TELEMARKETER REVENGE
BY: DIzzIE Ó2000!
Ah, telemarketers, they always pick the best time to call: while you're making plastic explosives in your bathtub, or while you're…um….excersizing with your left hand… Well here are some techniques you can use to at least make the interruption worthwhile by really annoying and pissing off the evil telemarketers:

*Pretend you don't speak English well, and make them repeat everything many many times. Also try speaking to them in a foreign language (or one that you just made up).

*Pretend that you are deaf and yell into the phone. Make them repeat everything.

*Pretend like it was you who called them, and start selling them your product. Fun products to try to sell to them are: Viagra for Canines, Home Liposuction kit, or Animal Sacrifice Altars. 

*Listen to their whole speech, and when they are done say "Oops, I wasn't listening, what did you say again?" Keep saying that, as they keep repeating the speech. Telemarketers usually get paid by the amount of calls and/or sales that they make. So keep them on the line as long as possible. If they finally can't take it anymore (usually about the 15th time you make them repeat their speech) and hang up, call back the company and complain to the manager (you should always ask for the telemerketers name and the company's fone number, right in the beginning).

*Ask them lots and lots of pointless questions about the product, once again the point is to make them waste time.

*Pretend that you have a speech problem, stretch, slur, and mess up your words. 

*Speak v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y

*Pretend (maybe you don't have to pretend) that you are bombed or stoned, talk about all sorts of things, like why the sky is an evil overlord that will kill all telemarketers…

*While the evil telemarketer is talking, say this as if you where talking to somebody in the house: "No Mickey mommy/daddy can't fuck you right now, go get the plastic dildo, you know where it is…"

Well, as always: enjoy!

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Fax me at: 1-775-587-1648