How to Go on a Free Date
By: DIzzIE [antikopyright 2004/06]

So you've got an empty wallet with a hot date being just around the
corner and you're worried that your usual schemes won't rub off the
right way on your significant other? After all, rushing him in
through the back door amidst a crowd of exiting moviegoers to avoid
the $8.50 ticket price may indeed seem cheap, and holding her hair
back as she spits up the alka-seltzer mixed in with the crème brule
to get out of paying the $200 bill at the city's most posh restaurant
isn't the most romantic of ways to spend an evening. Worry not fair
courtier, for here's a walkthrough on how to have an entirely free
evening with style.

First off, we need to take care of transportation. A few days in
advance, pay a visit to a few prominent car dealerships and ask about
their test drive programs. The good news is that not only do numerous
dealerships now offer 24-hour test drives, many also give away
promotional gifts like DVDs as 'thank yous' for the taking their
product for a spin. The bad news is that the dealer may insist on
running a credit check or/and ask you to leave your current car at
the lot.

Next, let's take care of the conventional chocolate and candy. Last
month having written a letter to your chocolate manufacturer of
choice (Godiva, See's, and so forth), describing your great distaste
with their product, and including a UPC code that you took off a box
at the store or created yourself using barcode software and the
fitting paper stock, you should now have either a coupon or a check
for the value of the candy, or even an actual replacement box shipped
to you.

As for the flowers, drive by a cemetery and pick out a particularly
appealing array.

A couple days before the big day, call up your selected fine dining
establishment and explain that you are the Food & Arts reviewer for a
local community paper or a startup magazine and have been assigned to
do a review of said restaurant (depending on the particular
restaurant's policy you may or may not have to explain that you are
coauthoring the article, so as to explain the presence of your
associate). Set a date and a time ballpark for when you'll be coming,
give your name, and when you show up at the restaurant simply drop
your name. You may want to create business cards matching your
supposed position.

Following the meal, when you're going to the theater use the same
technique as for the restaurant, with 'food & arts' being replaced
with 'entertainment'.

And as for later in the night, well we all know that free
contraceptives are available from a local health center. Of course,
various companies would gladly send you a sample if you write to them
requesting one; some, such as Trojan, have a convenient online
request form: www.trojancondoms.com/freestuff/product/main.asp

Have fun! ;)

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