Path: uuwest!spies!apple!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!lll-winken!looking!watmath!maytag!oddjob!watserv1!looking!funny-request From: ken@aiai.edinburgh.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Doughnuts (From talk.bizarre) Keywords: original, smirk, stereotypes Message-ID: Date: 28 Sep 90 23:30:07 GMT Lines: 143 Approved: funny@looking.on.ca _ A_ n_ a_ r_ c_ h_ y You steal a doughnut. _ A_ s_ c_ i_ i o Doughnut. * Squashed doughnut. _ Very squashed doughnut. _ B_ i_ f_ f HEY! THIS DOHGNUT J0KS ARE PRITY FUNY I"VE NEVER HERD THEM BEFOUR,, I L1KE DOUGHUNTS BECOS THERE ALL SUGARRY. _ B_ r_ i_ t_ i_ s_ h _ R_ a_ i_ l All doughnuts subject to delay and cancellation due to, etc. _ B_ u_ d_ d_ h_ i_ s_ m God is a doughnut, and God is not a doughnut. _ B_ u_ r_ e_ a_ u_ c_ r_ a_ c_ y The State takes your doughnut away and then refuses to let you buy another doughnut because you already have one. _ C_ a_ p_ i_ t_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m You buy a doughnut. _ C_ a_ t_ h_ o_ l_ i_ c_ i_ s_ m The priest blesses the doughnut and you mustn't chew it. _ C_ h_ r_ i_ s_ t_ i_ a_ n_ i_ t_ y I was hungry, and ye gave me a doughnut. _ C_ h_ u_ r_ c_ h _ o_ f _ E_ n_ g_ l_ a_ n_ d You know, in a very real sense, God is a doughnut. _ C_ o_ m_ m_ u_ n_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut. _ C_ o_ n_ f_ u_ s_ c_ i_ a_ n_ i_ s_ m Confuscius he say doughnut. _ C_ r_ i_ c_ k_ e_ t Thanks to Mrs Emily Crunge of Lanarkshire for sending me these delicious cream doughnuts. I don't think there's been a >chomp< doughnut article quite like this since Flapjack posted one for the West Indies in 1823, and he >chew< went on to win the series by four wickets. He was left-handed, of course; I don't know if that made a difference. _ D_ H_ S_ S You can't have a doughnut, and even if you could, you'd have to give it all back straight away. _ D_ a_ v_ i_ d _ O_ w_ e_ n When I was Foreign Secretary I would have dealt with, etc. _ D_ i_ c_ t_ a_ t_ o_ r_ s_ h_ i_ p Buy a doughnut, or else. _ D_ o_ u_ g_ l_ a_ s _ A_ d_ d_ a_ m_ s Doughnuts are actually an alien life form from a distant, etc. _ E_ d_ i_ n_ b_ u_ r_ g_ h _ F_ e_ s_ t_ i_ v_ a_ l You watch someone else steal a doughnut. _ E_ d_ w_ i_ n_ a _ C_ u_ r_ r_ i_ e Doughnuts are infected with salmonella, tarantella, cinderella, valpolicella, winecella, rockefella, umbrella etc. _ E_ u_ n_ e_ t._ j_ o_ k_ e_ s What's brown, soft and sticky? ^L Give up? ^L A doughnut. _ E_ u_ r_ o_ p_ e_ a_ n The State pays for a doughnut and the EEC pays you to eat it. _ F_ a_ n_ t_ a_ s_ y Just when you were about to starve you find a doughnut. _ F_ a_ s_ c_ i_ s_ m The storm-troopers eat your doughnut and shoot you. _ F_ e_ m_ i_ n_ i_ s_ t Wimmin, doughnut, repressed, sisters, male dominated, etc. _ F_ o_ l_ k _ s_ o_ n_ g `Doughnut forsake me, oh my darling!' _ F_ o_ o_ t_ b_ a_ l_ l 'Ere we dough, 'ere we dough, 'ere we dough, 'ere we dough, etc. _ F_ u_ n_ d_ a_ m_ e_ n_ t_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m Doughnuts are an abomination unto the Lord, etc. _ G_ l_ y_ n_ d_ e_ b_ o_ u_ r_ n_ e _ F_ e_ s_ t_ i_ v_ a_ l You watch someone else steal a doughnut and then listen to her sing a song about it. _ H_ a_ c_ k R.I.P. ken 225 Au killed by a doughnut. _ H_ e_ a_ l_ t_ h _ F_ a_ r_ m You don't eat a doughnut. _ I_ s_ l_ a_ m The religious police beat you up and chop your hands off. _ K_ i_ n_ n_ o_ c_ k Doughnuts are down 50% in real terms over the doughnuts produced during the last Labour government, etc. _ L_ a_ b_ o_ u_ r _ P_ a_ r_ t_ y _ S_ o_ c_ i_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut, only there aren't any, and it's all the Tories' fault. _ L_ i_ b_ e_ r_ a_ l_ s Doughnuts are 50% the same in real terms as the doughnuts produced during the last Labour government, etc. _ L_ o_ c_ a_ l _ C_ o_ u_ n_ c_ i_ l You can have a doughnut, if you pay the right people. _ L_ o_ n_ d_ o_ n _ T_ r_ a_ n_ s_ p_ o_ r_ t Doughnut alight while bus is in motion. _ L_ o_ o_ n_ y You are a doughnut. I am a doughnut. I am not a doughnut. _ M_ a_ r_ x_ i_ s_ m The State takes your doughnut away and gives it to someone who hasn't got a doughnut. _ M_ i_ s-_ s_ p_ e_ l_ t U bi er donut an u eet itt. _ N_ H_ S There's a two-year waiting list for doughnuts, but of course if you were to buy one privately you could have it tomorrow. _ N_ o_ t_ t_ i_ n_ g _ H_ i_ l_ l _ C_ a_ r_ n_ i_ v_ a_ l You watch someone else steal a doughnut and then the police come along and nick him. _ O_ l_ i_ g_ a_ r_ c_ h_ y You can have a doughnut, if you know the right people. _ P_ e_ n_ t_ e_ c_ o_ s_ t_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m You feed a crowd of 5000 people on one doughnut. _ P_ o_ e_ t_ r_ y You are/a doughnut./I am/a doughnut./I am/not/a doughnut. _ R_ e_ a_ l_ i_ t_ y Just when you were about to starve you didn't find a doughnut. _ S_ c_ o_ t_ t_ i_ s_ h _ N_ a_ t_ i_ o_ n_ a_ l_ i_ s_ t Ye ken aboot doughnuts? It's cos of they bastard English, that's why, an' fuck off the noo. _ S_ o_ c_ i_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m The State gives you a doughnut. _ S_ o_ u_ t_ h _ A_ f_ r_ i_ c_ a_ n Dese is for whites only. You bleks get a dog biscuit. _ S_ o_ v_ i_ e_ t _ C_ o_ m_ m_ u_ n_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut, only there aren't any. _ S_ t_ a_ l_ i_ n_ i_ s_ m The State takes your doughnut away, eats it, and tells you that they gave it to someone who hadn't got a doughnut. _ S_ u_ n_ d_ a_ y _ S_ p_ o_ r_ t Killer Doughnuts on Spanking Sex Panties Rampage at North Pole _ S_ w_ i_ m_ m_ i_ n_ g Blug blug blug blug fluffle doughnublug blug. _ T_ a_ m _ D_ a_ l_ y_ e_ l_ l The `Belgrano' was steaming on a bearing 260 degrees, etc. _ T_ h_ a_ s_ c_ i_ s_ m You sell a doughnut and buy a bigger doughnut. _ T_ h_ a_ t_ c_ h_ e_ r Doughnuts are up 50% in real terms over the doughnuts produced during the last Labour government, etc. _ T_ r_ a_ d_ e_ s _ U_ n_ i_ o_ n _ s_ o_ c_ i_ a_ l_ i_ s_ m The State sells you a doughnut, and you go on strike. _ U_ n_ i_ x Sticky bit not set. _ W_ a_ d_ d_ i_ n_ g_ t_ o_ n_ s Doughnut! The new, amazing, fantastic game for all the family! _ W_ e_ l_ s_ h _ N_ a_ t_ i_ o_ n_ a_ l_ i_ s_ t Onid oes chwarae maesteg doughnut llanfairpwll defaid. _ W_ i_ n_ e _ W_ e_ e_ k_ l_ y A fine, well-rounded doughnut with an amusing jam after-taste _ Z_ e_ n What is the sound of one doughnut clapping? _ Z_ i_ m_ b_ a_ b_ w_ e_ a_ n Dese is for blacks only. You whites get beat up. -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Jokes posted instead of mailed often don't have a valid reply address.