it would be great to go to new york next sunday, huh? my dad and i might go, im thinking about rushing for sat night fever (can't get enough of richard blake...owowow!) or annie get your gun. but OMG, jesus christ superstar looks soooooo freaking great! they had some pics up on playbill.com this weekend, of tony vincent and the cast...too bad they took over ragtime's stage, but im so excited for JCS! Bobby: tell me what's going on with your show down there, ok? we have to talk really soon. anywho, i think im doing an internship for an embassy in DC this summer, i just have to figure out which one. hopefully spain or brazil or costa rica. (of course, a nice trip to europe would suffice!) dance is going great. for the dance concert in june, im doing "steam heat" from Fosse, "crazy" by Britney Spears, and my solo is "I Gotcha" from Fosse...i love my solo so much!!!! it's really cool to watch, and I like the lyrics too! anyway, if anyone has any connections at any of my DC or NYC colleges, email me please, ok? Thanks baby! BJ: I'm going to see Joseph... real soon!!! I have some good things for you, so email me ad tell me when you want me to come, ok? lastly, i wrote a poem for english, and i like it a lot..i hate when i go on tangents with either Broadway or my International Interests (not Antonio Banderas or Menudo, thank you very much), i need to stick with something, so help would be appreciated with that also.

here is my poem: Looking out from the stage, My mind wandered to dramatic bliss; Trying to portray the character on the page. Auditions bring out selfish rage, And the sweet smog-free air I miss; Looking out from the stage. I got the part and I'm ready to engage, As I gently give a warm-up hiss; Trying to portray the character on the page. The others are trapped in a silent age, But I emerge and the feet of the theatre gods I kiss; Looking out from the stage. The curtain rises to display the audience's cage, The lights flicker and I'm used to this; Trying to portray the character on the page. Of course the director is very sage, Hearing the applause gives me happiness. Looking out from the stage. Trying to portray the character on the page.

bye bye guys! Te amo HB. i hope everything is well for all of you who are reading this. ...link: JCS Pics

5 March 2000

these past few weeks have had an interesting turn of events. i am gearing up to convention, and i have been home a total of like 5 hours a day this week. it sucks. i am sleep deprived and im cranky. i am so busy, but as long as i keep going, ill be ok. dr. grasmick came to schol last week, so i made some important college and career connections. and i hope they work out. yay AU! jamie is gearing up for his smob elections, so i wish him good luck with that. mom and i went prom dress shopping yesterday, so i have my prom dress. even though it isnt my bloomingdale's one i wanted, its a close match! we got it at nordstroms, like my past four ;-) anyway, its a lonely sunday afternoon and i finished all of my hw, but i have student council things to do. i miss the lists so much! im sorry imnot there guys, i wish i had more time to talk to the Trey chicas and my bennytour listers (bobby!!!) the april 2000 rentheads united got cancelled, so that's bad news for us bobby! ;-) ive been at the dance studio twice a week for about three hours each, so that has been keeping me in shape. oh, and for those of you who dont know, ive given up red meat since the new year, and ive lost about 8-10 pounds. i really like chicken now! mom and dad and i went out for seafood last night, so i had crab dip and picked at a few crabs. it was good. i wish you could have gone too, andy. i also had a caramel apple cheesecake...it was soooo good too. i was thinking of andy when i was eating it. (b/c he likes cheesecake). i didnt see andy this weekend, so im a little sad, i miss you h.b. ;-) i found a few good quotes that i wanted to share...i didnt want to email them b/c people dont read those dumb quote emails, but here they are: "You've gotta Be original because if you're like someone else, what do they need you for?" (by: Bernadette Peters) "Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows." (by: Dixon on bennytour.com) "Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, and Dance like nobody's watching..." (by: Marita Marinello) i hope everything is well for all of you who are reading this. ...link: An old article...

21 February 2000

wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome a ciaraland. isn't this a fun place to be. anyway, i had a great valetines day...im in such a great position right now with DAS and everything. he means so much to me, and we are real honest and truthful, so that's good. the only bad thing, its sort of not bad though, is that we laugh all the time...and sometimes we laugh so much that my sides hurt, or my eyes water...LOL. anyway, im starting to think about college a lot, and everything. i already got two acceptances and one waitlist, but if i get American U, or Eugene Lang, I'll go to either one. so i guess you could say that they are my top two right now. i just need to decide between NYC or DC. mmmm, Felicity went to NYC. i dont know, ill know by april 1, that is my goal to make a decision by april 1. i should know on that date where ive been accepted. im getting really depressed, b/c when i think of college, i think of being independent and in the real world, not mtv, i watch tv and people look so happy and everything to be using the subway and everything, i just need a ticket to ride...please someone get me to NYC. i need it real bad... NYC is almost orgasmic to me...i want to work as a bway publicist and see the shows and be famous, but i know that will happen when im like 30, and i hate planning, but hello...career goals...i dont want to be a starving artist. i have a complex to me: whenever i am in a NYC situation, that is where i want to be, like if im listening to rent or on teh subway in nyc, but if im in a state house or office for government, i want to be in dc. i never thought i would have to make a decision like tht so soon. people tell me that i can move to nyc when im older. but the thing is, no one wants you in nyc when you are like old or something. that issuch a clich?, but its true. maybe i am just being liek this b/c my dad and i missed our monthly trip to nyc in january, but maybe ill get my sickeness of when i go this month...maybe andy can finally see rent in nyc, what do you think? (feathery, high and alphabet...) anyway, i better get back to hw and stuff, or i will end up at ECC. god help me. by the way, since the new year resolution to cut back on food and no red meat, i've lost ten pounds....im so proud of myself...ill be a better performer now!!! sad news= CATS is closing..ill never be in that i guess...link: Site For RENT

9 February 2000

Hey Well well well, what have we here. ive been listening to rent again non stop. i observed the dissection of rabbits in my bio class for the past week. bio is 8 in the freakin' morning. too early to smell those things. my eyes get red and watery and sting like a mofo. we had leg session thsi weekend, and a bunch of us went out afterwards, and that was too fun. right? "oh my god, remember when..." it was soo funny. scream three was not as scary as i expected, but then again i fell asleep watching the other two. but andy kept me awake. every two seconds i was covering my eyes though. im going to do a spoiler, so dont read this if you have not seen the movie yet.....................ok here you go. i was about to cry at the end b/c roman was the killer. i cant believe that im not going to watch felicity teh same way again.............UNFREEZE. other that that, the weekend was great. jackjon is helping me with all of the tedious convention stuff, so a big thank you to him. thanks jack jon...it's never too late to call...LOL. anyway, i miss andy a lot tonight. i hope his smob panel went well today. i had a fantabulous report to the board last night. if anyone wants to read it, you can email me to get it and ill send it. it was really good, especially for writing it an hour before i needed it. i finished all my hw, i hope my rentlisters havent missed me much, b/c i miss you guys a lot. sorry that i havent been posting, but its really jacked up with things. so, i think all is well, we need celebs for convention to call bingo...know any? email me...how about you bobby? up and comer in bway. kidding. i hope this link helps people with things that have been too personal to discuss. be careful of POS though. link: SXTEC.com

3 February 2000

Hey everyone!!! Tonight is my first rehearsel for FAME...yet another show to keep me busy...thank you to johnny o who called me while i was sleeping this morning!! you woke me up!! did you find the diner ok? i hope you did...i have been hooked on 102.7 for the past month or so..real strange. I have talked to a lot of old friends lately, like Eddie...who knows like almost everyone I did/do shows with...Eat them with a spoon, yum!! a big weekend this friday and saturday: fun at long reach high school...and we're seeing scream 3 on saturday, by the way, why did my spanish teacher buy the DVD of Blair Witch and show us parts of it today dubbed in spanish....so not cool!!! anyway, i have no idea why i am doing this when i should have started my TOK readings. i have not seen a scary movie since august b/c of blair witch...i hope i dont have to sleep with the lights on for another month!!! so i guess that is it for today. or for now...my little disco ducks...thsi link is extremely interesting, i would never think of RENT as a phase one would go through, but this is what im feeling about Trey...but you got to love Trey!!!, right? link: Why I am over RENT...

30 January 2000

I'm in a funky mood! I still have some bio and english hw to do, but im not doing it until tomorrow. tomorrow is also clean up my room day. i have to get everything nice..anyway, ig to my first acceptance to college of new rochelle, but im not responding until i get something back from pace or american..where are my big cities? can i get a what what?!?!?! O is the man. he helps out with so many things, and he's soo fun!! thanks for doing middle school at the last minute. Mr. yellow ...but i'm RED, dominant, demanding...i know i am killa! as for andy, thank you to him for being a great companion. i miss him a lot, but when i think about him, i melt. we had a great weekend..lots of fun at barnes and noble, the avenue, and other such locales...Barrie and i went out saturday after Middle School Conference. that was fun at barnes and noble, too, huh? nice discount!!! lol. anyway, im going to bed now. there isn't any school tomorrow because of ice and sleet and more ice. my dog slipped going peeps and poops...so she is still nervously shaking. anyway, im going to watch RENT-San Fransisco Closing. I have to make a copy for Marc and Beej. I used to like Trey a lot, and obsess over him, but im really reconsidering. i think im pulling a "bye bye birdie" deal. i dont know. oh, and my mom is mad at me for not eating. go figure..i comfortably/loosely fit into a size 6 now..unfreakingbelievable. but i'm still trying to get my weight down for prom. Feegage for all you italian speaking people out there. link: Fever

25 January 2000

We have off of school today!!!! This is such a great rest. With midnight phone calls, and research papers due, this was the first day that I got more than 5 hours sleep!!! It felt so good too. All warm and toasty in my bed, with my blankets and my fuzzy lamb pillow. Yay! K-dog decided to go sledding...uh oh!!! But, anyway, we had our Leg Lobbying trip last night and it went so well. (besides a few glitches Em and I had, like the three piece suit!!!! ew!) It was a lot of fun, and a few MASC people came. Another thank you to Barrie, Marc, Kev, Bry, and Lisa. I still have some things to mail out (like applications). oops! Anyway, I have to finish a few things, hey Bobby: our snow is about the same height as yours is down there!!! My dad shovelled another maze for the dog...go figure! It's so nice to be off of school. I don t have anyting else to say except for i miss you andy. that's about it. ill talk to you later (cant you tell that im bored) oh, and i put my hair in twisties again today!!! i hope it'll look ok !!!!i still have to shop for hawaiian stuff, but my friend at ACMoore ill give us a discount. thanks steve! UGHHHHHH Im so bored!!!!!!! I feel like eating a four cheese pizza or something like a hawaiian pizza...maybe bertucci's delivers?! link: Fosse

22 January 2000

Well well well! I just got home from SATs and ill be havinbg my meeting soon for my legislative session team. as alwasy, my mom thinks she is susy homemaker and she is making all this food that no one is going to eat. my dad and i tell her that everytime one of my friends come over, but if it makes her happy, je suis gormande. this past week, ive had my spanish exam, french exam, and my english oral. my english oral sucked, but i know i at least got a 8. my french exam kicked ass...i got a 68 out of 70 possible points. so i was happy about that. and i think i know why i studied for these exams. if anyone has noticed (Bobby and Oman, maybe) ive been in such a good mood lately. before, like earlier this year i was soo lonely, but ive found someone. and the poem from the 10 January entry describes the evolution of it. so now i have a boyfriend. his name is Andy, and im soo happy. we are happy. a lot of things contributed to it, but im glad they did. we talk a lot, and that's really good, unlike my past experiences. as he would say, "we are on the same wavelength," and that makes me feel secure. whenever i talk to him, i feel secure, and "emotionally fulfilled." so, we try to go out every weekend, and when we do, we have a great time!!!!all the girls at dance class last night were all like, "he's soo hot ciara," so that made me feel pretty good about the whole thing. but it is so much more than physical attraction, you know? Im taking this day by day though, as much as i like to plan...NO DAY BUT TODAY!!! my friend briana is going to see RENT tomorrow, and im so happy for her!! she's going to see WJH!!!!! ow ow ow! anyway, i better get some stuff together, and load this entry onto my page. BCSC is fine too, for those who want to know. oh, and i got FAME dance captain again!!! ("i wanna dance"-quote from dazed and confused.) here is your mystery link: RENT Mexico

10 January 2000

I wrote a poem for me, but also for a spanish project....and it sums up lots of things right now with lots of people.

Manos

Veo su mano.

Veo mi mano.

Nosotros eramos amigos.

Pero ahora

el me quiere.

A una vez yo solamente quer?a el.

y yo sab?a que lo fue dif?cil.

omo amigos, somos perfectos!

Nosotros decimos "no emoc?on."

Pero, lo todo puede cambiar.

?ejorar? o ?ebilitar?

No s?.

Oj?la que esa cosa trabaje.

A una vez, el quer?a saber cosas del otro hombre.

Ahora, el quiere saber cosas de mi.

Muchas cosas intervienen en los dos vidas

Nosotros tenemos una cosa solamente.

No es amor o emoc?on.

Nadie puede se lo ayudar.

Es atracion. Lo necesitamos.

Until Tommorrow or whenever I update again.... email me at CHOWDER613@aol.com. Hope to talk to you soon!