From: owner-humor
To: Multiple recipients of list HUMOR
Subject: self serving excuses
Date: Sunday, April 10, 1994 2:36PM

        The Sunday 4/10/94 ed. of the Washington Post Style Invitational
Challenge was to emulate Sen. Charles Robb and come up with a self-serving
Moral loophole (Such as, "It's not extramarital sex if you don't actually
sleep with the person ...")

The brevity award (A pair of briefs) went to "Chocolate is a vegetable."

5th place - It doesn't count as tabloid reporting if you're only reporting
that the tabloids reported it ...

4th runner up - You're still sober as lounge as you can still say your
worms promperty.

3rd - It isn't a preexisting condition unless you had it before you existed.

1st runner up - You're not fat if clothes are actually made in your size.

Winner - You're not guilty of DUI if you thought someone else was driving.

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Honorable mentions:

It is not vote fraud unless you can prove those dead guys would have voted
the other way.

You are not abusing drugs if you store them in a cool, dry place and never
shout at them.

You are not bald if you have hair growing out of your nose.

It is not premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

You are not drinking alcohol if you plan on puking it back up.

It is not racketeering if you use a bat.

It isn't procrastination if you decide to postpone it RIGHT NOW.

It's not plagerism if you would have written it exactly that way.

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JVogel@cap.gwu.edu (John Vogel when he's at home)