I was diagnosed with cyclothymia a month ago. I really don't know why I'm writing my story here. Maybe because no one really knows what goes on behind this stony face. Maybe because too many people have suffered in silence not knowing what's happening to them, going through life branded as being "moody".
Having suffered in silence for many years, I finally decided to consult a psychiatrist. When thoughts of suicide finally turned to actual attempts, I knew I had enough. And sitting here, looking through personal accounts, it hit me. This is what has been happening to me.
To anyone reading this, who has a friend or a loved one who suffers from any mood disorders, understand this. They need you. Understand what they're going through, and help them deal with it. I know too well the pain of being alienated. Of having your partner leave you. Of people telling you to "stop using it as an excuse". I know too well the pain I feel inside. A pain so deep, I would not wish it upon my worst enemy, for truly, no one deserves this. A pain I have long tried to numb by alcohol and drugs. A pain which drives me to tears, or to cut myself in an effort to drown it.
I remember before I seeked help, I knew something was wrong with me. I even had names for my mood swings, I called them "The Dark Place" and "The Happy Place". I do not know where this will end. The society I come from frowns on "weakness" and people who seek counselling. So I elect to fight this alone. To those of you who never really understood, and left me alone, I don't blame you. I guess its hard to deal with the sadness in these eyes. I just wish I had someone to help me get through this.
Once again, I make this plea to all of you. It's not an act to gain attention. The pain is as real as that cut on the wrist. Do not ridicule, and worse still, do not abandon. Thank you for your time.