THE ULTIMATE DATE


     I  met you after work...5pm sharp.   We loaded the car in self-conscious 
conversation.  The drive was long and tedious,  but I had your favorite music 
on  the  stereo.   Soon  the  magic  of the trip  had  taken  hold,  and  the 
conversation  became  light.   When  we reached the beach the  sun  was  just 
sinking  beneath  the  waves.   We  walked and talked  beside  the  sea.   No 
interference from office politics,  just the two of us on the beach.   As the 
sun sank lower in the west, the ocean turned a deep purple.  Rivalled only by 
the  indigo of twilight sky.   Back in our room we celebrated with  champagne 
and  strawberries and retired closer than we began the day.   Next morning as 
the  sun pulled moisture from the sea,  we found our special place behind the 
dunes.  The heat rose invisible waves from the sheer white sand.   Quickly we 
stowed  our  gear behind the largest dune and headed for the water at a  dead 
run.   Even at such a pace,  our feet were scorched by the burning sands.   I 
was first into the water but you weren't far behind.   As I broke the surface 
from  my dive,  you were gliding to a stop next to me.   Laughingly I tackled 
you  in the surf and we were carried back to shore by the surging waves.   We 
played  in the water until we became tired and then high-stepped back to  our 
secluded  dune.   You flopped down onto your towel;  I stared momentarily  at 
your  glistening body and collapsed into a heap next to you.   You were lying 
on  your  stomach and asked if I would mind rubbing suntan oil on your  back.  
At first I balked, but how could I refuse such a request.  Your skin was cool 
to  the touch,  soft and smooth beneath my hands.   Slowly,  I traversed  the 
contours of your body.  Disconcerted,  I put my mind back only on the task at 
hand.  Gently, I pulled your long blonde hair away from your ears and bent to 
whisper in your exposed ear.
                         

                                CHAPTER TWO

     Thoughts of other things swept through my mind,  but being the gentleman 
I am, I merely whisper that I am through.   I slip away and leave you to your 
repose.   The  sun is still high enough to catch some rays so I do just that.  
Lying  back  in  the calm between our dunes,  the steady sound of  the  waves 
suffuses me with well being and I drift content in the feelings.  How long we 
stayed so, I cannot say.   But when I roused myself,  the sun had sunk low to 
the horizon and the breeze was growing chill.  You were sleeping so I covered 
you with a towel and started the fire.  You awoke with it's merry popping and 
snapping.  As you turned, you graced me with the smile  of an angel.   Framed
by  golden  locks,  your  face is  most beautiful in  the  fire-lit twilight.
Taking the champagne from the cooler, I begin the ceremony of opening.   When
the  cork  pops,  you start,  then giggle at your own fright.   Depositing  a 
strawberry in each glass,  I hand you yours with eyes full of dreamy delight.  
You  accept with something moving behind your eyes,  I know not what.   As we 
sip our champagne, the stars come out one-by-one.   We cry in awe and welcome 
as  each new attendant to our private party shows itself.   I stand and  look 
out over the night sea,  drawn by a Power greater than myself.   You come and 
lean softly against me and I hold you close.  After a time,  you say you must 
take care of things.   When you're gone,  I wander to the ocean's edge.   The 
water is warm and inviting, so I leave my trunks on the beach and dive freely 
into it's breakers.   When I surface,  I see that you have joined me and that 
you too have left your inhibitions on the sand.  
                         

                               CHAPTER THREE

     I  could see the white of your body standing out against the dark  water 
as  you  approached.   I didn't know quite how to act.   Should  I  be  cool?  
Should I pretend not to notice?  That's out!   How could I not notice someone 
so lovely?  No.  I'll just be normal.  Normal?  What's that?!
     Now  you  stop.   Six  feet  still separates us,  but  I  can  feel  the 
temperature rise around me.   "I've never done this before,  it feels great!"  
That  was  your exclamation before you went under.   It was the old  game  of 
shark & victim---with a new twist added.   To my great discomfort,  the twist 
cast me, who was always the ever-confident shark,  as the hapless victim.   A 
role  I  had not much experience playing.   And most assuredly not  in  these 
extenuating  circumstances.   Whereas  up  to now,  I had felt safe  in  your 
company,  I  was beginning to feel out of my depth,  as it were.   When faced 
with  such a dilemma,  instinct takes over.   A good defense is always a good 
offense.   With  this thought in mind,  I dove.   Now,  we all know that salt 
stings the eyes.  So I was blind,  but you too were sight impaired.   We were 
equally  in  the  dark,  so  to speak.   I waited until I was  sure  you  had 
surfaced,  then  came up myself.   I had a plan.   You were twenty feet to my 
right with your back to me.  I splashed.   You turned,  grinned a wicked grin 
and dove once more.  Good, You played right into my hands and your intent was 
clear.  I knew now that the only way to combat your strategy was to embarrass 
you before you could embarrass me.  
     To  this  end I struck out for shore.   Climbing out of the water on  my 
stomach, I sprinted low to the first dune.  Turning,  I see you resurface.  I 
flattened  out  on  the  banked sand and put all my  military  training  into 
practice.  You search in all directions and not seeing me, dive again.  Safe, 
so far.  I cover the distance between dunes in a flash.  The air is cold,  so 
I  have  to work fast.   Grabbing my snorkel and mask,  I'm off again  to  my 
covering mound.   If only I can gain the water before you catch on.   Looking 
down,  I catch the glare of reflective tape from off my snorkel top.   Shoot!  
Now what?  It's a dead giveaway!  Oh,  well;  can't do anything,  now.   Just 
have  to chance it.   You come up again just as I begin to go for the  waves.  
Freeze!  My mind screams; my body obeys.   You are looking in to shore,  now.  
Peering hard, right at me.  I've blown it; the jig is up.  Or is it?  No, you 
turn away and swim along the beach away from me.   Phew!   Heart attack city!  
I  desperately  search for a way to get back to the water before  I'm  really 
caught.   These  thoughts race through my brain like the movements of a caged 
animal.   When  what  to  my wandering eyes does appear?   A large  piece  of 
driftwood, and oh, so very near!  Alright,  so it wasn't Christmas,  but that 
driftwood was definitely a gift.  My salvation in the form of diversion.   It 
was ideally suited to the purpose, also.   Longish and heavy,  if I could get 
this  thing in the water,  I was home free.   If I couldn't,  I was a plucked 
gander, if you know what I mean.   It lay not four feet away,  on the side of 
the dune farthest from you.   I had to act fast if I was to win this contest.  
With  the  silence  of a hunting cat,  step-by-step,  I  crept  closer.   Two 
feet....one foot....nose to the wind....body to the ground....eyes riveted on 
your now appearing form.  So little cover.   So little time.   So many risks; 
but  it  was  now or never.   I grabbed,  heaved,  and ducked  in  an  almost 
simultaneous  instant.   The  moon  was almost directly overhead  and  to  my 
advantage.   The  shadows  being behind the dunes,  I had  cover  still.   My 
delivering driftwood, or my impending excuse for huddling naked behind a sand 
dune; hung in the air just above the wave tops turning over and over for what 
was to me more than eternity itself.        Now,  I'm sure that the reader is 
saying to themselves, "right."  Certainly,  they must be asking,  "why in the 
world would it take a stupid piece of driftwood more than eternity to fly the 
fifteen  feet between where he is to the water?"   Well,  my friend,  I would 
like  you to remember that question.   Next time you're crouched clothes-less 
behind a dune on a North Carolina beach.   Trying very hard not to be seen by 
a  beautiful girl whom you don't know very well,  who is trying very hard  to 
see your ridiculously fishbelly-white body.  Ask me that question again!
     Splash!
     Air  rushed back into my lungs,  startling me.   I hadn't noticed that I 
wasn't  breathing.   A  flash of moonlight caught my eye.   It was  your  arm 
glistening as it broke water.  You were moving toward the ripples you thought 
were me.  Ha, ha!  It worked!  As I leapt from my hiding place, I watched you 
submerge.   I  knew  you  were on a course that to you must surely  catch  me 
unawares.  But oh, no, Baby; you're the one to be caught!  With all the speed 
I  can muster,  I am once again in the water.   I don't bother to surface  to 
clear  my  mask.   The  sound  of breaking waves covers the  clearing  of  my 
snorkel.  One deep breath and I disappear into the murky depths....
                         

                                CHAPTER FOUR

     Welcome  once more to A&E........w-e-l-l ?    As you know,  our hero has 
just dove in.  In search of our heroine under the murky depths....

     It  was dark underwater but I knew where to go.   I was ready but I  was 
not prepared for what greeted me there.   I picked up your trail of ascending 
bubbles.   You  were diving yet again as I watched you fade from my field  of 
vision.  I followed slowly intending to catch you on the way up.   But as you 
rose  all thought of capture fled my mind.   For there appearing to me in the 
dim  light was the most wonderful feminine form I had yet laid eyes on.   You 
looked  like  a  mermaid  of old.   So overwhelmed was I that  I  forgot  the 
simplest rule of diving with a snorkel: never, never breath in before blowing 
out!  Coughing and spluttering,  I broke the surface.   If you hadn't drug me 
to  shallow water where we could stand,  I surely would have  drowned.   But, 
what  a  way to go!   After I could speak,  I whispered  in  marvel,  "you're 
beautiful."  You smiled shyly up at me,  no longer the shark;  just the girl.  
We  stared  long  into each other's eyes,  saying a  million  things  without 
uttering  a  sound.   You bobbed ever nearer and where flesh  touched  flesh, 
there was fire.   Then you shivered and I recalled our state of "au natural."  
Embarrassed, I pulled away, but you pulled me back.  "Hold me,  please?   I'm 
cold." you said, and laid your head on my chest.   I was certain the pounding 
of my heart would bruise your face, so hard it seemed to me.  I was rooted to 
the spot,  not daring to start a friction I know I could not stop.   I had to 
get back to the beach, the fire, and safety!  
     I began to move toward shore,  but you clung to me even tighter,  saying 
"No.   It's so cold and you're so warm."   "I know!   That's the problem."  I 
said,  struggling toward the beach.   Once free of the waves,  I sprinted for 
our place between the dunes.  "You're rotten!!" You screamed,  flailing after 
me.   I kept my back turned until you had wrapped a towel around yourself and 
sat sullenly by the fire.  "That was not very nice, you know,"   you grumped.  
"I know," I whispered, hiding the turmoil within me.   I wandered slowly away 
to  gaze  across the mirror of the sea.   Your footfalls alerted me  to  your 
coming,  but  I  did not turn.   Softly laying your hand on my arm,  you  ask 
"What's the matter?"  Could I tell you?  Would you understand?  No, better to 
not start something I can't finish.  "Nothing, just thinking," I lie.   "What 
about?"  you query.   No answer.   "Why did you run away from me?"   There it 
was.  The question I knew would come,  but I couldn't answer.   How to start?  
"I'm sorry.   I didn't mean for things to go this far.   I don't know what to 
say.   I'm so sorry."   "Sorry?   What for?   For wanting me?"   Now,  almost 
angry, "No,  you mean to tell me that you think that was all your idea?   You 
mean to tell me that you thought for one instant you would have touched me if 
I hadn't wanted you to?  Of course I wanted you to!   Why else do you think I 
left my suit on the beach and went after you?  Why else do you think I pulled 
you so tightly to me?  I wanted to feel you!  I wanted to give myself to you!  
And you wanted me to!  So, why now, all of a sudden the cold feet?   You said 
I was beautiful; did you mean it?"  "Oh, yes; you are!   You're so beautiful, 
you scare me!  You scare me to death!  Don't you see?!   I want you more than 
I've ever wanted anyone.  I want you so bad, my whole body's shakin'!  I just 
cannot  have you!!   It would be breaking all the rules.   Everything I  have 
ever tried to stand for is on the line here.   How can I make you understand?  
Annette, the sweetest thing I could ever imagine would be to have you now. To
feel your warmth.  To caress you tenderly until I could no longer.  If ever I 
did, though,  I could never,  never stop!   I would not be able to let you go 
again.   I  can not take that chance.   I've been down that road  before.   I 
can't be hurt like that again,  ever.   My whole life would fall apart.   The 
inevitability of your leaving me is way too great, now."  I turn away, unable 
to  find  words adequate to express the pain and longing and joy and  sadness 
all vying in my heart at this moment.  What am I going to do?   God,  if ever 
you loved me,  prove it now!   What do I tell this woman?   I can't even find 
words  to tell myself.   "How do I get myself into these things?"   I  wonder 
aloud?   "I'm  a nice guy.   I always try to walk the straight &  narrow.   I 
never  try  to  hurt  anybody.   So why is it I always find  myself  in  this 
position?  Do I ask for these things?   No.   So how come I'm losing my mind, 
right now?  Jees!  Look at me, I'm talking to myself."
     I turned toward you and in so doing,  caught just the glimmer of a smile 
on your face.  You tried to hide it with your hands,  but there was no way to 
conceal  the  amusement so plainly evident in your eyes.   You were  actually 
giggling!   I  was indignant.   "What's so funny?"   "You  are,  silly."  you 
retorted with obvious glee.  "Oh?" said I with annoyance.  "How so?"  To that 
your reply was to crumple to the ground in gales of raucous laughter.  Trying 
to control myself, I calmly asked "Would you mind telling me, please, what it 
is about my person that you find so all consumingly hilarious?"...........

                         
                                CHAPTER FIVE

     Fans,  this  story  is  getting  too good  to  backtrack,  so  hang  on.  
Hilarious.....

     Now I'm the angry one.  "What's so damned funny!?"  At my outburst,  you 
try  to  compose  yourself enough to answer;   while  I  waited,  impatiently 
fuming.   "I'm...giggle,  giggle...sorry.   I  don't mean to  laugh,  but..." 
trying to catch your now so short, of late, breath!   "You're falling in love 
with  me."   Said so demurely,  I had to ask you to repeat the answer.   With 
more confused bluster than true anger, "What are you talking about?   I don't 
even know what I'm doing,  so how could you possibly know?"   Of course,  you 
were not rattled, but simply looked up at me with a look that said: "You know 
I'm right, so stop playing like it's not true!"   What does one say to refute 
a face so full of confident assurance?  
     I  did the only thing possible for me to do.   I pulled you to your feet 
and kissed you.  Softly, slowly, with tenderness, at first.  Then, picking up 
force  like the waves so near,  building,  growing,  surging forward until it 
breaks  upon the sand in a spray of foam and fury.   Thus,  did I find myself 
lying  upon  my back;  your trembling body atop me in the  cold,  dewy  sand.  
"Stop,  please?"  I  whisper against your oh,  so achingly enticing ear.   "I 
can't  stop if we go much further,  and you're much too important to  me,  to 
tempt  what I know would happen."   My mind screams out for you to  continue.  
"Let  this animal,  straining against the chains of my own  convention,  go!"  
While my heart aches to be sure.  "Don't blow it,  E."  it says,  "I know how 
you want her butt, don't blow it!"
     To break this exquisitely dangerous spell, I ask "What now?"  Your voice 
is husky in reply..."What do you want?"   "Oh, Baby, you already know that!"
     "Then stop fighting; you're the only thing that stands between us."
     "Please  don't put it that way.   I tried to tell you why we mustn't let 
this happen!   Is it so hard to understand?"   Your grudging answer "No,  but 
can't you just hold me?"
                   

*****************************************************************************

                                  PART TWO

                                CHAPTER ONE


                         THE ADVENTURE ON THE BOAT

     Flowers!   Flowers  with satin ribbons everywhere!   Flowers and  faces.  
What  are  they  all smiling at,  and why do my cheeks feel  like  I've  been 
hanging by the corners of my mouth for a month?  Stop smiling, you idiot!!  I 
can't!   I  can't!   My teeth have grown and my lips won't stretch back  over 
them anymore!  Get hold of yourself.  This is no big deal.  Sure, no problem; 
I mean, let's look at this realistically.  You are,  after all,  only getting 
married.  Married!  Oh Jees, is my hair straight? Are my pants zipped?   Come 
on,  Wad,  give me a hand here,  but if I open my mouth to tell you all this, 
everybody  in  this place will know how extremely nervous I  am.   Like  they 
don't  know?   Stop  wiping your hands on your pants,  you're going to  leave 
streaks.  Oh, man!  Oh, man!   The music is starting!   What am I supposed to 
do?  Oh God, don't let my knees buckle?   I promise never,  never to laugh at 
another groom.  Just don't let my knees buckle, please?
     There she is!  Oh,  God she looks like an angel!   I can't believe she's 
really mine!  Thank you, thank you,  thank you!!   How I hope you can read my 
eyes, now that you're so close.  Your hands are trembling.   So,  I'm not the 
only  one  who's nervous.   Oh,  baby,  you are so beautiful.   Your face  is 
shining so brightly, so very, very brightly.  Your...face...

     "Aaaaahhhh!!"   My  free  hand falls limply across my eyes,  in  a  vain 
attempt  to  shut out the rising sun.   Why do I let you talk me  into  these 
things?  Because, it seemed like the thing to do at time.  Oh well,  at least 
you're  comfortable.   And  why  not?   You've  got your face  buried  in  my 
shoulder.  You can't even see the sun yet.  Oh, stop grousing!   You know you 
love  sleeping  on deck as much as she does.   After all,  you did start  it, 
remember?   Just when I get to the good part, you stir,  recalling me from my 
sweet reverie.   You start,  and grab me tightly as you awake.   "I'm so glad 
you're still here!  Are we really married?!"  
     I reassure you,  if not a bit facetiously.   "You've asked me that every 
day  for  a  week and the answer is still the  same.   Yes.   We  are  really 
married.   In  the eyes of both God and the State.   And I thought I was  the 
insecure one."
     With  a  look  of  sheer exasperated disgust,  you grabbed  hold  of  my 
pectoral  protrusion,  commonly  known as a nipple,  and  twisted.   Savagely 
intoning all the while:  "You know very well what I meant!"  
     "Oooouch!  I scream and roll away, to no avail.   You have the strongest 
fingers of any woman I know.   My misfortune,  I married a woman with an iron 
grip.   After what you decide is a suitable amount of time....an interminable 
period of anguish for me....you let go. Then you rolled on top of me,  kissed
me shortly, and said, "I am so happy!  I still feel like this is all a dream,
and I'm just waiting to wake up.  And when I do, I know you'll be gone."
     "Not  a  chance,  Baby!   Not now that I know what I know about you  and 
sailboats."   Just as we were about to reprise our "fete du accompli"  of the 
night  before,  a voice:  "I didn't think swells were the only things rockin' 
this  boat  last night."   The latter said from the hatch,  where  stood  my 
buddy, Vince.
     Your startled cry and frantic hurry to pull the sheets over your quickly 
reddening  face  draws  gales of laughter from both Vince  and  myself.   For 
which,  I was again the recipient of your agonizing grip.   Coupled this time 
with blows as well.
     "All right!  All right!   I'm sorry!   I conceed."   At which time,  you 
stop  hitting me and notice that in your frenzy you have pulled the sheet  up 
to expose your thighs.
     "Go away, please, Vince!"  you yell into my unguarded ear.  
     "Sure,  anything you say.   Breakfast in twenty."  he calls,  retreating 
back into the cabin.  Still chuckling and shaking his head.   As we help each 
other up, a muffled "Newlyweds!" reaches our ears from the galley.  
     I laughingly comment "That was pretty funny."
     "Not to me!" you growl.   Before you can sermonize to me about the evils 
of  having another man aboard your honeymoon cruise,  yet again,  I suggest a 
swim.  "Now?  Like this?"  You are incredulous.  
     "You didn't seem to mind before." I remind you.
     "That was in the dark.  This is in broad daylight!" you affirm.
     "Oh honey, there isn't a soul around for a hundred miles" I coax.
     "What about Vince?" pointing to the cabin below.  
     "He's cooking breakfast.  And besides, you'll be in the water, what's to 
see?"
     "In  this water,  he could count my goose bumps from thirty yards  out!" 
said with deliberateness and just a touch of the irate shrew.
     "Suit yourself."   And over the side I go.   Knowing full well you would 
not let me have half the satisfaction of winning an argument by simply diving 
into the crystal azure waters of the cove.   Also bearing in mind,  that once 
you had followed me into the water there would no longer be anything to argue 
about.
     We  frolicked  and splashed in the warm blue water like the children  we 
still were.  Swimming this way and that,  marveling at the things we found on 
the bottom,  playing on the surface until Vince reappeared.   Naked foot upon 
the rail, he shouted "You two gonna eat or what?"
     "Be in in a sec,  man."  I shouted back.   When from behind my left ear, 
where you had hidden yourself, there thundered a resounding "Go away, please, 
Vince!"
     This  pleased  me  none too well.   Being as how it made  the  state  of 
deafness in both my ears, almost equal.
     "I wish you'd stop doing that!" I squalled, as I valiantly tried to stop 
the ringing in my abused ears.
     "Would you rather he see what only you should see?" you countered.  
     "No!   But  I would like to be able to hear when our honeymoon is  over.  
Thank you!"   With this exchange we made our way to the ladder at the keel of 
Vince's  boat.   Once  aboard,  we found our towels and clothes in  two  neat 
stacks on the benches lining the hull.  With proper chagrin,  you smile up at 
me  and say "He really is a sweetheart!"   I merely roll my eyes in wonder at 
the thought processes of a female.  
     When  we  had dried ourselves and dressed,  an activity that  must  have 
sounded to poor Vince,  much like children playing in Mother's wardrobe,  you 
called out "You can come up, now, Vince, and thank you."
     Said, I might add,  from a reasonable distance this time.   I kissed you 
heartily  for it.   Mr.  B.,  then coming into view laden with trays from the
galley,  plaintively asked "Why do I get the feeling you don't want me around
much?"
     While  you try to stammer out a reply,  I,  having seen the smile behind 
the glasses,  reply for you "Ah,  you know women,  she's just being finicky."  
If looks could kill, I would have, at that moment,  found myself lying in the 
deepest  depths  of  Davy  Jones'  locker.   However,  God,  being  the  most 
benevolent God that He is, chose to spare me.  I, for my part, flashed you my 
most dazzlingly brilliant smile. And quipped "But you know I love you, Baby."
     To  this,  Vince's  reaction  was  to fall onto the bench in  a  fit  of 
hysterics.  Of course, after having previously laid the dishes on the cleared 
chart table.
     But, to no one's surprise, you weren't buying that line.   "I don't know 
why I ever married him.  Anyone can see that he's nothing but an overbearing, 
arrogant, conceited, egotistical, jerk!!"  Softening, "But I do so love him."  
After  so saying,  you brushed your hand tenderly against my cheek and  gazed 
down into my adoring eyes.  
     "Making up is so much fun!" I say and pull you down next to me.
     This was too much for my friend Vince, for his next words were: "  Would 
you guys quit, already?  I feel like I'm trapped in a two-bit romance novel!"
     Never one to offend, I shot back "You're just jealous!"   Then proceeded 
to kiss you noisily about the neck and shoulders.   At which you squealed and 
delivered a shower of harmless blows to my shoulders.
     Once again displaced,  but never really,  Vince grumbles "Well,  you can 
have that, if you want; I'm eating real food for breakfast."  Having so said, 
he fell to with great relish.



                The girl's name is Annette; my name is
                Ed Oster.  I only ask that you keep my
                name  with this story  and if you have
                any comments,  please send them to me:
                        Ed Oster
                        Box 5537
                        Warren Wilson Rd.
                        Swannanoa, NC 28778