Shunned but NOT SILENT !

I guess I was a lucky one. Lucky that I wasn't beaten or molested. Lucky that I was loved. But as I read the stories of others who have "Escaped the Watchtower", I see words that fit my experience used over and over.

In 1969, when I was 5 years old my Great-Grandmother began studying with the JW's. Not wanting her family to perish in 1975 when the "old system of things" was wiped out, (The JW's believed that Armageddon (end of the wicked world) would come in 1975) she did as she thought she should and called her family to join her.

My Grandmother and Mother were the first to join her since the men of the family were working while the studies were happening. It didn't take long for my Grandfather and Father to join in as well. How could they not ? No one wants to die when they can live forever right ?

At 5 years old all I wanted to do was please my parents and since they were all new and eager in the JW's that was one way of pleasing them. I refused to participate in the flag salute and holiday celebrations at school, studied my watchtower (Magazine published by the JW's) and was the first in line to speak at the Kingdom Hall and head out door to door. Cute little kid in a suit, preaching the organizational line and sounding more like an adult than a kid.

I think, looking back, that is what I missed. I missed being a "kid". Being a JW kid was all business. It was study, study, study...or DIE at Armageddon. It was meetings and field service...or DIE at Armageddon. It was participate, give talks, take on responsibility...or DIE at Armageddon. It was all so very serious.

As time passed my Grandfather became a Ministerial Servant (sort of an assistant minister) and my Father an Elder (The leaders of the local congregations). I was given more and more responsibility, even at a very young age, and was being groomed for bigger things. I was baptised at 12 or 13 (hard to remember all these years later) and was used to study with the kids my age. I was used as an example and given still more responsibility.

During my bible studies some of the kids would ask questions and there my problems began. I thought, stupidly, that I had a responsibility to answer their questions and began to try to research the answers. The problem that I found though was that the scriptural answer didn't always match the organizational answer. How could this be ? I was told that I should not read the scriptures too much, they were beyond my understanding, I was treading on very dangerous ground and should trust the Governing Body and rely on Watchtower Bible and Tract Society (The corporate name of the JW's) publications for the correct interpretation.

The situation snowballed from there...one contradictory answer led to another and another and another. I started to see things going on that I had somehow clouded over. Elders making shady business deals, wrongdoing that was overlooked or given such mild punishment that it was a joke. Backbiting, gossip, lying...how was this the "truth". (JW's call their religion "The Truth" as they believe it is the one true religion) Doubt led to more doubt and a slow realization that I had been deceived along with my whole family and then it hit me.

I would be alone.

I had no other family...It had been 14 years since I had associated with any family that were not in the JW's.

I had very few friends outside the JW's, a few school classmates but those were pretty closely watched. (JW's are told not to assiciate with those outside the organization)

Alone, what a terrible feeling. I knew that I either led a double, hypocritical life or I lost everything. From a leader, respected by my peers and elders alike to an outcast without even my family for support. So I tried to keep up appearances for a time.

Slowly I tried to fade away but having been SOOO visable and involved it was difficult and raised suspicion. I would disappear and they would find me, always trying to get me back in. As time passed my Grandmother died of Cancer and my Grandfather was told they could not be together in the "New System" (JW's believe that once the wicked people are destroyed at Armageddon, then they will live forever on an earth that God will change into a paradise for them.) and he became bitter and inactive.

In the end I met a wonderful woman (non JW) and knew that I needed to take responsibility for my actions and my faith. I have never doubted God or my faith in Him but the twisted words of an organization had left their mark. I wrote my letter of Disassociation stating formally that I was leaving the faith. (Sadly I didn't even keep a copy of it for myself.)

When a Baptised JW is accused of a "Serious Wrongdoing" a Judicial committee made up of Church Elders is convened. If the wrongdoer is found to be guilty and is unrepentant they are Disfellowshipped or shunned by the church. The Elders stand before the congregation and publically announce that the member is Disfellowshipped and that the congregation is to "quit mixing in company with them". From that point on the members of the congregation (including any family that does not live in the same house with the shunned person) can not associate with, talk to or even acknowledge that person.

Disassociation is different from disfellowshipping in that a member may write a letter to the elders stating that they no longer wish to be considered a member of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Disassociation has nothing to do with wrongdoing and is more likely based on doctrinal differences. Some members, baptised or not, may also chose to simply "fade away" and become inactive without writing a formal letter that makes it official.

Now here is the catch...according to the OFFICIAL JW WEBSITE,when asked if they shun former members they write: "Those who simply leave the faith are not shunned". They further state Here that: "...in a recent court case involving a woman who was raised by parents who were Jehovah's Witnesses. Her parents had been disfellowshipped. She was not, but she voluntarily disassociated herself by writing a letter withdrawing from the congregation. Accordingly, the congregation was simply informed that she was no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses."

This clearly established that a Letter of Disassociation is simply a notification that you are "leaving the faith." The catch is that, while they SAY that they do not shun for simply leaving the faith, the FACTS are that if you are Disfellowshipped OR Disassociate yourself YOU WILL BE SHUNNED !

Here are the FACTS (continuation of 2nd link above)..."Occasionally, though, a person deviates from the path of truth. For example, despite help from Christian elders, he may unrepentantly violate God's laws. Or he may reject the faith by teaching false doctrine or by disassociating himself from the congregation. Then what should be done?"

...And The Official Answer: "When a man in Corinth was unrepentantly immoral, Paul told the congregation: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man." (1 Corinthians 5:11-13) The same was to occur with apostates, such as Hymenaeus: "As for a man that promotes a sect, reject him after a first and a second admonition; knowing that such a man has been turned out of the way and is sinning." (Titus 3:10, 11; 1 Timothy 1:19, 20) Such shunning would be appropriate, too, for anyone who rejects the congregation: "They went out from us, but they were not of our sort; for if they had been of our sort, they would have remained with us. But they went out that it might be shown up that not all are of our sort."—1 John 2:18, 19."

I was NEVER accused of wrongdoing, in fact as you will see I was encouraged to stay in the church. I simply left the faith and yet I am Shunned...contrary to their own policy or at least the policy of the moment. An example of "Do what WE say and not what WE tell people we do publically." **End of Rant**

It didn't take long for the phone to ring, the elders wanted to talk. Two men that I had known for years were telling me to take back the letter. "But", I told them, "I don't believe in the organization anymore." Their reply simply verified that I was doing the right thing. They told me to take my letter back anyway, even if I didn't believe JW teachings because it would be easier on my family. So I should NOT read scripture, should blindly follow the Governing Body (The self appointed group that set the spiritual direction for the JW's) and live a double life filled with lies...because it was easier.

I threw them out of my house or to be more acurate my girlfriend did. A few days later there were tearfull goodbyes with my parents and other jw family members before the big announcement was made at the Kingdom Hall (What they call their church buildings). My father was removed as an Elder and he and my mother began to have less and less contact with the JW's. My mothers health failed and the Kingdom Hall set up a phone line to allow them to listen in on the meetings.

A while later my Grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and my girlfriend and I were planning our wedding. We sent an invitation to my family and they declined only to surprise us a few months later with a phone call. There had been "NEW LIGHT" (When the Governing Body makes a policy or belief change the JW's are told that there is "New Light" from God, who, they are told speaks through the Governing Body) and they could communicate with me now as long as we stayed away from "spiritual issues", like I wanted to talk about that anyway.

They attended our wedding but sat in the back of the church and for 12 years they shared in my life and in the lives of my wife and young son. And then it happened again....

There was yet another flash of "NEW LIGHT" in the August 2002 Kingdom Ministry (KM) and they were once again told that they could not associate with me. How do I explain this to my wife and child. My parents are no longer "Rabid JW's"...they only attend meetings via phone, do not go door to door or attend assemblies...and yet they still are held by the power of the JW's and have again shunned me.

The first time I sort of understood, it hurt but I knew how strongly they believed. This time I was just angry. My mother told me in our last conversation that if they changed their position now they would lose everything....EVERYTHING ? A few meetings a week over the phone ? A visit a few times a year when the field service teams (The groups of JW's who go Door to Door) need a place to go to the bathroom ?

To me, family is everything and they just lost a son, a daughter in-law and two grandchildren. How very sad that a few men in Bethel (What they call their Headquarters in NYC) can so totally control the minds of people who need something to believe in. How sad that families are torn apart, abuse is covered up and history is simply re-written when the "light" flashes. Show me where this is scriptural.

Today I am bitter with the JW's but I am free. Free and living happily with my wonderful wife of 15+ years and two young children who are truly a blessing. We have our faith in GOD intact and thanks to lots of research online and friendships on message boards and websites like this I now know...."The Truth".

I recently retired as a Chaplain with the The United States Corps of Chaplains where I held the rank of Colonel and served as the Commander of the NH Brigade, 1ST Division. I am an Ordained Christian Universal Minister.

I continue to hope for the next flash of "New Light" that will release the hold on my family and allow them to call or stop by and say hello. MY door is always open.

I have adopted a new attitude lately. I am free of the organization, Right ? Their rules don't apply to me. The ORG can tell my parents not to contact me but they can't stop me from contacting them. If it makes them uncomfortable, I'm sorry. It makes me uncomfortable that they would chose the org over their son. So now I call, EMail and stop by to say hello and share the latest news about the ORG from the outside world. If they object they can hang up, delete my email or get a restraining order. *LOL* Maybe, just maybe one little flicker of the REAL TRUTH will get through and they will begin to see.

Email Me

Jehovahs-Witness.com - Great Discussion Group.

Shaun's Research on Jehovah's Witnesses - Tons of info !

Jehovahs Witnesses Quotes - Direct Quotes from JW Publications. -- SADLY THE JW"S SUED TO HAVE THIS SITE SHUT DOWN BECAUSE THEY SAID THAT QUOTING FROM THEIR OWN PUBLICATIONS CAUSED THEM EMBARASSMENT !

Freeminds.org - Watchers of the Watchtower World.

A MUST READ SITE !

The OFFICIAL Watchtower Site

The OFFICIAL Public Information Office Site of the Watchtower

***** PLEASE NOTE - Links to OFFICIAL Watchtower sites and their content tend to change mysteriously and without notice.