November 6, 1856

My Dearest Whisper…

There are times when the endless rolling of my ship over the eternal waves drives my memory to thoughts of the last time you loved me. We were in the quaint tavern along the coast of North Boston, as I'm sure its image is etched in your mind as clearly as it is mine. The small room, containing the sparse furnishings of table, two chairs, two whale oil lamps, and that goose down filled 4-poster bed. The smoke and smell of the whale oil lamps found freedom to the outside by the cracked window pains and the light they cast, made the room dance to it's own rhythm.

As you unbuttoned my shirt, tearing it off my willing body, the fire from the lamps shone into your eyes and the desire burned brighter than the hottest nearby flame. Your mouth soon found my bare chest and you sucked in my flesh, as if you were attaching yourself to me, never wanting me to leave your side. My hands stripped you of your worn dress and your smooth elegant body brought art to that sparse room, and filled me with wonder. As we crashed down into the sea of goose down pillows it felt like the unleashing of the sea…softness spilling over us as we ravenously loved each other for the last time.

The rolling of my body over yours in that bed, your body accepting me deep inside you…the shear joy of the union of our bodies clashing with the absolute terror that the impending separation would bring, has filled my days and nights since the day we parted.Now, love, as I am quickly approaching port..the reaching of land..and the attainment of you, my heart soars with anticipation. You have withstood over these long months the attention of tavern men..the desperate loneliness of being in bustling rooms yet wanting only one man who never comes to silence those desires. Know that I am near, my love. Know that my terror of separation is nearly at end. Know that I will once again brand your body and heart as mine..reclaimed for the world to see.

My heart pounds with anticipation. I love you always,

Your Captain…SlideR

November 7, 1856

My Dearest Whisper....

The seas are rough my love..as my course to you becomes fraught with cold sheets of driving rain and swells that dwarf my small, inconsequential ship.

My attention must turn to keeping my life preserved...your life preserved...for while out desires and memories of what could be made of such a union...fade much like the whale oil lamps have done in my cabin this night. The story seas have extinguished them my love..and once again I am covered with a dark shroud of unknown length...waiting until the sun once desires to shine.

While I wait for daylight..even the weakest hint of the mornings glow...know that I hold you firmly..deeply entrenched in my heart..my soul.

Until the storm passes my love..I remain your Captain...

SlideR

November 14, 1856

My Dearest Whisper....

I hope Sebastian's desire to find you happy and eager to see me reflect as deeply as my own desires run. I admit to letting him lay low for too long a time at the end of my bed..gorging himself in peanuts and shelled corn. His penchant for laying on his back...little feet up in the air..kept me in good spirits for a time..but I realized that it was time to send words of my love to you.

Strange how the seas often personify the trial and tribulations that the mind tumbles through. While the sun bakes the ship's massive oaken beams and the weary men alike..the oceans swells pound us relentlessly..day after long day. It is during these times that I reflect on our love...strong like my well crafted ship...built upon an unquestionable foundation with loving craftsmanship and resolve. Yet when the circumstances that make our lives so unique bring turmoil..then and only then is the ship put to its most dire test. Will the doubts flow like the surging waves its hold..ruining the cargo that we have so careful laid within it..will the ship remain on course and its integrity stay intact as the tempest overpowers us and make us realize our frailities. And most telling..will misjudgements create misfortune...drowning the guilty party and the innocent ones alike?

It is on these quiet..yet turbulent days..that I feel the remarkable love you send to me. For I am a mere guider of ships...no more..no less...yet you take me whole..not in parts. You see me as a man who has many masters..yet driven by one sweet love. Your love overcomes the unthinking deeds I sometimes betray you with. Your heart holds mine in a protective shell...keeping me from self doubt and disdain. It is for these strengths that I hold you dear..and love you unabashedly. Forever yours.

Your Captian......SlideR

November 20, 1856

My Dearest Whisper....

Having not written to you in a timely manner I find myself bedeviled by guilt....only slightly tempered by the fact that while my spirits remain well intact..my body has failed me over the past few days.

At first I nearly murdered the galley chief, as it was rumored that he changed the coffee from Imported Dunkin Donuts brand to some fancy Irish flavored concoction. As he headed out onto the plank..hands tied behind his back..a temporary break in the pain running through my noggin helped me see that maybe it wasn't the coffee. Maybe it was the tooth that the ship's so-called doctor removed from me a week ago. As I started towards him in a flurry..I was the one restrained and found myself lashed to the bed. Knowing that this would be the doctor's last chance to make right with me..he plied me with herbal offerings and other such things.

This morning I happily find myself waking with a clearer head...was it the tea?? or was it the effects from a wonderful dream that I envisioned last night, while wracked with fever. I remember only that I felt your presence beside me..watching my every breath...touching my forehead with cool towels to draw the intemperate heat from my body...and lying next to me to keep your memory ever present with me.

I must admit that while in my feverish times...my inability to reach out and touch you..to hear your voice..to dream of playing with you in the Tavern..has made be quite melancholy. I prayed for the repair of the torn fabric of our relationship...as the frayed material separated farther and farther from the norm. And the brightly colored material..the interwoven qualities that made it so strong and wonderous..my fever, nay, the separation, made me see it faded, discolored, sadly and suddenly dispirited.

Ah...but dreams my sweet Whisper, like the one last night, work their magic... and melancholy becomes merely a repressed memory..one to join the many legions of other fanciful delusions left as bare skeletons in my mind. My memory now plays in the happiness of knowing you flooded my mind and heart with strong..powerful images..that are soon to be come a reality.

As my sickness lifts, so do my spirits...my reslove to quickly come to port and take you away from the mundane life you endure and to shower you with love and happiness. To see your face..smiling in the early morning light..dawns' sleepy eyes not yet melted away from your beautiful face...will be the perfect ending to the dream I rejoiced in last night.

Until we can live the dream....know that you are in my heart..you full my soul with desire....and you make life worth living. Until we can live the dream...

I remain your Captain, SlideR

November 29, 1856

My Dearest Whisper....

I awoke this early morning to strangely calm seas and as I sensed the absence of activity above. I ventured up topside and witnessed the most wonderful scene. The sails were down and the dark hued oak beams and planks that make this ship so strong were turned gentle..almost fragile, by the soft whiteness that a layer of snow..frosting like, made its home. The skies were still dark with sleep and the men lay below still in their slumber, but a peacefulness overcame me as I stood isolated within my watery landscape..now partially frozen.

The sails will not appreciate the oncoming winter blasts from the North. The wooden members of the ship will shrink in size from the prolonged cold and water will find ways to join us within. Things change when seasons change. The cold has a way of doing that to men and machine. It shapes our lives and makes us respond to its ferocious enslavement.

As my mind drifts to an uneasy feeling that overcame me just recently concerning you..us..the sudden cold makes me think about how cold, foreboding thoughts, also have a way of chilling the desire between lovers. Cooling the most intense flames that burn from within and turning once raging passion into mere embers..soon to be cold and thrown aside. I know your heart has felt the cold blast that often tries to turn warmth into icy distrust. The winds of a season's change, like the onslaught of deceitful jealousy, wreck havoc on the fragile relationships between men and women. It takes a thoughtful mind and a strong heart to weather such intrusions...to bear the chilling onslaught that stays around until it either is tamed or extracts its degrading purpose.

Your words..the ones that I heard in my many dreams last night...made me know that you are strong..that we are strong...that trust and love live together in your heart, inseparable from these treacherous influences. My still ship..it's white shroud..find my heart peaceful and needing to rekindle our love and faith in each other.

I know the heart's temptation to ride the wave of mistrust...to bathe in it until it overpowers even the strongest resolve. And my dearest Whisper, you have stood above the desperate ramblings that washed over you. I know they pressed hard against your body and heart...making you lose balance momentarily, but your heart overcame the pressure to sucumb..and I love and respect you for that.

You are my heart and soul..you are my reason for happiness and contentment. I will not mistreat myself by failing you Whisper...and I have not. You know that and it makes us stronger.

Suddenly my senses bring a new reality to me...as I sense a new fragrance, as I stand alone on this lonely ship. It carries with it a musky essence. I remember it from the last time I was heading for port. My heart begins to race as my memories flood my being..could it be the scent of a rising world out on the horizon somewhere? Could you be closer than I ever imagined when my head touched my pillow last night? The thought of you being in my arms is almost too much to bear. I need to know for sure..as this high could be shattered if it is only a dreamy wish. But still...I am closer to you with every passing day, my love. I hear you calling me.

I will send this off to you with Sebastian. He will tell you of my love..my need for you. I am close my love. And a man is never closer to his woman than when storms are weathered together, as you have shown me this day. I love you dear Whisper.

Your Captain.....SlideR

December 6, 1856

My Dearest Whisper....

Imagine the pounding of my heart when, in the middle of my slumber, I was tossed out of my tired bed...flung down violently across the floor, and when my senses cleared...I felt as though the world had stopped. Terror turned to bewilderment..then to anguish..as I raced up on deck only to find the rest of the crew stumbling around in shock. My mighty ship..ladden with 40,000 yards of the finests sails man can make..was grounded upon a sandy shoal. The winds tried in vain to push against the straining sails...yet nary an inch did this fine ship move. My progress towards port..towards you had suddenly ended..and the ensuing pain and unthinkable conclusion to my journey swept over me like a renegade ocean wave.

My brain overtook my heart's panic and I concentrated on calming the demons that run through me at times like this. If history proves its worth by allowing insights into past occurances...I looked to the heavens for guidance and to my heart for steadfastness

I knew I had to lighten the load of this mighty ship. The riches that it carried, while necessary for wealth and rewards after port had been made..meant nothing to us assembled on this grounded wooden slab. The oceans are laden with riches that silly men..stubborn men have offered to it because of wrong actions taken..and ill-advised counsel. There are times..as history bears witness..when the simple needs and desires have highest priority. When petty emotions tear the most solid man from his bedrock underpinnings, making him merely a shadow in his own eyes.

Feeling weak and mortal, I divest my ship of its wealth...sending it bobbing onto the watery tides and penetrating the liquid bed that holds us firmly in place. The unburdening of my ship of these weighty objects sets my ship free from its premature grave. Having faced the depths of despair and realizing that love..life is more important than the ritual of the passage..I feel freer than I have ever felt before. My ship..speeds forward to you at racing clip. And now that my heart has shed it's fear of not ever seeing you again...I let my emotions flood over me..knowing that while the grounding was something that had not been planned for...it meant that I was surely closer to port that I had ever imagined. The sand shoals that line the great North Atlantic shoreline often lie within one days sail of the mainland.

Your soft reassuring words from the letters I've received paint a picture of unbridled love waiting for me...trusting me with the care and love of your heart. It is a gift that is priceless...and one that I will return to you when my hand first touches yours..when my lips first press firmly against yours...when our hearts beat as one as you fall into my arms.

I love you Whisper, never doubt that. Your patience and understanding are strengths that have made what we have special. I thank you for that my wench.

December 12, 1856

My Dearest Whisper....

News of your incredible efforts to provide me with a beacon of light..a whisper of hope...where I might find my way to you has made my heart sing. Please let the light that you keep buring so brightly in that lighthouse also reflect within the empty dark spaces that sometimes overcome both your heart and mind. It will keep you warm at night and restful during the day, my love.

I have held some news from you over the past two messages, as I did not want to lead you to false expectations or hollow hopes. But my glad heart cannot bear to withhold what I have to tell you..for fear it will burst. My men, on more than three occasions, have sighted the Trumbull Tern, a bird from the American mainland's. Whisper, my sweet, this means that landfall is within days..not weeks like I had previously thought. This means that the love I have held so securely for you will be free to flow from me to you before the onset of Christmas. This means that your precious body will share its joys with mine...and while our bodies will enchant each other again...our hearts will pump together as one..as if we share the same blood..desires...love.

Please keep the fires burning within your heart ..your body..and on high over the ocean. Your love and strength overwhelms me. I will overwhelm you with mine as port is achieved and I have landed with you in my arms. I will look for the light my love..as surely as I will look for you when my ship finally rests.

I close with me being heartbeats away from you my love...

Always yours, SlideR

December 18, 1856

To My Dearest Whisper....

I can no longer bear the absence that makes my body spoil for your touch. As I read the words from your last message a sigh escapes from my lips...and my head lowers to the oak desk, bowed under the burden of such longing. The endless journey home to you leaves me inspired by your devotion yet drained at the same time..by the agonizing desires I am unable to share with you. With head bowed..my tongue reaches out to taste the blemished spot from whence your solitary tear splashed onto the weathered stationary. And my heart begins to soar anew as I can still extract the sweetness that seeped from your body...as if petrified ..forever a reminder of the passion we share.

When will the pain turn to pleasure? When will the longing turn to loving? Will my dreams of you ever become a reality? When will the searing light that bursts from your soul find its way to my ship and guide this needy man into your arms. My questions are many..but as the long unfulfilled nights steal away the color from my once richly hued dreams...my resolve weakens. This voyage reduces me to..........Z...........ZZ............ZZZZ...........ZZZZZ.....

My world suddenly explodes to life...as the door to my cabin crashes open and the excited men are all shouting for me to wake up and come on deck. My heart is in my throat..is it pirates?? Another uncharted sandbar?? As my half naked body stumbles up the stairs and onto the aft deck...my whole world crystallizes into a celebration of adrenaline and tears. My senses are overwhelmed as the sweet fragrance of Magnolias waifs over the salty brine and my eyes witness a rise in the distant horizon that can only mean we have reached the Atlantic shores!

As our hearts join together in celebration that our voyage is at end...my eyes scan the shoreline and it's flatness..the sandy knolls that line its flat terrain are new to me..where are we I think to myself. To what destination have we encountered? My eye has been trained to find ports along the northern banks of the Atlantic shores..where granite outcrops and fjords provide a clue to where home is. The moist warmth of the air hangs over us like a wool throw...so I yell to the helmsman to charter us northward. I will run my ship hard to the north until I find a port capable of accepting my ships berth.

As I settle back onto my bed..heart racing at the thought that I will soon be stepping onto solid footing again..my anxious heart cannot chill the rush of knowing that your body is within days of being held by mine. Within days...our love will flow freely together..... intermingling stored emotions, set afire by unfulfilled desires... making us whole once again. My eyes will reflect the light from yours..as if you are still manning the lighthouse...the symbol that kept me true to my destination. My touch will explore your body and new memories will be made as I fill you with my love...my body piercing yours deep and hard...forever searing the flesh that we openly give to one another. I will never leave you alone again my love. The pain and misery is too great a burden to bear.

As my once weary body is rekindled with the thoughts of your arms wrapped around me..and our mouths sharing the wet touch of our tongues...I drift off to sleep with an overpowering joy in my heart. I am near my love...your Captain can almost hear you heartbeat.

All my love to you,

December 25, 1856

My Dearest Whisper....

This most holy of the earth's days find me commandeering my fine ship northward at a clip only the wildest of winds could fathom. I have not let the men sleep for more than four hours at a time, as I drive them as hard as this ship is being tested. The cold air has settled in on us over the past two days making the canvas sails as brittle as the hope of my reaching you, my love, on this Christmas night. But, as if by some unknown hand, my drive home to you has been swift and without calamity. I search through the darkness for a beacon of light...a glistening shard that slices the dark canvas that only the most desolate night can paint...knowing that my lover..my life.. is at the end of such rays. This singular thought warms my heart and brings hope to my weary soul. I try to remain calm, even though the prospects of your body enslaved to mine...runs wildly through my mind..I try to remain focused.

It has been one day less than a week since my heart rejoiced in seeing the first sight of land..and over the past six days my journey has taken my crew and I past the Roanakes, through the port of Baltimore, around the Hog's Head light that adorns the tip of Long Island, and last night we rested uncomfortably in the shelter of Port Cranston. This crude marine town located along the southeastern shores of Rhode Island is the home of pagans and scoundrels....and my men needed one final night of rest and comfort before the final drive home to you.

While my body and its even duller spirit accompanied the excited crew off the ship and we made our way through the ramshakle town to the Olde Porte Tavern..I allowed my mind to drift off and daydream about what my life will be like when I see the lighthouse for the first time..in a mere 24 hours or less. I will be taking steps..just like the ones I'm now taking...but they will be towards the beacon that has held my heart in such a secure and loving hold over these past few months...as I make my way to you, my dearest Whisper.

The hours I spent last night in the Tavern were like those a condemned man spends in his last days in the jail that holds him prisoner. They are torturous....lonely....always so close to tears at the impending freedom..so close..yet the hours tick by at a hangman's pace. I looked at the wenches that tried to make me their prize for the night..and they found a man cold to their affections. A man so burning with desire for his one true love..that there was disdain for their advances..and I left alone. I returned to my empty ship and breathed in it musty smell..ran my hands over her fine workmanship..and stood proud knowing that we had won the battle.

I climbed down the stairs to my cabin and laid down in the sparse bed that has held me while you have been absent..and I drifted off to sleep with the thoughts that on Christmas night..if the Christmas present of stout winds is delivered to me on Christmas Day...I will make Whisper's bed mine. I will make my body the temple for Whisper to kneel down and anoint with her love. I will know life's highest calling as my lips touch her body and our souls rekindle their longstanding love affair. I drift off to warm feelings washing over me and I am soon asleep.

The men are groggy from last nights last hurrah...but I have made them finish their duties and the darkness of Christmas night is now upon us...as we run what I think is our final leg up the New England coast line. Lights from the small fishing villages dot the variable coastline and my eyes are growing weak from searching in vain for that beacon of light that you have maintained so bright over these last few weeks. I think of the families in those houses..together with their loved ones...sharing food and joy...how I want to be able to bring you that heightened joy tonight....I need you so desperately my love.

The constant rolling of the ship, as we are travelling so close to shore, is making progress next to impossible. I am cold from standing behind the wheel of this mighty ship and I hand the reins over to my second...my heart slowly feels the ebb of joy..as I know we are not making out way fast enough to be able to make this night one that will live in our memory forever. I slowly break down and tears cannot be slowed from running down my face..their salty brine running like rivulets over my cheeks and lips. I cover my eyes and let the anguish overtake my soul.

I wipe the wetness from my eyes, so as no to let the men see my fraility, and I walk over to the starboard side of the ship..walking to the stairs that will lead me once more to my prison like cabin..a place I hate..for it will be myhome for one more night..a night I had dreamed would be shared with you in your bed..under your sheets..inside of your body. I sigh knowing these fruitless dreams will live for one more night. As I turn to take the handrail..I glimpse out of the corner of my eye what seemed like a shooting star. Sharp and penetrating it came into focus..and then disappeared into the night..most likely diving into earth's atmosphere in a firey glow before dying forever. As I descended down the stairs I looked back and another piercing shard of light ran directly into my eyes and vanished without a trace.....my heart began to pump and my body shivered like it has never done before.I turned and raced up the stairs to focus once again in the direction of the light.....waiting ..what seemed like for hours...and again it pulsated...sending shock waves straight through to my heart. I screamed to the men on deck that the lighthouse at Franklin Point was starboard side...they knew what that meant to their Captain and all raised their once dead voices in unison...their Christmas present of safe and properous journey was soon to end. To me..the swelling in my heart only foretold of a new journey was about to begin for me..and my Whisper. A journey of two hearts and souls..where a life shared will never face separation again. A marriage between a strong man and a stronger woman...born not of this world..not of the banal realm..but one of a higher existance. We will share our love only with each other..to the exclusion of all..for our own pleasures and needs.

I order the men to fire off three cannon rounds...to foretell you of my arrival...please be there..please see me coming for you..this is our great Christmas present to each other my love.... My heart is always with you..and my body will be in yours within hours my love...you willbe my sheltered port when I reach you...You are my life.

December 31, 1856

My Dearest Whisper...

As the three cannon shots rang out, awakening the world to the arrival of my great ship...with its store of riches and wonders gathered and stolen from around the world. So to did it send a piercing signal to the woman who has kept the lighthouse fires burning as hotly as those housed within her body and soul for her Captain. The blasts shook this proud ship and its wretched crew from stem to stern...and as the deafening roar subsided in my ears, my heart began to pound with an anticipation that only absent lovers can tell tales of. My only hope is that they also reached your tender ears and gave your heart life again...renewing it with a rush of emotion that will soon wash over the two of us..as we embrace for the first time in ten score days.

My eyes keenly gaze at the solitary lighthouse that guides both ship and the Captain's heart toward home. I never thought that the sight of land would extinguish my desires to be on the seas again..but the land serves as the fertile garden to my sweet lady Whisper. It nourishes her...gives her shelter...gives her substance to ground her dreams and hopes. Never again will I let the seas separate me from my love. For it would be treachery of the heart if I were to put aside my passion for this woman and rely upon dreams to make our love exist. No, I want the present to be the realm in which I stake my claim. My desire and passion shall be acted on when time and distance no longer keep us apart. Within hours I will approach my sweet Whisper...heart pounding...words of love on my lips and an aching in my body that only a woman can release.

As the lights become brighter and the noises and smells of a city life we have not been party to in so many months finally reach our senses...I drink in what lays before me. The smell of whale oil burning in the city's street lights..the shouts from men trying to hold our mighty ship to the fast approaching wharf...the sheer activity and noise from all sides envelope our ship and I thrill to it all. After so many months isolated from such delights...my mind absorbs these lost details of common city life...what a wonderful way to experience the dawning of a New Year.

I run down to my cabin and open the mahogany chest that I acquired by trading with an African. The story told around the ships hold is that after this man had cheated a number of my crewman of the meager earnings on fraudulent gems...I offered the man a deal he could not refuse. The mahogany chest, emblazoned with pure gold beading, for his life. He saw the errors of his ways and I let him live.

Within the chest lay a single white rose, surrounded by six blood red roses. These preserved Egyptian roses are incredible in their beauty and I thought they were the only present I could offer you that so equally matched yours. They are preserved in sweet smelling herbs and lay on the softest pure white silk fabric I have ever touched. The essence of you, my love. I gather them together and carry them up onto the deck with me...as I await the docks grasp of my ship.

I have lived two lives ov'r these past few years. One life is rich in its tapestry...full of color and intermingled hues. The other, takes on a cloak of sameness, where events run headlong into the next experience and few memories are recalled. Whisper, you have been the one constant, the one driving force that has laid aside the former life and replaced it with this new one. You have filled my heart with thoughts and emotions I knew not existed. My need to share myself with you brings new meaning to my life. Your presence makes my stature stronger. Your trust makes my heart braver. Your love makes my being complete.

This shall be the last letter delivered by our friend Sebastian, as I will be at your doorstep before the night is out. I must secure my ship and its wealth before I embark into your arms. You have been my hope and my guiding light ever since the moment my ship disappeared over the horizon. You shall reclaim me tonight my love....and I shall take you to places only our dreams have had the wealth of sharing these long lonely nights. Soon, sweet Whisper, you will be mine again.

Moments Away My Love,

Captain SlideR