The Contract

        I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of
friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in
exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication.
I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or
otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time
of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have
been fulfilled.  I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors,
misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends,
and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger.
I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly,
if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of herefore listed
activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet
oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-
signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and
breaking the no-contact agreement of this document.

        I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body,
and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own,
nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same
cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of
all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.

From: drbill@cbnewsg.cb.att.com (william.h.davies)

-/Vuarnet International/-
      617/527.oo91
  24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis