If you've just had a boy, I think that someone who has been there should alert you to some of the wonderous things lurking in your future.

To begin with, don't be fooled by that sweet face. Behind it lies a mind busily devising ways to pester, infuriate, embarrass, and slowly drive both parents to offering large sums of money to passing gypsises if they would only agree to take them off thier hands.

He just won't be able to help himself. Thos knowlege of what being a boy is all about is inbred. I can only suggest that you learn to become deaf, blind and insensitive to everyone and everything around you, and don't plan on having too many lasting relationships. For some reason, parents of little boys are seldom asked into a home for a second time.

Little boys are notorious collectors. They collect marbels, rocks, baseball and/or hockey cards, small cars, stickers, dead bugs, live bugs, dirty socks, and money.These things are called junk to those of us who must dust around them. They are found or kept in mouths, jeans pockets, under beds, or behind the living room sofa and probably belonged to someone eles yesterday! Little boys like to play for keepsies.

Little boys hate water unless it's being squirted from a water pistal at the neibors cat, dropped in a ballon on the head of an impotant guest, tossed from a pail in a water fight on your sodden lawn, or run under while you are using the sprinkler. The kind used with soap and aimed behind their ears couses an immediate reaction: FLIGHT. Little boys have been know to scrub off an intire summers tan the night before school reopens.

Little boys don't know what "slow down" means. They run everwhere as if being chased, and quit offten they are! Because they don't aim very well, you will be on a first name basis with the following:

1.Your druggist, for pain killers, bandaids, iodine and pressure bandages.

2.Your family doctor, for stiches, heavy bleeding, concusions, broken bones, and sedatives.(the last one is for you)

3.An inexpensive carpenter, who won't ask alot of questions, for holes in the walls, ainting, dented door frames, splintering stairs, broken windows and fences.

4.A good lawyer for law suits, demands for restitution, and fees acurred each time you must move out of the neibourhood.

Little boys are loud. They slam doors, bang toys and table tops, walls, and other family members, and they speak in wispers only when they are suppost to be sleeping. When they are outside they scream like banshees, run like the Indy 500,shriek like a ten alarm fire, and swear like Marines. Inside, they fight with thier sibblings, play "Chipmunk" records loud enough that thier friends three blocks away can sing along, and wake other family members at 6:00 am Saturday morning with Mt.T cartons.

Little boys have a strong aversions to any vegetable beginning with the letter "P" and aren't to keen on on those starting with the rest of the alphabet. In order to get out of eating them, they will do almost anything, including turning on the charm. If this fails, they will try throwing up, filling both cheeks and spitting it in the toilet later, hiding then under the fridge, or sticking them into thier pockets for future laundering.

 (Please note: A wise mother never puts her hands into any pocket she has not first hit with something heavy, one never knows what might be living there!!)

Little boys will climb on anything, thus coining the phrase "HOUSE APES". This can include, tall trees, any roof top, grandma's knee when mom has said "NO" to something, and daddy's back when he least expects it. It is difficult to remove the little fellow from any of these untill he is good and ready. At such times be thankfull for his short attention span.

Little boys like to take things apart and loss pieces, build things with objects they are'nt suppost to touch, bring mom dandelions, and neibours dahilis, hit thier brothers, chase the cat, pop wheelies and wrangel an extra few minutes out of the sitter at bedtime. They don't like little girls, dressing up, rubber boots, except in knee high water, kissing when there's nothing in it for them, clean rooms, wearing jackets, or sitting still.

Do you feel the urge to escape yet? Please don't do anything untill you've heard my last word: The little boy might be a stinker, but he's all yours!!